Keepsakes.

[Poppy47]

This morning I read through some of the cards and letters and poems that MM sent me through "snail mail".

 

I cannot yet bring myself to trash them, yet worry that if anything should happen to me, my family would find them. Foolish of me.... I know what I SHOULD DO.

 

 

What did you all did with the mementos from your A? I would be keen to hear how long it took you to dispose of them.

 

If xMM and I had been on bad terms when we parted , I think it would be easier.

 

Kindest Thoughts,

Poppy

[WakingUp]

I put everything in a bag, closed it shut, and made sure that there was nothing left in my bedroom that reminded me of him.

 

Then I stewed over that bag. I had all sorts of ideas of ways to dispose of the different items in it. All sorts of symbolic things I was going to do. It sat there for months. I resolved not to open it and look. Even when we got back together, broke up, and on and on.

 

Then one night, when the bins were being emptied the next morning, I simply took it all down to the rubbish bins. As they were being collected early the next day I knew I couldn't change my mind and retrieve them.

 

It felt good.

 

I also closed the secret email accounts and blocked my phone.

 

It worked for me.

 

You will know when you are ready.

 

For now, just bag or box it and resolve not to look. Put it somewhere out of sight so it is not a part of your life anymore.

 

Best wishes Poppy x

[WakingUp]

Ha! with one disclaimer... I kept the cordless drill he bought me.

 

I am invincible when wielding power tools!

 

Nothing romantic about a cordless drill. It was the only USEFUL tool in the whole debacle.

[Shadowburn]

This morning I read through some of the cards and letters and poems that MM sent me through "snail mail".

 

I cannot yet bring myself to trash them, yet worry that if anything should happen to me, my family would find them. Foolish of me.... I know what I SHOULD DO.

 

 

What did you all did with the mementos from your A? I would be keen to hear how long it took you to dispose of them.

 

If xMM and I had been on bad terms when we parted , I think it would be easier.

 

Kindest Thoughts,

Poppy

 

Box it, tape it and put it out of sight. You'll throw it away when you'll be ready.

 

I didn't have much of physical mementos, but a lot of digital - pictures, emails etc that I couldn't bear to delete - I copied everything onto one the flashdrives he gave me with some stupid boring music that he liked and hid it away. I threw it away when we were moving houses without looking, or thinking, or regretting, he meant nothing to me at the time.

[privategal]

I couldnt stomach to keep one pic email even a missed phone call log..nothing and it was immediate.

Once he said it was time to close this chapter I burned the whole thing to the ground so to speak to begin healing.

[pooldog]

This morning I read through some of the cards and letters and poems that MM sent me through "snail mail".

 

I cannot yet bring myself to trash them, yet worry that if anything should happen to me, my family would find them. Foolish of me.... I know what I SHOULD DO.

 

 

What did you all did with the mementos from your A? I would be keen to hear how long it took you to dispose of them.

 

If xMM and I had been on bad terms when we parted , I think it would be easier.

 

Kindest Thoughts,

Poppy

 

Everything went into the trash. Everything. Every email is deleted. There is no remnant. It was immediate after dday. I also threw away stuff he left with me because then there is no need to ever see him again.

 

This morning I was reflecting how he and I were polar opposites on goals. I simply want a man who wants to be with me and build a future. He wants to stay with his wife and all of his things and text all day about how he feels and how there is a future. He even emailed last night that he wrote a letter but he didn't attach it and I deleted it and did not respond. It doesn't matter how he feels or what he says. The last five minutes on dday was the moment of truth. Nothing can be said to change it. So it was easy for me to destroy every single momento.

 

Like I said in my other posts I learned a lot about affairs. I was never dressed sexy when he first liked and saw me, I had jeans and a baggy coat and glasses and no makeup and he simply went wild for me so I know my mr right will like me without too much effort and with me just being me. He relentlessly pursued me and didn't care about the sex he would drive hours for coffee it's just crazy and he tried to leave but couldn't.

[pooldog]

Just wanted to say I hope you are feeling better and it's refreshing to see you contemplating what to do with them plus it's fun to read all the responses. LS is a godsend!

[Shadowburn]

Oh I forgot he also gave me a jewelry set for our one year anniversary. White gold and pearls pendant and earrings.

It was so cheap looking, I'd never worn it, I have really nice jewelry.

I shoved it away somewhere and again found it years later when we were moving.

I remember looking at it with a chuckle - that was anniversary present from a man who supposedly loved me enough to leave his wife for me and was making half a million a year.

I should've donated it or just throw it away, I don't it even know where it is now.

They all are just such unworthy idiots.

[RedOlive]

Poppy, that's not an unreasonable worry. If you really want to protect all your digital communications, copy them all to a folder (delete originals) and create an inscription for that folder. Depending on what system you are using there will be a different way to do it, and you can easily google the specifics.

 

That won't prevent you from going back to all those mementoes yourself as you will know the password, but it will hide them from others. Plus having to enter the password every time you feel like looking at an old text or an email may give you just enough of a pause and an opportunity to change your mind.

 

Personally, I'm not at a point where i'm ready to permenately get rid of my own keepsakes. I keep going back and looking at them, re-reading some correspondence. It's clear that this is not a healthy practice, and really serves as a trigger for all sorts of feelings bubbling up to the surface. I don't know how long of stirring your emotions in such a way is considered 'healthy', but i'm pretty sure i'm passed that mark.

 

Good luck to you and I hope you will soon be ready to rid of your keepsake in some kind of a comforting final ritual. Hugs.

