Backed out on meeting Ex, now regretting it

[PhilA]

So last year I studied for five months in Germany. While there I started dating a girl here and we really hit it off. When I left and went home we kept in contact; skyping/calling everyday. This went on for about 8 months and during that time I made plans to comeback and stay. However things went sour about a month before I came back and we stopped talking completely. I came back nonetheless because I was offered job here.

 

For the first month of being in Germany we saw each other quite often beacause we have the same friend group. I made an ass of myself while drunk one night to her after seeing her with her new "lover" and soon after she broked off all contact with me. After that I stopped going places where she might be and up until now (two months) it's been NC.

 

Then just last week she texted me, asking how I was, what I've been up to etc. At first I ignored her message, as I had finally felt i coulld let her go and move on, but I caved and texted back. We talked about mundane subjects for about an hour until she asked if I wanted to meet up and have a coffee next week sometime, saying she doesn't want to be complete strangers. I accepted.

 

As I said I had been feeling a lot better, not thinking about her so much etc, but that all changed after she sent the text. I had mixed feelings about meeting her for this reason, because I didn't want to be a complete wreck again. But for the last week I've been finding myself thinking of her, longing to see her. Then last night I saw pictures of her with her current lover on Facebook. I sort of had a mini freak out and eventually, after a few beers, I sent her a message saying I don't think its a good idea to meet up, I think it's best we just leave it as it is.

 

Now I think I may have overreacted. One part of me doesn't want to get burned again. Another part of me wants to reconcile, even as just friends. I know her new lover is leaving soon (he's an exchange student) and I definitely do not want to be a rebound after him. Whatever the case is, I think I made the wrong choice in backing out of the meeting. It's eating at me not knowing what she wanted to say.

 

Is there a way I can walk back what I said and meet her again? Or did I just screw that up for good? Do I wait awhile? Should I even try to meet her?

 

Please help

[Simon Phoenix]

I think you're right to pull the plug. Your emotions are all over the place, and that's not where you want to be when meeting an ex. Don't flip-flop any more than you already have.

 

And stop lying to yourself. If you were cool with being "just friends", you wouldn't freak out when seeing a picture of her current lover. Being dishonest with yourself is not going to get you anywhere.

[CarrieT]

She has another guy.

 

Meeting her would only re-open wounds and you would be left alone again, trying to heal.

 

You did the right thing.

 

Go back to NC and stick with it.

[Rainah]

Why is she contacting you when she is with another fella? That's a bit disrespectful to him...

[Alamo657]

So last year I studied for five months in Germany. While there I started dating a girl here and we really hit it off. When I left and went home we kept in contact; skyping/calling everyday. This went on for about 8 months and during that time I made plans to comeback and stay. However things went sour about a month before I came back and we stopped talking completely. I came back nonetheless because I was offered job here.

 

For the first month of being in Germany we saw each other quite often beacause we have the same friend group. I made an ass of myself while drunk one night to her after seeing her with her new "lover" and soon after she broked off all contact with me. After that I stopped going places where she might be and up until now (two months) it's been NC.

 

Then just last week she texted me, asking how I was, what I've been up to etc. At first I ignored her message, as I had finally felt i coulld let her go and move on, but I caved and texted back. We talked about mundane subjects for about an hour until she asked if I wanted to meet up and have a coffee next week sometime, saying she doesn't want to be complete strangers. I accepted.

 

As I said I had been feeling a lot better, not thinking about her so much etc, but that all changed after she sent the text. I had mixed feelings about meeting her for this reason, because I didn't want to be a complete wreck again. But for the last week I've been finding myself thinking of her, longing to see her. Then last night I saw pictures of her with her current lover on Facebook. I sort of had a mini freak out and eventually, after a few beers, I sent her a message saying I don't think its a good idea to meet up, I think it's best we just leave it as it is.

 

Now I think I may have overreacted. One part of me doesn't want to get burned again. Another part of me wants to reconcile, even as just friends. I know her new lover is leaving soon (he's an exchange student) and I definitely do not want to be a rebound after him. Whatever the case is, I think I made the wrong choice in backing out of the meeting. It's eating at me not knowing what she wanted to say.

 

Is there a way I can walk back what I said and meet her again? Or did I just screw that up for good? Do I wait awhile? Should I even try to meet her?

 

Please help

 

If she doesn't have the mental strenght to let go, then it's your responsability to do so. Be the man she will never be.

 

Don't go beating old dead horses with a woman who is looking for attention. If she love dyou she wouldn't be with her "lover", she would be with you.

[juniorrocha]

Exactly what was said. If you still have feelings, meeting definitely isn't a good idea. Stay NC. Whenever you're ready, then you can see whether you'd like to be her friend or not.

[Marc878]

She's with someone else. Why would you want someone that'll step out behind his back?

 

There are better out there.