WhyDo The Walls Need To Come Down?

[MissCongeniality]

I've been told by my therapist that feeling things I don't particularly like are good and indicate my walls are coming down. The thing is I don't want them to come down the last time I was open and blindly trusted someone I ended up emotionally destroyed. The only way I was able to build myself back up was just shutting everything out and to focus only myself and my daughter.

 

What I'm saying is I don't like being emotionally vulnerable if I am I can be hurt an used and I don't like that. Why is being vulnerable so important when it makes you weak?

[pteromom]

What I'm saying is I don't like being emotionally vulnerable if I am I can be hurt an used and I don't like that.

 

You can't be hurt and used unless you allow yourself to be.

 

You don't just tear your walls down with someone immediately. It's a process. You build trust, you get to know them, and it is a slow wading-in process, where you allow someone to know more and more of you as they prove themselves worthy of your love and time.

 

It doesn't mean you will never be hurt. Some people are very good manipulators and your best efforts to be vulnerable will lead to pain. But you will become more and more in tune with yourself and your ability to handle it...because as you show someone more and more of who you are, there is a side effect of you getting to know yourself better at the same time. So the whole thing makes you stronger even if it doesn't end well.

 

Why is being vulnerable so important when it makes you weak?

 

No - weakness is hiding behind a wall. Being afraid to show your real self to someone.

 

Being vulnerable is important because that is how true intimacy is built.

 

Being vulnerable is important because leading a shallow life full of meaningless niceties and avoiding everything that is deep and real is no way to live.

[SammySammy]

I read an interesting story this weekend about some scientists creating an artificial environment called the Biosphere2. They planted all sorts of plants in this totally enclosed artificial environment. The plants grew well. The trees grew faster than they did in a natural environment. Tall and straight, but at some point they would just fall over. This puzzled the scientists and what they discovered was that because the trees never experienced wind their cells didn't develop the strength necessary to sustain standing tall.

 

Life is like that for us. We need the wind, the hail and the fires of life. Not because they don't hurt, but because recovery makes us strong.

 

If you think about it, bodybuilding is like that also. What happens when we work out? We stress our muscles, they break down and rebuild stronger. One of my favorite bodybuilders has a saying "everybody wants to be a bodybuilder, but nobody wants to lift no heavy ass weight".

 

If life, if we really want to be strong, we've got to lift that heavy weight. Whether it's physical, mental, spiritual ... don't avoid the weight. Don't avoid life's gym.

 

Facing, dealing with and overcoming our challenges makes us strong. Not blocking them out.

Edited June 27, 2016 by MidKnightDreams