I'm I incapable of being loved?

[MGX]

I think this is really irresponsible advice to give to someone. In life, you very often have to do things you don't want to do, and make sacrifices and compromises in your time and energy, in order to get the things you want or need. What he desires is also part of "who he is." He started this thread because he can't figure out how to get what will make him feel satisfied.

 

A guy desperately wants a girlfriend, and has spent all his time playing video games and has thus developed a warped view of women and a noticeable lack of social awareness. But he doesn't want to give up video games to do what's necessary to get one, you tell him to continue playing video games.

 

If he was fat and wanted to be thin, but couldn't stop playing video games to go to the gym, would you say "keep playing video games, it's who you are, never change who you are. You'll get thin somehow?"

 

If he wanted to go to med school but didn't want to give up playing video games in order to study, would you say "keep playing video games, it's who you are, you'll get into med school somehow?"

 

"Being yourself" is great until it prevents you from being who you'd rather be or getting the things you'd rather have.

 

You make OP sound as though he's an addict.

 

Do we even know how often the guy plays video games or watches anime or are you Flanderizing him because those are the only two traits that we know of?

 

There is this harsh negativity when it comes to video games on LS. Male gamers in particular are either thought of as immature (you're childish) or insane (you need therapy). It's like people have this extremist view that being a gamer must mean that you spend 18 waking hours a day playing XBox One and shirking all of your responsibilities. While there are certainly people like this, it isn't true of everyone.

[normal person]

Exactly. And this is a woman who is into anime and video games telling you this. Women who like your hobbies DO exist...

 

No one's saying they don't. But one woman agreeing with him doesn't discount the overwhelming majority that he's alienated himself from. And on top of that, he said he's still awkward and uncomfortable around the women who like this stuff.

 

I'm not saying he can't find a girl like this. He could pick up a basketball for the first time and hit a half court shot. It could happen. But no one would suggest that's the most practical way to play basketball. Don't you think the guy should learn to dribble and hit a lay up before assuming he's just going to keep killing it from half court?

 

 

You make OP sound as though he's an addict.

 

Do we even know how often the guy plays video games or watches anime or are you Flanderizing him because those are the only two traits that we know of?

 

Addicts let their addictions or problems effect their lives. OP's affinity for video games and anime has deprived him of the opportunity to find love and it's made him miserable. It's affected his life very negatively.

 

Does the specific hour amount matter? The guy's world view is so warped that he refers to women as "angels," has no concept of a woman who isn't a fetishized cartoon character or a maligned cheater, and is incapable of holding a conversation even with women who like this stuff. These are things he's said in this thread. Don't try and tell me that isn't cause for a concern one way or another.

 

There is this harsh negativity when it comes to video games on LS. Male gamers in particular are either thought of as immature (you're childish) or insane (you need therapy). It's like people have this extremist view that being a gamer must mean that you spend 18 waking hours a day playing XBox One and shirking all of your responsibilities. While there are certainly people like this, it isn't true of everyone.

 

Of course it's not true of everyone. Play as much as you want until it stops you from getting other things you'd rather have -- which is exactly what's happened to the OP.

 

Personally, I can't fathom anyone who's above the age of 13 indulging in escapism like this. Life is so expensive and we have such little time here, I don't know how any grown man could look a woman in the eyes and say he'd rather spend his time watching children's cartoons than doing anything else that could improve his life in any way. Then they wonder why they have trouble with women. I'm incapable of understanding this attitude or culture. When I read threads like this (with people suggesting he not change his habits???), I honestly I feel like I'm on the Planet Of The Apes.

[preraph]

Well, if you are a woman who likes his hobbies, are you still going to be happy when you're sitting by him playing and watching this stuff and all he can talk about is how yummy the cartoon characters and game characters look compared to how you look and how in love he is with them and not you? And since this is his whole life, aren't you going to get a little restless holed up in this world?

 

And let me ask you this: Let's say a miracle happens and you get pregnant and bear his child. Who is going to take care of the child? Certainly not him. He's only a one-occupation person.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

You make OP sound as though he's an addict.

 

Do we even know how often the guy plays video games or watches anime or are you Flanderizing him because those are the only two traits that we know of?

 

There is this harsh negativity when it comes to video games on LS. Male gamers in particular are either thought of as immature (you're childish) or insane (you need therapy). It's like people have this extremist view that being a gamer must mean that you spend 18 waking hours a day playing XBox One and shirking all of your responsibilities. While there are certainly people like this, it isn't true of everyone.

