I'm I incapable of being loved?

[Waifu Hunter]

So i'm new here (just made my account several minutes ago), and I have alot of pent-up anger (mostly at myself) when it comes towards finding someone who will love me unconditionally. so, some back story: I'm a 24 year old male who has never had a girlfriend and am still a virgin. The reason for this is because, when I was younger, I was incredibly shy. I was incapable of even holding a conversation, let alone with a female. Couple with the fact that I was greatly bullied for my looks (some of those insults I heard I believed myself) and, well, self-esteem did not exist in my life.

 

 

Now, I'm a HUGE video gamer and anime lover (you could say they were my only childhood friends) and whenever I played/seen them, I was always amazed by how beautiful, kind, gentle, and compassionate the females were, so much so, that I would call them angels. At that point, I said to myself that I wanted an angel, someone who was loving and kind to me and everyone, who had an amazing singing voice, was an amazing cook, was great with kids and animals, and was beyond beautiful. However, because of my shyness and the bulling (which was based around my ugliness), I have not once made that first step on finding my angel (which is only further compounded due to my intense fear of being rejected).

 

 

I had just finished going to a vocational school, and even there, I was bullied (tho this time, it was because I was a virgin and never had a girlfriend). One of girls there even said to me that the only way for a girl to fall in love with me was either that she was drunk or high.

 

I only have to ask you guys, can I truly find that angel that I desperately wish for, or am I truly doomed to never know that feeling of being in loved in returned? And if I am doomed, I'm ok with my fate, as long as my angel can find true love and live happily ever after, even if it's not with me.

[tardisman]

you are still very young, life is still waiting for you. may be not an angel but a real, kind hearted girl surely you will find

[ChocolateRain]

First let me say ... i hate it when people are getting Bullied , it really brings out the beast in me when i notice anything like this ! i am sorry you have to go through this ...

 

i guess you kind of went into a imaginary world , in real life there will always be ups and downs that we all need to deal with relationship wise . i still believe there is someone for everyone but you have to get out there .Dont let a bunch of ignorant ppl destroy your wish in finding what you are looking for ...

 

As far as looks go , if you are dissatisfied ...get a make over , try something new , get some friends to help you .

 

you are not doomed unless you want to be stuck in your Doom ...get up , get dressed , get out there . You have to get active and be positive .

[Dark Horse]

You're not alone in the fact that you want a girlfriend, and believe it or not there are people out there who are in their mid 20s and still never had a girlfriend.

 

Alright i'm going to be honest with you, if you want to find love then you're going have to step up your game and do whatever it takes to improve yourself so that you can find a girlfriend. Because the truth is, you're not getting any younger and you could easily be a 30 year old virgin. Do you really want to waste your 20s away never finding love? Having someone love you (as a romantic partner) isn't given to you, you have to earn it. And unfortunately some people will have it harder finding love but it's not impossible.

 

 

 

Step 1: Overcome your shyness

 

The first step is to overcome your shyness around women because all of the dating advice in the world doesn't mean sht if you can't even hold a conversation with a woman.

 

What you can do is take baby steps. Start off by saying hey how was your day to a female at work whom you know has a boyfriend or if you're feeling brave, you can say that to a girl you like.

 

It gets easier and easier

 

 

 

Step 2: Read Online Articles and Dating Videos Tailored Towards Shy Guys.

 

Shynesssocialanxiety is a good site for shy and introverted guys for dating advice. You should also check out some of his videos as well.

 

[]

 

Read all you can about learning how to talk to women and overcoming your shyness.

 

 

 

Step 3: Sign up for Online Dating such as Tinder, OkCupid, and Plenty of Fish.

 

I find that it's easier for shy guys to communicate online than it is in person.

 

 

Make sure that you have 3 good pictures of yourself. 1 should be of you with friends and another should be an action shot. Write a good bio and have your friends review it.

 

 

Don't be afraid to ask people for dating advice and how to talk to girls online.

 

 

And whatever you do, don't write hi or hey what's up for your first message.

 

 

Online dating is all a numbers game so you should write as many messages as possible but make sure they are quality messages. To write a quality message, you should view her profile and ask her something about herself. Or you can just read guides on google on how to talk to girls on Tinder.

 

 

 

 

Step 4: Set Small Goals For Yourself

 

 

A good goal would be to go on a first date with a girl. Because even if the first dates goes bad and you don't get a second date, you can at least be proud that you went on a date.

