How do I end it? :(

[Watertight]

I feel so reassured from the many of you who say my story is your story. I feel sad that our 'love' was never as unique as it once felt. I feel sad it's all practically textbook as a process. But I am buoyed by the hope you guys present for getting through this.

[Shadowburn]

There is no secret formula.

You be brave

You say no more

You end it

You suffer

You heal

You walk toward freedom

Ignore this advice and the pain you will face will trump and pain you have ever or will ever feel when it ends (and it will).

Its not a bubble, its a lie.

Its not love, its fantasy.

You did your research by reading here.

Your eyes are open.

Dont close them again this is a trick and a dead end and its not sweet, story book, or romantic.

Write your no contact letter press send...

 

PG, you rock as always

[privategal]

PG, you rock as always

 

Awe thank you for knowing my posts though blunt are from a good place ❤

[awkward]

A few people have commented pushing for NC... I cannot stress enough this is not an option. I think it would be a hell of a lot easier if it was. The fact I can't is one of the reasons I hesitate to begin to deal with this - cause I will never have the closure I crave.

 

It's amazing how cold about the situation I feel already just letting the steam escape my head a little.

 

Is MM family?

[DKT3]

Why is NC not possible?

[S2B]

Any poster saying NC is not possible is just not being open to the possibilities.

 

Think about it:

 

We've had family here on LS that implemented NC after an affair was discovered.

 

We've had spouses impose that NC must happen IF the one cheating intends to repair the damage they caused.

 

I guarantee you - IF your H finds out then NC would be possible.

 

You either quit seeing him or you don't! You DO have that choice! Every person does. You quit the job if he works with you. You quit volunteering where you see him. You just DO what's right IF you intend to end the affair.

 

It's your actions - your new actions - that will make a difference FOR YOU - for your best interest moving forward.

 

Waiting for anyone else to do what you need to do is not realistic. This is only up to you.

 

So just do it. If needed, expose him!

 

Take your life back and your power back by doing the right thing.

 

I believe you can do this if you would simply stop finding roadblocks to moving forward.

[Southern Sun]

 

Despite the intentions, of course now I can't help but feel that my happiness has been eroded, not enhanced as he promised me. As I promised (fooled) myself. It makes me doubt and compare my primary relationship that was healthy (enough) before this. It makes me crave things I didn't realise I even wanted at the cost of losing gratitude for what I do have.

 

I'm under no illusions, he's not 'the one' and I can and will live without him but, right now, I don't know how to kick the drug and I am scared that I won't even find a real, authentic happiness without him as part of it. Even though I know it's not authentic with him either. I'm so stuck that I feel depressed and lonely even though I know my life is good.

 

I feel like I'll be stuck in limbo forever. I don't want to be this person..... but I can't stop being it. Please don't focus on judging me for the bad deed. I do that enough myself. I am truly asking for help on how to move forward.

 

Help please. I don't know who else to turn to.

 

This is one of the best genuine descriptions by a WS of the hell we place ourselves squarely into by entering into an affair.

 

I'm not sure how many consciously go in thinking, logically - I would like to enhance my life, not shake it up. I know many do. I did not. But the rest of it - it's like having contentment and happiness before that you just destroy by taking "a bite of the apple from the tree of knowledge."

 

Marriages aren't supposed to be constantly compared to other relationships. And you aren't even comparing two marriages of the same type and length. You are comparing a long-term, steady relationship with children and responsibilities to the complete and total opposite. Your BH will over and over come up short, just like you would if he was having some hot fling on the side. You HAVE created your own misery.

 

Your only way out is through, one step at a time. The only way you will know if you can undo the damage is to start reversing the process. And you CAN go NC. But it will require confessing to your husband and quitting your job. I know - I've been there.

Edited June 26, 2016 by Southern Sun

[Watertight]

Hi all.

 

Thanks Southern Sun for 'getting it'. I feel silly because logically I don't know how else this could possibly have ended up. I'm sure I knew it at the time but my logic crumbled and caved. Little by little I gave in.

 

Yes, MM is family. Not directly, but in sorta constant on the edge of the married-in family way. It's hideous I know. Hence, NC isn't possible without disclosure. If it was just about admitting my own failings, I'd genuinely consider it however this would be a bomb under too many people's happiness, so I'd really like to explore the possibility of extreme LC before I resort to this. It will be near impossible I'm sure but it's my own stupidity that led me here so I will do

My best to suffer the consequences to resolve it.

 

Has anyone who is reading this ever successfully managed LC? I'm prepared to be in pain in my own head, and understand it might make healing for me excruciatingly slow however this seems better than hurting so so many people and destroying an extended family unit.

 

I can quit my job, and am prepared to. But I can't quit my family. I can however manipulate the occurrence of crossover events, and intend to.

 

What I'm trying to do now is gather my strength. I've read enough to know on here that cutting ties is easy - but resisting the urge to contact, reach out, smoke signal, seek reassurance etc etc etc - those are the real challenges and I am prepared to face them but I'm doing as much research as I can beforehand to do it once, and do it right.

 

Thanks again all for your wisdom.

[Toodaloo]

For very different reasons but yes. I have extremely low contact with my fathers family and it works just fine.

 

I still send birthday or Christmas cards. I do not attend any family events on that side unless it is a funeral. Even then I do not attend all of those. Its been this way for around 7 or 8 years now. It works just fine and its an unwritten rule that I will not go. Nor do I ever break it unless it is for a damned good reason. Even at events where I have to be at the same place as them I ensure I have my "get out" and that I end up wrapped up in conversations with others or washing up so I do not have to spend time with them.

 

My excuse is that I am dog sitting. I have the full support of my family with this. We have no secrets.

 

That is where I think your problem will be.

 

If you want this to end and you want to go LC you are going to have to come up with some plausible excuse. Either that or just develop migraines when you are due to leave for any event he will be at. Ensure you still turn up to those where he will not be there and maintain your links with other family but make your excuses when you know he will be there. It means missing out on weddings etc but...

 

I agree with the others that actually some professional help would probably be good for you. Just so you can get your "reasons" or your "ending" to the situation.