Your first ever girlfriend, you met online?

[RecentChange]

My question wouldn't be are you capable of being loved.

 

It's are YOU capable of loving a real life woman. A person with strengths and flaws, good and bad qualities, things you admire and things you compromise on.

 

This "angel" fantasy is not reality. And what do you have to offer this "angel"?

 

One of my good friends married someone pretty close to your "angel" she is pretty, and chaise, sings competively, loves to cook and be a "wife" like any human she has her flaws, but for many men she would be a catch.

 

My friend is fit and good looking. Sociable and gregarious. Smart and driven, an aerospace engineer who earns over $300,000 a year.

 

He provides her with his devotion a beautiful home, a lifestyle in which she does not have to work, and they enjoy traveling and other finer things in life.

 

He has a lot to offer, and hence was able (after spending many years concentrating on his education and career) to find an "angel" - any woman who has a lot to offer, will probably be looking for the same in return.

[normal person]

My question wouldn't be are you capable of being loved.

 

It's are YOU capable of loving a real life woman. A person with strengths and flaws, good and bad qualities, things you admire and things you compromise on.

 

This "angel" fantasy is not reality. And what do you have to offer this "angel"?

 

One of my good friends married someone pretty close to your "angel" she is pretty, and chaise, sings competively, loves to cook and be a "wife" like any human she has her flaws, but for many men she would be a catch.

 

My friend is fit and good looking. Sociable and gregarious. Smart and driven, an aerospace engineer who earns over $300,000 a year.

 

He provides her with his devotion a beautiful home, a lifestyle in which she does not have to work, and they enjoy traveling and other finer things in life.

 

He has a lot to offer, and hence was able (after spending many years concentrating on his education and career) to find an "angel" - any woman who has a lot to offer, will probably be looking for the same in return.

 

What a great post. Articulated more concisely than my previous ones. Cue one of these people who chimes in and says "that successful aerospace engineer with the amazing life that is living the dream of everyone on planet Earth isn't 'being himself.' He should've spent more time watching cartoons."

 

Who do you think a woman is going to be more drawn to? A guy who makes a fortune contributing to society and building real life planes, or a guy who sits in a room, making no net change to society, pretending to fly planes in a video game, because simply because it's "who he is?"

 

The bottom line is, if you want an amazing woman (an "angel"), or even any worthwhile woman, you need to be amazing yourself, or at least not a complete useless waste of life. And playing video games and watching cartoons at age 24 will be of no benefit to you in any meaningful way. Every second you spend on this mindless kid's bunk is making you less appealing to any woman worth her salt. You'll have no nothing to offer another human being if your life is wrapped up in escapist media marketed towards children. It provides you nothing to be respected or appreciated for. It's selfish and childish. I can't believe grown adults actually need to be told this. I feel like this is the Twilight Zone.

 

You can take the advice and listen to the observations of people who have actually achieved the success you desire, or you can listen to the chorus of people telling you the solution to your problem is to not change, to keep playing video games and watching cartoons into adulthood for fear of the cardinal sin of "not being yourself."

 

I can lead you to water, but I can't make you drink.

[JustGettingBy]

What a great post. Articulated more concisely than my previous ones. Cue one of these people who chimes in and says "that successful aerospace engineer with the amazing life that is living the dream of everyone on planet Earth isn't 'being himself.' He should've spent more time watching cartoons."

 

Who do you think a woman is going to be more drawn to? A guy who makes a fortune contributing to society and building real life planes, or a guy who sits in a room, making no net change to society, pretending to fly planes in a video game, because simply because it's "who he is?"

 

The bottom line is, if you want an amazing woman (an "angel"), or even any worthwhile woman, you need to be amazing yourself, or at least not a complete useless waste of life. And playing video games and watching cartoons at age 24 will be of no benefit to you in any meaningful way. Every second you spend on this mindless kid's bunk is making you less appealing to any woman worth her salt. You'll have no nothing to offer another human being if your life is wrapped up in escapist media marketed towards children. It provides you nothing to be respected or appreciated for. It's selfish and childish. I can't believe grown adults actually need to be told this. I feel like this is the Twilight Zone.

 

You can take the advice and listen to the observations of people who have actually achieved the success you desire, or you can listen to the chorus of people telling you the solution to your problem is to not change, to keep playing video games and watching cartoons into adulthood for fear of the cardinal sin of "not being yourself."

