cellfech Posted June 18, 2016 Share Posted June 18, 2016 it all started in May when I noticed that my girlfriend at the time was somewhat distant, she kept saying that she liked me , several days later she broke up with me saying she had lost interest and did not want to keep trying because it would not work. I Lasted a week without talking to her and then talked to her asking for an opportunity (big mistake) and her response was that it would not work. I stopped talking to her and she called me a week later with the excuse that she wanted to see if her new phone plan worked, since then we kept talking, sometimes she calls me or ask me to call her , sometimes she is interested and sometimes not. The truth is that i don't know what to do, any advice or someone who has been through something similar to help me. The relationship lasted a year, i don't know how she could throw it all away in days, sometimes I feel we can still make things work 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted June 18, 2016 Share Posted June 18, 2016 She's just feeding you breadcrumbs. Go dark block everything. She isn't coming back. Accept it and move on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whatnot Posted June 18, 2016 Share Posted June 18, 2016 Mixed messages = she's gone (That should've been written on a tablet somewhere) Oh, and NC is for you, no agendas. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
bummer Posted June 18, 2016 Share Posted June 18, 2016 You will drive yourself crazy responding to crumbs. Go NC now or send her one last text saying you need space alone to process her breaking up with you and won't be responding to messages or calls. Someday she feels good towards you, 1min later bad, but never with respect. She's figuring herself out, relieving guilt, bored and lonely, thinking of restarting, doubting her choice, but never with love and respect. Love and respect yourself. Move on, NC. If she wanted you shed be right next to you now. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted June 18, 2016 Share Posted June 18, 2016 She has so little respect for you and cares no one bit about your feelings, if she did, then goodbye would mean goodbye. She just likes testing the water but never makes a point to take it anywhere further, and will always push you away should you try. Yep, been there and took a while to get out of that one too. It's all about living in hope. For them, it's a few moments when they're bored and just want to see if you're still around. For us, it feeds that hope that maybe, just maybe, they want us back. Only after a long time do you eventually get tired of it all and walk away, so do it now. For me, I just lost all the respect I had for her and no longer saw her as that great person I thought she was. If anything, her breadcrumbs actually pushed me away rather than keeping me close. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Alamo657 Posted June 18, 2016 Share Posted June 18, 2016 Typical "i was bored and wanted to date new people, but i'm afraid no one will love me as you did" attitude. Once someone checked out of a a relationship, it means they weighted the pro and cons and decided they were better off finding someone else. However it doesn't mean that they can just forget the fact they had a lot of affection for you (hopefully), hence the whole back and forth trough phone messaging. Bottom line is, they don't want you back, they want the love you had for them back, but in another person. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cellfech Posted June 18, 2016 Author Share Posted June 18, 2016 Typical "i was bored and wanted to date new people, but i'm afraid no one will love me as you did" attitude. Once someone checked out of a a relationship, it means they weighted the pro and cons and decided they were better off finding someone else. However it doesn't mean that they can just forget the fact they had a lot of affection for you (hopefully), hence the whole back and forth trough phone messaging. Bottom line is, they don't want you back, they want the love you had for them back, but in another person. She called last night after 12 am , and I asked why she called me , she said she couldn't sleep and didn't let me hang up 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted June 18, 2016 Share Posted June 18, 2016 She called last night after 12 am , and I asked why she called me , she said she couldn't sleep and didn't let me hang up What do you mean wouldn't let you hang up??? There's this new-fangled hang up button on my phone. When people call me at midnight, I usually don't answer. When I do, and it's a nonsense conversation like this, I'll mention how late it is, being tired, needing to get some sleep, then bid the caller a good night and hang up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 18, 2016 Share Posted June 18, 2016 She called last night after 12 am , and I asked why she called me , she said she couldn't sleep and *didn't let me hang up *You could have hung up whenever you wanted to, so to say that, "She didn't let me hang up," can only mean that you didn't want to. Thats OK, you're free to choose, but all your choices have consequences. No Contact = No Confusion *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means she might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. Take care. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cellfech Posted June 18, 2016 Author Share Posted June 18, 2016 What do you mean wouldn't let you hang up??? There's this new-fangled hang up button on my phone. When people call me at midnight, I usually don't answer. When I do, and it's a nonsense conversation like this, I'll mention how late it is, being tired, needing to get some sleep, then bid the caller a good night and hang up. I understand that ,but it is hard , I kinda still like her... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cellfech Posted June 18, 2016 Author Share Posted June 18, 2016 *You could have hung up whenever you wanted to, so to say that, "She didn't let me hang up," can only mean that you didn't want to. Thats OK, you're free to choose, but all your choices have consequences. No Contact = No Confusion *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means she might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. Take care. TBH i didn't want to but I knew it was the best for me , everytime I said I was going to sleep , she said dont hang up , dont go 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 18, 2016 Share Posted June 18, 2016 If you don't have the willpower to do whats best for you, there's no point in anyone giving you advice. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 You're allowing her to treat you like this. In many ways, you are hurting yourself. You are the cause of your own pain. By being unable to say no to her you are giving her permission to treat you like this AND telling her its okay to do so. This situation won't change until you change it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 Respect is partly about having boundaries and limits. If you don't have healthy boundaries and limits, you will not be respected. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
