Should I make other plans?

[Eternal Sunshine]

I went out on a date with a guy on the weekend and we had a great time. It wasn't through OLD. Mid evening, he reached across the table during dinner, held my hand and we were kissing and holding hands for the remainder of the next 5 hours. It's rare for me to feel genuine chemistry with someone.

 

He thanked me for the nice night but didn't contact me the next day. The day after that, I decide to send him a text that I enjoyed the night and hope to see him to see him again. He replied immediately and seemed very enthusiastic, telling me how much fun he had and giving me his full schedule for the next week and asked me to pick a night when I was free. I did and he texted that we can have dinner at a <suburb> but will sort out the details later.

 

Then he proceeded not to contact me at all for the next 2 days. Tonight is the night before the date and I still haven't heard from him. I am not initiating contact again since I already did...

 

I am now assuming that we have no plans and am keen to move on and not dwell on it. Someone else asked me to do something tomorrow night. Should I say yes?

 

I mean when there is no specific time/place set in early dating, that means there is no date?

 

I can't contact him to clear it up since I cringe at the thought of chasing anyone

[DreamP]

My personal feelings are why not chase somebody. Men do it all the time. I don't see why women can't do it too. If you are interested, then show interest. Too many games and uncertainties with dating. Just be honest. Reach out to him and say "what's up, you mentioned meeting tomorrow but I haven't heard back. Let me know if tomorrow doesn't work for you anymore as I would like to make other plans otherwise." This shows that you are interested but have other options too.

[Gaeta]

You need to think outside the box.

 

The man may not be aware of all those dating rules out there. He booked you for tonight and that's what he knows. He may touch base at 18h only to give you direction. If you like being warned of destination earlier than contact him. It's not chasing.

[Emilia]

If you hadn't kissed, it would be ok to wait and see whether it was still on. The fact that you did I think would make me lose interest at this point. He should be a bit more proactive in trying to nail the night, I think.

[joseb]

You need to think outside the box.

 

The man may not be aware of all those dating rules out there. He booked you for tonight and that's what he knows. He may touch base at 18h only to give you direction. If you like being warned of destination earlier than contact him. It's not chasing.

 

Yip, I used to do exactly that - I only started making more concrete plans after reading so many stories like this on here!

[clia]

I agree with Gaeta. From what you've posted, it sounds like you have a date with him tomorrow night for dinner. So, I don't think you should make other plans yet. If you are unsure, I see nothing wrong with sending him a text asking if you are still on for dinner.

[angel.eyes]

Go ahead and confirm other plans. If he does contact you, and I have some doubts he will, then just state that you weren't sure what was going on, and now have other plans. Should he eventually contact you, suggest meeting on Friday or Saturday (whichever day best fits with your calendar). That's what works for me.

 

I'm not a fan of sitting around the day of wondering if or when a date might happen. Total nonsense. He needs to respect your time.

Edited June 22, 2016 by angel.eyes

[angel.eyes]

You need to think outside the box.

 

The man may not be aware of all those dating rules out there. He booked you for tonight and that's what he knows. He may touch base at 18h only to give you direction. If you like being warned of destination earlier than contact him. It's not chasing.

It's not dating rules. It's basic courtesy! If I've promised to do something specific with someone, I don't wait until the hour before to say...oh yeah, see you in an hour. We're going to be doing XYZ.

 

If I'm meeting you for a couple of hours, there's no reason why I need to set aside the late afternoon and evening because I haven't a clue whether we might meet at 4 pm or 9 pm.

 

My calendar operates on a first-come, first-served basis. Less organized guys quickly learn to convey the details soon after they ask for another date.

[Cherryz]

Was that your first date?

 

Kissing and touching for 5 hours already, point more to something sexual.

And a guy can lose interest in you cause it was all so easy or he can just be around to have sex with you.

 

Him not contacting you and give you unclear information looks more like he not into you much or atall, but dont know how to tell you no.

 

When a guy really like a girl, he will find a way and time and sure be clear about the place and hour. Because he dont want to miss this opportunity and want someone else to take his place!

 

I would move on if i were you. GO with your friends like you never met him.

IF he contact you later, tell him you haven't hear of him so you have other plans.

[Cherryz]

Ps: Read some dating books, it help you to have a better dating life.

[central]

I've been flaked on enough, or had plans changed on me last minute often enough, that I ALWAYS make backup plans if the original plan falls through even last minute. I do expect that if there is a commitment to a date, that the date will occur even if the details are determined last minute. But, there is always that backup/alternate plan just in case, so I can still do something fun and not feel let down by someone else.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I have made other plans with friends. If I hear from him tomorrow, I will ask him to reschedule to another night as I haven't heard from him.

 

Eh, I quickly lose interest when the guy is lukewarm. Now going back over the date, while it felt like he was really physically attracted to me, we had almost nothing in common. Seems like it's almost impossible to find both.

[Gaeta]

I have made other plans with friends. If I hear from him tomorrow, I will ask him to reschedule to another night as I haven't heard from him.