 

I can lead you to water, but I can't make you drink.

 

Watching anime is just as constructive as watching anything else. Playing games is no different than being on LS. Its not what the OP is doing, the the amount of time spent. Stop assuming its 'one or the other'. I'm assuming plenty of successful people watch anime and play video games, some of which likely are successful aerosmith engineers.

[normal person]

Watching anime is just as constructive as watching anything else.

 

I agree. I think anything where you sit and consume rather actively participate is not going to do much for you. It's all just escapism. That includes anime, watching other people play sports on television, watching pretty much anything uninformative on television that you don't learn from or gain knowledge through, and reading fiction that doesn't provide you with anything useful, etc. However, some forms of escapism are more acceptable in our society than others. Most women will not respond kindly to a 24 year old who frequently escapes reality with video games and cartoons.

 

Playing games is no different than being on LS.

 

I'd respectfully disagree. I've learned a lot on here about interpersonal relationships that I wouldn't have learned otherwise. And I like to think that I've contributed some worthwhile knowledge myself and helped other people too. People message me privately and ask specifically for my advice. I have more "likes" than I have posts. I see a big difference between reading things here, applying them to real life, helping others, and beating level 100 in Pokemon.

 

Its not what the OP is doing, the the amount of time spent. Stop assuming its 'one or the other'.

 

OP is miserable, has pent up anger, and no self esteem. He refers to women as "angels." However he's apportioned his time, be it anime or otherwise, hasn't been of much benefit to him so far. He went to school, that's good. Other than that, he seems to be having problems. That's the cause for concern.

 

I'm assuming plenty of successful people watch anime and play video games,

 

And if OP was successful, I'd suggest he play all the video games and watch all the cartoons that he wants. But he's not, that's the problem. This seems to be the only stuff he can relate to or hang his hat on. If he had a great career, women would care a lot less if he played video games (my personal opinion on it wouldn't change much, but to each their own). But if the cartoons and video games have contributed to this lack of success and warped view of social interactions, it's hard for me not to see them as part of the problem.

 

 

some of which likely are successful aerosmith engineers.

 

I'll be sure to ask the guy who recorded "Sweet Emotion" how often he plays Call Of Duty, hah.

[MGX]

Your first ever girlfriend, you met online?

 

What about it?

[MGX]

What a great post. Articulated more concisely than my previous ones. Cue one of these people who chimes in and says "that successful aerospace engineer with the amazing life that is living the dream of everyone on planet Earth isn't 'being himself.' He should've spent more time watching cartoons."

 

Who do you think a woman is going to be more drawn to? A guy who makes a fortune contributing to society and building real life planes, or a guy who sits in a room, making no net change to society, pretending to fly planes in a video game, because simply because it's "who he is?"

 

The bottom line is, if you want an amazing woman (an "angel"), or even any worthwhile woman, you need to be amazing yourself, or at least not a complete useless waste of life. And playing video games and watching cartoons at age 24 will be of no benefit to you in any meaningful way. Every second you spend on this mindless kid's bunk is making you less appealing to any woman worth her salt. You'll have no nothing to offer another human being if your life is wrapped up in escapist media marketed towards children. It provides you nothing to be respected or appreciated for. It's selfish and childish. I can't believe grown adults actually need to be told this. I feel like this is the Twilight Zone.

 

You can take the advice and listen to the observations of people who have actually achieved the success you desire, or you can listen to the chorus of people telling you the solution to your problem is to not change, to keep playing video games and watching cartoons into adulthood for fear of the cardinal sin of "not being yourself."

 

I can lead you to water, but I can't make you drink.

 

OR you can listen to normal people who do play video games AND can have normal relationships and function in society.

 

You're going on about extremes. Most people play video games casually. Some adults are fans of cartoons, as well as normal adult shows. It's all entertainment. Like rap music, drinking or dancing. Or even watching a show/sports on television or reading a fictional book. People like what they like.

 

Successful people DO unwind. They CAN have fun. And they do this in a variety of ways. Video games are just another thing people are into.

[RecentChange]

Okay while personally I am not a fan of gaming, and wouldn't be into a "gamer" (I F'ing can't stand anything having to do with fantasy) I will give you that there are socially adjusted, successful people who like to game instead of reading or watching movies etc.

 

But this does not describe the OP.

