Should I call him again or is he just not interested?

[Parmalat]

Thank you so much for the reply, I'm still in the "wondering box". I'm suppose to visit him on Friday this week and still haven't heard a thing. So I'm just going to take the plunge tonight and give him a call and see what he say's.

 

Hopefully he still wants me to visit and hasn't made other plans. We'll I'll keep you guys posted.

 

I think I have to agree that I don't think they stress as we do over the simple things. I'm not even sure they think about it at all. I think as long as your right in front of them, they can see you and your in their space its wonderful. But the moment you leave.

 

What is the old saying "Out of sight out of mind". Yep, thats what I think is happening to me.

 

But if I do visit him this weekend I'll have the all too important little chat to see where I'm standing. Afterall I'm worth it!!!

 

I was at that parade about 2 years ago, had a blast, most fun in one day ever.

[Parmalat]

Hi girls, just a fast update on my situation. Today I'm very disapointed. I talked to the guy last night, had a good conversation, but the weekend is off. His mom showed up during the week for his birthday this weekend. Considering we're not in a relationship or anything and I don't know what we are it's only logical that I'm the no longer invited. He didn't tell me not too come but told me considering he's got a full house this weekend he doesn't think our plans were going to work out.

 

He then wanted to know when I'm taking vacation over the holiday period that perhaps we could organize to visit then.

 

Don't know what to say, I told him to give me a call to make arrangements but well what can I say, I think rain on Mars might be more possible.

 

I didn't want to believe it but I guess there was never anything to begin with and he might be a guy that promises the world and delivers nothing.

 

So today I'm just a little bit sad, will take myself on a shopping spree and feel better, besides I've got tons of stuff that will keep me occupied, I don't need to sit around and wait for no-one to show up.

 

So no question this time, just a hope that he'll call and the romance I was hoping for wasn't just all in my head that the dream can partially come true.

 

Thanks girls for all your input, I'll keep you posted if anything else developes.

[justagirl1121]

sounds like me parmalot. they give you a bit of hope but then throw it away. i'm sorry cause i soooo know how you feel.

 

"Don't know what to say, I told him to give me a call to make arrangements but well what can I say, I think rain on Mars might be more possible."

 

I do have to laugh at that last part. I'd bet my paychecks on it.

 

I see ppl all around me meeting guys and sticking together and being all lovey dovey...what are they doing? I am at a lost.

 

Shopping sprees are always good. Just hang out with your best friends and have fun. The more you think about it the sadder you'll be. That's not a fun place. Usually a new guy will wipe the slate clean with the last one, but the new guy always leaves so quick and comes so far inbetween that there's a lot of stuff going on. I hate it. I love the feeling but hate it when life just seems to be going so great. But I kinda wish I could go back before all this crap and not have all that stuff in the past.

 

Good luck, though! Hope he calls you and says i really want you to visit, when can you get here?! or better yet, "i really want to see you, when can i show up?!"

[phyrespryte]

Sorry to hear about the weekend Parmalat.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself though. I wouldn't say that there wasn't anything to begin with. There definitely was an attraction there or you guys wouldn't have went out with each other. If anything the distance and his busy schedule probably affected his desire to be with you. He doesn't sound like he has time for a relationship, plus the distance would require more effort from him.

 

And I kind of think that maybe you don't have time for a relationship either. Just my opinion though. But when you wrote:

The distance doesn't bother me as much, because we both have demanding lifes and I travel on business to his town at least 2 times a month and tend to spend a couple of days at a time.

 

Another thing is that my job might be moving me there next year probably by April, so then we'll be in the same town. I don't see a reason to wait until then, might as well enjoy him now and start up something.

It sounds like you're looking for some affection, but not something that requires you to be around all the time. But I'm biased because that's how I viewed relationships for awhile. I figured I was going to be traveling for a bit and I wanted someone who would be doing the same, so I wouldn't feel guilty for not having time to spend with them.

 

Nothing wrong with that, but I think you also want him to give you some sort of commitment, but he's just too indecisive.

 

Who knows though? I say enjoy yourself and forget about him. If he calls you...great! If not, fine. He was way too much work.

