SilverBlaze Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 (edited) So me and him have been friends for over a year, we seldom see each other these days however, as he moved to another part of the city. Anyway throughout the period that we knew each other he's been giving me mixed signals, so I don't really know if he's into me. But I really feel attracted to him and think it would be very interesting if it we could be something more. I'm some crazy twist, his best friend with whom he had a horrible fight recently asked me out. He knows about this but I don't know if that is going to make him want me more or not. I am a fairly attractive girl and plenty of men find themselves attracted to me, I've tried going out with them, but I still feel like I would not really be satisfied if I don't get an answer from him. Also he's younger than me by two years and knows about most of my past relationships. So I don't know if I should risk our friendship or continue without an answer. Suggestions appreciated Edited June 23, 2016 by SilverBlaze grammer Link to post Share on other sites
bummer Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 As long as you can bear losing him forever if it fails, go for it. Better to air your feelings in my opinion. If he says no you're still friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SilverBlaze Posted June 23, 2016 Author Share Posted June 23, 2016 That's what I decided too. But lately things haven't been working for him in both his job and personal life. He's admitted himself that he feels depressed. Which is why I'm confused if I should wait for him to get back up on his feet or go ahead and suggest what I feel. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 If you have feelings for him do not suggest a FWB arrangement to him. A FWB arrangement is an arrangement for sex and not one anyone should enter if they want a relationship or have "feelings". Turning a FWB into a bf is usually extremely hard as once he sees you as a fwb, he rarely changes his mind, as you are not then "relationship material". Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 Why just a FWB? Is he not boyfriend material? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SilverBlaze Posted June 23, 2016 Author Share Posted June 23, 2016 The reason I don't want to suggest a full relationship is because I am planning to move out of the city in a few months and I don't think we would have the time to form a bond that would survive the distance. And yet, he is interesting and attractive enough that I do want to explore the sexual possibility before moving out. But by suggesting this, I also do not want to appear disrespectful , especially as he's been having some issues, which is why the dilemma. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 If you respect him so much, I'd keep your pants zipped up. FWB is one of the best ways to ruin a relationship. Is sex with him really so important that you'd risk this? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bummer Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 As a guy, I think you should be supportive and offer. If he knows you're leaving soon, he can decide if he wants this to "help" him out of the depression or if he shouldn't. Only harm is no or a broken friendship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 I think if you have to ask, it's probably not a good idea. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 I can only imagine what people would say if a guy would ask this question about his close female friend who he just wants to bang a couple of times before he leaves town... But he's a man, so he'll probably be fine with it (really) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 He has issues (with depression? Work? Failed relationship?). Whatever his issues may be you could,easily find yourself doing a project you never wanted to do. As you said yourself, there are other )and probably less problematic( opportunities in your world. And you plan to leave in a relatively short time. You may be able to avoid emotional entanglement,,but can he? You know he has issues already. Do you want to add to that burden he already faces? And the upside of going ahead with this plan is what? Just asking....... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 He has issues (with depression? Work? Failed relationship?). Whatever his issues may be you could,easily find yourself doing a project you never wanted to do. ^^ This. And may I add that FWBs are rarely simple. If he's already got issues, putting a potentially complicated situation on him and the loss of your friendship would be selfish on your part. If he's broken, be cautious with how you handle him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SilverBlaze Posted June 24, 2016 Author Share Posted June 24, 2016 (edited) Thanks for your suggestions people, it made me reconsider the proposal. I have decided not to explicitly suggest FWB but give him some hints, as I have always acted in a platonic way in the past he may not know I even feel attracted to him. And it is up to him to respond how he sees fit, if he doesn't reciprocate I have decided it's best to move on. PS - the trouble he's been dealing with is the death of his father (who was very abusive), loss of a job, financial commitments to his family and the fight with his best friend that I mentioned before. Edited June 24, 2016 by SilverBlaze Link to post Share on other sites
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