seamos Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 I get she "wasn't over" what I did but I felt it could've been solved without her sleeping around or starting some sort of rebound immediately. It just makes me feel like she didn't care about me and just wanted to have a fling. I don't know how sleeping wit someone else regularly would help her get over what I did and bring her back, unless it just reminds her that I wasn't that bad after all. . I imagine it was simply a case of opportunity; he had coke and she could no longer afford to buy it, so ... You did indeed dodge a bullet and tho it hurts right now I guarantee you, you'll be able to look back on it before long and wonder what you were thinking to spend the time you did w/ her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted June 29, 2016 Share Posted June 29, 2016 Probably the imagine if what she could be. Not what she actually was. There was part of me that thought she did actually want to change and not be what she always had been during her life. Yes we did have problems. It's just sad to see what she's doing now. I get she "wasn't over" what I did but I felt it could've been solved without her sleeping around or starting some sort of rebound immediately. It just makes me feel like she didn't care about me and just wanted to have a fling. *****I don't know how sleeping wit someone else regularly would help her get over what I did and bring her back*****, unless it just reminds her that I wasn't that bad after all. I just wish I had followed all her orders and alienated some of my friends that didn't like her only to watch her go to someone else. Seriously South, sounds like you are having a bad day. Stop watching the train wreck it will not help you. This won't bring her back either, because it has nothing to do with why she cheated. She is a junky South plain and simple. She does not love you, she loves the high she gets from the drugs and being with different guys. This has nothing to do with tinder either. She had a right to be mad yes, but not cheating on you. She slept with the other guy because SHE WANTED TO. She has two standards, one for you and the other for her. You go around with blinders on and she gets high and f's anyone she wants to. Does this sound like what is happening? If so do something to pull away from her now. Move, change jobs, take a vacation it doesn't matter, do something. Stop keeping track of her. She is no longer your responsibility. Link to post Share on other sites
Author south225 Posted June 29, 2016 Author Share Posted June 29, 2016 Yeah, I'm having a bad day. You're right. I keep blaming myself that had I not been an idiot and stayed on these dating apps, we'd still be together. It was my fault this happened. Yes, it's not my fault she's sleeping around now. She chose to do that and chose to make up the rules during this break as she went. Had I slept with someone first, she'd have flipped out. It's just that she said she's with the new guy 3-4 nights a week that hurts. Hurts a lot. It's tough accepting that she's just an addict and seeks addicts out. It will just take time. She'll never be what I thought she was, but it's best I found that out now rather than down the road when we got married. Part of me wants to write her parents an apology, because they were always very nice to me and welcomed me into their family with open arms, and I want them to know I do have humility and regret so down the road when she inevitably ends up in rehab, I'll be remembered. Although I know it's a bad idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author south225 Posted June 29, 2016 Author Share Posted June 29, 2016 I have taken steps to pull away from her though, like I said. I've taken a vacation, blocked her on all forms of communication, hung out with friends and family and tried to focus on my job. It's still very difficult to come to terms with, but it's a process. Some days I feel great and days like today I just feel sad and defeated, blaming myself for what has happened. There are days I want to send her an email or write her, but I know that won't do any good. For all I know she's now dating her drug boyfriend and has no feelings for me at all anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author south225 Posted June 30, 2016 Author Share Posted June 30, 2016 Received a text from her today that was some strange recording. I would say it was likely accidental but since we haven't spoken in over a week, I'm not sure how it could be accidental. I didn't respond though, of course Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 Don't hone what to say. I would not contact her parents. You do not need to be anywhere around her when she hits rock bottom. It will take time to get over this. In the meantime, go on a date. Just something nice and simple. Do not use a site that is mainly for hook ups. Good luck south Link to post Share on other sites
Author south225 Posted June 30, 2016 Author Share Posted June 30, 2016 Unfortunately I'm in no state to go on a date with anyone at the moment. It's a struggle to even get through the work day. It sucks because part of me still feels like she'll come back around once she gets over my transgressions. I need to let that go and realize that even if she does, I can't get back into a relationship with her. I just regret so much about what I've done. All for no reason either. All of it was fixable and not relationship ending. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Unfortunately I'm in no state to go on a date with anyone at the moment. It's a struggle to even get through the work day. It sucks because part of me still feels like she'll come back around once she gets over my transgressions. You are blaming yourself, do you not realize yet. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU AND WHAT YOU DID.... She is doing this because she wants to use coke and f other guys. Are you to blame for her coke habit, did you get her started op it? Her wanting to F other guys is because, THAT IS WHO SHE IS! I need to let that go and realize that even if she does, I can't get back into a relationship with her. I just regret so much about what I've done. All for no reason either. You did what you did because you wanted to. Did you ever conceder it might have been because your ex was texting almost every guy she ever hooked up with? She wouldn't stop that for you. Then when you just look at the girls on tinder she goes batshet on you. All of it was fixable and not relationship ending. It was only fixable if she wanted to fix it as well. You got your answer when she started sleeping with the other guy in less then a week. Stop thinking that you caused this. The cause is that she does not know how to keep her legs closed. Try something if you want, ask her if she has had hook ups sense the two of you have been a couple other then the present guy. Seeing it is just sex with her. Just say it is something you need to know because of things you have heard. Make sure and ask her to be completely honest with you. I am willing to bet she has. Why else go batshet over tinder, she knew what she was capable of and thought you could do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author south225 Posted July 1, 2016 Author Share Posted July 1, 2016 I think I might contact her next week and ask that. After all, this no contact thing was my idea. She clearly tried to break it with that "accidental" text on Wednesday that was almost impossible to be accidental. I wonder what would happen if her company knew she was doing coke with her subordinates? She used to be so concerned about ethics and how wrong that was. She'd probably lose her job... Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 That is up to you. If this is happening with her subs then the company will find out sooner then later but a anonymous letter would not hurt. Do your friends all know what she has done? Keep leaning on them for support. This is a messed up affair man. You have to remember something and remind yourself each day. She is not the person you thought she was. This is who she really is. I have heard about a book "No More Mister Nice Guy". Find and read, it has been recommended often for guys in your position and will help when you start dating again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author south225 Posted July 1, 2016 Author Share Posted July 1, 2016 I've always considered writing a letter to their corporate headquarters because one of her subs is a coke dealer. I remember she was all concerned about ethical violations but it's apparent none of that matters to her anymore. She just wants to feed her addiction. I don't know how much an anonymous letter would do or if they'd instigate a drug test of the employees to find out. It's very tempting. It may be a dick move to do that if she ends up losing her job over it, but she's trying to play hard ball with me. I can play too. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 I've always considered writing a letter to their corporate headquarters because one of her subs is a coke dealer. I remember she was all concerned about ethical violations but it's apparent none of that matters to her anymore. She just wants to feed her addiction. I don't know how much an anonymous letter would do or if they'd instigate a drug test of the employees to find out. It's very tempting. It may be a dick move to do that if she ends up losing her job over it, but she's trying to play hard ball with me. I can play too. Still believe the best thing to do is walk away. Never look back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author south225 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Share Posted July 3, 2016 Still believe the best thing to do is walk away. Never look back. I think you're right. She'll hit rock bottom eventually, and I don't need to be around for it when it happens. Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 I think I might contact her next week and ask that. After all, this no contact thing was my idea. She clearly tried to break it with that "accidental" text on Wednesday that was almost impossible to be accidental. I wonder what would happen if her company knew she was doing coke with her subordinates? She used to be so concerned about ethics and how wrong that was. She'd probably lose her job... Dude! Leave. Her. Alone. She's digging herself into a hole full of crap right now. You both treated each other terribly (stop minimizing the tinder thing, it was cheating..it was gross). You are toxic for each other. Block everywhere. No more contact. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 Hey man, do you have a female friend you can just go out for drinks with? If so she if she is willing. No strings or anything, just someone female you can talk with. Read the book "No More Mr Nice Guy". You need to work on yourself before dating again. Get started. Link to post Share on other sites
Author south225 Posted July 5, 2016 Author Share Posted July 5, 2016 I'm not going to bother her anymore. She can dig her hole on her own. Her mom strangely reached out to me yesterday of all days and told me she hopes she and I will find happiness and hopes we'll start talking again soon. I didn't tell her all the details. It's really not my place. I just thanked her for reaching out to me. I do have plenty of friends who I've leaned on through this period. I haven't read any books about not being nice. Frankly I've found being forceful as I have been in the past only drove people away, especially girls. I never landed this girl by being an ass and usually have never landed any girl being an ass, forceful or giving ultimatums. And I don't plan to date anytime soon. Not for a few months at least until I can get my head on straight. I know the thing I should do is to be extremely direct to her but I can't see any of that helping this situation. I think just doing what I'm doing, cutting contact and moving on, is the best way to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 I don't believe it is about being a ass to girls, but standing up for yourself and not blaming yourself for others actions. The only thing I would have told her mother is that she needs to get her daughter help due to the drug use. Her mom needs to know this to get her some help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author south225 Posted July 11, 2016 Author Share Posted July 11, 2016 Wow. That book described me to a T. Amazing. I have a totally new perspective on things now. I wish I had read it while I was still dating this girl. I don't plan to tell her mom about the drug use. I can't be her protector if she doesn't want me to be. If it gets out of hand then she'll fall apart on her own. I'm finally working on myself and getting the help I need. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 Good luck south. I thought the book would help and happy it did. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 Just move on dude. To me, yeah it was stupid for you to browse Dating Apps, BUT! I think she was looking for ANY excuse to get back into the druggie lifestyle. You just gave her the reason. Dude, she's going to hit rock bottom. Don't get sucked into her world. All that is going to do is cause trouble and nothing but bad things. What would happen if you were driving with her and she got puled over and they found drugs? That's nothing but problems for you. STAY AWAY! Don't write her and don't call her. Do a hard NC and start making positive changes in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
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