 

Eh, I quickly lose interest when the guy is lukewarm. Now going back over the date, while it felt like he was really physically attracted to me, we had almost nothing in common. Seems like it's almost impossible to find both.

 

The date is tomorrow night. You could at least wait till it's his last 24 hours before date. I feel you're in a hurry to get rid of this one. It's the middle of the day, he's working. Chances are he is waiting tonight to make plans for tomorrow night.

 

Do you want to date or not?

[Gaeta]

It's not dating rules. It's basic courtesy! If I've promised to do something specific with someone, I don't wait until the hour before to say...oh yeah, see you in an hour. We're going to be doing XYZ.

 

If I'm meeting you for a couple of hours, there's no reason why I need to set aside the late afternoon and evening because I haven't a clue whether we might meet at 4 pm or 9 pm.

 

My calendar operates on a first-come, first-served basis. Less organized guys quickly learn to convey the details soon after they ask for another date.

 

That is your rule and it's ok. Not all people obey by that rule and it does not make then flaky or uninterested. They just have a different thought process.

 

We are Wednesday noon. Why is OP so in a hurry to cancel this guy? She could wait at least tonight. Tonight makes it 24 hours before date.

[Emilia]

ES is on a different continent, for her it's already within 24 hours.

[Gaeta]

ES is on a different continent, for her it's already within 24 hours.

 

OH right! thanks for pointing it out. She is 6 hours ahead of me.

[acrosstheuniverse]

No don't make other plans, you have plans with this guy. Basic etiquette states that if you've made a plan with someone, it's poor form to go and plan something else instead... Until one of you says 'it's not happening any more', the date is on.

 

Sure he may blow you off, and if he does I'm sure you won't be open to seeing him again because it'd be very rude. But there's no need to stoop to that level defensively just in case he does.

 

Personally if I say I'm doing something with someone, it's happening even if we don't speak again until that day, and I expect the same in return from others. Sometimes my friends and I will plan a lunch five weeks in advance and we don't need to discuss it frequently to know it's on, it's in the diary so it's happening.

 

Give him a chance. Is there a possibility you're reacting defensively because you're disappointed he isn't speaking to you as much as you'd like? Cos that's a separate issue to the date...

[Eternal Sunshine]

I waited till 24 hours to make other plans.

 

The funny thing is that this guy is objectively the worst looking guy I dated in the last 2 years and I was the most physically attracted to him.

 

As for the not speaking, yeah that's another big issue. I have always struggled to stay excited about someone that I am not in contact with every day. I have also been dating a lot and lack of contact has always meant lack of interest. I can't even think of one exception to this.

[Gaeta]

I waited till 24 hours to make other plans.

 

The funny thing is that this guy is objectively the worst looking guy I dated in the last 2 years and I was the most physically attracted to him.

 

As for the not speaking, yeah that's another big issue. I have always struggled to stay excited about someone that I am not in contact with every day. I have also been dating a lot and lack of contact has always meant lack of interest. I can't even think of one exception to this.

 

Make an exception now.

 

Do you want to meet someone or not?

 

I was a serial dater for 3 years before meeting my boyfriend. Guys came and went like the wind. I met my someone when I stopped multi-dating and gave the next man a chance. You know where your weaknesses are in dating to fight them.

[MissBee]

I went out on a date with a guy on the weekend and we had a great time. It wasn't through OLD. Mid evening, he reached across the table during dinner, held my hand and we were kissing and holding hands for the remainder of the next 5 hours. It's rare for me to feel genuine chemistry with someone.

 

He thanked me for the nice night but didn't contact me the next day. The day after that, I decide to send him a text that I enjoyed the night and hope to see him to see him again. He replied immediately and seemed very enthusiastic, telling me how much fun he had and giving me his full schedule for the next week and asked me to pick a night when I was free. I did and he texted that we can have dinner at a <suburb> but will sort out the details later.

 

Then he proceeded not to contact me at all for the next 2 days. Tonight is the night before the date and I still haven't heard from him. I am not initiating contact again since I already did...

 

I am now assuming that we have no plans and am keen to move on and not dwell on it. Someone else asked me to do something tomorrow night. Should I say yes?

 

I mean when there is no specific time/place set in early dating, that means there is no date?

 

I can't contact him to clear it up since I cringe at the thought of chasing anyone

 

I can't see how this would go well, even if you reach out to him.Unless you're comfortable with someone who has you guessing and is more or less rude or unreliable. There aren't really any legitimate reasons why someone doesn't get in touch to sort out date plans. I'm assuming he's a grown adult man who probably has a job or career and therefore is accustomed to making plans, so I don't see what is understandable about you having to chase him down for a date. Also, the idea that some have mentioned that men do it all the time is nuts. Men who are desperate do. Initiating isn't one and the same as chasing. You've also already initiated contact. If a man likes me and I like him, if he initiated I follow through to make him know I'm interested. It's reciprocal. Not me running for dear life in one direction or ignoring him and him having to constantly be in my face to even be able to pin down a time and day for a date. That NEVER happens when I like a man. The ones who chase me are those I'm not interested in or have reservations about.