[Poppy47]

It was interesting to hear how you all dealt with the keepsakes etc.

 

There is only one thing I will keep. It's a lovely handpainted pendant... a unique piece of art we bought from the artist. I love it for its beauty alone.

 

The remainder will go. I found myself reading bits and pieces and thinking..."Seriously????" . It all seems so juvenile for a 74yearold man to have written .

 

Everything good here on a very cold Australian morning.

 

Love you all

Poppy

xxx

[Patrice]

Burn them.

[rumblefish12]

my exAP always "joked" that she would put everything I ever gave her into an envelope and mail it to me at my house. Or throw it in my front yard late at night. Hasn't happened ... yet.

[MissCongeniality]

Earings and other knds of jewelry I always like holding on to pretty things throwing them away would be such a waste and besides I look hot in them.

[Poppy47]

my exAP always "joked" that she would put everything I ever gave her into an envelope and mail it to me at my house. Or throw it in my front yard late at night. Hasn't happened ... yet.

 

I think we all have fantasies of doing stuff like that. I thought about sending all the letters, cards, poems to the women's club where his wife is president. I never would. It just helped for a while.

 

Hoping it won't happen,

 

Poppy.

[Adoraxx]

I still have everything too... It's not much really, just a broken bracelet (LOL I took it off so many times ) and a few notes where he scribbled on, and a little seashell and 2 little stones. I just can't bring myself to throw it away so for now it's all deep down in a box (I almost never look at it) and hopefully one day I'll just throw it in a lake or an ocean without regretting it. The only thing that I ever deleted was one pic of him and I was SO proud of myself when I did that even though I still have quite a few left. I don't know if I'll ever be able to delete / get rid of everything

 

Hugs!

[Poppy47]

I keep remembering things he gave me.

 

I have three tiny gold fish and I can't throw them away.

 

I also have a beautiful garden he made for me and I am not going to dig that up.

 

TONIGHT I DELETED HUNDREDS OF EMAILS. They are just gone and I didn't even read them again.

 

It's interesting how complete NC works. It has distanced me from the emotions.

Xmm was high power, constant pressure .

It feels good to be off the roller coaster.

 

Poppy.

[MissCongeniality]

I think we all have fantasies of doing stuff like that. I thought about sending all the letters, cards, poems to the women's club where his wife is president. I never would. It just helped for a while.

 

Hoping it won't happen,

 

Poppy.

If I'm going somewhere and I know he'll be there I'll where everything from the sexy dress to the jewlery and when I'm asked where I got it from I just say I got it from an ex. This one guy I like messing with because I know how to push his buttons and I can make him well let's just say the gun goes off by itself if you know how to provide the right visual and often verbal stimulation. Oh it's so nice knowing I can humiliate him like that and his wife has no idea.

 

I babysat as a teen and the husband took advantage of me so I don't mind messing with him after all these years. I mean hey it's not my fault he can't keep his bullets in the chamber.

[Shadowburn]

If I'm going somewhere and I know he'll be there I'll where everything from the sexy dress to the jewlery and when I'm asked where I got it from I just say I got it from an ex. This one guy I like messing with because I know how to push his buttons and I can make him well let's just say the gun goes off by itself if you know how to provide the right visual and often verbal stimulation. Oh it's so nice knowing I can humiliate him like that and his wife has no idea.

 

I babysat as a teen and the husband took advantage of me so I don't mind messing with him after all these years. I mean hey it's not my fault he can't keep his bullets in the chamber.

 

I think you need some IC here to sort out your issues from teen years. You humiliate no one but yourself with such immature behavior. Flaunting your sexuality is nothing special, everyone is capable of having sex.

[Shadowburn]

I keep remembering things he gave me.

 

I have three tiny gold fish and I can't throw them away.

 

I also have a beautiful garden he made for me and I am not going to dig that up.

 

TONIGHT I DELETED HUNDREDS OF EMAILS. They are just gone and I didn't even read them again.

 

It's interesting how complete NC works. It has distanced me from the emotions.

Xmm was high power, constant pressure .

It feels good to be off the roller coaster.

 

Poppy.

 

I think you should keep things that have meaning for you besides being connected to him. I personally was never too attached to the past, I never reread old emails, I don't even look at old pictures but if you think it may trigger something in you - stash it away.

 

That power you gave him was never his. It's yours, and I am sure it feels great to claim it back xo

[Lobe]

My WH's exOW has the weirdest keepsake of the affair: a public blog. It's a (sad, depressing) diary of the way the affair developed, escalated, and ended, all out there in the open for anyone and everyone to read...

[MissCongeniality]

I think you need some IC here to sort out your issues from teen years. You humiliate no one but yourself with such immature behavior. Flaunting your sexuality is nothing special, everyone is capable of having sex.

Please he's the pathetic one if all I have to do is wear a hot dress and some jewerly and say a couple of words. I barely have to put any effort into it.

[Lobe]

Please he's the pathetic one if all I have to do is wear a hot dress and some jewerly and say a couple of words. I barely have to put any effort into it.

 

I think it's the fact you put the effort in at all that's disconcerting. It smacks of unresolved feelings of anger and hurt. Take care of yourself.

[HappyAgain2014]

Deleted the email address and texts a few months after the affair ended. Shredded cards and letters at the same time.

 

Returned jewelry he bought me which was amusing because they clearly knew something was up.

 

I felt foolish having any of it. The affair was secretive enough. I didn't want momentos of my foolishness.