My Break Up Testimony: Breakup = Breakthrough!! + Was I Dumpee or Dumper? {UPDATED}

[stillafool]

LOL during the course of our relationship he's admitted to doing the most otherwise innocuous things for ulterior motives. Things I hadn't even picked up on. Trust me, it wasn't without reason with him.

 

If this is the case you probably know more about what he meant than anythng anybody here could tell you.

[Simon Phoenix]

I didn't respond. He can tell I read his message. I know I should now block but for some reason I still haven't today.

 

Because in some way you think the drama is a lifeline, a deep-down hope that he'll somehow come correct and be the way you want him to be. That's very rarely ever happens though, and it doesn't happen a couple months out.

[mg101]

Because in some way you think the drama is a lifeline, a deep-down hope that he'll somehow come correct and be the way you want him to be. That's very rarely ever happens though, and it doesn't happen a couple months out.

 

I think I know you what you mean, but I'm not sure. You mean the idea that he may reach out again? I know I don't plan to reach out or respond.

[Toodaloo]

It doesn't matter what he wanted to say by using it... Because you should be ignoring it anyway...

 

The thing about moving on is that when manipulative exes contact you with messages etc the only reaction from you should be a shrug of the shoulders before you carry on with your day...

 

So start practising - shrug your shoulders and get on with your day.

[mg101]

It doesn't matter what he wanted to say by using it... Because you should be ignoring it anyway...

 

The thing about moving on is that when manipulative exes contact you with messages etc the only reaction from you should be a shrug of the shoulders before you carry on with your day...

 

So start practising - shrug your shoulders and get on with your day.

 

Toodaloo!! I've been looking for you on here. Remember my post last summer re:Facebook relationship status? You gave me some eerily on point advice...this is the same guy. Updated postbreakup as well few weeks ago. Went back to read your advice last summer, what you predicted pretty much happened.

[Simon Phoenix]

I think I know you what you mean, but I'm not sure. You mean the idea that he may reach out again? I know I don't plan to reach out or respond.

 

Yes, part of you likes the drama it causes, which is why you won't block him. You get a bit of a rush knowing that he's thinking about you even though in general it sets you back and makes you overthink.

[mg101]

Yes, part of you likes the drama it causes, which is why you won't block him. You get a bit of a rush knowing that he's thinking about you even though in general it sets you back and makes you overthink.

 

Sadly, you're right... although i think it's moreso waiting to hear anything worthwhile. Not for reconciliation, but for understanding. He didn't send anything else anyway, so blocked he is. Pointless anyway, facts speak for themselves. More of his hallow words are just what you said - drama.

[mg101]

It's been 6weeks since I blocked him. Only contact since then was his video msg on Instagram telling me to unblock him asap week1(I didn't respond and he soon after blocked me on there, I'd unfriended him already) then a happy bday text 10 days ago on my work phone using whatsapp. I read it but didn't respond.

 

I've been doing pretty well these 6weeks. Things have actually improved in my life since the break up. But I'm struggling these past 3 days. I don't know exactly why. I'm feeling really weak and almost texted him several times but didn't. I don't think I want him back or anything, but it all ended so abruptly. He ignored me for days after a disagreement and I eventually just blocked him. No real discussion. I reached my emotional limit. The time apart has made all the issues in the relationship more apparent, including the likelihood that he was full of sh#% the entire time. But I'm having a hard time now reconciling who I thought he was and what seems like the reality based on facts unclouded by emotions.

 

Please help. I think I'm on the verge of dismantling 6 weeks of good progress. Wtf is going on with me??

Edited July 18, 2016 by mg101

[Bialy]

DEEP BREATH!

 

There were a lot of apparent issues in the relationship -- what good would it serve you to speak to him??? What would be the point? Think long and hard about this.

 

This breakup is still very fresh - remember why you blocked him and the other issues.

[Bialy]

Did you contact him? Hang in there.

[mg101]

DEEP BREATH!

 

There were a lot of apparent issues in the relationship -- what good would it serve you to speak to him??? What would be the point? Think long and hard about this.

 

This breakup is still very fresh - remember why you blocked him and the other issues.

 

I think I want to know what he's thinking. And, on some level, I want to know if he's the manipulative person with bad, or at the least, shaky intentions, that I believe the facts show he is. And maybe I'm harboring some guilt for how abruptly I blocked him completely. Idk!!

[mg101]

Did you contact him? Hang in there.

 

No. I've deleted two text drafts though. Smh

[Zahara]

Wtf is going on with me??

 

It's normal. Nothing is wrong with you. You'll waffle back and forth. You'll have bad days and good days. You'll question yourself and steadfast the next.

 

When the bad days come, you just have to let it come, embrace them and tell yourself that it's a process you'll have to go through. You manage those feelings in other ways, except break contact because just as those feelings come, they will also go. And feeling bad doesn't justify breaking NC because this is not the first and last time you'll feel this way -- are you going to keep contacting him everytime you feel bad?

 

You have to figure ways to manage your emotions. Coping skills. One thing that helped me was to journal. I picked it up. It was calming and often drew me away from the panic because I was able to focus on my reality. Write the bad. Why you ended it. Why you need NC. What are your relationship goals. What are your values. What you seek in a healthy relationship/partner. You get the drift.