 

The next goal would be to get a second date from a girl, this will be a little harder but you have to persistent and not give up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Step 5: Don't Give Up.

 

Rejection will hurt, it will make you feel like a worthless piece of sht. But I guarantee you that if you fight through the pain and disappointment and you work your asss off to better yourself with women, you're going to succeed someday.

Edited June 23, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
External link redacted

[normal person]

I only have to ask you guys, can I truly find that angel that I desperately wish for, or am I truly doomed to never know that feeling of being in loved in returned? And if I am doomed, I'm ok with my fate, as long as my angel can find true love and live happily ever after, even if it's not with me.

 

Sorry you've been having a rough time. My first advice would be to stop regarding women as "angels." Yes, they can be nice, comforting, and beautiful, but if you aggrandize them so highly, you're not going to appeal to them at all. You need to create a scenario where they respect you. Worshipping a woman and catering to her every whim is a surefire way to make sure she never respects you at all. Women like men who are in control, not ones who submit to them pitifully.

 

Secondly, and I know it will be a topic of contention, but you're 24 years old. If you want certain things in life, you have to make sacrifices. I would say it's beyond time to ditch the cartoons and video games. You're a grown man. Not only are those childish, they're very insular hobbies that don't really advance your skills or your place in life in any way. You just sit and consume those things to no benefit other than a momentary cure of your boredom. This is all time you could be spending bettering yourself, but instead you're using it to contribute to your own stagnation. You need to become an active participant in life, rather than a passive one. Imagine if you took the time you spent on that stuff and reinvested it in school, work, the gym, forming relationships, starting a business, learning a productive skill, or anything of the sort -- things that could earn you respect and admiration and build your confidence, rather than just pass time. You need feathers to put in your cap. When a woman asks what you do, saying "I run my own business and I go to the gym in my spare time" sounds a lot more appealing than "I play video games and watch anime."

 

If you want someone's love, or just affection, or attention, or time, you need to get a foot in the door. You need to give them a reason to want to be with you. They won't want to be with you if you worship them, and they won't want to be with you if you can't enrich their lives or society in any meaningful way (ex: video games).

 

Think about it. Best of luck.

[preraph]

What is most obvious is that you are not socialized to real people and have developed extremely jaded and unrealistic fantasy notions about characters because of your gaming and anime. You need to stop gaming and anime and live in the real world only talking to real people for a couple years and come back down to earth. You're kind of delusional at this point.

[basil67]

I feel so bad for you being bullied. Nobody deserves that.

 

But will you find your angel? No you won't. Angels of the kind you describe simply don't exist. Women are human. Most of us sing flat. Some of us can't cook. While we may be caring, only one girl in a million is "beyond beautiful". And even she wakes up with breath which could kill a toad. Oh and we fart and it doesn't smell like perfume. Most of all, any woman with half a brain will run a mile from a guy who wants an angel. We know better than to date a man who puts a woman on a pedestal.

 

I'm not going to suggest you give up gaming. But I will suggest you incorporate more social activities in your life so that you get to know actual real women who share your interests. What about pop-culture expos? Cosplay events? Gaming functions?

[Satu]

Nobody can love you more than you love yourself.

 

That is as much of a law as the law of gravity.

[preraph]

I want to clarify. When I said "delusional" above, I didn't mean you were delusional to think someone could love you. I meant you are delusional because these angelic characters don't exist, period. They are cartoons, not based on real people even. Just fantasy. They don't come to life.

[Waifu Hunter]

Sorry you've been having a rough time. My first advice would be to stop regarding women as "angels." Yes, they can be nice, comforting, and beautiful, but if you aggrandize them so highly, you're not going to appeal to them at all. You need to create a scenario where they respect you. Worshipping a woman and catering to her every whim is a surefire way to make sure she never respects you at all. Women like men who are in control, not ones who submit to them pitifully.

