lftbehind Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 I'm writing here for a friend. She is a MW involved with a MM and they have been seeing each other for a few months. They don't get to see each other much, but text, talk on the phone and use an app to communicate. It's a very sexual relationship. He has left his wife before. She didn't know him then. He and his wife are having problems and she has been accusing him of cheating on her and he is threatening to leave her again. He told my friend that he loves her a lot and he also said that he loves his wife. He has been fighting with his wife for a few days and my friend was intimate with him the other day. My friend made a comment to him that she feels that he pulls back from her some after they are intimate. He got very angry with her for saying that and said that she was being just like his wife. She apologized profusely and he was still really mad. I don't feel like that comment was bad, what are some opinions on it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
not-so-sure Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 Your friend shouldn't be married. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lftbehind Posted June 27, 2016 Author Share Posted June 27, 2016 Your friend shouldn't be married. I wanted opinions about the comment that she made to him 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 His comments are actually telling and it basically told your friend what her roles is, an escape from his wife and nothing more. It's also telling in the sense that she is tossing her marriage for a guy it's going to bail when the fun and fantasy is gone. I get from it that he is saying he isn't interested in her demanding anything real from him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lftbehind Posted June 27, 2016 Author Share Posted June 27, 2016 His comments are actually telling and it basically told your friend what her roles is, an escape from his wife and nothing more. It's also telling in the sense that she is tossing her marriage for a guy it's going to bail when the fun and fantasy is gone. I get from it that he is saying he isn't interested in her demanding anything real from him. Do you mean the comments about her being like his wife? He does tell my friend that he loves her and contacts her a lot, guess that's why she thinks he's really into her. He also says that he's probably going to leave his wife and move closer to her. It is very confusing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 Do you mean the comments about her being like his wife? He does tell my friend that he loves her and contacts her a lot, guess that's why she thinks he's really into her. He also says that he's probably going to leave his wife and move closer to her. It is very confusing. Ok I've said this here before...what us he suppose to say? "Look, I'm married my goal is to have as much sex and fun with you as I can but as soon as it gets to be not fun or one of the spouses find out I'm tossing you in front of the speeding bus then return to my wife" would that do it for you? Of course not, so they lie tell you what you want to hear to get what he wants. What I don't understand is why so much trust in the words of a guy lying to his wife and stealing time from his kids to have sex with you? It's like handing your life savings over to Bernie Madoff then being shocked that you lost it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lftbehind Posted June 27, 2016 Author Share Posted June 27, 2016 Ok I've said this here before...what us he suppose to say? "Look, I'm married my goal is to have as much sex and fun with you as I can but as soon as it gets to be not fun or one of the spouses find out I'm tossing you in front of the speeding bus then return to my wife" would that do it for you? Of course not, so they lie tell you what you want to hear to get what he wants. What I don't understand is why so much trust in the words of a guy lying to his wife and stealing time from his kids to have sex with you? It's like handing your life savings over to Bernie Madoff then being shocked that you lost it. I guess where APs get fooled is when the MM or MW is in contact with them all of the time and they tell them that love them. Sometimes there is love in affairs. Me and my friend were just trying to figure out her situation and I was trying to find out why you thought that he only wanted sex? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveisanaction Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 (edited) lftbehind,...A married man who enters into an inappropriate relationship with a woman is doing so for sex, regardless of the state of his marriage. They cheat because they like sex. It is not always the case that a married man will cheat because he is miserable in his marriage or that he no longer loves his wife. I have read stories of happily married men with gorgeous wives still cheating. Men like sex! It's just as a simple as that. But us women like to think that there must be some ultra-mystical reason as to why men cheat on their wives; there isn't. Is it wrong that they cheat? Yes! But they do and this is the world that we live in. In order for married men to get the the sex that they want, they need to be smooth, they need to be charming, they need to be irresistible. Some are emotional and get carried away, future faking the other woman and making promises that they wish that they could keep but deep down inside they know that they can't. There are all kinds of married men out there, kind ones, selfish ones, weak ones, emotional ones, conflict avoidance ones. Depending on which type of married man you meet, will tell with the type of story you read on here; but they all have one thing in common, they want to have sex outside of their marriage. There are some married men who are truly miserable in their marriages and want out. Some use the affair as an exit affair, meaning they dump the other woman after they've divorced. Some really do want to be with the other woman. With this type of married man, it will be very clear seeing the steps he is making to divorce his wife and making arrangements to be with the other woman. These men are few which is why stories of the other woman ending up with their married man is rare. Edited June 27, 2016 by loveisanaction 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 He got angry at her comment because she was right. He pulls back after sex because he has gotten his release and no longer feels close to her after that happens. He got off and now back to wifey. I see from your previous history you are involved with a MM so what advice did you give your friend about his comment? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 He will tell her whatever he needs to, to keep her on the hook and available to him. You can't trust anything that this kind of man says. They lie to their wives, whilst at the same time lying to their affair partners, and get angry when they aren't believed. QED. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lftbehind Posted June 27, 2016 Author Share Posted June 27, 2016 He got angry at her comment because she was right. He pulls back after sex because he has gotten his release and no longer feels close to her after that happens. He got off and now back to wifey. I see from your previous history you are involved with a MM so what advice did you give your friend about his comment? Wasn't quite sure what to tell her. Mine never said that he loved me or contacted me as much as he contacts her. Mine had never left his wife before either and never seriously talked about leaving her. I think that a lot of the pulling back is guilt. I was surprised about the way that she said he overreacted to the comment. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 His wife has rules, expectations, boundaries, and holds him accountable in the marriage letting her expectations be known. He does not like nor want to be held accountable. He wants to feel young, in charge and wanted while having fun, meeting his needs and coming and going as he pleases. He isnt looking to be held to expectation and doesnt want to be accountable for feelings and emotion from OW...he is aleady doing this for his wife. She either is the fun girl and allows it to flow on his terms and lowers her expectations, or her affair days are limited. Why dont women realize mm are selfish and wont tolerate walking the line for their AP. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 lftbehind,...A married man who enters into an inappropriate relationship with a woman is doing so for sex, regardless of the state of his marriage. They cheat because they like sex. It is not always the case that a married man will cheat because he is miserable in his marriage or that he no longer loves his wife. I have read stories of happily married men with gorgeous wives still cheating. Men like sex! It's just as a simple as that. But us women like to think that there must be some ultra-mystical reason as to why men cheat on their wives; there isn't. Is it wrong that they cheat? Yes! But they do and this is the world that we live in. I disagree that it's about sex. I think that every affair, regardless of whether it is physical or emotional, is about unmet emotional needs. A man who feels deprived of sex, regardless of the frequency he gets it at home, regardless of how happy his married life is, and even including your textbook sex addict, is addressing feelings of insecurity. They want to feel virile, powerful, desired, wanted, adored, whatever it is that sex provides, but it's not just straight up sex. I also disagree 100% that it's only men who have sex with their AP because they like sex. Women report feeling sexually dissatisfied in marriage, too. So, it's not mystical, no. The single unifying characteristic in all WS's is that the wayward makes a selfish, unilateral decision to meet their unmet emotional needs outside of the marriage. This is true whether an affair is one that develops organically or one that is intentionally sought. The ONLY person the WS is thinking of protecting or serving is SELF, and they will go to great lengths deluding themselves, lying to their AP and their BS, to have their cake and eat it to. To answer your question, he is keeping your friend her in her place, by pointing out that if she behaves like the wife he is cheating on, he will abandon her too. Her job is to be happy glow bug glitter party sexy fun time girl. If she fails to fulfill this role, he threatens to cut her off so she remembers that she is disposable. And she is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
rumblefish12 Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 I disagree that it's about sex. ...They want to feel virile, powerful, desired, wanted, adored, whatever it is that sex provides, but it's not just straight up sex.. “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” ― Oscar Wilde 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveisanaction Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 I disagree that it's about sex. I think that every affair, regardless of whether it is physical or emotional, is about unmet emotional needs. A man who feels deprived of sex, regardless of the frequency he gets it at home, regardless of how happy his married life is, and even including your textbook sex addict, is addressing feelings of insecurity. They want to feel virile, powerful, desired, wanted, adored, whatever it is that sex provides, but it's not just straight up sex. I also disagree 100% that it's only men who have sex with their AP because they like sex. Women report feeling sexually dissatisfied in marriage, too. So, it's not mystical, no. The single unifying characteristic in all WS's is that the wayward makes a selfish, unilateral decision to meet their unmet emotional needs outside of the marriage. This is true whether an affair is one that develops organically or one that is intentionally sought. The ONLY person the WS is thinking of protecting or serving is SELF, and they will go to great lengths deluding themselves, lying to their AP and their BS, to have their cake and eat it to. To answer your question, he is keeping your friend her in her place, by pointing out that if she behaves like the wife he is cheating on, he will abandon her too. Her job is to be happy glow bug glitter party sexy fun time girl. If she fails to fulfill this role, he threatens to cut her off so she remembers that she is disposable. And she is. You are more than welcome to disagree, you have your opinion and i'll have mine..... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts