Why Shy Inexperienced Men Should Consider Dating A Fat Chick

[ZA Dater]

That's not true at all.

 

I started my first relationship at 30 and my ex was delighted that I was still a virgin at the time and that I was sharing a gift with her that I could give no one else. Besides, virginity also meant no exes or baby mama drama.

 

Our first time in bed was wonderful. She thought I was lying about being a virgin...staying hard, excited and aroused wasn't an issue! The only real problem was after all those years, I was so used to finishing on my own, I had trouble finishing with an actual woman. We stopped, went out for a bite to eat and tried again later that night. The second time we did it was when I finally climaxed.

 

 

 

Definitely!

 

I am just not prepared to go there. It's impossible to get a date I like so igettin laid would never happen anyway. I've just accepted it and thankfully my friends who tried to get me laid have accepted it too. I can't imagine it being any less than awkward, I've never been kissed or ever made to feel desired in anyway at all.

 

Op be careful of which friends you place trust in, find those who haven't always had success because they can relate and help you better.

 

I'd also decide what you really want in terms of the personality and the blend of looks vs personality .

[preraph]

Dark Horse, I like your realistic view. Truth is if you really want a partner because you feel you can't be happy on your own, then you will have to date someone who is interested in you, who thinks you are attractive enough for them on every level. So if you want to be with someone bad enough, you will date who will have you.

 

But that is not to say all fat chicks will want every guy either. Just because they're fat doesn't mean they don't also have attraction standards, and whether they settle for you will depend, again, on how bad they want companionship.

 

There are whole cultures who don't have much problem with fat women like we do here in the US.

[BlueIris]

Players mislead women all the time.

 

If that’s justification for misleading, then have at it.

 

But it’s instructive. People who care about other people and people with a conscience will find it very uncomfortable and even damaging to their self-esteem.

 

People should be wary of deceivers or the insincere, and there are some men who are not obviously successful with women who also adopt the deception or player method. Others should not assume that just because he doesn’t look or act like the stereotypical player he is sincere or considerate.

 

Even apart from that, attraction imbalances happen to even the best-intentioned. Every one of the few girls who would date me was less attracted than I was and had preconceived "shelf lives" for our relationships.

 

And you dated them despite that- which is exactly my point.

 

If OP wants to date someone with shelf-life in mind, tell her. Make it clear. There are some women who will size him up, ponder whether it’s worth it, a net benefit to her, and give it a go.

 

Frankly, that's what a lot of women are doing when they date players or rock stars or sparkly guys of any type, too.

[SammySammy]

Why?

 

What makes being desperate unattractive? I don't understand.

 

It's an unspoken code. We all would rather be with someone who is thriving than someone who is struggling.

 

Being desperate and needing female validation is like having a neon sign on your head flashing "Struggling! Struggling! Struggling!".

 

Women are very perceptive. Even when they are not consciously aware of it, they notice EVERYTHING. And respond accordingly. Even women who you think may have lower standards.

 

On the subject of attracting women, I saw an interesting quote yesterday:

 

"The flower doesn't dream of the bee. It blossoms and the bee comes." - Mark Nepo

 

I think we spend too much time trying to attract women. All of us might be better off if we just strive to be the best men we can be - fully secure with ourselves - and the corresponding woman will find you. If you want a better woman, be a better man.

[scorpiogirl]

Again you can flip that around to an extent, someone who approaches people and never had any success can be forced to try and force themselves to liking someone they don't.

 

 

Its a truly bizarre thing and if your experiences are always bad I guess you could delude yourself into thinking the way the OP does, again I have been there so I can relate but ultimately I think the OP will find out the same thing I did, you simply cant do this from a moral point of view.

 

 

I don't think practice really exists in the dating arena, barring perhaps HS which is where everyone I know seemed to learn to date.

 

 

I'd love to actually metaphorically look at the OP and see why he hasn't had success, understand the type of people he likes but his threads have been quite vague. For reference I am 5.9, blond, blue eyes, athletic and I have had no success at all, many large people have had far more success than I have, put simply your cant always equate physical appearance to success rate at least when it comes to guys.

 

 

I think its almost impossible to know why some people are better at this than others, at 21 he is still young, it would be a different matter if he were 31 but in reality he has time, time to try and reverse the trend as hard as that can be, at the very least I truly hope he finds some inner peace because when I read his posts its sometimes like reading into my own mind at times.

 

 

Another suggestion, I would guess like me, he doesn't have anyone to talk to about this, find someone, I put my trust in two close friends a few weeks ago and actually put down on paper my dating struggles, it was hugely hard but I did feel like a weight had been lifted.

 

 

OP, what sort of ladies do you like and what are your interests.

 

Why is THIS what everybody focuses on? Clearly this is irrelevant if you don't have a personality that draws people to you.

It's funny how you all are going on about people's size as if that's some hinderance to dating.

Like somehow because you don't have extra weight you should be a shoe-in for a date. Experience shows all of you who look down on "fat girls" are doing a lot worse than those fat girls in the dating arena.

 

On behalf of "fat girls", "whales" and whatever else has been used in this thread, don't do us any favours.

Not sure what your blonde hair and blue eyes have to do with the price of eggs.

Those "large" people that you constantly look

down on have something you don't. Clearly.

 

OP, any girl worth her salt, fat or not, is not going to give you a second look. Your threads so far show nothing that i'd want to date. I have a brain and wouldn't stoop so low as to date someone whose opinion of other people is so low merely because of the way they look.

 

Weight can change. Ignorance can't. Do the fat girls a favour and stick to your kind, the virgins. We don't want you either.

Edited June 26, 2016 by scorpiogirl

[Dark Horse]

It's an unspoken code. We all would rather be with someone who is thriving than someone who is struggling.

 

Being desperate and needing female validation is like having a neon sign on your head flashing "Struggling! Struggling! Struggling!".

 

Women are very perceptive. Even when they are not consciously aware of it, they notice EVERYTHING. And respond accordingly. Even women who you think may have lower standards.

 

 

 

Yeah but I think a desperate female is attractive because to me that signals that she's looking for a relationship and since I can relate to that, it makes me even more attracted to her.

 

And even if i'm not attracted to her, I can definitely relate and knows what it feels like.

[Imajerk17]

I'm sorry preraph, I'm not seeing anything "realistic" by assuming that women w bigger builds are dateless or will just take what they can get. It just isn't true at all!

 

Look, if you were advising the OP to get experience talking to and flirting w women IN GENERAL, then I concur. Guys I know who are great with women tend to charm both the woman his age AND her grandma. These guys, even though they want to date the woman their own age, make BOTH feel special.

 

I do agree w your point that it's a great idea to give chemistry to grow w someone who seems to like you though--I think that many women looking for love are given similar advice.

 

Dark Horse, I like your realistic view. Truth is if you really want a partner because you feel you can't be happy on your own, then you will have to date someone who is interested in you, who thinks you are attractive enough for them on every level. So if you want to be with someone bad enough, you will date who will have you.

 

But that is not to say all fat chicks will want every guy either. Just because they're fat doesn't mean they don't also have attraction standards, and whether they settle for you will depend, again, on how bad they want companionship.

 

There are whole cultures who don't have much problem with fat women like we do here in the US.

Edited June 26, 2016 by Imajerk17

[Dark Horse]

OP, any girl worth her salt, fat or not, is not going to give you a second look. Your threads so far show nothing that i'd want to date. I have a brain and wouldn't stoop so low as to date someone whose opinion of other people is so low merely because of the way they look.

 

Weight can change. Ignorance can't. Do the fat girls a favour and stick to your kind, the virgins. We don't want you either.

 

 

Everybody's got a dark side beneath that mask they wear everyday. It's why when you meet someone, they're often more friendly and sociable and seem to fit in because they have to fake who they are, it's called good advertising. You're not going to fart and talk about your love of jacking off to hot girls on Facebook to someone you just met right?