whatnot Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 (edited) It's when one begins to lose respect for oneself... That's what it has took for yours truly before facing some "unpleasant" truths (about myself).. Life's not always kind. Change is difficult...but it's in my control now. No one controls me but my own decisions, attitudes and actions. Be free little birdie!! Fly high and spread those graceful wings! Lol (graceful...sometimes...not so much lol) No one has a lock on this. Let me go one further. No one else has a clue as to what's going on either. Edited June 19, 2016 by whatnot 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cellfech Posted June 19, 2016 Author Share Posted June 19, 2016 You're allowing her to treat you like this. In many ways, you are hurting yourself. You are the cause of your own pain. By being unable to say no to her you are giving her permission to treat you like this AND telling her its okay to do so. This situation won't change until you change it. she acts jealous , asking if im talking to another girl and stuff like that... and she keep calling me! Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 she acts jealous , asking if im talking to another girl and stuff like that... and she keep calling me! ... and will continue to call you and use you as an emotional pillow whenever she feels like it, right up to the moment she stops and you never hear from her again. By then, you'll be so much worse than you are now. You want her to have some respect for you? Then have some respect for yourself and go totally no contact on her. If you feel you must, then tell her you're not here for her to reach out to whenever she feels like it, and say goodbye... but mean it! Personally it was hard for me to do that, so instead I just responded to her breadcrumbs in kind. Basic, bland, uninteresting, pointless messages. I showed the same level of interest she showed me and no more, plus always ended it first because she was no longer the be all and end all of my life. Now I've no idea what was going through her mind when I stopped chasing her, stopped feeding her ego, but the fact she's gone tells me all I need to know - that the person I loved more than anything, wasn't her... and never was going to be. You want this sh*t to end, then end it. It's all on you. Your other option is to ignore everything we're telling you and continue to be this girls doormat and just watch your life pass you by... all for one person who doesn't care one bit about you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cellfech Posted June 19, 2016 Author Share Posted June 19, 2016 ... and will continue to call you and use you as an emotional pillow whenever she feels like it, right up to the moment she stops and you never hear from her again. By then, you'll be so much worse than you are now. You want her to have some respect for you? Then have some respect for yourself and go totally no contact on her. If you feel you must, then tell her you're not here for her to reach out to whenever she feels like it, and say goodbye... but mean it! Personally it was hard for me to do that, so instead I just responded to her breadcrumbs in kind. Basic, bland, uninteresting, pointless messages. I showed the same level of interest she showed me and no more, plus always ended it first because she was no longer the be all and end all of my life. Now I've no idea what was going through her mind when I stopped chasing her, stopped feeding her ego, but the fact she's gone tells me all I need to know - that the person I loved more than anything, wasn't her... and never was going to be. You want this sh*t to end, then end it. It's all on you. Your other option is to ignore everything we're telling you and continue to be this girls doormat and just watch your life pass you by... all for one person who doesn't care one bit about you. Yes a lot of people have told me to stop contacting her , but trust me it is really , i kinda feel I still have a chance and I wouldn't like to miss it , but at the same time if she wanted to be with me , she would have made a move , right? I think she call me because she feel lonely. Thank you I appreciate your helo through this situation Link to post Share on other sites
Author cellfech Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 it all started in May when I noticed that my girlfriend at the time was somewhat distant, she kept saying that she liked me , several days later she broke up with me saying she had lost interest and did not want to keep trying because it would not work. I Lasted a week without talking to her and then talked to her asking for an opportunity (big mistake) and her response was that it would not work. I stopped talking to her and she called me a week later with the excuse that she wanted to see if her new phone plan worked, since then we kept talking, sometimes she calls me or ask me to call her The relationship lasted a year, i don't know how she could throw it all away in days, sometimes I feel we can still make things work. This weekend it was all nice , she even hinted at us working things out, getting jealous and willing to talk to me and stuff , but today she has been cold , and im sure i haven't done anything to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Your plan B. Read some threads on the infidelity sub-forums. The days she does not call, things are great with guy she hooked up with. Days she calls things are not going well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
juniorrocha Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 She's showing you that she's not sure. Why try anything if she isn't sure? Seriously, let her go. She seems confused, and confused people = bad partners. As hard as it is, stop contacting her. Within days you'll start feeling better, within weeks you'll miss her less, and when you least expect, someone better will be around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cellfech Posted June 26, 2016 Author Share Posted June 26, 2016 it all started in May when I noticed that my girlfriend at the time was somewhat distant, she kept saying that she liked me , several days later she broke up with me saying she had lost interest and did not want to keep trying because it would not work. I Lasted a week without talking to her and then talked to her asking for an opportunity (big mistake) and her response was that it would not work. I stopped talking to her and she called me a week later with the excuse that she wanted to see if her new phone plan worked, since then we kept talking, sometimes she calls me or ask me to call her The relationship lasted a year, i don't know how she could throw it all away in days, sometimes I feel we can still make things work. This weekend it was all nice , she even hinted at us working things out, getting jealous and willing to talk to me and stuff , but today she has been cold , and im sure i haven't done anything to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Orion39 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 I would pick yourself up and move on. I've had a relationship that went on for more than three years, we talked about getting married and next thing I know I'm single, she's told me to get the **** out of her life and I have no clue what happened. While a year into a relationship is a long time, it is not however mean that this person owes you anything. Be thankful she has shown what she wants now rather than later. I hope you can move forward and find someone new. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 There is another guy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cellfech Posted July 4, 2016 Author Share Posted July 4, 2016 my ex broke up with me 6 weeks ago , 2 weeks ago she called me at night saying she couldnt sleep , since then she call me every night , she sometimes acted interested ,, willing to work things out , getting jealous , but now she has been cold Link to post Share on other sites
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