 

Anyways, hope you're feeling better and enjoying your holidays.

[phyrespryte]

I can't believe you were in Florida, Justagirl!

Glad to hear that you had such a good time.

 

Sorry about Pirate boy. What an idiot that guy is. Let's be freinds...and then they don't follow through. yuck. But then...I don't know. The way things ended between you guys...

It's so vague! Like he didn't sound like he wanted end things completely. Did he know you went away? Maybe that's why he hasn't contacted you? Oh well. If you're over him...who cares then?

 

I called Steve on Thursday and left a message...I have no freaking clue why I did. I just did it. He called me on Saturday. I was so shocked because I had been texting my sister back and forth. And I picked up my phone because I thought it was another message from her. Instead it said...Steve calling. It took me a good minute before I realized I needed to talk into the phone.

 

We talked for about half an hour. But didn't really talk about anything. He asked if he would see me in school next quarter. I paused and then said sure. He was like...if I'm lucky right? We both laughed.

 

The goodbye was really long too. I was like...ok I'll let you get back to what you were doing. And he said, ok glad to hear you're doing well. Then I said, glad to hear you're doing well too (lame lame lame!). Then there was a super long pause and then I said...ok bye.

 

Ahhhhhh! I'm not sure what to do now. Like if I should call him again and try to hang out. Or if I should just wait till school starts and if I see him...then try to hang out.

 

Shoot. I don't even know if I want to hang out with him! I swear this is so annoying.

[Parmalat]

Hi Phyrespryte, yep that what I always say, why did I call to begin with, but it was worth it though don't you think he did call back. I'm always more worried about what I'd do if he doesn't call back. You know then it is really clear that he doesn't want anything to do with you what so ever.

 

So he called and you guys chatted. GREAT!!! Something to start from. I'd give it a while before contacting him again, at least to create the impression that I was just waiting for him to call to get into gear and start rolling with everything. Perhaps call to wish him a good X-mas and new year or something like that, you paused and contained yourself your not nagging or clingy or over attentive. Your cool collected and wishing all your friends the best for the new year.

 

At least thats what I'd do, in that way I don't expose myself too much.

 

As for me, the shopping did me well and I feel a bit better about the whole guy thing. I like him a lot and I have to agree I might come off a bit distant as though I don't really want something serious.

 

I think that comes from being burned a lot, keep it casual and slow to start off, let him do some work to see if he's really interested.

 

Only this guy doesn't do anything. But then again he does do something, so where are we now? Back at square 1.

 

It's his birthday today. I've opened his gift this weekend and enjoyed it on my own, I might call him tonight to wish him a happy birth day. I think it should be OK. Well any case I'm giving myself the permission to call him.

 

LOL

 

Thank you for all your excellent advice I appreciate the point of view, its always good to hear something from another perspective.

 

Thanks ladies.

[Parmalat]

Hi girls,

 

So I called him last night. I waited until the usual hour which is late cause then I know that he is usually finished for the day and can chat a bit.

 

Thing is he didn't answer. Gave him 3 missed calles over a period of 30 minutes and then send a message that said Happy B-Day.

 

And that's all folks.

[phyrespryte]

Hey Parmalat,

 

Sorry to hear about the other night. I hope you don't plan on calling him again.

I'm not saying he was rude for not answering your calls. It was his birthday and he was probably out celebrating. But I think that you're too emotionally invested in this relationship and little things like that are going to keep making you feel bad.

 

Also I think that maybe you've been too available to him. Right now you're doing all the pursuing and it's not right. He should be taking some initiative to make plans with you. He shouldn't be calling you and then asking if you want to meet today or tomorrow. You're busy! You have a life! Even if you're not busy, it's rude for him to assume that you can just drop everything for him whenever he feels like it. You need him to take some time to know when you're available. Just like how you took the time to figure out when it's best to call him.

 

I say ignore him. Next time he calls...don't answer the phone. Wait a day or two before calling him back. It might seem that by not contacting him you're pushing him away, but it's the opposite. By contacting him all the time and always making plans, you're allowing him to take you for granted. Not contacting him makes him realize that you're not dependant on him.