 

Secondly, and I know it will be a topic of contention, but you're 24 years old. If you want certain things in life, you have to make sacrifices. I would say it's beyond time to ditch the cartoons and video games. You're a grown man. Not only are those childish, they're very insular hobbies that don't really advance your skills or your place in life in any way. You just sit and consume those things to no benefit other than a momentary cure of your boredom. This is all time you could be spending bettering yourself, but instead you're using it to contribute to your own stagnation. You need to become an active participant in life, rather than a passive one. Imagine if you took the time you spent on that stuff and reinvested it in school, work, the gym, forming relationships, starting a business, learning a productive skill, or anything of the sort -- things that could earn you respect and admiration and build your confidence, rather than just pass time. You need feathers to put in your cap. When a woman asks what you do, saying "I run my own business and I go to the gym in my spare time" sounds a lot more appealing than "I play video games and watch anime."

 

If you want someone's love, or just affection, or attention, or time, you need to get a foot in the door. You need to give them a reason to want to be with you. They won't want to be with you if you worship them, and they won't want to be with you if you can't enrich their lives or society in any meaningful way (ex: video games).

 

Think about it. Best of luck.

 

 

I understand what you are saying but me giving up video games and anime would be like asking someone to give up their child. Video Games and Anime are a part of who I am, hell, they may be the only part of who I am, pathetic as that may sound. Remove them from my life, and remove the only reason I live in this world.

 

While you say that I must lower my expectations of women, I have to say that I never have seen the middle ground of women (The closest I can think of would be my mother, and still, she's no saint, having cheated on my father). When the only women you have seen are the absolute worst (The bulling) and the absolute best (video games and anime), why would you even try to look for a woman that's just "decent"?

 

Also, I have tried to improve myself by going to a vocational school for a year, and going to the gym for a couple of weeks, and even then, I felt like I wasted my time going to school (even though I graduated), and I never felt that I became stronger by going to the gym (Yes, I understand that you don't become strong overnight but still, i should have seen SOME progress).

 

I feel so bad for you being bullied. Nobody deserves that.

 

But will you find your angel? No you won't. Angels of the kind you describe simply don't exist. Women are human. Most of us sing flat. Some of us can't cook. While we may be caring, only one girl in a million is "beyond beautiful". And even she wakes up with breath which could kill a toad. Oh and we fart and it doesn't smell like perfume. Most of all, any woman with half a brain will run a mile from a guy who wants an angel. We know better than to date a man who puts a woman on a pedestal.

 

I'm not going to suggest you give up gaming. But I will suggest you incorporate more social activities in your life so that you get to know actual real women who share your interests. What about pop-culture expos? Cosplay events? Gaming functions?

 

I've Have been to a Few anime conventions, and even there, I'm still scared to talk to women, and if I do talk, it always ends awkwardly, like I have more to say but I don't know how to say it.

[basil67]

While you say that I must lower my expectations of women, I have to say that I never have seen the middle ground of women (The closest I can think of would be my mother, and still, she's no saint, having cheated on my father). When the only women you have seen are the absolute worst (The bulling) and the absolute best (video games and anime), why would you even try to look for a woman that's just "decent"?

 

Why would you try to look for a woman who is "decent"? (I assume you mean a good, kind person) Because logic. There are women who don't bully and the women in games simply fantasy. If I spent my spare time hunting for a unicorn to have as a real life pet, would you think it's a sensible use of my time? It's no different.

 

Also, I have tried to improve myself by going to a vocational school for a year, and going to the gym for a couple of weeks, and even then, I felt like I wasted my time going to school (even though I graduated), and I never felt that I became stronger by going to the gym (Yes, I understand that you don't become strong overnight but still, i should have seen SOME progress).

 

Why do you feel you wasted your time at school?

 

And no, you wouldn't see much progress at all from a couple of weeks at the gym. You have completely unrealistic ideas about the gym.

 

I've Have been to a Few anime conventions, and even there, I'm still scared to talk to women, and if I do talk, it always ends awkwardly, like I have more to say but I don't know how to say it.

 

Ok, so what about guys to hang out with? And do any of them have female friends? It's easier to become comfortable talking to women if they become part of your social group.

[basil67]

Actually, instead of a unicorn, I think I'll go find a flying dragon which I could ride.

 

Seriously though, one of the things about bullies is that they tend to seek those who are different. There really is a case for pretending to be normal. To be able to converse on common subjects is incredibly helpful, as is showing interest in learning about another person.

 

Back to the friends thing, do you have any real life friends who you can hang out with?

