Xidion Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 Since I was 18, I've been in and out of relationships. My goal since I was younger was always to settle down and have a family. Here I am, single and 31 years old. I never have a problem getting woman, but at this point I think past relationships and hurt I've gone through have made me very guarded and untrusting. I've been cheated on multiple times, lied to, abandoned out of the blue.. despite that, I'm starting to think it's either me, or my choice in partners. I'm hard working and successful. Have my own place, newer car, not a 10, but I am looked at as "handsome". Here is my latest breakup story, which happened very recently. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/585718-she-loves-me-will-regret-but-dumped-me I'm starting to give up hope of finding someone to have a family with...
jrharvey Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 Your probably like me and date emotionally unavailable women. Women that actually give you love and affection on a consistent basis are seen as too smothering so you go after the girls that are hard to get or always just out of reach. IDK thats just a thought. Its what I have done my whole life. Then we act shocked when they leave or we dont love them anymore. IDK. 1
smackie9 Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 "Her and I dated for 4 months. The uniqueness of this is that she was 5 1/2 months pregnant when we started dating.. I knew and decided to go on a date with her. She was honest and said that she got drunk one night and had a one night stand and got pregnant. She had told the father immediately when she found out and he would only contact her to call her every name in the book and tell her she shouldn't have even of kept it". Just by reading this I would say you are choosing the wrong women. This one here clearly has warnings all over the place. It has "unstable" written all over it. One night stand, didn't wear protection, willing to date even tho pregnant.....like wow. 6
ChocolateRain Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 From what i read about you , you seem to be a decent guy and maybe you had just bad luck in choosing the wrong partners . İf you are as decent as you portrait yourself i am sure you will be able to find someone that suits you ... you are going through a heartbreak ... give it some time
Author Xidion Posted June 24, 2016 Author Posted June 24, 2016 Your probably like me and date emotionally unavailable women. Women that actually give you love and affection on a consistent basis are seen as too smothering so you go after the girls that are hard to get or always just out of reach. IDK thats just a thought. Its what I have done my whole life. Then we act shocked when they leave or we dont love them anymore. IDK. It's funny you say that. This girl was very forward and fell for me FAST. On our first date, SHE grabbed my hand to hold it. I ignored all the warning signs. It was easy... too easy. I didn't have to work for anything. 2 months in, she even paid for hockey tickets that I know were $300.00 each easily.
Author Xidion Posted June 24, 2016 Author Posted June 24, 2016 "Her and I dated for 4 months. The uniqueness of this is that she was 5 1/2 months pregnant when we started dating.. I knew and decided to go on a date with her. She was honest and said that she got drunk one night and had a one night stand and got pregnant. She had told the father immediately when she found out and he would only contact her to call her every name in the book and tell her she shouldn't have even of kept it". Just by reading this I would say you are choosing the wrong women. This one here clearly has warnings all over the place. It has "unstable" written all over it. One night stand, didn't wear protection, willing to date even tho pregnant.....like wow. Maybe my mentality of being 31 and wanting a family is causing me to settle and not do proper screening while dating.... 1
Author Xidion Posted June 24, 2016 Author Posted June 24, 2016 From what i read about you , you seem to be a decent guy and maybe you had just bad luck in choosing the wrong partners . İf you are as decent as you portrait yourself i am sure you will be able to find someone that suits you ... you are going through a heartbreak ... give it some time Bad luck or I just get tunnel vision when I start going on dates with someone. I have a bad habit of seeing all the good in a person and ignoring the rest.
elaine567 Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 Maybe my mentality of being 31 and wanting a family is causing me to settle and not do proper screening while dating.... YOU saw a ready made family with that pregnant girl, whilst just about everyone else would have seen trouble ahead with the baby's father and they would have been right too as it happened.
Author Xidion Posted June 24, 2016 Author Posted June 24, 2016 YOU saw a ready made family with that pregnant girl, whilst just about everyone else would have seen trouble ahead with the baby's father and they would have been right too as it happened. You're absolutely right about that. I'm my own worst enemy it seems. 1
bummer Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 Since I was 18, I've been in and out of relationships. Well, besides the external success, do you know who you are? Do you know what the question means? Perhaps a trip by yourself for the express purpose of connecting with yourself is in order. A quarter-life crisis walkabout. (I'm on mine!) Don't date pregnant women. Ignore tinder. Go find a nurse, librarian, or school teacher or even a divorced one, who isn't that pretty, older than you, and then you can settle pretty quickly. Once you settle, then you can settle.
Author Xidion Posted June 24, 2016 Author Posted June 24, 2016 Well, besides the external success, do you know who you are? Do you know what the question means? Perhaps a trip by yourself for the express purpose of connecting with yourself is in order. A quarter-life crisis walkabout. (I'm on mine!) Don't date pregnant women. Ignore tinder. Go find a nurse, librarian, or school teacher or even a divorced one, who isn't that pretty, older than you, and then you can settle pretty quickly. Once you settle, then you can settle. Welllll there's my problem. I would say my biggest flaw is that.. I'm a bit shallow. I like pretty girls and I can be picky in that regard.. however.. it hasn't gotten me anywhere..
bummer Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 Welllll there's my problem. I would say my biggest flaw is that.. I'm a bit shallow. I like pretty girls and I can be picky in that regard.. however.. it hasn't gotten me anywhere.. No it hasn't. And it took a few posts to pull it out of you. You're into pretty pregnant women which is a small, ever changing population. Glad you could solve your own riddle.
