AlphabetGirl Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 (edited) To give some background about myself, I'm in my 20s (rather not say my age). I have autism, epilepsy, and mental illnesses including PTSD from multiple traumas, including the abuse from my parents. Anyway... Over the years, they've stolen countless opportunities I'll never get back, hurt me physically and psychologically, destroyed any support system I could've received, played the victims, told me what's normal isn't normal... I don't want to turn this post into a novel so I'm heavily condensing it. Compared to so many people, I'm extremely fortunate. I'm engaged to the kindest woman on earth, have several friends who accept me the way I am and treat me like anyone else but also look out for me, I'm surrounded by people I love yet the treatment I've received has left me shaken for life. I've been asked why can't I just 'be normal' regarding my sexuality. My father is transgender (MtF but prefers male pronouns) yet he's been abusive over me being a lesbian. Last year, my nan died. At her funeral, I gave a speech about her and when I finished, everyone in the church gave me a round of applause. It was talked about for most of the day. My mother accused me of stealing the spotlight, which is completely untrue. After the funeral, I was told to stop grieving and be normal. That's not how grief works. I'm strongly considering never talking to either of them again. I can't take being treated like my diagnoses are all I am when I live a pretty normal life and happen to be a human being. They judge me over everything I do. Hair length, hair colours, piercings (one set of earlobes and a nose piercing so far), fashion sense... absolutely everything. I want to cut them out of my life but I can't bring myself to do it. My fiancée is supporting me whatever I do but it's just so difficult. I guess part of me is still brainwashed by them. Sorry for the ramble. I'm in tears and can't be coherent at the moment. Forgive me please. Edited June 21, 2016 by AlphabetGirl Adding some important things I left out. Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted June 22, 2016 Share Posted June 22, 2016 Parent-child love is so horribly complex. Parents can do the most vile things to kids and yet the kids will still love them and seek their approval. Something I've often noted is that people who are subjected to abuse from parents can often be the people who engage most readily in approval-seeking behaviours. As long as that childhood core of respect survives inside you, you will continue to need them in your life. What you have to question is why you respect people who have harmed you, and continue to harm you by defining you by mental health issues, (which they contributed to, possibly even caused, by the sound of things). Why don't you try a period of no contact with them, and see how you feel after 6 months? It could turn out to be a time of enormous personal growth in your life. You have a right to express anger, exercise that right, and if you can't literally tell them where to get off, then do it through actions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlphabetGirl Posted June 22, 2016 Author Share Posted June 22, 2016 Parent-child love is so horribly complex. Parents can do the most vile things to kids and yet the kids will still love them and seek their approval. Something I've often noted is that people who are subjected to abuse from parents can often be the people who engage most readily in approval-seeking behaviours. As long as that childhood core of respect survives inside you, you will continue to need them in your life. What you have to question is why you respect people who have harmed you, and continue to harm you by defining you by mental health issues, (which they contributed to, possibly even caused, by the sound of things). Why don't you try a period of no contact with them, and see how you feel after 6 months? It could turn out to be a time of enormous personal growth in your life. You have a right to express anger, exercise that right, and if you can't literally tell them where to get off, then do it through actions. It truly is. For the most part, I feel hatred towards them but at the same time, part of me loves them. I actually have no respect for them and I've told them that many, many times, and explained why. I think I'll try that period of no contact. It doesn't feel quite as daunting that way. Thanks for the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
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