scarlyjones Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 My very best friend just went out on a date with this guy she met at a party. She wants to go out with him a second time. Thats all fine and good but this comes after she already told me the first one with him was the worst date shes ever been on in her life. So Im trying to get her to understand that she shouldnt give this schmuck a second date. Listen to what Cassanova did.........She goes out with him after HE asks HER out at a party. They go to the movies and then to dinner. The whole night, they feel this awkward, painful, uncomfortable feeling. Nothing to talk about. They still go eat though. So at the end of this painful meal, this prick picks up the bill after letting it sit there for almost 25 minutes after the waiter put it down, and says "So,.......how do you want to do this?.......Split it 50/50??" So to recap,.....this guy goes out with her and at some point during the date, he realizes hes just not into her at all, which is perfectly fine,...people go out all the time,....doesnt always work out., but,....this loser decides that hes going to try and UNLOAD himself from the date AND attempt to save some money at the same time. He actually tried to say he never thought that this was a "date". I couldnt believe it when I heard that or when I heard that shes going out with him AGAIN !!!! Holy crap. Shes mad at me for telling her this. Am I right ? Or is SHE right in being mad at me? Boys,............when you ask us out,......its a date. You're in it for the long haul. You dont get to decide halfway through it,...if you are paying or not. That is the most no-class, lowest, cheapest thing you can do. But,...if the shoe fits........................um.....well,...in HIS case he'd only buy the one shoe, I guess.... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted June 27, 2005 Senior Moderators Share Posted June 27, 2005 YOU are absolutely right. But like so many others, your friend seems to gravitate to men who treat her like crap. (Men often love women who do the same). There's nothing you can say to your friend that will make her realize she's in for some hurt. Don't even discuss it with her anymore...she doesn't want to hear anything she doesn't want to hear. Just stay out of it and be there for her when her heart gets smashed. She'll more than likely enjoy this guy screwing with her head and her heart for a while until she gets hit aside her head and realizes what's going on. Meanwhile, it looks like the worse he treats her, the longer she'll want to go out with him. If he had been very kind, picked up the check, etc., etc., it's doubtful her level of interest would be so high. What's her dating history? Does she ever go for nice guys? Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarlyjones Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by Tony What's her dating history? Does she ever go for nice guys? Shes been out with 6 different guys in the last year alone. All except THIS one,..she has said "He maybe THE ONE" ..........Im always like "Yeah,...whatever" Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarlyjones Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 I think it has alot to do with desperation. She thinks she NEEDS a relationship. So she goes out with every tom, dick, and harry that asks. Then LATCHES on. Link to post Share on other sites
Michael86 Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 You are absolutely right Scarly........this guy was a jerk and she shouldn't even think of going out with him again. You've given her your opinion which as a friend, you were right to do. She's still going to do what she wants. It's amazing guys like that get dates at all. I'd love to hear what you would say to a date if the check came and he wanted to split it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarlyjones Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 I'd say "Oh theres a SPLIT about to take place here,.................." Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted June 27, 2005 Senior Moderators Share Posted June 27, 2005 If she's so desperate she'd got out with a butthole, then her self esteem has got to be ZERO. As long as she thinks so little of herself, this is the kind of guy she will attract. Yes, there are those who grab onto the first thing that comes down the pike and that's tragic. But when a person truly believes deep down that they don't deserve good things in their life, they aren't going to listen to anything to the contrary so there's not much you can do. It's a very sad thing but your friend may be condemned to a life of getting a lot less than she deserves simply because somewhere along the line she developed a very low opinion of herself. Most often this comes from parents and happens at an early age. Her behavior in declaring that every guy she starts dating "is the one" is self-defeating. Guys pick up on that and run the other way. Most men are highly suspicious of women who fall instantly for them. Love has to evolve over time. Stay out of this. Your friend has her own lessons to learn...maybe she will, maybe she won't. Just don't buy into her stuff, keep your own head on straight, and stay on the sidelines. I hope you have somebody nice for yourself and, if not, I hope that happens for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarlyjones Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by Tony If she's so desperate she'd got out with a butthole, then her self esteem has got to be ZERO. As long as she thinks so little of herself, this is the kind of guy she will attract. Yes, there are those who grab onto the first thing that comes down the pike and that's tragic. But when a person truly believes deep down that they don't deserve good things in their life, they aren't going to listen to anything to the contrary so there's not much you can do. It's a very sad thing but your friend may be condemned to a life of getting a lot less than she deserves simply because somewhere along the line she developed a very low opinion of herself. Most often this comes from parents and happens at an early age. Her behavior in declaring that every guy she starts dating "is the one" is self-defeating. Guys pick up on that and run the other way. Most men are highly suspicious of women who fall instantly for them. Love has to evolve over time. Stay out of this. Your friend has her own lessons to learn...maybe she will, maybe she won't. Just don't buy into her stuff, keep your own head on straight, and stay on the sidelines. I hope you have somebody nice for yourself and, if not, I hope that happens for you. Thanks!! Gotta SPLIT !! Link to post Share on other sites
