Can't get over ex but he wants another chance!

[Kate1988]

In 2014 I left my then 5year relationship as my boyfriend was being very disrespectful, swearing at me, hiding things, disappearing whilst working away sometimes all day/ night then tell me I'm crazy for being concerned and worried then finally I caught him on dating sites (I found his log in to emails) and there were multiple paid for sites. They didn't seem to be any activity but I'm pretty sure they were phone Aps so logging on from the web didn't seem

To work. He denied everything and begged for me back so I went back after 1 week away. Then in late 2014 I left for the last time when he continued to stay out all night & not return home till the following night even offering to pick him up at 5am but he wouldn't have it so I left. He now has told me he's changed and wants me back however I'm pretty sure he was cheating on me when working away (2 weeks at a time) he will forever deny this though which puts doubt on my gut instinct (disrespect, pushing me away, showing no interest In sex, telling me not to speak to him about his away work life, always had porn on computer, deleting Facebook). I've heard through a friend of a friend that one of the guy had stated he was cheating but no one has ever confirmed to me direct. My question is why do these people deny everything ? And does this sound like a cheater? I feel like I can't move on unless he admits to it..any suggestions! I do love him but I know I can't trust him

[WhatYouWantToHear]

I feel like I can't move on unless he admits to it..any suggestions

 

Huh? He controls your ability to move on? Wrong.

 

Move on, cut off contact and then move on some more.

[smudge21]

You love him, or the idea of him that you've created in your mind and heart? You know the relationship was toxic at best and he showed you little to no respect throughout it. You confirm you can't trust him and let's be honest, you probably never will after everything that happened. However, since the breakup you've created this image of him using all the good memories and in that image he is perfect in every way, and if you give him another chance, everything will be great. Time to really focus on the reality of the relationship, not the fantasy. Is he really worth all this time and effort, really worth you committing to? I think you know full well how this will turn out should you take him back. However, I would never say never, but should you decide to give him his 50th chance, then make sure he works for it and proves his commitment to you. Personally, I always believe that everyone gets one chance - one someone cheats, lies, disrespects, hurts you and leaves, then that's their chance gone. There's so many people on this rock, so why waste so much time on one who has hurt you in the past.

[juniorrocha]

Kate1988, sometimes love isn't enough. After staying about 2 years without him, you should only consider giving him a second chance IF you're ready to discard EVERYTHING from your previous relationship and start new, like you're meeting a new guy. Which apparently you're not, if the past things still haunt you when you think about him.

 

However, if you do decide to try, take it slowly, see how it goes, and see if he's really changed. You can't simply forget everything from the past, but you can give it another go if you're willing to believe things will be different.

 

I do believe people change. But not all people change. And sometimes people take a long time to change. Thing is, trying again would mean you do believe he's changed. Else it will only lead to another heartbreak, especially if, afterall, he hasn't changed.

 

Bottom line is: you'll only know if you try. Search deep within your heart to realize whether it's worth another shot or not. Keep in mind that going back to the relationship bringing all the baggage from the past won't make it work though.

[Kate1988]

Thanks all for your replies. I've decided to block him & have no further contact. He proved he hadn't changed when he gave me the cold shoulder all week after asking about his cheating all of which he denied by stating that people made it up and he only stayed with a girl in a room whilst working away once but his words were "I never slept with her" anyways so He gave the cold shoulder all week & I contacted him the other night and he tried calling me, I missed the call & then I didn't hear anything from him it's like he was out or seeing someone; pretty much the disappearing act again of no contact so I text him & said "thanks wasting my time & u can enjoy all your options uv been keeping open" that was it he didn't reply or anything just ignored it so he hadn't changed and isn't bothered about me really. A man who had changed would not behave in such a way and would at least reply to my not so happy / disappointed text. Pretty sure he's also taking drugs again which is something that he said he was clean so I think it's just all lies.