[spiffyfox]

Okay. I'm the same age as you... and I am a female. And we share the same interests. Huge anime and video game fan, but you need to learn something. When you actually get with a female, she will in no way, shape, or form be like an anime girl. Her boobs will be smaller, she probably won't be able to sing, anything like that. Your expectations are just TOO HIGH from watching anime, and you probably won't be able to get it up the first time you have sex because you've been watching hentai your whole life and have unrealistic expectations. I know a few people that only watched porn and hentai and could not, for the life of them, maintain an erection. Not even for beautiful real life women!

 

But when you find a girl you know what she will be? A lot more fun and a lot more smart. Those girls in those "slice of life" animes are, sorry to say, really really stupid. They aren't like real women at all. Those girls in the high school animes have ZERO intelligent conversations. When they sit with their friends all they do is sit and point out the obvious to each other and grab each other's boobs. They are simply fanservice tools and nothing else, I'm sorry to say.

 

Not all girls are just bullies... but y'know.. they aren't at all like anime girls either. The only way you're going to find out what women are truly like is if you throw away your stereotypes and go out there and give some women a chance! And no - you don't have to give up the anime and video games. You'll be able to find women out there who like anime and video games just as much as you do.. yes even at our age.

[basil67]

Okay. I'm the same age as you... and I am a female. And we share the same interests. Huge anime and video game fan, but you need to learn something. When you actually get with a female, she will in no way, shape, or form be like an anime girl. Her boobs will be smaller, she probably won't be able to sing, anything like that. Your expectations are just TOO HIGH from watching anime, and you probably won't be able to get it up the first time you have sex because you've been watching hentai your whole life and have unrealistic expectations. I know a few people that only watched porn and hentai and could not, for the life of them, maintain an erection. Not even for beautiful real life women!

 

But when you find a girl you know what she will be? A lot more fun and a lot more smart. Those girls in those "slice of life" animes are, sorry to say, really really stupid. They aren't like real women at all. Those girls in the high school animes have ZERO intelligent conversations. When they sit with their friends all they do is sit and point out the obvious to each other and grab each other's boobs. They are simply fanservice tools and nothing else, I'm sorry to say.

 

Not all girls are just bullies... but y'know.. they aren't at all like anime girls either. The only way you're going to find out what women are truly like is if you throw away your stereotypes and go out there and give some women a chance! And no - you don't have to give up the anime and video games. You'll be able to find women out there who like anime and video games just as much as you do.. yes even at our age.

 

Awesome post Spiffyfox. I hope you stick around

[preraph]

Honestly, you really are out of touch with reality and probably need therapy because you're a gaming addict stuck in the virtual fantasy world. You are a long way from being suitable partner material, just based on your outlook, your gaming/anime obsession, and lack of real world life. Get some professional counseling. I've said it before and I'll say it again. These days it's more and more common for guys to spend their whole formative years doing nothing but gaming and then they advance into puberty and suddenly the reality hits them that no woman is going to just beam into their room and share their body with them. This is only a good thing if it motivates change and makes the person realize how far removed from reality they are.

[MGX]

I understand what you are saying but me giving up video games and anime would be like asking someone to give up their child. Video Games and Anime are a part of who I am, hell, they may be the only part of who I am, pathetic as that may sound. Remove them from my life, and remove the only reason I live in this world.

 

While you say that I must lower my expectations of women, I have to say that I never have seen the middle ground of women (The closest I can think of would be my mother, and still, she's no saint, having cheated on my father). When the only women you have seen are the absolute worst (The bulling) and the absolute best (video games and anime), why would you even try to look for a woman that's just "decent"?

 

Also, I have tried to improve myself by going to a vocational school for a year, and going to the gym for a couple of weeks, and even then, I felt like I wasted my time going to school (even though I graduated), and I never felt that I became stronger by going to the gym (Yes, I understand that you don't become strong overnight but still, i should have seen SOME progress).

 

I've Have been to a Few anime conventions, and even there, I'm still scared to talk to women, and if I do talk, it always ends awkwardly, like I have more to say but I don't know how to say it.

 

I'm going to tell you the complete opposite advice from normal person.

 

You shouldn't hide who you are or change for anyone, EVER.

 

Definitely do not forsake your sense of self just to impress some chick. You're just going to be miserable pretending to be something that you are not. That's like an office worker pretending to be an outdoorsman.

 

If you love video games and anime, then you should make it a point to find a woman who shares that passion and those interests, not "normal non-geeky women" who would scoff at such things. Lots of adults play video games in their spare time. It's no different from playing pool at the bar. Some of them even have families and are responsible mature adults.

 

As for comparing anime characters to real women, I say that you should forget about that. Anime women are fictional idealizations mostly written by MEN and in no way are representative of the real world.

 

I suggest searching for women in your area who are into anime, games or cosplaying. Find some common ground with them...maybe if they play the same games, you could give them tips. Perhaps if they watch the same anime, you could have discussions about the plot or characters.

[Waifu Hunter]

Okay. I'm the same age as you... and I am a female. And we share the same interests. Huge anime and video game fan

 

Just out of curiosity, what video games and anime do you like?

 

but you need to learn something. When you actually get with a female, she will in no way, shape, or form be like an anime girl. Her boobs will be smaller, she probably won't be able to sing, anything like that. Your expectations are just TOO HIGH from watching anime

 

That the thing, I don't have anything to compare to BUT anime. Maybe you're right, maybe I do need to lower my expectations, but where do I even begin when all I have is highly idealized versions of women.

 

and you probably won't be able to get it up the first time you have sex because you've been watching hentai your whole life and have unrealistic expectations. I know a few people that only watched porn and hentai and could not, for the life of them, maintain an erection. Not even for beautiful real life women!

 

I have to say that that is both horrifying and terrifying, doubly so for me cause I believe that sex should only be saved for when you are married (and no, I'm not christian, I just follow alot of christian values).

[normal person]

I understand what you are saying but me giving up video games and anime would be like asking someone to give up their child. Video Games and Anime are a part of who I am, hell, they may be the only part of who I am, pathetic as that may sound. Remove them from my life, and remove the only reason I live in this world.

 

I understand you've devoted a large part of your life to it, but it's in no way akin to giving up a child you brought into the world who's dependent on you. I understand it's part of who you are, and I'm sorry to say: that's the problem. Who you are isn't helping you get what you want. If you had started a thread that said "I devote all my time to cartoons and video games and life is great!" I'd be happy that you were happy. But you're not, you're "desperately wishing" for love. Investing so much time in insular things has left you maladjusted and behind the ball socially. You don't seem to have given yourself the opportunity to have the life experiences necessary to calibrate your attitudes and goals.

 

While you say that I must lower my expectations of women, I have to say that I never have seen the middle ground of women (The closest I can think of would be my mother, and still, she's no saint, having cheated on my father). When the only women you have seen are the absolute worst (The bulling) and the absolute best (video games and anime), why would you even try to look for a woman that's just "decent"?

 

I'm all for getting the best possible woman/partner you can find and doing whatever necessary to be with that person. But I'm also very realistic and aware of a person's market value. Are you aware of your market value? And if you're not satisfied with what you can get in return for yourself, are you willing to make compromises in your life to improve it? Also, desensitize yourself to all varieties of women. Most of them are fine. They're not all angels or cheaters. They're mostly lovely people with a few flaws like the rest of us.

 

Also, I have tried to improve myself by going to a vocational school for a year, and going to the gym for a couple of weeks, and even then, I felt like I wasted my time going to school (even though I graduated), and I never felt that I became stronger by going to the gym (Yes, I understand that you don't become strong overnight but still, i should have seen SOME progress).

 

Good job going to school. Take it and run with it. Hire a trainer if you're not getting the results you want at the gym. Or even get some free advice or tips on YouTube.

 

I've Have been to a Few anime conventions, and even there, I'm still scared to talk to women, and if I do talk, it always ends awkwardly, like I have more to say but I don't know how to say it.

 

That's kind of my point. You've spent so much time doing other things and aggrandizing women, you've never taken the time to learn how to handle social dynamics in real life.

 

If you can't give up anime completely, fine. Limit yourself to a few hours a week, maybe. But you absolutely need to broaden your horizons a lot and offer the world something else besides your willingness to consume children's media. You have to take action and improve yourself to earn respect and build confidence. Best of luck.

[normal person]

I'm going to tell you the complete opposite advice from normal person.

You shouldn't hide who you are or change for anyone, EVER.

 

Sometimes there might be some wisdom in saying "don't ever change who you are, ever," but I don't think is one of those times. The problem with OP is that the person he is and the things he likes are standing in direct opposition to the thing he wants. As I said, if he was happy watching the cartoons, he should continue on. But he's not. He came onto a forum and made a thread detailing how miserable it was not to be loved. I'm sorry to say, but people aren't inherently lovable. The things they do with their time and choices they make affect how they interact with the world and how people see them -- oftentimes, negatively.

