kolleamm Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 (edited) Long story short I met this woman on Okcupid. We scheduled a first date for Saturday, but she takes forever to reply. She hasn't replied to my message last night, and I was the one who had to message her today at 7pm. She says she still wants to go on the date but my gut is telling me she's playing me. Even now no reply. She was even online on the dating site while no reply. Any advice please. Edited June 24, 2016 by kolleamm Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 Did you message her online or text etc.? Seems like if you have a reasonable need for confirmation (like "we should go out Saturday" as opposed to "ok see you Saturday") and you don't get it, you shouldn't go. If she asks what happened after just say sorry but she never replied when you tried to verify. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kolleamm Posted June 24, 2016 Author Share Posted June 24, 2016 We agreed on the time and location, I even asked her again and said she's coming. Maybe she wants to meet me first instead of getting to know each other through texting. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 How about a phone call? If it's just "what's up" and "what are you doing" texts, those get old really fast. Phone conversations tend to be much more meaningful and fun. If she seems reluctant to communicate, take the hint and communicate less. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kolleamm Posted June 24, 2016 Author Share Posted June 24, 2016 Thanks guys I'll do my best and let you know how it went. Link to post Share on other sites
4x4storm Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 I wouldn't worry about it to much if she say's she's coming you just have to go with it. I had one girl the night before the date tell me she is getting drunk I didn't hear from her the next day until 10 minutes before she showed up. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 My gut is telling me she's looking for a man who doesn't require constant texting like a teenager. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 We agreed on the time and location, I even asked her again and said she's coming. So what's the problem, exactly? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 (edited) Long story short I met this woman on Okcupid. We scheduled a first date for Saturday, but she takes forever to reply. She hasn't replied to my message last night, and I was the one who had to message her today at 7pm. She says she still wants to go on the date but my gut is telling me she's playing me. Even now no reply. She was even online on the dating site while no reply. Any advice please. I think a good thing to do in these situations is ask yourself what you would do if presented with the same situation. For example, some people are saying, "I already agreed to the date. Texting me in between is superfluous and childish. I got sh@t to do." If a woman was texting you and you would ignore them, then go out with her. For me, no matter how much I dislike the person, I will always respond to a text message. I think it's inherently rude to ignore them. Then again, I have friends who ignore my texts. So it's not a cardinal sin or anything, but I always try and live by the golden rule. It's about match. And I do think little things like this tell you something about how good of a match you are. That said, I would never pass up a date for that reason. But I would prefer to date someone who always responds to texts, no matter what the situation. Edited June 24, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kolleamm Posted June 26, 2016 Author Share Posted June 26, 2016 Ok so here's how it went, which is unclear if good or bad. We meet up, and this is just me but she didn't really seem all that interested from what I can tell. I sense she was looking around half the time. We did have some awkward silences, and even started googling what to talk about, I'm really good at conversations btw, but I don't think she was trying. Anyways, after the date I pretty much gave up on her. A few hours later she sends me a picture of herself saying hello. I figure maybe I was wrong about her. The replies continue to have lots of 20 min delays on average. I sent the last reply last night saying a "Thank you" for something we talked about. She hasn't messaged me today yet. I would love to message her, but I'm not the kind of guy to chase someone around. It should be 50/50. Reply for a reply. What do you folks think? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 Sorry, but you sound incredibly insecure. I can't imagine expecting someone to constantly reply within twenty minutes. Aside from timing her response times, have you actually asked her on a second date? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 Ok so here's how it went, which is unclear if good or bad. We meet up, and this is just me but she didn't really seem all that interested from what I can tell. I sense she was looking around half the time. We did have some awkward silences, and even started googling what to talk about, I'm really good at conversations btw, but I don't think she was trying. Anyways, after the date I pretty much gave up on her. A few hours later she sends me a picture of herself saying hello. I figure maybe I was wrong about her. The replies continue to have lots of 20 min delays on average. I sent the last reply last night saying a "Thank you" for something we talked about. She hasn't messaged me today yet. I would love to message her, but I'm not the kind of guy to chase someone around. It should be 50/50. Reply for a reply. What do you folks think? Thanks About the text messaging, like I said in my last post, a lot of people blow off people's texts. I had a friend who assured me he was going to come out and meet me this weekend and not only did he never show, he never even texted to say he wouldn't come or why. And a LOT of people operate that way. So ... it's up to you how you want to handle that. As far as the compatibility, I didn't get all that many dates from OLD, so unless a woman and I totally didn't click, I would try and see it to the death. And you can keep messaging other women in the meantime. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kolleamm Posted June 27, 2016 Author Share Posted June 27, 2016 To me if someone always takes so incredibly long to reply to a message then they probably don't care. She can reply to me after 3 hours I don't mind but when it becomes a habit then you start to ask yourself questions. I had these kinds of problems with my ex. She would take forever to reply, and go figure she cheated on me twice. I do understand people are busy, but they are not always busy. Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 To me if someone always takes so incredibly long to reply to a message then they probably don't care. She can reply to me after 3 hours I don't mind but when it becomes a habit then you start to ask yourself questions. I had these kinds of problems with my ex. She would take forever to reply, and go figure she cheated on me twice. I do understand people are busy, but they are not always busy. Agreed, ESP. if you're making plans and a take a day to reply to a text. I remember when I was making plans for the weekend and when the weekend came around , she didn't reply to my text until Monday afternoon. "Sorry, something came up! I had a....thing...!" I was like, "Too late, you blew it!" And a LOT of people operate that way. THIS is why I have limited friends. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 We meet up, and this is just me but she didn't really seem all that interested from what I can tell. I sense she was looking around half the time. We did have some awkward silences, and even started googling what to talk about, I'm really good at conversations btw, but I don't think she was trying. Sounds pretty awful. But it can always be worse. I would love to message her Why? You said yourself she didn't seem interested and you literally had to google "things to talk about." Why on Earth would you want to spend another second with someone with whom there's no reciprocal interest or curiosity? Someone who actually cannot hold a conversation? Am I reading this right? What do you folks think? I don't understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kolleamm Posted June 27, 2016 Author Share Posted June 27, 2016 I have just asked her if she thinks there is any chemistry between us, or if she would like to stay friends. I told her an honest answer would really help me. She said I'm someone she is interested in seeing again. I'm pretty surprised honestly. Link to post Share on other sites
Chris2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 I skimmed over the thread. LS can be confusing. OP is insecure .... Not really seeing that. OP seems to have a healthy expectation I think. Something I see on LS, "Interested people act interested". Nothing wrong to want that. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 To me if someone always takes so incredibly long to reply to a message then they probably don't care. She can reply to me after 3 hours I don't mind but when it becomes a habit then you start to ask yourself questions. I had these kinds of problems with my ex. She would take forever to reply, and go figure she cheated on me twice. I do understand people are busy, but they are not always busy. This is your insecurity talking and also you expecting everyone to be like you about this detail of texting. Many, many people do not want to get into the habit of having you checking in with them multiple times a day. Someone is busy in a normal way it is too much obligation for no good reason. Usually, as in this case, it just means the person is insecure and checking up on your to make themselves feel better. She is not letting that get started. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 I have just asked her if she thinks there is any chemistry between us, or if she would like to stay friends. I told her an honest answer would really help me. She said I'm someone she is interested in seeing again. I'm pretty surprised honestly. As I said, you're incredibly insecure. Your constant need for reassurance, however, is going to kill this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kolleamm Posted June 28, 2016 Author Share Posted June 28, 2016 Well strangely enough things with her are going great and she has started texting me more after we set up the second date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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