Edited July 18, 2016 by Zahara

[mg101]

It's normal. Nothing is wrong with you. You'll waffle back and forth. You'll have bad days and good days. You'll question yourself and steadfast the next day.

 

When the bad days comes, you just have to let it come, embrace them and tell yourself that it's a process you'll have to go through. You manage those feelings in other ways, except break contact because just as those feelings come, they will also go. And feeling bad doesn't justify breaking NC because this is not the first and last time you'll feel this way -- are you going to keep contacting him everytime you feel bad?

 

You have to figure ways to manage your emotions. Coping skills.

 

Thanks. Keeping busy has been working. And honestly, I think I've been coasting too since I really haven't had bad days since the first week or so. They've been fleeting and certainly not 3 days straight. It's just questions resurfacing. I can't even say I miss him or the relationship.

[Zahara]

Thanks. Keeping busy has been working. And honestly, I think I've been coasting too since I really haven't had bad days since the first week or so. They've been fleeting and certainly not 3 days straight. It's just questions resurfacing. I can't even say I miss him or the relationship.

 

Questions are fine. Like I said, you'll doubt and question yourself. The what ifs are terrible. All normal.

 

There are times you're going to dip low for days and there are times you're going to be coasting for weeks feeling good. Up and down you will go -- accept that it is part and parcel and it's not an indication that you should reach out to him.

 

You miss what's been familiar to you. You are breaking an attachment and it's not something that happens over 6 weeks. It's going to take awhile for you to feel some level of emotional stability.

[mg101]

Questions are fine. Like I said, you'll doubt and question yourself. The what ifs are terrible. All normal.

 

There are times you're going to dip low for days and there are times you're going to be coasting for weeks feeling good. Up and down you will go -- accept that it is part and parcel and it's not an indication that you should reach out to him.

 

You miss what's been familiar to you. You are breaking an attachment and it's not something that happens over 6 weeks. It's going to take awhile for you to feel some level of emotional stability.

 

So true. I always cringe when I hear people say, why didn't she/he fight for me? But I suppose that counterproductive sentiment is creeping up.

[Zahara]

So true. I always cringe when I hear people say, why didn't she/he fight for me? But I suppose that counterproductive sentiment is creeping up.

 

You should go back and read your thread before this -- it'll help you with those thoughts.

[BC1980]

Think about it logically. What do you hope to gain from breaking NC? You mentioned that you are having a hard time reconciling your emotions and the facts of the relationship. That's understandable, but how do you think contacting him will help you reconcile those emotions?

[mg101]

You should go back and read your thread before this -- it'll help you with those thoughts.

 

I just did that. Good idea. Thanks. Self doubt sucks!

[mg101]

Think about it logically. What do you hope to gain from breaking NC? You mentioned that you are having a hard time reconciling your emotions and the facts of the relationship. That's understandable, but how do you think contacting him will help you reconcile those emotions?

 

It won't. I'll either be fed bs, disappointed, or drawn back into the Web. You know, I think it's just my ego at play here. The fact that I don't even know wtf I'm trying to accomplish or what I need to know, says a lot I think. I hate to admit it, but maybe it's simply the fact that he hasn't made this grand gesture or declaration or even an apology, that's lingering. Smh ego

[Bialy]

Drafting out messages is a good idea. I'm doing it myself! I was going to contact my ex and when I drafted out the message and read it... I was just like WTF is wrong with me! I would have not gained anything at all --- same with you!

 

Stay strong! Mark the calendar down for when you will reach the next 6 weeks of NC. Maybe you need progressive NC goals to keep motivated!

[mg101]

Drafting out messages is a good idea. I'm doing it myself! I was going to contact my ex and when I drafted out the message and read it... I was just like WTF is wrong with me! I would have not gained anything at all --- same with you!

 

Stay strong! Mark the calendar down for when you will reach the next 6 weeks of NC. Maybe you need progressive NC goals to keep motivated!

 

Lmao!!! That's exactly how I feel each time I play through a possible conversation or draft a text. Like, "Really MG? Wtf is this? You sound ridiculous. F@#$ him!" Lol

[Latino4Lyfe]

Stay strong and do not break by any means. Believe me, we have all done and nothing good has come of it . Chances are, if you send any type of contact, he will most likely read it, shake his head and will do one of two things...delete the text and think negatively of you, or send you some generic cheap text back which will make you feel worse.

 

It is not worth it, keep it up and get yourself back in good spirits. We are all here for you .

[mg101]

Stay strong and do not break by any means. Believe me, we have all done and nothing good has come of it . Chances are, if you send any type of contact, he will most likely read it, shake his head and will do one of two things...delete the text and think negatively of you, or send you some generic cheap text back which will make you feel worse.

 

It is not worth it, keep it up and get yourself back in good spirits. We are all here for you .

 

Right! I technically dumped him, so another option is I'll open the door for more bs manipulation that'll either make me feel ****ty or, worse, make me question my self and decisions and draw me back in for more drama.

[Bialy]

Lmao!!! That's exactly how I feel each time I play through a possible conversation or draft a text. Like, "Really MG? Wtf is this? You sound ridiculous. F@#$ him!" Lol

LOL! Totally. It's funny how when you start writing stuff out you realize how it doesn't make any sense at all and would undue the hard work of NC.

 

I feel like the first 3 months are the hardest because things are still fragile and it's easy to forget why you disconnected the person. Stay strong and you'll reach a point where you won't ever look back.