 

People want what they can't have. They value things they had to work for vs things that are free. Make him work for you. And if he won't...then move on. Let him know that you're tired of always contacting him and that you think it would be better if you started seeing other people. Don't worry about losing him. Worry about making yourself happy.

[Parmalat]

Hi Phyrespryte, thank you for all your help and kind words, I appreciate all the time and effort you have put in to reply to me. Your insight has given me new hope and I feel a lot better today.

 

Sorry to hear about the other night. I hope you don't plan on calling him again.

I'm not saying he was rude for not answering your calls. It was his birthday and he was probably out celebrating. But I think that you're too emotionally invested in this relationship and little things like that are going to keep making you feel bad.

 

Well I did call him yesterday out of the blue in the middle of the day from a phone number he did not know. He answered immediately. We talked for a bit, then he (as usual) had to take another call and said he would call back.

 

He did and we chatted more, but this is usually the routine and he hanged up on me about 3 times saying he'd call back and then calling back. The last time he didn't say he'd call back and didn't.

 

So later the afternoon I was wondering again and thought what do I have to loose, so I called again. This time I was assertive I wanted a time and place we would meet. He was flaky and didn't come through telling me that he didn't want to commit to a date because if he couldn't do it I'd be upset.

 

Then I said ok and send him to the island of idiots never to be reached again.

 

I'm done and feel great about it, the ass***e can try his tricks on someone else, I'm free!!!

 

Also I think that maybe you've been too available to him. Right now you're doing all the pursuing and it's not right. He should be taking some initiative to make plans with you. He shouldn't be calling you and then asking if you want to meet today or tomorrow. You're busy! You have a life! Even if you're not busy, it's rude for him to assume that you can just drop everything for him whenever he feels like it. You need him to take some time to know when you're available. Just like how you took the time to figure out when it's best to call him.

 

You are so right, but don't worry there will be no more calling of any sort! I'm going cold turkey!

 

I say ignore him. Next time he calls...don't answer the phone. Wait a day or two before calling him back. It might seem that by not contacting him you're pushing him away, but it's the opposite. By contacting him all the time and always making plans, you're allowing him to take you for granted. Not contacting him makes him realize that you're not dependant on him.

 

People want what they can't have. They value things they had to work for vs things that are free. Make him work for you. And if he won't...then move on. Let him know that you're tired of always contacting him and that you think it would be better if you started seeing other people. Don't worry about losing him. Worry about making yourself happy.

 

Thank you for this advice. I'm moving on, today I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm in a good mood and feel happy.

 

It was as though he was weighing me down. That's not how a relationship or an interest should make you feel.

 

He can call all he wants. This girl is no longer interested. He's just going to hurt me. Use me. Abuse me. And if I continue in this path I might end up pregnant and alone with an idiot making my life a living hell.

 

No I tell you dear friends today I feel liberated, I'm a strong beautiful woman that deserves so much more, and I'll get it but not from him.

 

So how has things been with you guys?

 

Thank you for all the kind words, you have been such a support to me in my dark hours, hopefully I'll be able to return the favor one day!

[justagirl1121]

so......pirate boy......blah blah blah!! apparently he has some girlfriend and they've been together for a few weeks and he told shonna he was his wife to be!!!!! WTF.

 

then like that wasnt bad enough, i go homeand i look at my kitty and im like wtf? her eyes are like huge. she can't see!!!!!!! i took her to the vet and she has high blood pressure and they took blood test to see if she has thyroid/kidney problems things like that so hopefully, cross your fingers please, when teh pressure goes down some of her sight might return. slim, but maybe. hopefully!!!

 

i think it's all been some really good feedback from you guys about everything to each of us. maybe we're just looking for it too hard. maybe we really really really should just give it up and go on with our lives and hope that when we're least expecting it that the man our our dreams will show up and sweep us off our feet.

 

sorry i feel like im not really giving any serious feedback. it's just been rough the last few weeks with things. i'll try harder after the holidays ease up a bit!!! good luck in the mean time.

