AlmostMarried77 Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 Hi Guys, First post, just joined after an hour of reading threads... as my name might suggest i'm getting married soon! I have a slight problem with a couple of things we talked about on the phone today... a bit of background first though... as things stand at the moment we're in a very long distance relationship (entire continents in the way) so we don't get to see each other very much. However she's coming over to visit pretty soon. now back to the problem. 1. She suggested today that when she arrives we shouldn't have sex for 3 nights. When i asked why, she said it would make it more exciting on that 4th night. Given that it's been a couple of months since i last saw her i assured her that it would be exciting enough on the first night and having to wait would cause undue frustration and friction. She accepted that but seemed to do so very reluctantly. I'm not sure why she suggested that, the only reason i can think of is that she's trying to assert some sort of control but physically the relationship is at a very early stage and it seems strange that she would want to do that. 2. She has made it very clear that she doesn't want to meet my friends when she's over... even though i've met a lot of her friends when i've been visiting her and that i've known most of my friends since i was 11, i'm now 27 and these are still my closest friends i even share a house with a few of them. She's argued that she's only here for 10 days and since we're already having to meet my parents and other family members it will waste too much of "us" time. But whats a couple of hours which at the end of the day is all i'm asking her for. Also its the only time she will get to meet them (and them meet her) before we are married and most of them won't be able to attend the wedding either cause of the cost of getting to it! Again it seems like a control thing but i can't be too sure. I know i'm going to have to take control of both issues and put my foot down mainly because i think it will be pretty bad for the relationship in the long term if i don't... But before i do explain whats happening to her, can anyone see anything that i might be missing? Thanks S Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 I think you've got a problem... Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlmostMarried77 Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 care to elaborate on that please Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 She's setting forth all these conditions that she expects you to follow. I think she's trying to lock you up by removing you from your comfort zone. Does she not respect you, or is she threatened by your other interests? If you want to see her true colors, try saying no to one of her demands. See how she reacts... Link to post Share on other sites
scared shy Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 I'm going to go with CONTROL FREAK, Regis that's my final answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlmostMarried77 Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer She's setting forth all these conditions that she expects you to follow. I think she's trying to lock you up by removing you from your comfort zone. Does she not respect you, or is she threatened by your other interests? If you want to see her true colors, try saying no to one of her demands. See how she reacts... Haha - she's getting a big no to both of them Already said no to both but we couldn't really talk much due to time differences. Unfortunately the discussion postponed till thursday really when she gets the absolute no from me... Just wanted to check really to see if there was anything i was missing With regards to respect: if i'm out with my friends at a bar or whatever and she sends me an SMS asking the usual "Hi what you up to baby" and i tell her i'm out having a few drinks, she always replies with "Ok baby, have fun, message me later when you're free" Or words to that effect... So no real problems there. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 Let us know how it goes... Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlmostMarried77 Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 Will do and thanks for the replies S Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlmostMarried77 Posted June 28, 2005 Author Share Posted June 28, 2005 Decided to bring the arguement forward a couple of days, she might be working long hours but i can't go tip toeing round her.. Anyway, she agreed to meet my friends but she had to point out that she was "Unhappy with it"... turns out she just didn't want to meet them. No specific reason so just pure selfishness Still not finished though... still getting complaints however she has accepted that it's something she needs to do. And she has been warned about trying to pull any crap whilst she's here Now i just need to cope with her sulking for a few days Still i can't wait to see her again it should help heal some of the wounds we seem to have inflicted on each other over the past few weeks Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Well, I guess you'll find out the whole truth when she comes to town. Just observe how she carries herself around your family and friends. If you get a weird vibe, that means something's up. Gut feelings are seldom wrong... Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlmostMarried77 Posted June 28, 2005 Author Share Posted June 28, 2005 Cheers Mate You seem VERY pessimistic of the whole thing... though i can see why Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Sounds strangely familiar... I dumped her shortly after, and I've sworn off long distance relationships ever since. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlmostMarried77 Posted June 28, 2005 Author Share Posted June 28, 2005 fair enough really... but you have actually given me a bit too much to think about now I'll keep you posted though Cheers S Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 LOL. Sorry about that... Don't let my third person perspective affect her visit. Playing devil's advocate is a helluva lot of fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlmostMarried77 Posted June 28, 2005 Author Share Posted June 28, 2005 To be honest with you i have been in a similar situation before with another girl i was seeing... we both worked for the same company but she was based in the southern office, me in the north. With her there was a definite difference between how much time we would spend out with her friends and with mine. The final weekend we spent together I had wanted us to go and meet a friend of mine who lived in her area... only for a coffee or something, not a lot of time to be spent there... She kicked up such a huge fuss about it i was stunned, she ended up finishingg things with me 2 days later, although the only reason i hadn't finished it first was to give her a chance to recognise her error and apologise. There had been a whole lot of other crap that weekend which i wasn't too happy about having to deal with. As it stands, i still see this as a minor hiccup, it's our first major arguement so its a good chance to get a few things in order. I already knew she was spoilt and selfish, part of the reason why i call her princess (although she doesn't know that bit of the princess name). It's also, up till now, the only reason i've had to doubt the relationship Also, up till now i'm pretty sure she has had a lot more to complain about in the relationship than me... I can say some really crappy things sometimes, purely out of not thinking before speaking but i know they have upset her a lot Anyway, to cut to the chase, i think the 2 issues i mentioned come from: 1. The no sex for 3 nights thing She probably read that in a girly mag and thought it would be a good idea, she's not mentioned it since then 2. the friends thing Possibly just her needing to know that she comes before my friends... which of course she does, I just need to convince her. It's all a bit silly really though cause the reason i want her and my friends to meet is because i do love her so much and i want my friends to meet the girl whose making me so happy. With a bit of coaxing she'll come round Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by AlmostMarried77 1. The no sex for 3 nights thing She probably read that in a girly mag and thought it would be a good idea, she's not mentioned it since then Probably something she picked up in Cosmo... Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlmostMarried77 Posted June 28, 2005 Author Share Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Probably something she picked up in Cosmo... I doubt that VERY much... ... She reads Glamour Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlmostMarried77 Posted June 29, 2005 Author Share Posted June 29, 2005 Woohoo finally sorted out! she reached out and offered me an olive branch, which i accepted by telling her again that she does come before my friends and then she fully backed down and apologised. I think I was right about her being concerned that i was putting my friends before her. I think i also might have made the situation worse by acting like it was expected of her to meet them, more of an order than a request... Maybe something I need to bear in mind for future reference. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Excellent! I love it when I'm wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlmostMarried77 Posted June 29, 2005 Author Share Posted June 29, 2005 Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for your help, if nothing else you gave me a wall to bouce my thoughts off Got another thing sorted out too - i'm not her "yes man". I literally said that to her, and then she confirmed what i knew already... her previous boyfriends were Straightened her out on that one by pointing out that thats why they're ex's and we can't improve/grow as a couple or individuals if we don't know when to say no. I think things are actually better for all that Link to post Share on other sites
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