 

But once you get to know someone, they slowly remove that mask and show their true colors.

 

For me, this happens to be a place where I can express my loneliness and problems. So yeah of course I seem to come off with attitude problems. But in real life, i'm much more friendly and a cool person, I just shy and quiet around women so they don't get to know me that well. That's my problem right there, I act differently around women, i'm a lot more stiff and uncomfortable.

 

 

Simple as that.

[BlueIris]

Yeah but I think a desperate female is attractive because to me that signals that she's looking for a relationship and since I can relate to that, it makes me even more attracted to her.

 

And even if i'm not attracted to her, I can definitely relate and knows what it feels like.

 

It depends upon whether you’re looking for an emotional relationship, a heart-felt connection, or not. If you are, your plan or theory won’t work.

 

However, if you are- if you are looking only for practice and could not become seriously involved with a certain type of woman- then you should be looking for a woman with the same perspective. You are looking for a woman who is willing to date you despite the fact that you don’t meet her ideals or baseline criteria. They do exist.

 

You can’t detect who they are unless you’re honest about your own intentions.

 

I think this is often called a FB situation. It used to be more gently referred to as an "arrangement." That’s what you’re seeking, right?

[SammySammy]

Yeah but I think a desperate female is attractive because to me that signals that she's looking for a relationship and since I can relate to that, it makes me even more attracted to her.

 

And even if i'm not attracted to her, I can definitely relate and knows what it feels like.

 

I'm not surprised you overlooked the most important part of my post to defend your warped view of dating.

 

Reminds me of old school players saying "the game is to be sold and not told". Why they are unwilling to help hamsters spin their wheel.

 

Good luck to you, young man. I hope you find what you're looking for.

[Dark Horse]

I'm not surprised you overlooked the most important part of my post to defend your warped view of dating.

 

Reminds me of old school players saying "the game is to be sold and not told". Why they are unwilling to help hamsters spin their wheel.

 

Good luck to you, young man. I hope you find what you're looking for.

 

 

I'll have to get over my fear of talking to women. I can't wait and hope for things to get better.

 

It's like reading a book on how to play piano, i'm not going to get better at piano unless I start playing the piano.

 

Same thing goes with women.

 

 

It's better to start now than later because a lot of things can happen in the not-to-distant future. I could end up in a major car crash which paralyzes me, I could get terminal cancer, I could die in a terrorist attack. And i'd rather die having experienced love, sex, and intimacy than to not have experienced it. Just like I would rather love while young than grow older and never experience these things.

 

Time is short, youth is even shorter. I have to find what i'm looking for, that way I can say that I did it.

Edited June 26, 2016 by Dark Horse

[SammySammy]

I'll have to get over my fear of talking to women. I can't wait and hope for things to get better.

 

It's like reading a book on how to play piano, i'm not going to get better at piano unless I start playing the piano.

 

Same thing goes with women.

 

 

It's better to start now than later because a lot of things can happen in the not-to-distant future. I could end up in a major car crash which paralyzes me, I could get terminal cancer, I could die in a terrorist attack. And i'd rather die having experienced love, sex, and intimacy than to not have experienced it.

 

Time is short, youth is even shorter. I have to find what i'm looking for, that way I can say that I did it.

 

Most of us learn to play piano quicker with a teacher. Somebody who knows the hows and whys. Knows how to practice. How to get better. Someone who has been where you are. We rarely get there quicker by trying to learn on our own. Arguing with people who just might know more than us.

 

If you're serious - two books:

 

The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work and Sexual Desire by David Deida

 

Models: Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson

[Revolver]

Which is fine, in my opinion, BUT ONLY IF OP is honest with the women he approaches or dates, lets them know that he considers them “fat chicks” and starter GFs, so that they can also make a fair decision also and aren't being misled.

 

That probably wouldn't go well for him.

 

 

Do you have the same standard for women using guys for money and free meals though?

 

I don't see how it's any different

[carhill]

I'll have to get over my fear of talking to women. I can't wait and hope for things to get better.

 

IMO, that's a good plan. Talk more, label less. IOW, rather than slap a label on a 'fat chick', view her as a woman to talk to and whatever happens, happens.

[BlueIris]

Do you have the same standard for women using guys for money and free meals though?

 

I don't see how it's any different

 

Sure.

 

Any time someone is entering a relationship for transactional purposes, to get something from that person rather than to establish a caring loving relationship, be honest about it.

 

It sounds counterintuitive, to be honest, but it's actually good because then you are respecting that other person's choice too. It also acknowledges that that person isn't getting what they want either, but might be willing to get something else, if you have something they want.

 

FB and booty-call relationships can be founded on that- acknowledging that neither is interested in long-term with the other, but both want sex or basic companionship at times. Sugar baby relationships are founded on that. Some older guy/young women or cougar relationships are founded on that as well.

 

People who actually want a heartfelt connection won't want that, so don't deceive people who believe you have a sincere interest in forging a loving relationship.

[xxoo]

OP, get out there and talk to women. Lots of women. Make it your goal to talk to women of all sorts: old, young, attractive, unattractive. If at this point you do not have the courage to talk to women you are attracted to, just get started talking to women you're not attracted to. But don't talk to them primarily as a stepping stone to what you "really want", talk to them because they are people and people are interesting. Maybe she's fun, maybe she works somewhere that would lead to a great connection for you, maybe she has a sister, maybe talking to her is the best 5 minutes of laughter you'll have all day. People have value. Get out there and make connections, beyond for sex.

[preraph]

I'm sorry preraph, I'm not seeing anything "realistic" by assuming that women w bigger builds are dateless or will just take what they can get. It just isn't true at all!

 

Look, if you were advising the OP to get experience talking to and flirting w women IN GENERAL, then I concur. Guys I know who are great with women tend to charm both the woman his age AND her grandma. These guys, even though they want to date the woman their own age, make BOTH feel special.

 

I do agree w your point that it's a great idea to give chemistry to grow w someone who seems to like you though--I think that many women looking for love are given similar advice.

 

You actually quoted me saying just the opposite above. Guess you misread. I said there's no guarantee fat chicks will go out with him either.

[preraph]

I just want to add one thing. I am not getting that the OP is turned off by fat women entirely. Yes, it's a bit self-serving but I'm hearing him also say there is something to be said for their curves. Maybe I am just hearing what I want to hear?

[scorpiogirl]

Everybody's got a dark side beneath that mask they wear everyday. It's why when you meet someone, they're often more friendly and sociable and seem to fit in because they have to fake who they are, it's called good advertising. You're not going to fart and talk about your love of jacking off to hot girls on Facebook to someone you just met right?

 

But once you get to know someone, they slowly remove that mask and show their true colors.

 

For me, this happens to be a place where I can express my loneliness and problems. So yeah of course I seem to come off with attitude problems. But in real life, i'm much more friendly and a cool person, I just shy and quiet around women so they don't get to know me that well. That's my problem right there, I act differently around women, i'm a lot more stiff and uncomfortable.

 

 

Simple as that.

 

Right, so the Real You here is what's going to be revealed when the mask comes off. It's unappealing. This is how you really think about women.

[scorpiogirl]

I just want to add one thing. I am not getting that the OP is turned off by fat women entirely. Yes, it's a bit self-serving but I'm hearing him also say there is something to be said for their curves. Maybe I am just hearing what I want to hear?

 

Yes it seems you are just hearing what you want to. He was offensive.

[Chris2016]

OP, I didn't read the whole thread, but if you are genuinely interested in connecting with someone, I'd say go for it. Not because she's fat, ugly, in a wheel chair, or whatever.

 

What about her has you interested? Is she cute/charming in her own sort of way? Does she have an awesome smile/laughter? Does she have a good personality?

 

Maybe someone who is fat, ugly, disabled or whatever has had life challenges? And those life challenges are what you want to connect with?