 

HAPPY HOLIDAYS GIRLS!!!

[JLO22]

If he want to be with you he will call.

 

If its meant to be it will be!

[phyrespryte]

so......pirate boy......blah blah blah!! apparently he has some girlfriend and they've been together for a few weeks and he told shonna he was his wife to be!!!!! WTF.

 

That made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

 

Well if they've only been together for a couple of weeks and he already thinks he's going to marry her...

Thank god you're free from him. Clearly he was a psycho. Or maybe I'm exaggerating, but anyone who talks like that has got to be a little loopy. And his blog was loopy too.

 

I hope that you're cat's doing better though. Poor thing. It doesn't seem to be a good holiday for cats this year. My friend's cat is all miserable too.

 

And for the guy thing...yeah. I think maybe it's not that I've been looking too hard, but maybe I haven't really been looking. Or something. When I figure out that weird confusing mess I'll let you know.

[phyrespryte]

If he want to be with you he will call.

 

If its meant to be it will be!

 

if you build it, they will come....

 

 

Sorry...just made me think of something silly.

 

I shall build a giant phone and perhaps, finally then men shall flock to me.

[phyrespryte]

I hope everyone is having a lovely holiday.

 

Since there hasn't been any posting...I figured this would be nice to share.

 

The whole reason this thread was started was because I had a crush on my co-worker...Mr. Excrush. In the end he stood me up and went back to his ex.

Today he told me that she proposed to him a couple of days ago and he is now engaged to her for the second time.

 

Ok, that wasn't really good news. But hey, it's a fabulous way to end 2006 isn't it? It could only get better if every single one of the guys I wrote about in this thread got engaged or found their "soul mates".

 

Then perhaps we could discuss what I could say when I drunkenly call them on New Years. Should I say stick with a simple, you suck? Or would rambling on and on about how wonderful I am and how they'll never do better, be more appropriate?

 

Blah.

[Parmalat]

I hope everyone is having a lovely holiday.

 

 

Hi girls, since my life is so great at the moment I figured I don't need a holiday and decided to keep working and give all those people who actually have someone to spend it with, some time.

 

So I'm still at work today, hoping to leave early and go do something fun for the new year/old year what ever.

 

The whole reason this thread was started was because I had a crush on my co-worker...Mr. Excrush. In the end he stood me up and went back to his ex.

 

I vote for leave him there, so that they may enjoy each other, they obvilously deserve their own happiness or whaterver.

 

Then perhaps we could discuss what I could say when I drunkenly call them on New Years. Should I say stick with a simple, you suck? Or would rambling on and on about how wonderful I am and how they'll never do better, be more appropriate?

 

Now there is always a fun game, but considering I've done this in the past and then had to deal with the morning after and all the sorry you felt that way calls I figure leave your cell off. Find yourself an incredibly loud party, take a friend with that will keep you semi out of trouble and go enjoy your life. Starting with a clean page where his old ink hasn't stained the page.

 

Just think of it this way, this year (2007) is going to be such a great year, you could potentially meet your husband. So you don't want any old baggage drifting around when your knight on his white horse shows up.

 

Clean the Castel, companies comming in 2007.

 

Have a great new year girls may it hold true to all your dreams and may your wildest ones realise.

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

[justagirl1121]

Hey, Girls! Happy New Year! Yes, I'm home and downloading cds to itunes so i can then transfer them to my ipod. I had a great weekend though, so i don't care if I'm not out on NYE. I could be. But I don't think the party I could go to would be much fun since there are only the 3 boys I'll know and I can't be stuck up their butt all night.

 

Anyway, Phyrespryte, I'd say leave them all alone. I think Parmalat is right. They may have hurt you, but that can only make you stronger I think...If theyr'e such a**holes anyway, who needs or wants em? You may think you do, but that wouldn't be very good for you. I think that's what I'm learning. We need to start over with a new slate and try to make things work this time.

 

My goal is to just forget the douche bags. Like scott and pirate boy. A whopping 2 guys in 2006. I guess that's far better than any year previously!

 

 

Here's a funny story for you ladies.