 

He is not socially adjusted. He is not well rounded and successful in a career or other aspects of life.

 

From his description it sounds like gaming and cartoons have become his escape and life. To the point he turns to those outlets instead of interacting with real life people, instead of going out and experiencing the tangible world. To the point that women are an absolute mystery for him, and he has no idea how to interact with them, because he has come to believe that a real life woman could emulate a cartoon character. Cartoons are not life. The media he has been consuming while shunning the real world have lead him to believe some very silly things.

 

If he has any hope of finding a romantic relationship first he needs to learn social skills. At this point, indulging in gaming is hindering his development, to an extreme level.

 

So while that is who he chooses to be, and he "shouldn't change" perhaps we should recognize that choosen path will lead to a life of celibacy.

 

If he DOES want to interact with women, even find a girlfriend and have romantic relations, well then, I think he needs to step out of his comfort zone and expand his interests.

 

I have seen similar situations with athletes I have known that were extremely dedicated to their sport. To point that they did not have normal interactions with their peers as a teen - later single minded training took all their time - and they never developed varied interest or social skills. Their absolute devotion to a narrow facet of life held them back in other areas. Once they past their physical prime, they were left playing catch up, learning the social skills many developed in their youth.

 

Op, while you enjoy gaming, understand when it comes to your social development it has become a hobble.

Edited June 25, 2016 by RecentChange

[MGX]

Recent, the OP has GAMERS telling him that he should become more proactive, get out more, start contacting women and that anime women are fantasies. If anything, that's the number #1 thing that the OP should get out of this.

 

Geek culture people who have the life experience can help the OP rather than people who dislike that particular culture--we speak his language. We're saying that he can STILL like anime and video games AND still date women. BUT those subjects shouldn't be the only things the guy knows about.

 

I wish the OP would return so that we could learn more. Like what talents does he possess? Is he artistic? Is he well read? Good with tools? An electronic wiz?

[RecentChange]

Yeah there is your huge red flapping flag. Even the online community is saying GET OUT THERE, REAL LIFE!

 

Do you not agree that a CHANGE in routine, and over indulgence in fantacy is NOT the answer.

 

But rather the uncomfortable, scary, perhaps "not fun" changes to REMOVE himself fron this fantasy land are the only answer to achieving his goal?

 

And his goal needs rewritten. At this point the OP needs to set some baby steps, like coffee and a chat with a human who has the opposite genitlia. Thinking that he is going to marry a virgin angel is so far from reality I do not know where to even begin.

 

Honestly, I hate to be such a "bully" but I wondered if the original post was for real, because it was so out there, that I thought there can't be real life people that think this way right? He is trolling us!

 

But no,. He is so socially inadpt. So out of touch with reality, that he thinks the media he consumes (by choice) is real.

[vjk]

 

Who do you think a woman is going to be more drawn to? A guy who makes a fortune contributing to society and building real life planes, or a guy who sits in a room, making no net change to society, pretending to fly planes in a video game, because simply because it's "who he is?"

 

The bottom line is, if you want an amazing woman (an "angel"), or even any worthwhile woman, you need to be amazing yourself, or at least not a complete useless waste of life. And playing video games and watching cartoons at age 24 will be of no benefit to you in any meaningful way. Every second you spend on this mindless kid's bunk is making you less appealing to any woman worth her salt. You'll have no nothing to offer another human being if your life is wrapped up in escapist media marketed towards children. It provides you nothing to be respected or appreciated for. It's selfish and childish. I can't believe grown adults actually need to be told this. I feel like this is the Twilight Zone.

 

.

 

What a ridiculous statement. I live in Cleveland and just watched 1.3 million people worship a bunch of grown men playing a kids games just because they could drop an orange ball in a basket better than another group of grown men. Thousands of the guys wearing number 23 jerseys were jumping up and down, screaming like little school girls at a Justin Beiber concert. Many were standing next to their wives and girlfriends who are just as into it. How's that any different comic con?

 

Just because you don't know the difference between a good anime and looney toons, don't knock other people's hobbies.

[preraph]

What a ridiculous statement. I live in Cleveland and just watched 1.3 million people worship a bunch of grown men playing a kids games just because they could drop an orange ball in a basket better than another group of grown men. Thousands of the guys wearing number 23 jerseys were jumping up and down, screaming like little school girls at a Justin Beiber concert. Many were standing next to their wives and girlfriends who are just as into it. How's that any different comic con?

