LivingWaterPlease Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 My heart breaks for both women in this situation since neither of them get a man of their own. He has all this love for them both. But they (the women) get not even half a man. Its sad the sacrifices we as women make for a man. There are too many men in this world to settle for this kind of a life. I bet MM in this situation wouldn't stay with a woman that was involved with him and another man (because he loved her). He would go and find another woman of his own. I pray that the women in this situation find their own true worth and the love that they deserve. And the man in this situation gets to have two women. I'm just like wow. Best wishes I like this post showing such caring for both women in this situation. Thank you, Travelbug66, it is so good to read such a post. SolG, you probably haven't had time to be on LS but just want you to know I genuinely want the best for you and have wondered if compartmentalizing the situation may result in hurting you and if damage is being done to you now that you're not aware since it seems you have the capacity to feel intense compassion in one aspect of your situation and having to overlook compassion you might otherwise feel and act on in another aspect of your involvement. That is what my earlier question to you was/is about. It's hard for me to believe this is not going to cause you great pain at some point. Also, wishing you the best and good support as you continue to post. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SolG Posted July 30, 2017 Author Share Posted July 30, 2017 So things have moved on a bit between us all. MM's W is quite extraordinary in many respects. You have asked why I just don't leave and stop interfereing in their M. Well she actually doesn't want me to. On one hand she wants him to be happy, and she knows him having me in his life adds to his happiness. I think her love is probably the closest I've seen to unconditional. Certainly beyond what I believe I'm capable of. The darker side of her acceptance is that she sees me as 'safe'. MM is attractive, charismatic, successful and in his prime; he could have his pick of women. She knows I have no desire to marry again or even cohabit. I'm financially secure and have no need nor desire to make any demands in that respect. I like my space and time and other partners.She does fear that if he didn't have me... that maybe he'd succumb to someone younger, more demanding, who would want him on a more traditional basis. So she feels a sense of security because she knows I don't want to 'steal' him all for myself. It's now official that I'm moving to the city MM lives in. I won a tranfer and promotion and start my new job in January. We're so excited to be living in the same city again for the first time since 2012. I'm currently looking for an apartment reasonably close to his. However, the next round of overseas secondments will be open for application in October. If I apply and get accepted, it would mean anywhere from three to eight months overseas next year. Which would obviously severely impact this one year we have in the same location before MM relocates back to where his W is in 2019. He wants me to delay applying for a year. However, having participated in two himself he knows the career benefits and says he will be supportive if I do decide to apply. I'm torn. I do want the year together... but I just also feel it's the right time in my career for a secondment. I'm not getting any younger! Not makinga decision just yet. Will probably go with my gut when the time comes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SolG Posted December 3, 2017 Author Share Posted December 3, 2017 Here's my latest update: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/familial/parenting/645237-my-heart-breaking-little-bit-my-daughter#post7480827 Funny how some things are so easily more important than others. I've waited so long for this time again with MM. But he pales in comparison to my child. If she changes her mind and I need to be here.. wild horses couldn't! Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 3, 2017 Share Posted December 3, 2017 Just when I thought I had seen everything on this site... It's amazing to me, how people can justify things in their mind. My heart breaks for this man's wife. I have absolutely no idea why she stays... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamwalker17 Posted December 9, 2017 Share Posted December 9, 2017 Just when I thought I had seen everything on this site... It's amazing to me, how people can justify things in their mind. My heart breaks for this man's wife. I have absolutely no idea why she stays... Just like may OW's who stay in dead end affairs for years - out of fear they won't find anyone else and it's better to have someone than no one (which is absurd), because of low self esteem, because she may be dependent on her husband financially and has nowhere to go, because she doesn't want to feel like she "lost" him to OW, because she is ashamed to be dumped and her family to find out what a sham her marriage has been all along - could be many reasons but all of them are very sad. What a waste of a life time, to spend it on this little egoistical man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 9, 2017 Share Posted December 9, 2017 Indeed. It could be so for any number of reasons, all of them very sad. What a waste of a life, to spend your life with this man. It's heartbreaking. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted December 9, 2017 Share Posted December 9, 2017 I hope things are going better for your daughter. Since her situation is a lot more important than everyone poking their noses in to complain about your lifestyle. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SolG Posted December 10, 2017 Author Share Posted December 10, 2017 (edited) I hope things are going better for your daughter. Since her situation is a lot more important than everyone poking their noses in to complain about your lifestyle. Thanks for your support. I've signed a lease for an apartment across the road from MM. However, if my daughter decides to have this child I'll recind that and stay just where I am. MM supports that, his W supports that, my xH supports that. That's all that matters. I get that for some monogamy is key. But to us (collectively) there are other things that are more important. Expression of commitment is individual, not universal. Edited December 10, 2017 by SolG 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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