Grown man and his.....teddybear??

[Laurynn]

Okay folks, I'm at a loss here.

 

I met a guy through the internet personals. We seem to have a lot in common, are looking for the same things in life. We've only 'just' started emailing.

 

In one of his letters, he mentioned something about his 'teddybear'....because he's quite the joker, I assumed it was a joke. So I said something in my reply like, "Oh no, you have a teddybear?!!! LOL"

 

He replied saying:

 

"I can't go to sleep anywhere without it. That's pretty pathetic huh."

 

This guy is nearly 30 yrs old. He's admitted to being a "Mommy's boy" but according to him, it's in the sense that he has a lot of respect for his Mom, loves her a lot, respects her cause she taught him a lot about good manners, treating people (women) with respect, being a gentleman, etc.

 

So he's NOT joking about the teddybear. Do I write him off as a crazy loon? I haven't slept with a teddybear since I was, 4 yrs old? Even as I grew up, I was never one to collect teddybears. I think they are rather silly. I've never heard of a MAN liking them, or being an adult and so freely admitting to SLEEPING WITH ONE, and not being able to "sleep anywhere without it." Am I making something out of nothing? Or could this be a red flag that the guy is a weirdo?

 

I can't imagine if we ended up dating, and down the line, sleeping together....and there in bed would be his teddybear. Call me a snob but I think I'd have little respect.

 

Am I off the mark here? Are there other guys who do this? I've just never heard of this in my life.....maybe there are guys who DO, but I don't think they'd be so quick to admit it LOL

 

Thanks,

 

Laurynn

[me]

I dunna about guys but i'd like to say that at my 19 years of age, i have a huge teddy bear and a big bunny in my bed... and it's hard to fall asleep without them!

 

=)

[Laurynn]

Thanks for responding....

 

So what do you 'get' out of sleeping with a teddybear? Is it the security? Is it having 'something' to snuggle up against/with? I guess I just don't understand it. Maybe I'm strange. When I was a little girl, instead of playing 'dollies', I was playing Secretary or Schoolteacher haha. (yes, even at the age of 5).

 

Here's what his exact words were in the email:

 

"Yes, I have a teddy bear. Is that so wrong?

 

I can't go to sleep anywhere without it. That's pretty pathetic huh. Maybe I should have kept that to myself too!"

 

I keep thinking, maybe he forgot an "LOL" in there, or to write, "Just kidding!".....but it seems he's being dead serious.

 

I'd be curious to know what a guy thinks about this. Does it possibly indicate some sort of insecurity issues? Could there be a 'deeper meaning' here or am I just being far too analytical? I'd hate to write someone off for such a seemingly insignificant reason......but is it really that insignificant?

 

Laurynn

[clia]

That does sound weird, but he's obviously not ashamed of it if he admitted it to you. I definitely wouldn't say it's normal, but I wouldn't consider him to be a total freak yet. Everybody out there has their little quirks. And at least it shows he's sensitive.

 

Does he travel a lot for work? I do, and in the beginning I used to bring my stuffed doggy with me to sleep with. It made the numerous hotel rooms I stayed in feel a little more like home. Having it there made me feel less lonely, because it smelled like my apartment. But I never slept with my dog when I was actually at home, since I was surrounded by my own bedding and things. And eventually I decided I'd rather bring another pair of shoes with me than doggy, so he was retired to the chair in my bedroom.

 

I think when people sleep with stuffed animals it's for some kind of security, or the image of someone (or something) to hold onto and cuddle with. Or maybe he did when he was a kid and never got out of the habit. Seems like most people would settle for a pillow once they reach a certain age.

 

I wouldn't write him off yet. I would think if the two of you got together, he would be happy to forgo the teddy bear for you. (But, who knows?) If all else seems fine, give him another chance and keep talking to him. You'll know if he starts to get creepy. Just keep your eyes peeled for other signs that he might not have grown up yet. (God forbid he be one of those people who has that fetish where they want to be treated like a baby. Man, I've been watching way too much Springer.)

[Laurynn]

That fetish where adults want to dress and act like babies? LOL That's called Infantilism. I knew nothing about that, til I saw a Jerry Springer episode, ?3 years ago. I nearly split my sides laughing. Maybe Springer's showing reruns? lol. I damn near fainted, to see grown men wearing diapers, sleepers, having soothers and baby bottles...talking baby talk, etc. On that show, they had some guy who had a website for it. I went and checked it out (not sure if the site is still there). What an eyeopener! Some of these 'people' (haha) even had pictures posted in their profiles there.....it grossed me right out. Some of them even admitted to using enemas and laxatives to 'make themselves' lose control of their bowels, so they'd have 'accidents' in their diapers. Okay, now I'm getting grossed out even more :-)

 

Anywhoo, yeah, hopefully he doesn't have THAT Fetish (oh god...I just want a NORMAL GUY PLEASE!!!!).

