To Divorce or Not? [UPDATE Divorce - Anyway to soften the blow?]

[Mr. Lucky]

Do I tell her the truth that she was right and I never loved her 100% or use some ancillary reasons like her drinking and temper. If I was committed to her I could work with her on her drinking and temper but the root cause is I don't love her like a husband should.

 

I never thought it was helpful to rehash the past in situations like yours so I wouldn't answer a question like "Did you love me 100%?" or "more than Susie?"

 

My response would be "I'm here to talk about today"...

 

Mr. Lucky

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

I never thought it was helpful to rehash the past in situations like yours so I wouldn't answer a question like "Did you love me 100%?" or "more than Susie?"

 

My response would be "I'm here to talk about today"...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Totally this. She may become your ex-wife but she'll always be the mother of your children and will be in your life how ever infrequently for the rest of Your Life.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

I never thought it was helpful to rehash the past in situations like yours so I wouldn't answer a question like "Did you love me 100%?" or "more than Susie?"

 

My response would be "I'm here to talk about today"...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Yes "I am here to talk about today" but so much of it goes back to other issues. I just want out and have a good enough relationship to help our kids.

[RecentChange]

I am going to be harsh and say your passivity and cowardliness is what has landed you in this position.

 

I feel bad for her. I couldn’t imagine being blindsided after 17 years and children together. Don’t twist the knife in her heart and tell her that you never loved her. The truth is you were never brave enough to do the right thing.

 

So now, obviously you are going to have to find the courage to break up your family. How to do that “gently” I really don’t know.

 

Perhaps end the charade. Start letting her know how unhappy you are. Perhaps find the bravery to talk to her without being intimidated. Maybe a little bit of truth, instead of passively going with the flow will help her start to mentally prepare for what is coming.

[Jersey born raised]

Based on your last post about reconnecting on FB with ex-girlfriend I have to question your entire thread. It entirely possible you because of your lies have presented a distorted version of your wife. That the real problem in your marriage is you. Got to wonder who the BPD in reiationships is.