 

I have a rare, minor disfigurement. In the Facebook support group I'm in, there are women who also have this disfigurement. The things they share I can totally relate, and want to connect with that.

[Dark Horse]

OP, I didn't read the whole thread, but if you are genuinely interested in connecting with someone, I'd say go for it. Not because she's fat, ugly, in a wheel chair, or whatever.

 

What about her has you interested? Is she cute/charming in her own sort of way? Does she have an awesome smile/laughter? Does she have a good personality?

 

 

 

I have a rare, minor disfigurement. In the Facebook support group I'm in, there are women who also have this disfigurement. The things they share I can totally relate, and want to connect with that.

 

 

Well there's this cute petite girl who also has aspergers in my class (just like me), and my intels have gathered the information that she is indeed single.

 

I will engage the said target this Tuesday class period. If successful, I will have successfully talked to her without shtting my pants!

 

And maybe it can develop into something deeper. If I play my cards right, it could eventually turn into playing mario kart deep in the night and sharing pokemon cards.

 

 

I'll go brief the men. We've got a battle to win here.

 

 

FOR NARNIA AND FOR LONELY + HORNY MEN WORLDWIDE!!!!!!

Edited June 27, 2016 by Dark Horse

[Justanaverageguy]

And yep, that's the thing with most women - more than looks when it comes to a guy. While, with men it's the contrary...looks are more important to them.

 

Absolutely agree - with women money is very important as well

 

Kidding but not really. Both sexes are just as superficial as the other. Women are every bit as bad as guys.

[ZA Dater]

Why is THIS what everybody focuses on? Clearly this is irrelevant if you don't have a personality that draws people to you.

It's funny how you all are going on about people's size as if that's some hinderance to dating.

Like somehow because you don't have extra weight you should be a shoe-in for a date. Experience shows all of you who look down on "fat girls" are doing a lot worse than those fat girls in the dating arena.

 

On behalf of "fat girls", "whales" and whatever else has been used in this thread, don't do us any favours.

Not sure what your blonde hair and blue eyes have to do with the price of eggs.

Those "large" people that you constantly look

down on have something you don't. Clearly.

 

OP, any girl worth her salt, fat or not, is not going to give you a second look. Your threads so far show nothing that i'd want to date. I have a brain and wouldn't stoop so low as to date someone whose opinion of other people is so low merely because of the way they look.

 

Weight can change. Ignorance can't. Do the fat girls a favour and stick to your kind, the virgins. We don't want you either.

 

You chose to take the negative out of that. I suggest you read again, what was trying to say is you can be the fittest guy around and have much less luck than the curvy girl so you cant judge people and their ability to succeed on looks alone.

 

In other words in what must be a world first I agree with you!

[BrainMangler]

TL;DR

 

This may sound crude but here are my thoughts on this: don't do it. Unless your fat you shouldn't be dating fat girls (also if you don't have kids don't date single moms). If you haven't been laid in like a while go out and hit the gym and get in really good shape, buy clothes that fit, do cool things and maybe become a bit more edgy.

 

 

My old roommate was straight off the boat from China when I met him 4 years ago and he was horrible with girls. This guy had only kissed one girl and had done nothing else. I was single during this period when he first moved in with me and I would bring him along when I went out to the bars. He basically had no idea what girls were looking for and he got quite a few awkward situations because he was too polite. I helped him out a bit but I think he let his ego get in the way of really letting most of it sink in.

 

 

Anyways he basically got around to thinking "maybe I just need practice and a fat girl will do because I'm a virgin". As of now they are dating and he's become comfortable with her (they've been dating for a few months). He's tried to get her in shape by going to the gym with him a lot but I think it's caused some conflict between them. He doesn't really understand that you can't upgrade your girlfriend (you can't force someone to get into shape if they don't really want it or have no reason to get in shape)

 

 

The thing is he just needed more time going out and more time around American girls to understand how different they are here than in Europe/China. He's decently looking guy too (6'2" well built and makes 140k a year), he could have gotten a girl closer to him looks and career wise didn't decide to quickly settle for anyone.