 

If a person was morbidly obese and happy eating whatever they want, I'd say "Cool. I'm happy for you." However, if they came on here saying "I'm morbidly obese, totally unloved, and it's making me miserable," my advice would not be "don't change who you are, ever." It would be "put down the cupcakes immediately and do something about your situation because 'the person you are' is ruining your life."

 

Definitely do not forsake your sense of self just to impress some chick. You're just going to be miserable pretending to be something that you are not. That's like an office worker pretending to be an outdoorsman.

 

He's miserable already. My guess is deep down he'd rather make some adjustments to his lifestyle and perhaps garner some female attention than continue on this path and continue to wallow in sadness. In a perfect world, I'd sit around all day watching sports, drinking, and eating whatever I want, and women would love me for it. The world doesn't work like that, though. I want women more than I want those things, so I made ton of sacrifices. I never let myself get out of shape, I've eaten healthy when I wanted a steak, I racked my brain trying to start a new business, I built it up through sheer determination and ingenuity, I worked nights and weekends while my friends were out, and I rarely wasted any time doing something that didn't advance my life somehow. Now everything is great and I have no problems, least of all in the women department. I am so happy. I didn't win the lottery, nothing was handed to me, I got where I am through hard work and the respect, admiration, and female attention are all the dividends. I didn't get the things I wanted by doing what was comfortable, appealing, or easy for me. It was the exact opposite. I cut out the things that were standing in my way of achieving what I wanted. You'll never be able to convince me that something is a good use of time just because it's enjoyable and "part of your identity." Obesity is part of someone's identity. Same with lack of ambition, criminality, rudeness, etc. Any objectionable trait you can think of. Just because someone possesses a quality or has an interest doesn't mean it's good.

 

If you love video games and anime, then you should make it a point to find a woman who shares that passion and those interests, not "normal non-geeky women" who would scoff at such things. Lots of adults play video games in their spare time. It's no different from playing pool at the bar. Some of them even have families and are responsible mature adults.

 

We'll have to agree to disagree here. I think it's more efficient to cast a wide net (i.e.: ditch the video games and focus on being a well-adjusted, capable, adult male with something to offer the world) than try double down on the thing that's making him miserable and try to find a needle in a haystack with his limited social awareness. That sounds like a recipe for disaster.

 

I suggest searching for women in your area who are into anime, games or cosplaying. Find some common ground with them...maybe if they play the same games, you could give them tips. Perhaps if they watch the same anime, you could have discussions about the plot or characters.

 

I think people become overly reliant on "common interests." I've never dated a girl I've had the same interests as me besides something broad like "sports" or "music." Even then, the relationship was never hinged on that specific thing anyways. They were just things we mentioned to each other once in a while. The reason we where dating because we were attracted to each other, had similar ethics, values, outlooks on life, and senses of humor. And I've had the same experience with girls I've had no shared interests with -- all that stuff is superficial and interchangeable. The point being, two people can like the same thing and be totally incompatible. Two people don't get married because they both like anime. Maybe anime brought them together, but that's the first step in a long journey. If all someone has to offer another person; the whole basis of their relationship, is his devotion to cartoons, that's a gigantic problem.

 

I know it's antithetical to the fairy tales we tell ourselves, but if "who you are" isn't getting you what you want, then change. It's arrogant to think that we're good enough as it and that we shouldn't have to improve or compromise.

Edited June 23, 2016 by normal person

[spiffyfox]

To answer your question OP, currently the video game I play the most is overwatch. I also enjoy Runescape, Pokemon Revolution Online, Final Fantasy 14, etc. As far as anime I am in the middle of re-watching cowboy bebop and just got done with Erased about a week ago. I like many other games and anime but the list is too long to type here.

 

The bottom line is you don't need to change who you are. Period. Don't pretend you're someone who you're not. The things you like are NOT standing in the way of you getting a girlfriend. It's possible to be a good partner and still love anime and video games. You just have to take care of yourself, try to stay healthy, and try to get out more. I met a lot of my boyfriends through dating sites and video games (okcupid and plentyoffish). You could also try things like anime conventions or meetups. For example, near me they have a panel at our local anime convention called "otaku speed dating". xD lol it sounds perfect for you!

