Novalis78 Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 (edited) Hello everybody, I need some opinions! My story: I was married for 9 years. My wife and I stopped having sex altogether at year 6 and I kinda endured one full year without sex. Well, 2 years ago I met a girl on a dating site, from day one she knew I was married and that I was looking for sex only, we had some friendly encounters and then she became my lover we had sex 2 or 3 times a month. Slowly we became more and more attached in the sense that our relationship grew into something more than just sex. Well, once a year she travels abroad for holidays... there she had a summer affair, something that is completely ok for me since I always encouraged her to find a man that would love her and BE with her always, not like me, and stop being my lover. 3 or 4 months later (November 2015) she tells me that has decided to date an old friend of her and wants to give the relationship a shot, we stopped having sex we continued being friends and communicating regularly as before. January 2016. She tells me that has broken up with his bf. After chatting, she tells me that I'm the cause... that she loves me, that she constantly compares anyone with myself and I'm always the best. This is something I have been suspecting for a long long time, I think I have similar feelings. February 2016. I talk to my wife and we decide to finish our relationship. I'm tired of cheating and lying, she's a good woman and doesn't deserve that. If our relationship is not working, then better to finish everything and seek out new love opportunities. My friend/lover knows about my decision but I don't propose nothing to her yet. May 2016. She's getting ready for hear yearly travel to Italy. A couple of days before her departure we meet for sex and being together for the night. We deeply talk and decide to be together and try to start a normal relationship. We agree to stop dating or looking for other people, "exclusivity". Now here comes the problem... the last couple of weeks I've been obsessed by the idea of knowing whether she's loyal to me while abroad (I have). The idea just popped in my head one day although her behaviour is as always. Well, I created a fake facebook profile yesterday and added her as a contact... Well, to make a long story short, her new friend began talking about sex after a few lines. After some 100 lines he began making her some propositions about meeting in person and making her taste how an italian guy is in bed. She refused, said that it's impossible since she has a boyfriend. Then he proposed an erotic game, basically describing what he would do to her if they were together. The conversation wasn't too erotic since she was very busy and had little time to reply. Still, she wrote things like: Hmmmmm.... That's interesting I don't wanna fall into your hands Yeah, I'd like to see your bedroom You won't let me sleep? ))) Hmm, yes (To the question "are you naked"?) I'm planning to continue chatting with her tomorrow. I don't know what to think... is this cheating or not? I asked her not to chat with their old "lovers" (guys she talked to online only since they live too far away) and she begins to openly talk about sex with a stranger 2 days after my request. I'm confused and need some opinions, I don't know what to think about this. I think any normal girl would immediately refuse any open sexual approach or invitation, NOT INTERESTED! BYE!, but she doesn't stop the flirting... Thanks for reading! Edited June 26, 2016 by Novalis78 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Blunt Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 (edited) I'm confused and need some opinions, Idon't know what to think about this Keep the Facebook conversations going; you will probably find out a lot of answers to your concerns by her responses. Her responses will be a lot more convincing than what we say on an internet discussion board. Your GF had no problem with having sex with you even though she knew you were married. From what you have written I would guess that she has had a lot of sexual experiences with different men. She obviously likes to talk with strange men on the internet about sex. I would not choose to put my trust and emotions in the hands of a woman like that but that is my thinking; you may have a different standard. I would wonder what she will do for sexual excitement when being married to you for several years and the excitement is diminished. What do you think? Edited June 26, 2016 by Mr Blunt 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Novalis78 Posted June 26, 2016 Author Share Posted June 26, 2016 (edited) I just realized that I omitted a lot of important information: We met in a period when she was devastated: in the middle of a divorce. I helped her regain her self esteem and I became part lover, part therapist. With me she learned what sex should and can be. We both were craving for emotional support, the feeling of being loved/needed, and of course physical pleasure. I was her second sex partner ever, her first was her husband. After me there were 3 guys. One in Italy while on holidays (April 2015), her old friend, and one guy she had been talking to online. This is perfectly fine since, as I said, I always encouraged her to find a true boyfriend and stop being just my lover. So, I can't really say she is addicted to online talking. In fact, after a month or so of meeting with me she deleted her profile on the dating site. She met the other two guys on a language exchange site. Edited June 26, 2016 by Novalis78 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 If she finds out you are doing this, your relationship is over man. You are the one being dishonest here. Wow. She already said no that she has a boyfriend and you pushed even harder. I hope she finds someone that will treat her right. Will it be you? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 Mr Blunt's post is pretty much spot-on regardless of whether it is an inconvenient truth or not. She digs hooking up with guys on the internet. The reason you had concerns is because you know better than anyone what she does with sweet talking dudes on the internet. This reads like an internet meme inscripted on a poster of the sun going down on a beach, but people come into and out of our lives. Some serve a specific purpose or phase and when that purpose or phase has passed, they fade away. Sounds like she was a real nice and convenient OW when you were in a dry spell with your wife. She may have been great for motel meetings and quickies in the van in back of a parking lot, but that doesn't mean that she will be a good primary. often the best APs are not good partners or mates. Most affairs crumble under their own weight after the marriage comes to an end. Very few actually end up with the APs riding off into the sunset together. Don't put to high of hopes on this one or invest yourself emotionally or financially into this relationship. Statistically speaking, it probably won't last very long. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 She already said no that she has a boyfriend and you pushed even harder. All chicks say they have a BF when some complete stranger first starts talking her up. The fact that a few lines later she starts taking the bait is much more telling about her character than a standard blow off line that all chicks use all the time in the first few moments of an exchange with a complete stranger. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Novalis78 Posted June 26, 2016 Author Share Posted June 26, 2016 Well, this may sound cliche but we have been together for a very long long time and I'm pretty sure she's a fine woman. She has 2 little boys from her marriage, the younger one being 2,5 years old. She works very hard from home and in fact I trust her. That's why I'm discussing this topic here... In fact, I agree a little bit with one poster above that said that I'm being dishonest, I may be looking for **** where is none. Maybe she just likes to talk in her non native language about anything, including sex... In fact, she doesn't encourage the conversation to progress, she just makes silly comments like the ones I posted above when the guys talks something sexually charged. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 Well, this may sound cliche but we have been together for a very long long time and I'm pretty sure she's a fine woman. She has 2 little boys from her marriage, the younger one being 2,5 years old. She works very hard from home and in fact I trust her. That's why I'm discussing this topic here... In fact, I agree a little bit with one poster above that said that I'm being dishonest, I may be looking for **** where is none. Maybe she just likes to talk in her non native language about anything, including sex... In fact, she doesn't encourage the conversation to progress, she just makes silly comments like the ones I posted above when the guys talks something sexually charged. no one is saying she is an ax murderer in a hockey mask or a child molester or that she kicks puppies. She may be a decent human being, just not good relationship material. She served her role as a f#(k buddy on the side, but that doesn't mean that she will make a good GF/wife/partner/mate. A lot of people that are fun play-toys do not make good partners. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 If you two are so close as it seems i think she has a hunch it is you:cool: Considering that you let her leave alone to italy i think Therein lays a lot of your frustrations, why not progress the relationship now:o let her have no doubt in her mind that you Want her and doesnt accept her going to italy without you:love: show her you want to spend Every second with her so that she isnt vulnerable when somebody comes along trying for love:) dont play these games be honest:) Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 Continue the conversation. But if you want to gauge her real feelings, you need to be much more direct and blunt. Tell her you want sex in no uncertain terms. Tell her your package makes her boyfriend's look sad by comparison - and then offer to show her... stuff like that. Now here's the twist. Come to her and tell her someone e-mailed you a conversation she had with someone's boyfriend. Make it sound like the girlfriend of the guy she was talking to found out and blew the lid off things by e-mailing the conversation to you. If she knows it was you , she will tell you. But if she doesn't she will be flabbergasted and go into denial, and you will have your answer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 Another limited thought from me: maybe she just enjoys the interest somebody is showing her in case you back out and go back to telling her needs to find another man:cool: you probably made her very insecure by that and you now have to build up trust by being there for eachother totally and with time she Will put all her money on you:cool: Im just trying to understand her because from what you write she could be a loyal Loving and true woman:love: Im sorry to write something after comment as outstanding as Poutrews:) it almost deserved to be the last words:cool: Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 Well, this may sound cliche but we have been together for a very long long time and I'm pretty sure she's a fine woman. She has 2 little boys from her marriage, the younger one being 2,5 years old. She works very hard from home and in fact I trust her. That's why I'm discussing this topic here... In fact, I agree a little bit with one poster above that said that I'm being dishonest, I may be looking for **** where is none. Maybe she just likes to talk in her non native language about anything, including sex... In fact, she doesn't encourage the conversation to progress, she just makes silly comments like the ones I posted above when the guys talks something sexually charged. In what universe is one month 'a long time'? You've been sleeping together on and off for a couple of years (also not 'a long time'). You cheated on your wife with her for longer than you've been together. It's up to you whether or not you're comfortable with your girlfriend telling strangers on the Internet that she's naked. Seriously. If you're ok with it then more power to you. But I'd give it a bit longer before you get too serious..you don't know what it's like to be in an actual relationship with her yet. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 But I'd give it a bit longer before you get too serious..you don't know what it's like to be in an actual relationship with her yet. This^^^^^^ Your affair and the down low trysts you had as APs are now null and void. You are hitting the 'reset' button and starting from scratch. You need to look at this as a new person you are just starting to date. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 no one is saying she is an ax murderer in a hockey mask or a child molester or that she kicks puppies. She may be a decent human being, just not good relationship material. She served her role as a f#(k buddy on the side, but that doesn't mean that she will make a good GF/wife/partner/mate. A lot of people that are fun play-toys do not make good partners. This. Also, anyone who will cheat with you can easily be unfaithful to you as well. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 We met in a period when she was devastated: in the middle of a divorce. Let's think. She... ...cheated with you while still married to her husband ...was willing to cheat with a married man ...has no problem telling random online strangers "I'd like to see your bedroom" What could go wrong ??? Mr. Lucky 5 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 10 characters Link to post Share on other sites
Author Novalis78 Posted June 28, 2016 Author Share Posted June 28, 2016 Thanks everyone! I dumped her today, no explanations given Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 Thanks everyone! I dumped her today, no explanations given Good! You know, since you have that fake Facebook profile and she doesn't know it's you, you can have some fun with it. Most likely, she will be looking to tell someone about what happened, and you can hear her view unaltered by deceit. If she asks you why would my bf dump me, you can tell her that though you don't know her boyfriend, the reason I would dump you if you were my gf would be if you were cheating on me. Were you cheating on your guy and how do you think he found out? After you get your info, you can get more satisfaction by never replying to her again and closing the facebook page down, in effect dumping her a second time Sometimes, life really is good... Link to post Share on other sites
ChocolateRain Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 Let's think. She... ...cheated with you while still married to her husband ...was willing to cheat with a married man ...has no problem telling random online strangers "I'd like to see your bedroom" What could go wrong ??? Mr. Lucky ^This^ ..... when a cheater gets cheated on ....chalk it up to Karma . Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 Thanks everyone! I dumped her today, no explanations given Good for you. In the future, you may want to be more selective about whom you start a serious relationship with. Remember that what you put out into the world will always come back to you. Cheating on your wife led to you being cheated on. Time to start being honest with women you are with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 Well I am happy for her. You cheated on your wife. The girl you cheated with, you pushed to date other guys at the same time. You finally divorce your wife and decide to have a real relationship with your AP. She goes to Italy and you project your own actions on her and create a fake account to entrap her. When YOU asked her for a hook up she refuses because she is DATING YOU. Small chit chat instigated by you continues, she really doesn't respond to it. Then you break up with her. Great plan. She is better off with someone that is not you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Novalis78 Posted June 28, 2016 Author Share Posted June 28, 2016 She basically had chat sex with the other guy while talking to me at the same time... The not cool thing is that on that very same afternoon be both agreed that flirting, cyber sex or exchanging sexy pics with other people was a big no no for both of us... Her pluses: after cyber sex she still refused to meet in person, said no to my advances. She said that all was a game, and thus safe. She refused to send sexy pics when asked to. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 Play it how ever you want. She is better off with out you. She never sent any nudes and refused to hook up with YOU. Good for her. Talking about sex and cyber sex are two different things. So just drop it and go on. You broke up with her so hopefully she has found a shoulder to cry on. Now you can go on with your life knowing she won't be in it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Novalis78 Posted June 28, 2016 Author Share Posted June 28, 2016 Play it how ever you want. She is better off with out you. Now you can go on with your life knowing she won't be in it. Oh, she will be... Just not like my official partner Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 Oh, she will be... Just not like my official partner So once an azz always an azz. Look at me, I am a big man taking it out on a girl..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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