Boyfriend drunkenly kissed another girl on Europe trip

[princessofmordor]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. Currently, he's on a three month trip around Europe with his brother. It's been very hard for us to talk with one another because he can only communicate with people when he has wifi. Since he's backpacking, the wifi is very limited!

 

The other day he was in Prague. He and his brother met this one guy who told them they should come with him to this local pub. So, they did. At the pub, they had this deal going on where you could get unlimited drinks for two hours. He obviously took advantage of that and told me he drank so much that a lot of the night was blacked out for him. However, he remembered talking to a girl from England. At first, the conversation was really casual and they were talking about their lives. But then, they got on the topic of me. He told her that he has a girlfriend. She asked him if we were going to break up. (Who asks that!) He said we've talked about it, but he doesn't think we are since we seem really serious and have been dating for two years. And if we did, we definitely wouldn't break up on this trip. The conversation continued like this, until she straight up told him to break up with me. That should've been a MAJOR red flag, because then she kissed him! After she did that, he told me he got away from her. He said he's felt like **** ever since it happened. The day after, he said he cried about it and believe me, he never cries!

 

I just don't see why he wouldn't have left the second she started talking about us breaking up. I also don't understand why he didn't leave when she straight up told him to break up with me. That's such a red flag! And finally, I truly don't understand why he allowed her to kiss him. He said the kiss was really short, but couldn't he have pushed her away?

 

The kicker is, if the situation were reversed and I put myself in a situation where I was that drunk and a guy kissed me without warning, he would be so livid with me. He has checked my phone, my internet history, and read every single conversation I've had with people when we first started dating. He even checked to see who I looked up on Facebook, and if it was a guy, he would ask me why I looked him up! Last summer, I was visiting my friend at college and we were going to go to a party together. I told him where I was going, and he FLIPPED out because he was afraid this situation would happen or that I would flirt with someone! When I visited France a couple months ago, I made sure not to go out and party because I didn't want him to worry that anything was going to happen, even though I would never let myself kiss anyone in a million years while dating him.

 

I just don't know what to do. Some people are telling me to break up with him because they think he's a hypocrite for putting himself in this situation when he doesn't even want me to go out and party for fear of this same exact thing happening. And they think if I forgive him, then he'll keep on doing it. Others are telling me to forgive him because it's just a kiss and he apparently didn't even initiate it, so how can I be mad at some other girl's mistake?

 

I'm honestly so lost, but I don't want to make any irrational decisions.

Edited June 28, 2016 by princessofmordor

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP.

 

He put himself in a sketchy situation by allowing this girl to prod about you and your relationship. When he told her you'd talked about breaking up, he disrespected what should be a clear boundary and gave her access to a private matter. According to him, she initiated but he let it happen.

 

It depends on you. Personally, for me, the trust would be broken. I would question why he let it get that far and how committed he was. This is all the more difficult because he apparently gives you a hard time for doing what he just did. Others might be able to overlook and forgive, but I know it would always be in the back of my mind. I would not be able to trust him, especially if I knew he was going to be attending parties, hanging out with other girls, and so on.

 

You two need to have a very honest and serious discussion about your future together. How has your relationship been to this point? How old are you both?

[ChocolateRain]

i'd say trust your intuitions , there is something really fishy going on

 

To me it sounds as if he's purposely telling you his encounter from the Pub so you will break up with him .

 

The conversation that took place between him and her , her asking him to break up with you ??? Red Flag !!! Him saying * we talked about it * ... maybe he is looking for a way out somehow

[Lois_Griffin]

His story is just so phony.

 

Some strange woman he's never met in his life until that night suddenly 'demands' he break up with his girlfriend and then forces a kiss on him? And he pushes her away and tells her to stop?

 

Yeah, sure.

I just don't see why he wouldn't have left the second she started talking about us breaking up. I also don't understand why he didn't leave when she straight up told him to break up with me. That's such a red flag! And finally, I truly don't understand why he allowed her to kiss him. He said the kiss was really short, but couldn't he have pushed her away?

None of this nonsense happened.

 

Something happened with her alright, but it's not the lame story he's trying to feed you.

 

Keep digging. You'll eventually get the REAL story - but you're not going to like it.

[PegNosePete]

He told her that he has a girlfriend. She asked him if we were going to break up. (Who asks that!) He said we've talked about it, but he doesn't think we are since we seem really serious and have been dating for two years. And if we did, we definitely wouldn't break up on this trip. The conversation continued like this, until she straight up told him to break up with me. That should've been a MAJOR red flag, because then she kissed him! After she did that, he told me he got away from her.