 

Just because you don't know the difference between a good anime and looney toons, don't knock other people's hobbies.

 

I don't like sports nuts any more than gaming nuts, but most sports nuts I know, which is pretty much all of Texas are both social and gainfully employed and they're not delusional and thinking the mascot is real and so very nice or that they're going to get the cheerleaders.

[MGX]

Yeah there is your huge red flapping flag. Even the online community is saying GET OUT THERE, REAL LIFE!

 

Exactly.

 

Do you not agree that a CHANGE in routine, and over indulgence in fantacy is NOT the answer.

 

But rather the uncomfortable, scary, perhaps "not fun" changes to REMOVE himself fron this fantasy land are the only answer to achieving his goal?

 

I think he can still indulge in his hobbies, but he has to differentiate from fantasy and reality.

 

And his goal needs rewritten. At this point the OP needs to set some baby steps, like coffee and a chat with a human who has the opposite genitlia. Thinking that he is going to marry a virgin angel is so far from reality I do not know where to even begin.

 

Heh. It's like those people who watch so much porn, they think 10" dicks are normal or thinking anything less than enormous boobs is too small. Media itself can warp the uneducated. There was a guy on LS who was pissed at romantic comedies for giving him the wrong idea. Is the remedy to never let that guy anywhere near a TV again? No. You educate him and tell him that his thinking is flawed. The guy can still watch romantic comedies, but now he knows that those movies are fictional characters and situations.

 

Honestly, I hate to be such a "bully" but I wondered if the original post was for real, because it was so out there, that I thought there can't be real life people that think this way right? He is trolling us!

 

But no,. He is so socially inadpt. So out of touch with reality, that he thinks the media he consumes (by choice) is real.

 

Well, he hasn't been back yet. If he's a troll, he could have been stirring up the pot and riling up the anti-geeky members.

[MGX]

I don't like sports nuts any more than gaming nuts, but most sports nuts I know, which is pretty much all of Texas are both social and gainfully employed and they're not delusional and thinking the mascot is real and so very nice or that they're going to get the cheerleaders.

 

All that means is that some poor people can't tell between fantasy and reality. No worse than kids emulating rappers and the gangster lifestyle. Or fans punching out actors at airports thinking that they are really the characters that they are playing.

 

I remember C. Delores Tucker and Joe Lieberman back in the 90's. Thinking that entertainment influences real life. Elvis was the devil's music back in the day.

[JustGettingBy]

I agree. I think anything where you sit and consume rather actively participate is not going to do much for you. It's all just escapism. That includes anime, watching other people play sports on television, watching pretty much anything uninformative on television that you don't learn from or gain knowledge through, and reading fiction that doesn't provide you with anything useful, etc. However, some forms of escapism are more acceptable in our society than others. Most women will not respond kindly to a 24 year old who frequently escapes reality with video games and cartoons.

 

 

 

I'd respectfully disagree. I've learned a lot on here about interpersonal relationships that I wouldn't have learned otherwise. And I like to think that I've contributed some worthwhile knowledge myself and helped other people too. People message me privately and ask specifically for my advice. I have more "likes" than I have posts. I see a big difference between reading things here, applying them to real life, helping others, and beating level 100 in Pokemon.

 

 

 

OP is miserable, has pent up anger, and no self esteem. He refers to women as "angels." However he's apportioned his time, be it anime or otherwise, hasn't been of much benefit to him so far. He went to school, that's good. Other than that, he seems to be having problems. That's the cause for concern.

 

 

 

And if OP was successful, I'd suggest he play all the video games and watch all the cartoons that he wants. But he's not, that's the problem. This seems to be the only stuff he can relate to or hang his hat on. If he had a great career, women would care a lot less if he played video games (my personal opinion on it wouldn't change much, but to each their own). But if the cartoons and video games have contributed to this lack of success and warped view of social interactions, it's hard for me not to see them as part of the problem.

 

 

 

 

I'll be sure to ask the guy who recorded "Sweet Emotion" how often he plays Call Of Duty, hah.

 

Ooops okay, I'll admit to a typo. You should know what I meant though.

[normal person]

You're going on about extremes. Most people play video games casually. Some adults are fans of cartoons, as well as normal adult shows.