 

At work there's this kid...who we'll just call by an initial....G. G is 25. He apparently told my friend he liked me and stuff and he txts her all the time and talks to her and visits her but he doesnt visit me. That's fine. He could be cute but he's kinda dorky. Not my kind of cute. He kept wanting to go out for drinks. She made comments like "justagirl and I'll go smetime." and he was like "i meant just you and me" and she's like "remember our rule about dating ppl from work..." well he kept being presistant. I was like OH. MY. GOD! She was like i already made excuses for fri and sat. he wants to go get drinks tonite. I'm running out of excuses! we might as well just go and get it over with." So i was like i dont care. so she told him dinner instead b/c that way we have an excuse to look at the menu or have food in our mouths. Then he txts her about how he invited a friend and she txts me this and i'm like WHAT? Noooo....that's too freakin weird, i'm not doing that! Then that's like a double date, as if it's not weird enough already!!!!" so she tells him that if he does that we're not going b/c we barely know him (i know him even less than she does and the whole about he likes me thing) and we know the friend not at all. and it'll be weird and stuff" so he ditched that idea. we met him at Applebees.

 

Things were ok. i guess it wasn't all that bad. he ordered chicken fingers, i ordered some pasta bowl thing, and she ordered this nacho type thing. he seriously ate like HALF of a chicken finger!!!!!!!!!! she and i both commented on it as soon as we were done. we were like I KNOW! I thought i was the only one who noticed!!!! Meanwhile, here we are eating like pigs. But, he ordered a beer, and then when we were finished, he ordered a second one! and he ordered a small but the girl brought a large and was like but we charged you for a small (which ended up being a .05 cent difference! LOL) My friend and i were like OMG. HE went to the bathroom and she's like "drink it so we can get out of here." she started making comments about being cold and tired. i finally put my coat on and after a few minutes i looked at my phone and realized it was like after 9pm and before i really knew what i was doing i was just like "I gotta go" and that set things rolling. it made for some laughs afterwards.

 

Our friend T, keeps making fun of us about our sugar daddies. She's like it's so funny, you two keep fighting over him...except it's like "oh, no, you can have him." "Oh, that's okay YOU can have him." we're fighting over him trying to get rid of him LOLOL. Poor kid. Ok to be friends, neither of us are interested in dating him.

Fri night, 5 of us girls went out to a restaurant/bar for BB's last day. He moving to Ohio to work. Same company just different type of job. I'm really sad now. I miss him already....and it's not b/c i havent seen him in a few days since i go days w/o seeing him anyway, i think it's just that b/c he is gone. when i go downstairs to visit Nicole, he wont be sitting next to her and it's sad to lose a friend.

 

Here's the dilemma. I can't follow my own device. I started feeling differently. He has been a real sweet kid, funny and everything. He's not like pretty boy cute or anything...hard to describe, but he's a cutie. Partly b/c he is and partly b/c he's such a cool kid that makes them cuter, know what i mean?

 

So, even when i didnt know him but saw him around when he was in transistion and i'd see him at his cube when i'd go from like hte bathroom back to my desk, there felt like this...vibe. so when he was finished with trans, i started talking to him cause he sat near me for a while, blah blah blah...he'd make comments that i looked nice and stuff like that which no guys ever do. wanted to hang out a few times but i had already been out plus im not sure about doing that with a coworker, etc. but he's made some interesting comments in text messaging, im going to take as a good sign. well, he's kinda a skinny/slender kid, i think taller than me but not very tall. that's not really what i like in a guy....but then lately ive been thinking like, it's not so much that i would want to be just friends, but wouldn't it be weird to date him? i dont know. not like that's an easy shot, but i think i'll try to keep in touch. we all need a nice sweet guy. u know, they seem that way at first and then........

 

anyway, he's moving like 2 hrs away. not sure what i should do or what i'm thinking.

 

pirate boy's gf works at a restaurant like near where i work. wants her to get a job where i work and asked shonna if he could use her as a reference. i was like wtf. but im glad he's a d bag now b/c now i dont have any reason to pine over him.

 

hope all the dbags in your life go away and we can all meet someone fabulous in 2007!!! Crossing my fingers!!!