So according to him he was almost an innocent victim in all of this. She came on to him, he told her about you, she kept pushing it, she she she... the only "mistake" he made was to not resist enough. It was even her who initiated the kissing? It was really short... really???

 

If you believe this story then I have a bridge to sell you. I think you are getting a load of baloney told to you and I think there is a lot more to this than he has told you. He is playing you for a fool.

 

That's such a red flag!

Indeed. And you know what a RED flag means? It means you are sent off the field. Do not pass go. Do not collect £200. Dumped.

 

He has checked my phone, my internet history, and read every single conversation I've had with people when we first started dating. He even checked to see who I looked up on Facebook, and if it was a guy, he would ask me why I looked him up!

Yes, it's very common for cheaters to be paranoid about their partners. His benchmark for human behaviour is himself, after all. He thinks every one is like him, a cheater. That is why he doesn't trust you and stalks you.

 

Some people are telling me to break up with him because they think he's a hypocrite

Break up with him because he's a lying cheating dirtbag, a paranoid insecure blame-projector and a terrible boyfriend.

[Satu]

The story he told you is complete nonsense.

 

It doesn't make sense at all.

 

All of what he told you about this girl sounds like clumsy invention.

Edited June 28, 2016 by Satu

[Space Ritual]

Your Boyfriend is so full of crap his teeth are floating.

 

I doubt very highly events occurred the way he says they did. No guy would be crying after a kiss. Maybe after having sex, but a kiss in a bar in which he claims he was a victim sends him off on a crying jag? lol.

 

 

If only a kiss happened I doubt very highly he would have even told you. He is trying to assuage his guilt by feeding you what is called "Trickle Truth".

 

Essentially it is death by a thousand cuts.

 

First it was "she kissed me". Then if you press him a bit more he will give a little more detail to where it gets to the point where his story is quite different than what he originally told you.

 

Don't waste your time on this idiot. His story has about as many holes in it as Swiss Cheese.

[smackie9]

dump the chump. A guy that has to search through your messages to make sure you are faithful to him is absolute garbage. You should never allow that, and shouldn't allow his bs story.

[Hermus]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. Currently, he's on a three month trip around Europe with his brother. It's been very hard for us to talk with one another because he can only communicate with people when he has wifi. Since he's backpacking, the wifi is very limited!

 

The first lie he is telling you. He is backpacking in Europe, not somewhere deep in the amazon. Over here there is Wifi almost everywhere. Almost all camping grounds, hostels, restaurants etc. have Wifi.

 

The other day he was in Prague. He and his brother met this one guy who told them they should come with him to this local pub. So, they did. At the pub, they had this deal going on where you could get unlimited drinks for two hours. He obviously took advantage of that and told me he drank so much that a lot of the night was blacked out for him. However, he remembered talking to a girl from England. At first, the conversation was really casual and they were talking about their lives. But then, they got on the topic of me. He told her that he has a girlfriend. She asked him if we were going to break up. (Who asks that!) He said we've talked about it, but he doesn't think we are since we seem really serious and have been dating for two years. And if we did, we definitely wouldn't break up on this trip. The conversation continued like this, until she straight up told him to break up with me. That should've been a MAJOR red flag, because then she kissed him! After she did that, he told me he got away from her. He said he's felt like **** ever since it happened. The day after, he said he cried about it and believe me, he never cries!

 

I just don't see why he wouldn't have left the second she started talking about us breaking up. I also don't understand why he didn't leave when she straight up told him to break up with me. That's such a red flag! And finally, I truly don't understand why he allowed her to kiss him. He said the kiss was really short, but couldn't he have pushed her away?

 

Absolutely indefensible behaviour and it sounds like he is lying.

 

The kicker is, if the situation were reversed and I put myself in a situation where I was that drunk and a guy kissed me without warning, he would be so livid with me. He has checked my phone, my internet history, and read every single conversation I've had with people when we first started dating. He even checked to see who I looked up on Facebook, and if it was a guy, he would ask me why I looked him up! Last summer, I was visiting my friend at college and we were going to go to a party together. I told him where I was going, and he FLIPPED out because he was afraid this situation would happen or that I would flirt with someone! When I visited France a couple months ago, I made sure not to go out and party because I didn't want him to worry that anything was going to happen, even though I would never let myself kiss anyone in a million years while dating him.

 

This is extremely possessive behaviour that should have been a red flag in the beginning of your relationship. A guy should not check your social media accounts and read your conversations. He should trust you enough not to and he definitely should not forbid you to go party and have fun.