 

I also joined a pokemon go group on facebook for my state. There are over 300 people in the group and we are all planning on doing meetups, camping trips, and get-togethers to hang out with, discuss nerdy things, and catch pokemon together. I know it's probably going to be difficult to start off going to these things because you're probably an introvert (most of us video game/anime fans are, haha) but if you force yourself to go to more things and meet people (not just women) you will get more connections and be more satisfied with your life overall. Of course you won't find a woman like any of the girls in your anime, but you'll learn quick what real women are like and be able to make connections with actual human beings. They aren't all bad, trust me.

 

You can't just sit in your room and wait for a female to come to you. Go out, start talking to people, and eventually you'll find the perfect girl for you. In the mean time, you'll be able to get out and make some new friends while you're at it.

[normal person]

The bottom line is you don't need to change who you are. Period. Don't pretend you're someone who you're not.

 

I think this is really irresponsible advice to give to someone. In life, you very often have to do things you don't want to do, and make sacrifices and compromises in your time and energy, in order to get the things you want or need. What he desires is also part of "who he is." He started this thread because he can't figure out how to get what will make him feel satisfied.

 

A guy desperately wants a girlfriend, and has spent all his time playing video games and has thus developed a warped view of women and a noticeable lack of social awareness. But he doesn't want to give up video games to do what's necessary to get one, you tell him to continue playing video games.

 

If he was fat and wanted to be thin, but couldn't stop playing video games to go to the gym, would you say "keep playing video games, it's who you are, never change who you are. You'll get thin somehow?"

 

If he wanted to go to med school but didn't want to give up playing video games in order to study, would you say "keep playing video games, it's who you are, you'll get into med school somehow?"

 

"Being yourself" is great until it prevents you from being who you'd rather be or getting the things you'd rather have.

 

The things you like are NOT standing in the way of you getting a girlfriend.

 

Maybe not entirely, but they're certainly not helping, and his desire to invest his time in them at the expense of other more productive things is very much standing in the way.

 

It's possible to be a good partner and still love anime and video games. You just have to take care of yourself, try to stay healthy, and try to get out more.

 

But it's highly unlikely he can be a good partner if he has no idea how to hold a basic conversation with a woman or supplement her life in any meaningful way.

 

I met a lot of my boyfriends through dating sites and video games (okcupid and plenty offish).

 

Did they call you an "angel," worship you, and not have much of anything substantive to say?

 

You could also try things like anime conventions or meetups. For example, near me they have a panel at our local anime convention called "otaku speed dating". xD lol it sounds perfect for you! I also joined a pokemon go group on facebook for my state. There are over 300 people in the group and we are all planning on doing meetups, camping trips, and get-togethers to hang out with, discuss nerdy things, and catch pokemon together. I know it's probably going to be difficult to start off going to these things because you're probably an introvert (most of us video game/anime fans are, haha) but if you force yourself to go to more things and meet people (not just women) you will get more connections and be more satisfied with your life overall. Of course you won't find a woman like any of the girls in your anime, but you'll learn quick what real women are like and be able to make connections with actual human beings. They aren't all bad, trust me.

 

If this is a real thing, then it's probably pretty good advice for the OP. However I would suggest it as more of a stepping stone. I would not want him to put all his eggs in this basket. At some point he needs to interact with people who aren't involved in this very particular, obscure niche marketed towards kids. He needs to also do things that have mass appeal to better his chances and improve his life beyond this small world.

 

You can't just sit in your room and wait for a female to come to you. Go out, start talking to people, and eventually you'll find the perfect girl for you. In the mean time, you'll be able to get out and make some new friends while you're at it.

 

I agree that he should be proactive, but if there's nothing respectable or notable about him other than he likes anime and video games, he's not going to have such an easy ride, and that could make things worse. I read a thread on here a few days ago about a guy who was having trouble on first dates. He said he frequently talked about video games, couldn't get interested in what the women had to say, and subsequently the women didn't want to see him again. The response from the women in the thread was more or less "you're boring them to death."

 

OP needs to step out of his box and do something to earn some respect and admiration. Video games and cartoons will not do that for the overwhelming majority of the female population. As I said, "being yourself" is great until it prevents you from being who you'd rather be or getting the things you'd rather have.

 

Life ain't a fairytale, guys. At some point you'll have to do things you don't want to get things that you do. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I think this is really irresponsible advice to give to someone. In life, you very often have to do things you don't want to do, and make sacrifices and compromises in your time and energy, in order to get the things you want or need. What he desires is also part of "who he is." He started this thread because he can't figure out how to get what will make him feel satisfied.

 

A guy desperately wants a girlfriend, and has spent all his time playing video games and has thus developed a warped view of women and a noticeable lack of social awareness. But he doesn't want to give up video games to do what's necessary to get one, you tell him to continue playing video games.

 

If he was fat and wanted to be thin, but couldn't stop playing video games to go to the gym, would you say "keep playing video games, it's who you are, never change who you are. You'll get thin somehow?"

 

If he wanted to go to med school but didn't want to give up playing video games in order to study, would you say "keep playing video games, it's who you are, you'll get into med school somehow?"

 

"Being yourself" is great until it prevents you from being who you'd rather be or getting the things you'd rather have.

 

 

 

Maybe not entirely, but they're certainly not helping, and his desire to invest his time in them at the expense of other more productive things is very much standing in the way.

 

 

 

But it's highly unlikely he can be a good partner if he has no idea how to hold a basic conversation with a woman or supplement her life in any meaningful way.

 

 

 

Did they call you an "angel," worship you, and not have much of anything substantive to say?

 

 

 

If this is a real thing, then it's probably pretty good advice for the OP. However I would suggest it as more of a stepping stone. I would not want him to put all his eggs in this basket. At some point he needs to interact with people who aren't involved in this very particular, obscure niche marketed towards kids. He needs to also do things that have mass appeal to better his chances and improve his life beyond this small world.

 

 

 

I agree that he should be proactive, but if there's nothing respectable or notable about him other than he likes anime and video games, he's not going to have such an easy ride, and that could make things worse. I read a thread on here a few days ago about a guy who was having trouble on first dates. He said he frequently talked about video games, couldn't get interested in what the women had to say, and subsequently the women didn't want to see him again. The response from the women in the thread was more or less "you're boring them to death."

 

OP needs to step out of his box and do something to earn some respect and admiration. Video games and cartoons will not do that for the overwhelming majority of the female population. As I said, "being yourself" is great until it prevents you from being who you'd rather be or getting the things you'd rather have.

 

Life ain't a fairytale, guys. At some point you'll have to do things you don't want to get things that you do. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

Ya, meaning even if I don't enjoy approaching and initiating with women, I guess just part of doing things you don't want to do in order to get or acquire things you want

[basil67]

OP needs to step out of his box and do something to earn some respect and admiration. Video games and cartoons will not do that for the overwhelming majority of the female population. As I said, "being yourself" is great until it prevents you from being who you'd rather be or getting the things you'd rather have

 

Agree with your whole post NP

 

However, before we scare the pants off the OP, I'd talk a little about respect and admiration. With the exception of people who work in social services (who immediately get my respect and admiration), I mostly start feeling these things as I get to know a person better. I rarely feel them from the get go.

 

As a starting point, I'd simply suggest the OP has a broader range of conversational topics. To be able to have a decent conversation (or BS when required) is crucial to social interaction.

[JustGettingBy]

OP, the problem isn't that you play video games or watch anime, its surprisingly normal (average age of a gamer is over 30). The problem is that you need hobbies outside of those.

[MGX]

The bottom line is you don't need to change who you are. Period. Don't pretend you're someone who you're not. The things you like are NOT standing in the way of you getting a girlfriend. It's possible to be a good partner and still love anime and video games. You just have to take care of yourself, try to stay healthy, and try to get out more. I met a lot of my boyfriends through dating sites and video games (okcupid and plentyoffish). You could also try things like anime conventions or meetups. For example, near me they have a panel at our local anime convention called "otaku speed dating". xD lol it sounds perfect for you!

 

Exactly. And this is a woman who is into anime and video games telling you this. Women who like your hobbies DO exist...

 

You can't just sit in your room and wait for a female to come to you. Go out, start talking to people, and eventually you'll find the perfect girl for you. In the mean time, you'll be able to get out and make some new friends while you're at it.

 

...but you have to go and find them! That's what I did. I got into my first relationship because I started searching for a girl that would like me. I eventually found her through a random conversation during a chat.