I Don't Know What or How to Fall in Love Anymore

[felangjr]

Hello everyone, this is my first time making a thread on a forum like this, so bear with me as this is going to be really long. Also I hope I’m posting this to the correct sub-forum. As for a bit about myself (as it should help with what I’m taking about), I’m a 20 year old male who just finished his 2nd year in college and has been single for the past 5 years.

 

As the title says, I don’t know what it feels like to fall in love anymore and I can’t tell whether or not I am in love with someone. This whole fiasco starts two years ago when I was hopelessly infatuated with a girl from high school. To keep that short, it felt as if every day was emotional and mental agony because I knew there was a 100% chance we would never get together. On top of that, I felt guilty about the whole thing because I knew I should have told her about my feelings, but since she was in a completely different state, I felt as if telling her would throw a wrench into her life and complicate things.

 

Ultimately, I did tell her how I felt, first by sending a 4 page letter (that never made it to her dorm because of mailing complications), and second by sending a replica of the letter on Facebook. It sounds stupid, I know, but that was the only possible way I could do it. After waiting a week, there was no response at all, even though the notification told me she saw it. After having this happen, and in a moment of meditation and self-actualizaiton (I’m currently doing karate with my college and we do meditation), I cleared my mind and realized that this whole chase of love was pointless and got over her.

 

Fast forwarding to about a month and a half ago, I felt as if I started to fall for one of my friends who lived on campus at the college I attended. However, I saw “felt as”, because for the next week I debated with myself as to whether or not I actually had feelings for her. I eventually sat down and talked with her, and we both agreed that even if she was single (she was planning on getting back with her ex), she’d prefer if we stayed friends. I was fine with that, but then whenever I try to talk to her, it seems like she ignores me. I’m at that awkward inbetween where I want to ask why, but I feel like having another awkward conversation would push her away. The open discussion wasn’t bad – we both were laughing and smiling through the whole thing – but I’m not sure.

 

With all this in mind, I find myself awake late at night terrified of the thought that that girl in high school completely shattered my ability to fall in love anymore. The reason I’m terrified is because I’m already halfway through my time in college, and I believe college is the best time to find your potential soulmate. I’m not the biggest social butterfly, so I’m worried about how I’ll meet new people outside of college. In the end, maybe I’m overreacting/overanalyzing this and I – a 20 year old kid – shouldn’t worry about love, but I’d prefer if there was a solid answer, seeing as how I’m, albeit rarely, single-tear crying myself to sleep at night.

[mortensorchid]

Guy, I remember being who you are at the moment. I'm 41 years old, never been married. You may be saying to yourself "Well what do you know about this?" You haven't blossomed yet into a true man yet. You're going to go through a time when you will be thinking this for a long time (finding The One while you're in college), but I'm telling you that you will have a blossom time in your mid twenties. Women do it differently, but you will spread your wings and fly. The first time is going to be in your mid twenties. And when you do, you're going to be promiscuous in order to learn things about yourself and those around you.

 

You're just starting in life. If you sit and say "It'll never happen" then it will never happen. And you'll look back on what you just said and you'll laugh. Trust me.

[bummer]

I believe college is the best time to find your potential soulmate. I’m not the biggest social butterfly, so I’m worried about how I’ll meet new people outside of college. In the end, maybe I’m overreacting/overanalyzing this and I – a 20 year old kid – shouldn’t worry about love, but I’d prefer if there was a solid answer, seeing as how I’m, albeit rarely, single-tear crying myself to sleep at night.

 

To be honest, your youthful lust and infatuation was probably not love. I didn't date all througg high school because I "loved" a girl who didn't feel the same towards me.

Wasted time.

 

College is about experimentation and self actualization. Find yourself. Date freely with anyone you're mildly interested in. Don't get in serious relationships. Figure out how to be a good partner. Find out what you like. But don't be delusional you'll find your soul mate.

 

Read this forum, many early twenties relationships with nasty breakups after a few years because one or both partners wasn't sure (hadn't figured out what they want and hadn't dated enougg other people).

 

Solid answer? Stop crying, you'll figure out love in a few years. Be less serious, have fun. focus on becoming a man who loves himself and understands what that means.

[iServe]

How would you define love is a great place to begin. Is love more then just a feeling, a touch, a kind comment, or a gesture? Is it something you seek out, trip over, or intentional? is love something to be explored, experienced, encouraged over time? Does love have a limit or freely shared with whomever? What is love? I honesty believe that every human being is created to receive love and invest love in someone or something. Love is essential to a quality and significant relationship. Love is something that flows from the heart. Love is powerful! I've experienced love to mature and age over time from just feelings to faithfulness, from selfishness to sacrifice, from conditional to unconditional, from fleshly to spiritual, from external appearance to internal beauty. Try not to rush love or you may fail to recognize love. So how could love look like then? I've come to recognize love as close quality friendship, intimate romance with my wife, and unconditional sacrifice and service as well. Mature "love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." You're on track, guard your heart, recognize the signs of true love, and take the right risks. Don't allow disappointment or discouragement to contaminate the love in your heart. There is someone special out there waiting for you. The best love life moving forward. Take Care.