centered Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 When I started dating again after my divorce, I discovered this is common behavior for 40+ divorced guys. They've been burned, their salaries have been garnished for spousal support, and they're very wary of offering to pay for *anything* for a woman. It's a huge turn off, of course, but I try to be understanding. If it's just coffee or something, he should *certainly* pick up the check if he did the asking. If it's a fancy meal, I'll offer to contribute, and if he accepts graciously but still pays more than half, I feel okay about that. Some of the best relationships I've had were an easy give and take, no one keeping score, just contributing what they could in whatever way they could. He buys the tickets, I buy the drinks, he fills the tank with gas and I'll pack the picnic. Stuff like that. But then, I'm older and closer to an equal in career and experience with guys in my age group, so dating is a bit more casual and friendly for me *now* than it used to be when I was younger. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 I disagree. I don't think it should be a social default that he pays -- if he decides to, that's fine, but she should assume she's going to pony up. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by Cecelius I disagree. I don't think it should be a social default that he pays -- if he decides to, that's fine, but she should assume she's going to pony up. I agree. In practice and personally, I will always pay in such situations. But I do not accept the general principle that the man should always pay. Not all men are richer than the girls they date. And this is the 21st century. But Tony's point about some people having a pattern of dating abusers is sadly true. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 it could have been worse...he could have just split and left her with the entire bill AND no ride. Link to post Share on other sites
UltimateZen Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by scarlyjones Boys,............when you ask us out,......its a date. You're in it for the long haul. You dont get to decide halfway through it,...if you are paying or not. That is the most no-class, lowest, cheapest thing you can do. But,...if the shoe fits........................um.....well,...in HIS case he'd only buy the one shoe, I guess.... I agree, HOWEVER: there is a double standard here. A guy will pay for the girls meal because he asked her out and she agreed. But, with that the girl has the responsibility to see the date through. I have seen instances where the girl will get on the phone with someone halfway through the date, to show the guy that she is not interested. Or she will start flirting with other guys on the date as a way to show disinterest. This is also the most "no class, lowest, cheapest" thing a girl can do. When a date goes bad, it goes bad. Are there any details left out by your friend? Was she perhaps sending some pretty extreme signals like those above to the guy that turned him off on the date? Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by UltimateZen When a date goes bad, it goes bad. She paid for her own food, for crying out loud. It's an outrage... send in the bl**dy marines as part of the war on terror... Originally posted by alphamale it could have been worse...he could have just split and left her with the entire bill AND no ride. Exactly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarlyjones Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by Cecelius I disagree. I don't think it should be a social default that he pays -- if he decides to, that's fine, but she should assume she's going to pony up. And thats why you are sitting at home alone on your computer right now..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarlyjones Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 JUST KIDDIN' !! you dont really think that she should pay even for herself if HE was the one who asked HER out, do you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarlyjones Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale it could have been worse...he could have just split and left her with the entire bill AND no ride. Yeah thats real funny alpha....... Do you ever actually have INPUT on anything or just BS jokes? Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarlyjones Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 all you guys out there gotta stop "covering up your balls" when this kind of subject comes up. You seem to automatically jump on the guys side just to support your gender. You ALL know that if someone asks you to dinner, you assume they are paying. Its social protocol and you know it. Plus,...the waiter drops the check and then this guy starts eyeballing it every few minutes,...then FINALLY he grabs it and trys to split it. Now,....if she said "Hey big boy,....wanna bend me over in the parking lot?" ..........how many wanna bet he would have acted like he'd ALWAYS intended on paying? So lets not act ridiculous here. If SHE asked him out,...I would fully expect HER to pay. This HOMO tried to act like he thought this was always a "couple of buds grabbin a meal together " and nothing more. It was a ridiculous display of bad acting. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by scarlyjones Boys,............when you ask us out,......its a date. You're in it for the long haul. You dont get to decide halfway through it,...if you are paying or not. Unless I'm mistaken, it appears that you decide in advance that you're not paying for any of it. Isn't that double standards? The only social protocol I subscribe to is that a woman who *assumes* she is getting her meal bought for is basically a gold-digger and will be dropped quicker than a hot potato. I'll pay pretty much every time, but not if I get the feeling she expects me to. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 Actually, if she's entitled to assume she's getting a free meal, perhaps he ought to be entitled to assume he's getting something in return? Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarlyjones Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by mental_traveller Unless I'm mistaken, it appears that you decide in advance that you're not paying for any of it. Isn't that double standards? The only social protocol I subscribe to is that a woman who *assumes* she is getting her meal bought for is basically a gold-digger and will be dropped quicker than a hot potato. I'll pay pretty much every time, but not if I get the feeling she expects me to. Look pal,.....I said "when YOU ask US out...." If you do the asking, you're doing the paying. If I ask a guy out,........IM PAYING. There.....is that clear enough for you? Jeez Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarlyjones Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by Cecelius Actually, if she's entitled to assume she's getting a free meal, perhaps he ought to be entitled to assume he's getting something in return? By the way,....most pigs DO assume they deserve sex in return. Yeah,......paying $ 5.75 for a caesar salad is equal to shoving your penis in someone. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by scarlyjones Yeah,......paying $ 5.75 for a caesar salad is equal to shoving your penis in someone. In all fairness it's only equal for the girls who are bad in bed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarlyjones Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 In all fairness it's only equal for the girls who are bad in bed. yeah I guess a caesar salad DOES smell like anchovies......gross Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by scarlyjones yeah I guess a caesar salad DOES smell like anchovies......gross LOLOL!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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