 

And OP is not one of those people. If he was, there wouldn't be a thread about it. I'm sure most people can get by fine with an "everything in moderation" approach. But indulgence cartoons and video games don't make anyone more appealing. They can only detract from your image. There's a big difference between watching Modern Family once a week and having your life consumed by a cartoon, thinking you might be able to marry one of the characters.

 

Successful people DO unwind. They CAN have fun. And they do this in a variety of ways. Video games are just another thing people are into.

 

I don't recall OP mentioning he was successful. I think if he was, most women wouldn't have an issue with whatever he did in his free time.

 

You seem to think I'm accusing all gamers of some crime -- I'm not. While I think it's incredibly childish and would never do it myself, I'm not going to tell any otherwise well adjusted person how to live their life. I'm well aware some people maintain healthy relationships with whatever hobby they have. But OP came in here specifically looking for advice, and his hobby seems less than healthy.

[normal person]

What a ridiculous statement. I live in Cleveland and just watched 1.3 million people worship a bunch of grown men playing a kids games just because they could drop an orange ball in a basket better than another group of grown men. Thousands of the guys wearing number 23 jerseys were jumping up and down, screaming like little school girls at a Justin Beiber concert. Many were standing next to their wives and girlfriends who are just as into it. How's that any different comic con?

 

While I can't fathom anyone doing that either, as I said in a previous post and leaving my personal opinion out of it, society views some forms of escapism much more favorably than others. Sports are typically more acceptable than cartoons. Appreciation of athletic prowess and physicality that's rooted in reality is higher up on the ladder of social acceptance than cartoons. In my opinion, pro sports are just a governed, toned down version of tribalistic warfare that extracts money from people by appealing to our Darwinian "survival of the fittest" instincts. There's a manufactured pride and sense of accomplishment that gets co-opted by a winning city's residents even if they had nothing to do with the victory whatsoever.

 

...but I'm guessing most of those peoples' lives haven't been wrapped up in LeBron James to the point where they couldn't talk to human females.

 

 

Just because you don't know the difference between a good anime and looney toons, don't knock other people's hobbies.

 

I'd barely know one from the other, I don't indulge in escapism at all, really. It makes me feel like a waste of life. If you want to do that, that's fine, but if it's affected your life to the point where you need to ask for help, I'm going to vocalize my personal opinion on it.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I'd barely know one from the other, I don't indulge in escapism at all, really. It makes me feel like a waste of life. If you want to do that, that's fine, but if it's affected your life to the point where you need to ask for help, I'm going to vocalize my personal opinion on it.

 

It's not escapism.

 

It's called enjoying life.

 

Sports are enjoyable to watch. And actually sports is productive in increasing your social status, not with women, but most men do watch sports, and some watch a lot. Most of the higher ranking men in my company watch a lot of sports.

 

As far as video games, I don't play them, but people at my work engage in playing phone app games for hours. And some of them are very high up.

 

So when you (not you, but anybody) says video games are childish, and you have logged 1000 hours playing Candy Crush, well, you might want to take a look in the mirror.

 

Not that I don't relate. For whatever reason, it's human nature to bash other people's lives. And really that's kind of a large purpose of this forum. But, I try and catch myself as often as possible.

Edited June 25, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[preraph]

I think what's happening here is everyone who is a gamer is assuming this OP, who is an addict gamer with NO other functioning life who is lost in delusions and role playing is no worse than they are. And you're wrong. The OP is far gone. Delusional. Thinks these anime creatures are real life. Thinks the anime porn is real life. Thinks the only thing stopping him from marrying one of these angel cartoons is he's maybe not attractive physically. Delusional in the extreme and not within acceptable mental norms at all.

 

I have seen how far lost even a previously mature reasonable person can get just through role playing alone. My sister stopped taking care of her pets and got wrapped up in her preferred online identity, stopped working. Her clients were calling me because they couldn't reach her or hear from her. She stopped paying bills and had to refi her house because she almost lost it. This was just from her playing one role-playing game to excess. She liked her life there better than her life in reality. That's what happens to maladjusted people or vulnerable lonely people.

 

Anyone encouraging this lost original poster by saying he's normal and everything will be okay is just wrong. He's not successful. He said himself he has no real women to compare the anime ones to, no social skills, unfortunately, gets bullied, for which I'm very sad. But he is who has to change it. And he's far gone enough delusionally that he needs professional help and I hope he'll reach out to some relative and enlist their help getting it.

[normal person]

It's not escapism. It's called enjoying life.

