new here: where can i find guidelines for separation and what we need to agree upon?

[halcyon24]

we have two kids and will be probably renting a 2 bedroom apt, alternating with one staying home with the kids so they don't have to be uprooted and the other at the apt, and then switching every few days.

would like some sort of checklist to make sure we don't forget to address anything. ty.

[Mr. Lucky]

Is there a reason you're not asking your lawyer these questions? Guidelines and requirements vary state-by-state and I'm not sure I'd depend on the advice from well-meaning posters in an important situation like this...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Angelica21]

Hello, Halcyon:

 

In most cases of separation, and during the divorce process before the divorce and the JPA are final, the divorcing parents are free to make decisions privately with each other about who lives where, and who has the kids when. Only when necessary (mental illness, alcohol abuse, drug abuse) do parents ask attorneys and the courts for emergency decisions about where the kids stay and who stays with them during the divorce process itself.

 

For example, in a typical separation and while the divorce process is on-going and not finished yet, often dad moves out to his own apartment, or moves in with his own parents or friends. Then mom and dad make decisions about when dad will see the kids, where the kids will sleep and when, etc. The arrangements for custody and parental responsibilities and all other issues regarding the kids are not written in stone until the JPA is signed and the divorce is final.

 

For example, my husband informed me that he wanted a divorce, and almost immediately moved into an apartment of his own. Our divorce process took two years after that. During those two years, we just talked to each other and made general arrangements such as "our son will stay at dad's apartment every other weekend, and every Tuesday and Thursday night." We didn't consult any attorneys to figure that out, we just made that short-term arrangement until the divorce became final. That was when everything we agreed to in the JPA became permanent.

 

Your question makes me think that you are planning the apartment rental only for these initial months while each of you are hiring your own attorneys, filing the divorce paperwork, etc. or perhaps for the entire time it takes for the divorce to be finalized, which is generally one to two years.

 

If that is the case, you can set up the apartment arrangement without any consultation with attorneys. The children will remain living in the marital home, and either mom or dad will be with them at home at all times, while the opposite parent is over at the apartment.

 

Because of the apartment arrangement that you're considering, it appears that you and your partner are relatively cooperative, non-hostile and non-confrontational. So you can make any agreement between yourselves just like a divorcing couple would do if dad had moved out to an apt, mom stayed in the house with the kids, and the kids had to alternate living with them in some way up until the JPA and divorce settlement determined the permanent arrangements.

 

You could make a verbal agreement with each other, or write some things down. The most obvious things are "which days/nights does mom stay at the house and which days/nights does dad stay at the house" and "Who pays for the food and clothing for the kids" and "who pays the the mortgage/rent for the house and the apartment, who pays the utility bills and all other expenses related to the two homes" and "who does the laundry". That's the checklist type of stuff you're asking about.

 

Otherwise, life will go on as usual for the kids: whichever parent is at home is the parent who will prepare the meals, give the baths, drive them to school activities, etc. However, if one or more of the children is/are infants, then maybe you'll agree that the parent in the apartment will come to pick up the kids who must be driven somewhere, while the parent in the house stays home with the infant(s). Many possibilities.

 

The reason that you should consult an attorney immediately, however, is to find out whether living alternately at the apartment will fulfill your state or country's requirements for "x" number of days living separately, etc. before a divorce can proceed.

 

What U.S. state or other country do you live in?

 

Are you and your partner married now, or just living together?

 

Are you separating and then divorcing, or are you separating without a subsequent divorce?

 

Why are you separating / divorcing?

Edited June 21, 2016 by Angelica21