 

I just don't know what to do. Some people are telling me to break up with him because they think he's a hypocrite for putting himself in this situation when he doesn't even want me to go out and party for fear of this same exact thing happening. And they think if I forgive him, then he'll keep on doing it. Others are telling me to forgive him because it's just a kiss and he apparently didn't even initiate it, so how can I be mad at some other girl's mistake?

 

I'm honestly so lost, but I don't want to make any irrational decisions.

 

Yes, you need to break up with him. This guy is a possessive douchebag that trusts you as little as he is to be trusted himself.

[princessofmordor]

Thank you so much everyone for your input! You are all very right. I have been in such shock and wrapped around the fact that he cheated on me that I didn't even think to look further into the story. But now that I am, it seems so fishy and he's 200% victimizing himself! Whenever he is able to call next, I'm going to try and get as much information as I can and keep probing him until he gives more truths. His brother's girlfriend is also going to talk to his brother to get further details on everything. (I feel like an full-fledge investigator!)

 

ExpatInItaly, thank you so much for your help! To answer your questions, I am 22 and he is 25. I personally believe that he shouldn't be acting like a teenager. Drinking until he's blacked out while he's in an unknown place??? Really? Grow up. Also, the relationship was good except for his prodding into all my personal stuff at the beginning of the relationship. I was okay with it at the time only because I knew he just got out of a relationship where he was cheated on (go figure!) and I had nothing to hide. He definitely grew out of that phase, thank goodness! There are also times when he seems emotionally distant, but that I could live with. We decided that this summer apart would be best to work on ourselves so we could be better for each other. Ha.

 

Unfortunately, it is not very easy to break up with someone who you have such a strong connection with. My heart is still holding on to all the good memories we had.

[ExpatInItaly]

Thank you so much everyone for your input! You are all very right. I have been in such shock and wrapped around the fact that he cheated on me that I didn't even think to look further into the story. But now that I am, it seems so fishy and he's 200% victimizing himself! Whenever he is able to call next, I'm going to try and get as much information as I can and keep probing him until he gives more truths. His brother's girlfriend is also going to talk to his brother to get further details on everything. (I feel like an full-fledge investigator!)

ExpatInItaly, thank you so much for your help! To answer your questions, I am 22 and he is 25. I personally believe that he shouldn't be acting like a teenager. Drinking until he's blacked out while he's in an unknown place??? Really? Grow up. Also, the relationship was good except for his prodding into all my personal stuff at the beginning of the relationship. I was okay with it at the time only because I knew he just got out of a relationship where he was cheated on (go figure!) and I had nothing to hide. He definitely grew out of that phase, thank goodness! There are also times when he seems emotionally distant, but that I could live with. We decided that this summer apart would be best to work on ourselves so we could be better for each other. Ha.

 

Unfortunately, it is not very easy to break up with someone who you have such a strong connection with. My heart is still holding on to all the good memories we had.

 

You can try, but this probably won't produce much.

 

I highly doubt his own brother is going to throw him under the bus, especially knowing it's you who is really asking. He'll probably claim not to know anything more than what you have already been told.

 

Honestly, if you spent time apart to be better for each other and this was the result...you're better apart. He's not committed.

[PegNosePete]

Whilst he's thousands of miles away, and on a flaky internet call, it will be very easy for him to simply deny everything and stick to his BS story. And yeah, his brother is not going to betray him. Getting the truth out of someone is hard enough when you're face to face, when you can see their eye movement, body language, listen to their tone, etc. Doing that over an internet call is going to be almost impossible. And if he doesn't like where he conversation's going he can simply say the wifi cut out (while he thinks up new excuses and lies to tell you).

 

No, I would not bother "confronting" someone over wifi. I would just tell him he's dumped, and so he's now free to "kiss" whoever he likes.

[elisalynn]

He probably was having a fun time adventuring on the other side without you and got wrapped up in the magic of it all and kissed and probably slept with this girl. Now, this is the story he tells you. At least he told you Something. Long, adventurous trips like that are a disaster for relationships a lot or the time. The person on the adventure probably would rather be single for it and then ends up acting as if they are, especially at your age.

Edited June 30, 2016 by elisalynn

[jofor]

I'm sorry to hear about this, sounds like you feel betrayed. I don't think you should just by what you've mentioned but maybe there's more.

 

Do you trust him? He may or may not trust you, but do you, or can you, trust him? To me that would be a very important question to ask yourself. Everyone can and will make mistakes (alcohol doesn't help), but in general does he lie or do other untrustworthy things? If so than why put your self and possibly children in the future through this over and over again? If you can trust him, than trust him and know that people do dumb things. Its neat that he told you about it. Maybe you guys could have an agreement that he wouldn't drink on this adventure he's having. A lot worse could happen !