How long does it take for a woman to be comfortable with a guy to go out with him?

[redbaron007]

I would like to know from women (their own perspectives) and men (from their dating experience) as to how long did it take for a woman to agree to go out with a man after meeting him for the first time. I'm hoping your responses will help me in the 2 situations below.

 

Over the past 8 months or so, I met 2 young women in 2 completely different situations: one in the gym and one while out shopping. Both are college students and athletes - coincidentally, both play intramural volleyball. Both are between 18-21.

 

The gym girl:

I approached her maybe 8 months ago with a direct compliment on her looks and fitness. She turned out to be incredibly friendly was absolutely delighted with the compliment, but as we made some small talk, I realized she was only 18 and a high-school student, so I felt uncomfortable (22+ year age diff) and ended the convo on a friendly "nice talking to you" note.

 

Then I did not see her again till 2 months ago. She remembered me and I felt comfortable enough to flirt with her, telling her that she was a blonde version of Missy Franklin, the Olympic swimmer who also has an incredibly bubbly personality and the loveliest smile. She seemed to genuinely enjoy our convo so I suggested we go for some ice-cream, but she said she does not eat sugar. I then blurted : Oh, then a smoothie would probably not work either, whereupon she said a smoothie would be fine. I took that as an indicator of interest and asked for her number which she immediately gave me. I texted her the next day and received no response. When I saw her next time, she claimed she did not get my text. I decided that being so young, she realized herself that she was too hasty giving out her number to a relative stranger, so I did not approach her again.

 

Then last month, I literally bumped into her at one of the gym's water fountains. Again, she was happy to see me and we mad small talk, and she seemed keen to keep chatting. But I didn't have much to say since the meeting was quite sudden, so I just said:"Well, the smoothie invitation is still open", whereupon she smiled and said:"We'll see!" and we parted.

 

Last week, we ran into each other again at the gym and I asked her: "How have you been?" expecting "Great, good seeing ya, bye!", but instead she stayed and told me that she graduated from high-school and was going to the Caribbean with her classmates for a graduation celebration, and how it would be 95 degrees there...I asked her if she shopped for the trip and she mentioned she bought 5 swimsuits. I mischievously asked if they were revealing bikinis and that I want to see her bikini pix after the trip. She laughed and said:"Okay!"

 

I distinctly felt that she is now more comfortable with me, so as to share details about exciting stuff happening in her life.

 

The store girl

I met her last year while shopping at my nearby mall where she works at a store. It's a small store and there are always 2 other sales women, but I was so attracted to her that I ignored the other employees AND the customers and tried to get to know her by asking personal questions. She seemed happy to respond and I learnt that she was a local college student, was a vegetarian, had a traditional Portuguese name (I thought it was Italian!), etc. But I felt awkward asking for her number in the 5-10 minutes I got to chat with her, so I left. I rarely go to malls so I did not see her again for a year till yesterday. I recognized her instantly, and surprisingly she remembered our convo from last year. I must have sounded very excited because her co-worker actually went out of her way to keep her distance and give us some limited privacy so we could catch up. I learnt some more details like where she grew up, what her academic plans are, and also that she cut her long hair short since she wanted a change. Again I left, but felt lousy that I did not ask her out, so I returned to the store and bought a pair of shoes, and while she was processing the sale, I asked if she wanted to grab an ice-cream. She smiled, and said:"Umm...." and slowly:"Yes, why not!". I should have directly asked for her number, but got nervous at that point because a LOT of customers suddenly started milling around us, so asked her if she had WhatsApp (so she would not have to give her number). She said she did not have it installed, but then cheerfully said:"But you know where to find me, I'm always here! You should drop by again (or more often!)"

 

Thanks for reading so far. I intentionally mentioned all details since they are related to my questions below:

 

1> Is it possible that they are interested in going out with me and are just being careful because I'm still a stranger, moreover I'm obviously a lot older than them (though I look very boyish)? Strangely, I find this hesitation on their part very, very attractive since they have demonstrated that they are very grounded, careful, intelligent young women who will not just go out with any stranger guy who approached them in a bold way.

 

2> Considering these started out as "stranger approaches":

Women: how long did it take you to "warm up" to a guy you just met? Did he have to pursue you assertively/directly, asking you out each time? Or more stealthily by building more comfort and rapport?

 

Men: how long did you have to "pursue" a woman before she was comfortable enough to go out with you?

 

Thanks in advance for reading.

[Ensam]

Usually I don't think it takes a whole lot. I mean people meet online and make quick plans to grab a coffee or something all the time so you having already met these women in person is definitely a pro since they have seen you and gotten a better feel of who you are.

 

It would be if there is some particular reason they are more careful. One girl I know it took quite some time before she agreed to go out with me and months of meeting up in public places before she was comfortable visiting my home. At the time I thought she simply wasn't interested when she avoided my invitations so I backed down and gave her some space and then she came around. I later learned she had a history of abuse and domestic violence inflicted on her which explains why she had a hard time trusting and feeling safe when alone with me.

 

Of course some people may simply be a little more careful overall (which is wise in my opinion). But my point being that most of the time if you met someone several times I think they already know if they wanna go out with you or not.

 

I don't know about the gym girl but I think the store girl may be interested in you. It definitely counts for something if she actually remembered you/your convo from a year ago and I think her cheerful invitation that you should drop by more often was more than just salesmanship on her part.