yepsurething Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 I've recently found out my husband of 18 years talks about me to his friends behind my back. he calls me crazy. he tells his friends about our sex life he makes fun of things Ive told him are important to me and laughs about them. not to mention I found out that he makes constant sexual comments about women, their bodies, how he'd like to have sex with them, how hot they all are, how hot chicks are distracting him everywhere he goes. so yes, I've been eavesdropping on my husband because I found out he was having a possible EA or more and he was lying and refused to admit it. and in the process of listening in heard all of these other things and I'm just shocked. it was like I wasn't even hearing my own husband talk. Is this just how some couples behave behind each others backs? any thoughts? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 I think a lot of people...do talk about their spouses in a derogatory way....but I think it is wrong. To disrespect your spouse by saying bad things about them to others...you also disrespect yourself. You may think that others feel sorry for you...but the reality is...you chose your spouse...and if you are unhappy with them...you get to blame yourself....and I am not sure others really sympathize with you, Some people are just complainers....some people are just negative. My husband and I have always tried to only compliment each other to others....even in bad times. I would certainly have a conversation with my spouse about his conversations about me. I would let him know how I feel about it. I know you have another thread going about your husband's possible infidelity. I think there are a whole lots of issues in your marriage that need to be addressed. Disrespect seems to be one of them 5 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 Some do. It's probably more common than we'd like to admit, but I think it's still disloyal and disrespectful. Link to post Share on other sites
ChocolateRain Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 Is this just how some couples behave behind each others backs? any thoughts? i have worked with mostly males ... and believe me i have heard it all . Many men just blow smoke . i have heard the most intimate stories from their marriages or relationships .... but tbh , women are not that much different i once thought to write a Book about break room discussions and confessions lol But in your case ...what can i say ??? ... you explained a lot in your other thread and i can only imagine now how torn you must be ... i hope you find a way somehow ... Xxx you deserve happiness Link to post Share on other sites
Author yepsurething Posted June 27, 2016 Author Share Posted June 27, 2016 i have worked with mostly males ... and believe me i have heard it all . Many men just blow smoke . i have heard the most intimate stories from their marriages or relationships .... but tbh , women are not that much different i once thought to write a Book about break room discussions and confessions lol But in your case ...what can i say ??? ... you explained a lot in your other thread and i can only imagine now how torn you must be ... i hope you find a way somehow ... Xxx you deserve happiness thanks ChocolateRain. My husband says that it was thoughtless guy talk and that I shouldn't give what I heard any importance or power because it was just talk. He said he loves me, he's wants me to feel loved and safe...and yes, he's says these things, and it feels like he really means it, but of course he lies so blah blah. well, seems like the way he talks and acts will be a hard habit for him to break.it is who he is at the core. my biggest question would be why pretend who you are? seems unfair. men and women who want to flirt and back talk their spouses deserve each other, but seems they only want that to be one sided and choose a spouse who is nothing like that. Link to post Share on other sites
ChocolateRain Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 (edited) thanks ChocolateRain. My husband says that it was thoughtless guy talk and that I shouldn't give what I heard any importance or power because it was just talk. He said he loves me, he's wants me to feel loved and safe...and yes, he's says these things, and it feels like he really means it, but of course he lies so blah blah. in some cases it might just be mindless chatter , i find it alarming when they talk bad about their spouses though . well, seems like the way he talks and acts will be a hard habit for him to break.it is who he is at the core. Me and my X-Husband both worked for the Military so he had to always be on his best behavior . But what i found out later was so shocking ...realizing i didnt know who he really was and what Monster i was married too . it changed my life forever and i may never really truly recover from it . You cant look inside a person but best believe they give signals that we often overlook or refuse to see ... We have such a gift with intuition we should make more use of it . Who he really is at his core you may never know but from what you was able to witness about him so far ... it aint good i can tell you have a good heart and i base that on your other thread and how you sacrifice for your Farm and Animals ... my biggest question would be why pretend who you are? Those who pretend to be something they are not, are by far the worst ... and they are always the best of actors and good with deceiving people . seems unfair. men and women who want to flirt and back talk their spouses deserve each other, but seems they only want that to be one sided and choose a spouse who is nothing like that. exactly , and there is a reason why they pick people that are not like them ... Edited June 27, 2016 by ChocolateRain correction 1 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 It is just plain wrong. Part of the reason, I use LS is that I do not, have not talked about anything in OUR marriage to any one. Your husband needs to stop and apologize to you. One of the "deals" in marriage, is that things between two lovers, spouses, stay between them and only them. There is a fine line from asking advise to help with something from a very trusted source, but in all cases just sounding off about your sex life, or your spouse in general is wrong. I wish you luck....... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SJS Posted June 27, 2016 Share Posted June 27, 2016 There's harmless venting, and then full-out disrespect IMO. I'm sure my husband tells his friends I cut the grass in circles instead of diagonals or I nag him to put the toilet seat down--things that if they got back to me we'd all laugh, but I don't think he would ever share my secrets or pass them off as jokes to others. I see that as very disrespectful and a huge character flaw. I can't really comment on the banter because I've heard guys get super raunchy and others that won't talk at all. I'm sure there are quite a few guys that would participate in some "guy talk" that would shock their wives if they knew... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 It is just plain wrong. Part of the reason, I use LS is that I do not, have not talked about anything in OUR marriage to any one. Your husband needs to stop and apologize to you. One of the "deals" in marriage, is that things between two lovers, spouses, stay between them and only them. There is a fine line from asking advise to help with something from a very trusted source, but in all cases just sounding off about your sex life, or your spouse in general is wrong. I wish you luck....... This. I share certain aspects of my marriage on LS that I would never disclose to friends or family. There is some information that I won't even divulge here. The most I have done is giggle with friends when they asked me if I enjoyed anniversary getaways in a suggestive way. It was all in good fun; I didn't share any explicit details. It was more like a nudge nudge wink wink conversation. I agree that the OP's husband needs to apologize and stop disparaging his wife to others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 Life is too short. I would never stay with someone who had no respect for me in this way. I would never in a million years talk about my partner in this way. Did you hear this from the VAR? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 This forum here is often used as a stomping ground to hash thru one persons perception and opinions of a scenario. He speaks ill of you , and vice versa. Each side may have some validity in context, yet to be honest. Work on boundaries and healthy ways to assert your views without taking it to a third party. Unless such is to play counselor to the problem. I worked with guys and seriously, they usually spoke in code about spousal problems. One or two words followed by - yeah...I know. It was kinda comical as they never came out with name calling yet they did have some scenarios that I had to step back and laugh. Here is a funny example. One of the guys gets a phone call from his wife. They are in the mist of redecorating the house. She is constantly asking her hubby for his opinion. She says 'Honey! the floor samples came today!", and He says quizzically " Where did they come from?" and she says " Fedex!". (He meant what business/company did she order them from ). He just shook his head and the co worker and I said ..."yeah...I know". Link to post Share on other sites
Liam1 Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 I've recently found out my husband of 18 years talks about me to his friends behind my back. he calls me crazy. he tells his friends about our sex life he makes fun of things Ive told him are important to me and laughs about them. not to mention I found out that he makes constant sexual comments about women, their bodies, how he'd like to have sex with them, how hot they all are, how hot chicks are distracting him everywhere he goes. so yes, I've been eavesdropping on my husband because I found out he was having a possible EA or more and he was lying and refused to admit it. and in the process of listening in heard all of these other things and I'm just shocked. it was like I wasn't even hearing my own husband talk. Is this just how some couples behave behind each others backs? any thoughts? If he is just doing this with the guys, this is something men do to bond, SOMETIMES. Not all but some. Personally, when my men friends say this type of stuff about their wives it upsets me because usually my wife and I are friends with his wife, too. It does seem disrespectful, but it a male bonding thing with some men and is very common among men when they are out without the wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted June 29, 2016 Share Posted June 29, 2016 Hi Yep, I'm sorry I haven't been through your other thread but from what you have written here I find your husband's behaviour and attitude absolutely obnoxious. As a husband one would think that he would be protective of your personal and intimate information when talking with buddies and would ward off any inquisitive talk by changing the subject or making a light remark without revealing any thing. That he chooses to belittle you in the eyes of his friends just to make a joke of it or to look very smart and macho in their eyes shows what a poor specimen of humanity he is. In your place I would be long gone. I don't really know your circumstances, but if you can break free of this toxic person then do so at the earliest please. Warm wishes to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted June 29, 2016 Share Posted June 29, 2016 To avoid confusion by having two threads running at the same time, we're going to close this up and request members post to this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/581038-cell-phone-question Thanks, ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
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