 

No, he doesn't travel for his job. He's home all the time. I'm actually just a little bit weirded out that he'd admit something like this to me, so early on....like the 2nd email. Surely he knows it's not something that most men do (right?).......sorta reminds me of a nutcase I used to date, who told me on our 2nd date (just blurted it out) that he'd been sexually abused as a young boy by various babysitters. I was proud of him for being so honest, but as it turns out, the guy was realllly messed up due to his past abuse (he had many sexual hangups, insecurities, major alcohol problem due to his past abuse, I'm positive).....so I guess I'm not a little leary of guys who 'blurt out' such sensitive stuff, so soon?

 

I have to think about this. I'm looking for a MAN. LOL I do like a guy to be sensitive, not afraid to show his feelings, but not some wussy, pansy a$$. He's already admitted to me that he loves 'tearjerker/chick flicks'...that his "Mom" turned him onto those. So either he's trying to portray himself as a really sensitive guy (to impress me), or he's a pussy. Not sure. I don't need no pussies LOL

 

L

[me]

Well, for me, i think it's a reminded of ppl i wanna be reminded of in order to feel secure & happy... bunny is from mom, teddy bear is from my bf... so...

 

but I'm childish in some ways - like i'm also afraid of the dark sometimes ... my bf seems fine with it... so i don't know - would you be okay with a man who has childish traits? Maybe he's manly in most other ways, but this is his lil sensitive point?? I agree with others - don't write him off... but be careful, you don't want a guy with too many insecurities, right?... u'r not looking for a son to protect, after all...

 

just some thoughts =)

[Laurynn]

You had written, "you're not looking for a son to protect."

 

BINGO! That's it, exactly. In the past, I've often found myself in relationships with men who wanted a "mother" more than a girlfriend. They were very needy. Always needed security, reassurance, constant attention, validation, coddling. I decided after the last "little boy", that was quite enough of that. I want to be a girlfriend/partner, not a Mother/Therapist.

 

I used to be an insecure person....I grew up shy, lousy childhood....but over the years I've completely overcome that. Being independent and secure is important to me, I've worked hard to get to this 'place' and I need these kinds of qualities from a man I date, I don't think I could respect any less.

 

I think I'll casually mention in an email, "so if you were in a serious relationship and you were staying overnight at your g/f's house, would you have to bring your teddybear?".....if he tells me that a) he'd have to...or b) he'd never be able to sleep without it or c) he'd be able to go without it but wouldn't sleep all night, I'll keep looking.

 

He's already talked an awful lot about his Mother, how he's a "mommy's boy", how it was his Mom who turned him onto enjoying 'chick flick movies'.....I'm thinking he's got some issues here, and may very well be looking for another Mother. *GAG*

 

L

[Tony T]

Write him off. You already know very well this is not a man you're going to get yourself involved with.

[Laurynn]

When I originally posted this, I truly wasn't sure what to make of this teddybear thing. I came here looking to find out if this isn't as rare as I think it is. Good men are hard to find and I don't want to be soooo picky, that I write someone off over something harmless, or something that's more common than I think. Just because something doesn't make sense to "me" doesn't mean it's bad or strange. That's why I wanted some feedback. I was hoping a man would give me their thoughts on men sleeping with teddybears.

 

Whether I write him off or not, I'm still curious as to what others think about it. I've just never heard about it, never dated/lived with a guy who did this. Would you sleep with a teddybear Tony, why or why not?

 

L

[me]

new idea:

 

what if he heard women like sensitive guys, and he simply said that to sound "cute" to you??

[Laurynn]

Yes, that thought came to mind also. I wondered if maybe he's trying to lay it on real thick, or really impress me with his 'sensitive side'...because he read/heard/was taught, that women like sensitive men.

 

But if he said that "just" to impress me, then he's obviously a) not really being "himself" (I like a guy who is 'real', what you see is what you get)...or b) he made up the teddybear thing, which in that case would make me wonder what else he 'makes up' in order to snag a woman.

 

It's possible an ex girlfriend of his once told him he wasn't sensitive enough, and he's making up for lost time now. If this is the case, he's trying far too hard and he's not really being "himself."

 

No, with all the talk about his Mother, almost bragging about the fact that he's a Mommy's boy, the chick-flick movies stuff....either he's a wacko or else he's just not mature enough/not confident with just being himself.

 

Nahh, I think I'll keep on looking. As far as I'm concerned, a grown man doesn't go to such lengths to woo someone. Sorta creepy and needy, to me.

 

L

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "Would you sleep with a teddybear Tony, why or why not?"

 

It would certainly depend on whether it was male or female.

 

Actually, I have never slept with a teddy bear. I never liked them. But I have watched some of those perverted talk shows and there was one where the guy slept in baby diapers...and NOT for medical reasons. So I guess everything is relative.

 

You just don't seem the type to stick with a guy who sleeps with a teddy bear but if everything else about him checks out OK, what the hell!!!

[Laurynn]

Yes! That's what Clia and I were discussing, those Jerry Springer guests who are into "Infantilism" LOL

 

Maybe this whole teddybear thing is this guy's segue to his Adult Baby fetish (yeee-uck)

 

No, you're right. I'm definitely not the type to sleep with a guy who sleeps with a teddybear. But the reason I asked is, I worry that sometimes maybe my thoughts on things are too 'rigid'.....that I'm too "black and white"..."right and wrong"....maybe a little too narrowminded? I guess that's why I asked. If other men stepped forth and said, "hell yeah, I've been sleeping with one for years", it might cause me to think "ahh, guess it's more common than I thought and maybe doesn't really mean much."

 

I think I'll mail him back though, and ask him the name of his teddybear, how old it is, does it talk to him and if it can do tricks and such LOL

 

L

[me]

why don't u look in real life, laurynn? internet dates always sound fishy to me... just my opinion... i'd rather go to a club n get picked up than do an e-mail intro thing...

 

cya =)

[Tony T]

If you really like this guy, YOU could be his teddy bear.

 

Of course, he may call his blow up doll a teddy bear for all you know. I think this is one of those things where you just have to be there.

[clia]

I think that any guy who admits to sleeping with a teddy bear during his second e-mail has a good chance of being a major wussy pansy a$$. But, who knows? One of my friends married a guy who is the biggest 'NSync fan on the face of the Earth, and he isn't wussy at all. (He drags HER to the concerts. Ha ha.) You just never know about these things. Maybe some woman in his past told him he needed to be more sensitive and he went overboard. I guess you can't fault him for being honest. Most guys would never admit to liking chick flicks. (Heck, I won't even admit it if I happen to find one that I like.)

 

You might want to ask him how he feels about beer and football. If he starts naming plays and players and stats that affected his life ten years ago, then he's probably all right.

[Laurynn]

Yes! That's what Clia and I were discussing, those Jerry Springer guests who are into "Infantilism" LOL

 

Maybe this whole teddybear thing is this guy's segue to his Adult Baby fetish (yeee-uck)

 

No, you're right. I'm definitely not the type to sleep with a guy who sleeps with a teddybear. But the reason I asked is, I worry that sometimes maybe my thoughts on things are too 'rigid'.....that I'm too "black and white"..."right and wrong"....maybe a little too narrowminded? I guess that's why I asked. If other men stepped forth and said, "hell yeah, I've been sleeping with one for years", it might cause me to think "ahh, guess it's more common than I thought and maybe doesn't really mean much."

 

I think I'll mail him back though, and ask him the name of his teddybear, how old it is, does it talk to him and if it can do tricks and such LOL

 

L

[Miss Mojo]

I think I'll mail him back though, and ask him the name of his teddybear, how old it is, does it talk to him and if it can do tricks and such LOL

 

...pray tell his teddy bear isn't called something like "chucky"....or he takes his teddy for rides in his barbie campervan

 

while you're at it, you might want to find out if he has any invisible friends or not. this would definitely be the make or break question in this situation

 

p.s. this is an awesome post! i have honestly never heard anything like it. good luck, laurynn!!!

[Paulie]

Don't write him off because of this. He could have just been trying to be cute with you, trying to look sensitive,(and had it backfire, I guess lol).

 

I also have alot of male freinds that I've lives with that were football players, multiple-degree black belts, etc, real MAN's-MEN, that slept with teddy bears. One friend of mine had a "worry-stick," that he would rub when he worried. I've had bad breakups, when I've held towels in my arms at night, because they provided a degree of security.

 

Please, let this go off your back like water off a duck...there's nothing wrong, or weird about it at all.

 

Paulie