[Parmalat]

Hi Girls, Happy New Year, may 2007 be smashing!

 

You girls are not going to guess what happended to me last week. I was working the entire holiday season so on Friday my boss said I could leave early so by 11 am I was out of the office and on my way to the mall.

 

I had a birthday gift to pick out and some shoe shopping that was priority no. 1.

 

So just as I was about to pay for the gift guess who calls? My mistery man, lets call him Mr. F.

 

He was like, I'm in your town, where are you we can go for coffee or something. (Some backround information, he was passing through my town on his way to some friends who he was spending New Years with).

 

So I told him I'm busy, I can't. He wouldn't take no for an answer and we eventually met up for coffee. Then he was like we should eat lunch, he was hungry, so we had lunce.

 

I was walking him to his car, which was parked very far away from the mall entrance (cause it's holiday and the place is packed full of holiday shoppers) when he told me to jump in and he'll drop me at the entrance on his way out, so I got in.

 

But we passed the entrance and then he said, and I quote " Come with me".

 

He ment to his end destination.

 

Me thinking he's only kidding and would ride around the block and then drop me (you know like a joke) said and I quote again "OK"

 

So there we go!

 

I eventually told him I need to pick up some stuff if I'm actually going with and he went to my home to pick up some stuff.

 

But when I asked him how many days he said about 7 or so and I couldn't cause I have to work today the 2nd.

 

So we kind of got back to reality and I decided to stay.

 

But he didn't want to go without me. He held on to me so tight for such a long time. He was so loving, we walked arm in arm in the mall. Even met some of his friends (he didn't introduce me cause he said he couldn't remember the girls name) but still he kissed me and was very loving.

 

BUT AS USUAL!

 

I haven't heard from him since. I send him a Happy New Year message on the 1st, yesterday morning early. But he never replied.

 

I told him to stop for coffee on his way back but I don't know if he will.

 

Now I'm all confused again! What does this mean? Is he intersted or am I just a friend with benefits and he was hoping to add fun to his new year celebrations?

 

What is going on?

 

WOW not the best way to start a new year, so this morning I decided he is just this great friend or love or what ever you want to call him. Enjoy his effection when he shows. Don't sleep with him until he commits, and don't wonder all the time about him.

 

What do you girls think?

[phyrespryte]

He sounds like trouble.

 

I say forget about him.

I mean the guy just pops up out of nowhere and asks you to go away with him on a 7 day trip? Doesn't call you in advance to see if you'd be available. Never responded to your calls on his birthday. Never even showed that he was thinking about you while you were away and it doesn't count if he said that he was thinking about you because if he really was he would've called...

 

Not good.

 

I think he's a dramatic guy that only cares about himself. He only wants what's convienent for him. Screw that. You deserve better. Don't let him just appear in your life whenever he wants to. And whoever else comes along into your life...don't let them behave like that either. If they want to date you then they should behave with some respect. If he wants to be more than friends with you he shouldn't be treating you like some sort of casual buddy that he calls whenever he feels like hanging out with. He should be trying to spend more time with you regardless of the distance.

 

But that's just my opinion.

[Parmalat]

I completely agree with your opinion!

 

I really like him, he's a good man, but I don't think he's looking for a relationship. Just the idea that I'm getting.

 

Either that or he really sucks at communication, but I'm not hanging around trying to figure out what's wrong with the picture.

 

When he shows up it's lovely to have lunch with him and to talk to him and make out (He's a good kisser) but other than that don't try to figure him out, don't try to make a relationship. Just enjoy what he offers.

 

And look for that real love to come along.

 

Thanks girls

[Parmalat]

I completely agree with your opinion!

 

I really like him, he's a good man, but I don't think he's looking for a relationship. Just the idea that I'm getting.

 

Either that or he really sucks at communication, but I'm not hanging around trying to figure out what's wrong with the picture.

 

When he shows up it's lovely to have lunch with him and to talk to him and make out (He's a good kisser) but other than that don't try to figure him out, don't try to make a relationship. Just enjoy what he offers.

 

And look for that real love to come along.