Author Xidion Posted June 24, 2016 Author Posted June 24, 2016 No it hasn't. And it took a few posts to pull it out of you. You're into pretty pregnant women which is a small, ever changing population. Glad you could solve your own riddle. Well, this is the first time i've ever dated anyone pregnant or ever considered it...
smackie9 Posted June 25, 2016 Posted June 25, 2016 This goes to show you want pretty, you get pretty, and then convince yourself they are ok by only seeing the good aspects to make it stick. If you had stuck to your guns and not had fallen for every pretty face that came along you would have found the one by now. You have been making yourself miss out. You should allow yourself to not be picky about appearance but be picky about stability, good moral values, a past that doesn't make you uneasy, etc. 1
smackie9 Posted June 25, 2016 Posted June 25, 2016 Well, this is the first time i've ever dated anyone pregnant or ever considered it... This girl never gave you a chance to say no she was that desperate lol. 1
angel.eyes Posted June 25, 2016 Posted June 25, 2016 Bad luck or I just get tunnel vision when I start going on dates with someone. I have a bad habit of seeing all the good in a person and ignoring the rest. If you do indeed pick partners based on the good in people, then why are you not dating any good women? If you were actually attracted to good people, you wouldn't consistently make such flagrantly bad choices in picking dating partners. 1
Author Xidion Posted June 25, 2016 Author Posted June 25, 2016 This girl never gave you a chance to say no she was that desperate lol. You're right about that. She came on STRONG from the very beginning.. and I fell right into it.
Author Xidion Posted June 25, 2016 Author Posted June 25, 2016 If you do indeed pick partners based on the good in people, then why are you not dating any good women? If you were actually attracted to good people, you wouldn't consistently make such flagrantly bad choices in picking dating partners. What I meant by that is when I see things that I view as good in a person, I completely ignore the bad I also see. People can have good traits, but be bad for a relationship.. I guess I haven't acquired the skill to sort the 2. Also.. my last 3 relationships.. all 3 of the girls have had traumatic experiences as children with their parents.. be it.. never met their mom, or dad wasn't there, or divorce, etc.. After researching behavior post breakup, it seems I'm attracted to woman with some sort of personality disorder who come on strong, devalue, and dump to go on to the next person.
angel.eyes Posted June 25, 2016 Posted June 25, 2016 What I meant by that is when I see things that I view as good in a person, I completely ignore the bad I also see. People can have good traits, but be bad for a relationship.. I guess I haven't acquired the skill to sort the 2. Also.. my last 3 relationships.. all 3 of the girls have had traumatic experiences as children with their parents.. be it.. never met their mom, or dad wasn't there, or divorce, etc.. After researching behavior post breakup, it seems I'm attracted to woman with some sort of personality disorder who come on strong, devalue, and dump to go on to the next person. Besides being hot, what were the good traits of these, as you say, personality-disordered women? There are hot women who don't have "personality-disorders." Yet, you aren't dating them? Why is that? 1
O'Malley Posted June 25, 2016 Posted June 25, 2016 Is there a pattern of your exes coming on strong, focusing all of their energy on you very early on and then suddenly withdrawing? I think that there's a healthier balance of making your attraction known in the early stages but also enjoying one's own life: not expecting or requiring a partner to rescue them. Do you have any long term platonic women friends? Women and men friends who are willing to be blunt with you and not give you the "you're a great guy," line? Have an honest conversation about your issue with them and take their advice into consideration.
Author Xidion Posted June 25, 2016 Author Posted June 25, 2016 Besides being hot, what were the good traits of these, as you say, personality-disordered women? There are hot women who don't have "personality-disorders." Yet, you aren't dating them? Why is that? Well, the most recent.. we have the same religious views. She was kind hearted and caring. Very open with how she felt and honest.
Author Xidion Posted June 25, 2016 Author Posted June 25, 2016 Is there a pattern of your exes coming on strong, focusing all of their energy on you very early on and then suddenly withdrawing? I think that there's a healthier balance of making your attraction known in the early stages but also enjoying one's own life: not expecting or requiring a partner to rescue them. Do you have any long term platonic women friends? Women and men friends who are willing to be blunt with you and not give you the "you're a great guy," line? Have an honest conversation about your issue with them and take their advice into consideration. I do, there are 2 woman who I've been friends with for a very long time that are always my go to with things like this. They are honest.. they feel as if I seem to be attracted to woman who seem as if they need rescuing from a situation or even themselves.
smackie9 Posted June 25, 2016 Posted June 25, 2016 Well, the most recent.. we have the same religious views. She was kind hearted and caring. Very open with how she felt and honest. Religious views??? yet she had a one nightstand without protection and got pregnant....so hypocritical. This girl manipulated you so bad. See where I'm going with this?? Huge red flag. There isn't anything nice and honest about it......or are we talking about someone new?
smackie9 Posted June 25, 2016 Posted June 25, 2016 I do, there are 2 woman who I've been friends with for a very long time that are always my go to with things like this. They are honest.. they feel as if I seem to be attracted to woman who seem as if they need rescuing from a situation or even themselves. It's called shining knight or white knight syndrome.
Author Xidion Posted June 25, 2016 Author Posted June 25, 2016 Religious views??? yet she had a one nightstand without protection and got pregnant....so hypocritical. This girl manipulated you so bad. See where I'm going with this?? Huge red flag. There isn't anything nice and honest about it......or are we talking about someone new? No, not someone new. Hindsight is always 20/20. Her actions and everything she told me were completely the opposite. Broken promises, lies, etc. Meanwhile on the outside she seemed so innocent and perfect. Maybe a projection of who she WANTS to be, but isn't. The last time I saw her (a few days ago) when she kept crying and grabbing onto me to hug me, she told me that I was too good for her and that she didn't deserve me. Guess it's true.
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