 

Go out with your friend. If he contacts you on the day of to sort out said plans, I'd be honest and say casually that I didn't realize we still had plans so you're going out but give another free time if you really wanna see this dude again. If he yet again does this, it's up to you to decide if that's the kind of person you want to date.

 

I've BTDT with excusing obviously rude, sketchy or disinterested behavior and then only felt worse when I kept giving this person a chance to be decent and they simply were not or weren't that into me in the end and I knew it all along.

Edited June 22, 2016 by MissBee

[angel.eyes]

OH right! thanks for pointing it out. She is 6 hours ahead of me.

 

More like 14 hours ahead.

[MissBee]

Go ahead and confirm other plans. If he does contact you, and I have some doubts he will, then just state that you weren't sure what was going on, and now have other plans. Should he eventually contact you, suggest meeting on Friday or Saturday (whichever day best fits with your calendar). That's what works for me.

 

I'm not a fan of sitting around the day of wondering if or when a date might happen. Total nonsense. He needs to respect your time.

 

Precisely.

 

This isn't some completely contrived "dating rule." This is common manners and decency that exist in social interactions, even when not romantic. Even with a friend, or especially say an acquaintance I don't know very well, if they say we are having dinner on Saturday I'll be in touch with the details, I do not expect that at the last hour is when they should contact me.

 

I too am not a fan of sitting around waiting for a confirmation....never in my personal experience has someone who cannot even confirm a date in a timely manner, turned out to be a wonderfully reliable friend or romantic partner. Never.

[angel.eyes]

Go out with your friend. If he contacts you on the day of to sort out said plans, I'd be honest and say casually that I didn't realize we still had plans so you're going out but give another free time if you really wanna see this dude again. If he yet again does this, it's up to you to decide if that's the kind of person you want to date.

 

Agreed!

 

"Let's get together for dinner," with no details and zippo follow through...when he was silent post-date and you had to contact him is not a date. If he had gotten back to you as he promised with details--where and when--then it would be a date. Most people are putting their best foot forward after a first or second date. His best foot forward is a broken promise to get back to you, and you're still guessing hours before the "maybe date" if there might actually be a date, with no idea of the timeframe or venue should the date even happen. If you opt to chase after him, assuming the date ever happens, expect his behavior to become more inconsiderate and erratic afterwards. You're telling him this type of behavior is A-OK with you when you chase after him hours before the possible date to try to make it happen.

 

You're a very savvy dater. Sorry, but he's either not interested as you suggest, is attempting to keep you warm on the back burner while he tries to do "better," is waiting for Plan A to get back to him, or is incapable of following through on his promises. For me personally, there's nothing attractive about any of those possibilities. No way would I be wasting an entire evening putting it on hold, in case he "might" call to finalize the details. My time is valuable. He's shown me who he is with me...on to the next!

[katiegrl]

Precisely.

 

This isn't some completely contrived "dating rule." This is common manners and decency that exist in social interactions, even when not romantic. Even with a friend, or especially say an acquaintance I don't know very well, if they say we are having dinner on Saturday I'll be in touch with the details, I do not expect that at the last hour is when they should contact me.

 

I too am not a fan of sitting around waiting for a confirmation....never in my personal experience has someone who cannot even confirm a date in a timely manner, turned out to be a wonderfully reliable friend or romantic partner. Never.

 

Whenever I make a date with a friend or even a man, we are usually in touch the day of the date.... if it's lunch then we touch base in the morn. If it's dinner, we touch base in the afternoon.

 

With dating, especially very early on, I don't expect, or even want to be in touch every day. Ugh that would suffocate me to no end.

 

Unless it was like with my ex, where we practically fell in love at first sight. But a regular date with a new man? No thank you.

 

No I don't recommend sitting around waiting for him to call.... go out and live your life.

 

You have a date tomorrow, plan on either you or him confirming then...

 

If he blows you off, block delete next.

 

Easy peasy.

Edited June 22, 2016 by katiegrl

[angel.eyes]

Make an exception now.

 

Do you want to meet someone or not?

 

I was a serial dater for 3 years before meeting my boyfriend. Guys came and went like the wind. I met my someone when I stopped multi-dating and gave the next man a chance. You know where your weaknesses are in dating to fight them.

 

The key to ending up in relationships with good men is to focus on those who respect you and your time. ES should spend her time and energy on men who show genuine interest and enthusiasm about dating her!

 

You don't end up in a stable, healthy relationship by having no standards and chasing after men who by their very behavior, lack of contact post-date, and lack of follow through when you contact them, are telling you they're not really interested. Stringing yourself along, making excuses for guys who are wasting your time, and trying to nail them down to date you simply distracts you from focusing on guys worthy of your time and energy. That's a recipe for frustration and struggling to land in a solid relationship.

 

It has nothing to do with multi-dating, which I did briefly to land in my last and my current LTR.

Edited June 22, 2016 by angel.eyes