 

Thanks girls

[lucia]

I met a guy two weeks ago, the week before christmas, gave him my number and he texted the next day. He lives about an hour away from me. I didn't reply straight away, so as to retain mystery. Then I called I invited him to a christmas party and he couldn't come because he was going to another christmas party, so I assumed he just wasn't that into me. That night he texted from his party continuously, the last of which was at 2.30 in the morning when he wanted to talk online. I played it cool, didn't immediately respond. We played phone tag for a bit (he called me first) and because it was christmas didn't want to bring up the subject of meeting up again so soon, thought I would let him ask. Finally, after christmas he called me and we had an aimless conversation (no asking out). The next time we spoke was better and he even made a joke saying he knew he was moving really slow. I texted him after a few days and asked when he was coming to town again (lightheartedly) and nothing. I'm worried I pushed too hard or that there's some reason (other than the hour's distance) why he won't make concrete plans. I'm also worried he's not that into me. Yes, the pop psychology says it's very simple: if he hasn't asked you out, don't hold out hope. But he's been very attentive and actually quite active up until this point. This is where we women get confused - the inconsistency. Any guys on this forum, help me get a bit of insight?

[phyrespryte]

When he shows up it's lovely to have lunch with him and to talk to him and make out (He's a good kisser) but other than that don't try to figure him out, don't try to make a relationship. Just enjoy what he offers.

 

And look for that real love to come along.

 

Well I don't think he sucks at communication if he's got his own business.

And I think you should enjoy the free lunches, but don't make out with him.

Even if he is a great kisser.

 

It kind of devalues you. It's nowhere near being the same as a booty call, but it's got the same outline. He comes along whenever he feels like it and gets some affection without putting in real effort.

 

YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!

 

I hope I'm not sounding rude, but you really do deserve better. You deserve someone who cares about you. Who will make the extra effort because he enjoys being with you. I know you're not looking for a relationship, but that doesn't mean that you should allow someone to treat you like he does.

 

And all that time you waste with him...it keeps you from finding someone who will treat you right. Remember...you're a prize. You've got what men want. They need to work for you. Don't ever settle for just a little attention because they'll walk all over you and leave you broken hearted.

[phyrespryte]

I'm also worried he's not that into me. Yes, the pop psychology says it's very simple: if he hasn't asked you out, don't hold out hope. But he's been very attentive and actually quite active up until this point. This is where we women get confused - the inconsistency. Any guys on this forum, help me get a bit of insight?

 

Hi Lucia

 

Well he could be shy. Maybe. Who cares?

There's all kinds of reasons why he might not be making plans. But when he got your number he decided that those reasons didn't matter.

 

I think that right now he might be on the fence about you. I don't know why and I don't think it matters. You've made it clear that you're interested and he's capable of making plans with you.

 

Since you contacted him last, it's his turn now. I think that if he texts you again...I would ignore it. Unless it was a text asking you out. If he calls...

I would be nice and friendly, but keep the conversation brief. If he hasn't asked you out after a couple of minutes...end the call. You don't want to be phone buddies. You want him to get to know you better in person...right?

[Parmalat]

Dear Phyrespryte,

 

Once again I have to thank you for always giving a reply. It is really wonderful that you take the time to read this stuff.

 

Well I don't think he sucks at communication if he's got his own business.

 

I have to agree, you have to be doing something right if you have several sucessful businesses.

 

It kind of devalues you. It's nowhere near being the same as a booty call, but it's got the same outline.

 

Once again you are so right, I have to keep my head on straight but you know how it is when they get close to you and are so great. I know he isn't great because he doesn't call, don't make dates ect. and just shows up but I still loose some of my logical thinking when he comes around. Now it's easy to say I won't but when he's around it's a little bit harder.

 

He comes along whenever he feels like it and gets some affection without putting in real effort.

 

YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!

 

I do and I know it and believe me I'm working on it.

 

I hope I'm not sounding rude, but you really do deserve better.

 

You are NOT rude, you are being honest and I appreciate it, sometimes you need someone to jerk you out of your mindset.