I understand what you are saying but me giving up video games and anime would be like asking someone to give up their child. Video Games and Anime are a part of who I am, hell, they may be the only part of who I am, pathetic as that may sound. Remove them from my life, and remove the only reason I live in this world.

 

OP sounds like he's really enjoying himself.

 

Escapism - noun - 1. the avoidance of reality by absorption of the mind in entertainment or in an imaginative situation, activity, etc.

 

Any time you are being entertained and not being an active participant, you're engaging in escapism.

 

Sports are enjoyable to watch. And actually sports is productive in increasing your social status, not with women, but most men do watch sports, and some watch a lot. Most of the higher ranking men in my company watch a lot of sports.

 

As I said, some forms of escapism are more acceptable in society than others. Almost everyone watches TV and movies too. No woman would turn down a guy for that, unless it affected his life negatively, assuming the type of show/movie is not totally weird or unfavorable.

 

As far as video games, I don't play them, but people at my work engage in playing phone app games for hours. And some of them are very high up.

 

So they've managed not to let it affect their lives negatively, which OP hasn't. Some company higher ups are functioning alcoholics. While it's not good, if they're still performing their jobs competently enough then people might not be so quick to judge.

 

So when you (not you, but anybody) says video games are childish, and you have logged 1000 hours playing Candy Crush, well, you might want to take a look in the mirror.

 

To me, it depends on if it's affected their life negatively or kept them from getting what they want.

 

Not that I don't relate. For whatever reason, it's human nature to bash other people's lives. And really that's kind of a large purpose of this forum. But, I try and catch myself as often as possible.

 

To each their own. Calling a spade a spade as I see it, be it:

- obesity that's affecting someone's life negatively and preventing them from getting things they want

- drug abuse that's affecting someone's life negatively and preventing them from getting things they want

- some sort of psychological problem that's affecting someone's life negatively and preventing them from getting things they want (like my troubled friend who I staged an intervention for 2 weeks ago and hounded until he went to therapy who now thanks me profusely)

or in this case,

- over-immersion in video games and cartoons that's affecting someone's life negatively and preventing them from getting things they want,

 

and suggesting that it's awful and they need to change is not "bashing" someone's life. It's what I, as what I consider to be a successful, well adjusted person, consider to be helpful. The truth hurts. It's uncomfortable. Sorry? People come here subconsciously knowing that they need to change but will often much rather settle for the comfort of others reinforcing the idea that they don't have to in interest of "being themselves." If "being yourself" was the solution to problems, this forum wouldn't exist. It exists because peoples' instincts (i.e. "who they are") and/or circumstances regarding interpersonal relationships are counterproductive to the things they desire that will make them happy.

 

People are free to take advice, be it mine or anyone else's, or not. I try to help in the best way I know how. I'd consider my advice pretty valuable because I don't have many problems with women or life in general. But I've got to admit, whenever I see a thread that essentially boils down to "how do I change?" and the other responses are "don't change, ever," I'm pretty appalled.

Edited June 26, 2016 by normal person

[preraph]

^ right on the nose. He came here for help. There actually is a simple start to solving the problem, but he won't do it because it's all he's clinging to. So he needs help. He came here for help. Sending him back to his sole obsession isn't help.

[MGX]

People are free to take advice, be it mine or anyone else's, or not. I try to help in the best way I know how. I'd consider my advice pretty valuable because I don't have many problems with women or life in general. But I've got to admit, whenever I see a thread that essentially boils down to "how do I change?" and the other responses are "don't change, ever," I'm pretty appalled.

 

IMO there's some personal bias in that advice. You have no use for any entertainment that doesn't teach you anything. Not all entertainment does that. Some of it is...dare I say, fun.

 

^ right on the nose. He came here for help. There actually is a simple start to solving the problem, but he won't do it because it's all he's clinging to. So he needs help. He came here for help. Sending him back to his sole obsession isn't help.

 

I think the difference between the gamers advice and the non-gamers advice is that the gamers are telling OP that he doesn't have to burn all of his Dragonball Z DVDs. Just go out and do other things. All of his activities add up into a greater whole, becoming a multi-faceted person. We're telling him to get more hobbies and activities, not do away with the only known likes that he has.

 

It's like telling someone who stays in the house and watches too much television that he shouldn't ever watch any television again. The gamers aren't saying that. They are telling the guy that he can still watch television, just go out and have other things to do than binge watch TV all day.