 

You deserve someone who cares about you. Who will make the extra effort because he enjoys being with you. I know you're not looking for a relationship, but that doesn't mean that you should allow someone to treat you like he does.

 

And all that time you waste with him...it keeps you from finding someone who will treat you right. Remember...you're a prize. You've got what men want. They need to work for you. Don't ever settle for just a little attention because they'll walk all over you and leave you broken hearted.

 

Right on the spot, thank you for reminding me. Men has the ability of making us into these pathetic creatures wanting something that we can't find and that they are not willing to give us. And I do think that somehow some of them get a kick out of the whole idea that you can't have what you so dearly want.

 

Thank you for the time and great advice.

[Parmalat]

Dear Lucia,

 

I hope you don't mind but I go through what you write word for word and reply that way it keeps me on track:

 

I met a guy two weeks ago, the week before christmas, gave him my number and he texted the next day. He lives about an hour away from me. I didn't reply straight away, so as to retain mystery.

 

I don't know if it's just me but I would expect a guy to call the first time and not text. Text sometimes can seem impersonal while calling is more direct.

 

I've heard that some guys will text asking you for a cup of coffee or something. This is a technique that reduces the rejection effect, but I'd say if he's not asking you out this would be weird, unless your younger then it might be a finances thing.

 

Then I called I invited him to a christmas party and he couldn't come because he was going to another christmas party, so I assumed he just wasn't that into me.

 

OK I don't think hes not into you I just think that by that time everyone had already set up plans and it's a bit weird to be inviting someone you don't know to a X-mas party. So I don't think he acted in a strange manner, he probably had plans.

 

That night he texted from his party continuously, the last of which was at 2.30 in the morning when he wanted to talk online. I played it cool, didn't immediately respond. We played phone tag for a bit (he called me first) and because it was christmas didn't want to bring up the subject of meeting up again so soon, thought I would let him ask.

 

See according to me this was all good, you guys did communicate and both put in some effort, which is great. Beacuse of the distance the getting together might be a littlebit harder and more organization may be at the hand of the day.

 

Finally, after christmas he called me and we had an aimless conversation (no asking out). The next time we spoke was better and he even made a joke saying he knew he was moving really slow.

 

Se once again I think all good, HE called, HE indicated he's slow so I wouldn't worry too much, it's only been about 2 to 3 weeks so slow down, this may be going somewhere, take your time, we're not running to the altar we're trying to get a date here.

 

I texted him after a few days and asked when he was coming to town again (lightheartedly) and nothing. I'm worried I pushed too hard or that there's some reason (other than the hour's distance) why he won't make concrete plans.

 

I'd have to say yes the distance has some effect. But other than that you don't really know him or his situation. It's the beginning of a new year, people are starting work again and stuff so he might really just be busy gearing for the new year and will come around in a week or so.

 

If however he doesn't come around in a week or two it will be time to send him to the Island of lost men!

 

I'm also worried he's not that into me.

 

OK I know there are a lot of theories about when he is into you and when he isn't. Mine is simple. He called so he must have been interested at some point. Just give him time, the interest will surface again.

 

I've found that most men don't concentrate on too many topics at the same time so he might be elsewhere occupied at the moment.

 

This is where we women get confused - the inconsistency.

 

I think this should be your quote cause it is beautiful!!!

 

Yes this is where we get confused this is where we doubt ourselves. Our qualities. If we are good engouh, pretty enough, smart enough, trendy enough, long enough, short enough, do we were enough make-up, did we smile enough, should we have said something differently, should we have been lighter, should we have said less and be more flirty.

 

Man the list just goes on.

 

But at the end of the day, if there is a real spark and he figured out everything on his end and he is ready you will hear from him.

 

If not he might try to use you, get sex from you and then leave you broken hearted, you might want to watch out for the latter.

 

I say give him some time and he will show you what he's up to ...... or well not up to.

 

If all else fails you get to go through this whole process again with a new guy.

 

Hope this helped a littlebit. Sorry if some of the comments came out a bit rude it was not intended that way I was mearly trying to be direct and honest.

 

Hope he calls, and a very prosperous new year to you.