She always cries for me to stay

[amaysngrace]

Why are you in love with someone who lunges at you and spits in your face in front of your daughter?

 

Maybe you need to set the bar higher.

 

Glad you walked away though and didn't lash out back at her. You should be very proud of yourself for keeping your cool.

[Rude boy]

Why are you in love with someone who lunges at you and spits in your face in front of your daughter?

 

Maybe you need to set the bar higher.

 

Glad you walked away though and didn't lash out back at her. You should be very proud of yourself for keeping your cool.

 

Because she is so smart, so beautiful, she can be so sweet and so very giving and gentle. When it isn't like this. Because she would be my wife if I could forgive her for cheating and I'm trying to. I shouldn't have said anything about it, and left it alone, but I was mad.

 

I didn't react for the following reasons: my baby was about ten feet away, I don't want her to get the cops involved, my father is an incredibly violent man and I feel him in me when I'm angry, and I'm trying to make up for the things I've done wrong. I mean anyone who's followed me here knows I'm a piece of sh*t...

[minimariah]

I mean anyone who's followed me here knows I'm a piece of sh*t...

 

i know your story & you're not a piece of sh*t -- you're just trying to learn how to accept life + be a good dad. no one has it all figured out and i understand your confusion. i agree with what the previous posters said - you need to raise your baby and not allow her to demand or manipulate. it is okay to see her on days that aren't yours but you need to arrange that and let your X know days before. i think you're doing good, you'll figure it out! you could also ask for some professional advice.

 

not sure what to tell you - i really hope it works out for you, you seem like a good dad and your little girl seems to adore you.

[amaysngrace]

Because she is so smart, so beautiful, she can be so sweet and so very giving and gentle. When it isn't like this. Because she would be my wife if I could forgive her for cheating and I'm trying to. I shouldn't have said anything about it, and left it alone, but I was mad.

 

I didn't react for the following reasons: my baby was about ten feet away, I don't want her to get the cops involved, my father is an incredibly violent man and I feel him in me when I'm angry, and I'm trying to make up for the things I've done wrong. I mean anyone who's followed me here knows I'm a piece of sh*t...

 

I follow you and I don't think you're a piece of sh*t. I think you're doing well for yourself, all things considered. Especially knowing you showed restraint after she assaulted you by spitting in your face plus the role model you had in your own Dad.

 

Like I said, you should be proud of yourself, not beat yourself up. I think the part of you that beats yourself up is the same part that tolerates the abuse of your ex assaulting you by spitting on you.

 

Walking away is strong.

[Rude boy]

Thank you. A few months ago, I did something horrible. We messed around and it was so wrong of me to do. I'd give almost anything to take it back. I apologized to her a few different times, and I know it's a reason behind her spitting on me. So in a way, I deserved it. Had it not been in front of the baby, I wouldn't have been so mad.

 

If I were a good man, I wouldn't have done that. I adore her, I really do. The worst parts of her cheating were a lot of our friends knew, and who it was with, the most disgusting, weirdest, loser I've ever come across. My assault charge is against him. I am trying so hard to forgive her. I'm not as mad as I was, but I'm still embarrassed.

[amaysngrace]

Wait so she cheated on you, you beat the guy up and you think that gives her a reason to spit in your face?

 

Am I understanding that correctly?

[Rude boy]

Wait so she cheated on you, you beat the guy up and you think that gives her a reason to spit in your face?

 

Am I understanding that correctly?

No, not for that. He deserves all of it. If the cops hadn't showed, I'd be in jail. He's lucky, and I'd do it again if it weren't for my kid. I'm a dick like that, and it doesn't phase me.

 

Because I messed around with her in April. We didn't have intercourse, but just about everything else. It was sh*tty of me. It's was low, and I'm so sorry.i missed her, I miss her all the time.

[amaysngrace]

I understand you miss her but I still think you should set the bar higher. She's abusive towards you. You don't deserve that.

 

Maybe you don't have a clear understanding of what healthy boundaries and mutual respect means.

 

Have you ever done counseling? Did they order that when you beat the guy up?

[Rude boy]

No, I was thrown in jail, fined, and got community service.

 

Then after my friends threw a party where they took my mugshot and put it on beer bottles... everyone thought that was hilarious. I was so embarrassed.

[whichwayisup]

My two year old daughter just falls apart when I leave her with her mother. My ex has full custody, but we really split her, and evey time I leave her she is beside herself and wants me to stay, usually I sneak out of my ex's house so we don't have to go through the hysterics. She has the cutest little cry face, but the saddest little cry I've ever heard and it gets me right in the chest every time.

 

My ex has taken it on as the new guilt trip, because if I was a real father I would stay rather than have my daughter go through that sadness.

 

I think it's something she'll grow out of, but in the meantime can I make it easier on her?

 

Why does your ex have full custody? Why can't you share custody of your daughter?

 

Your ex is guilty you and that's wrong. You two have no relationship as in a couple, but are both ARE and always will be co parents together to your daughter. Maybe time to talk to her about sharing custody so it's more fair.

[Rude boy]

Why does your ex have full custody? Why can't you share custody of your daughter?

 

Your ex is guilty you and that's wrong. You two have no relationship as in a couple, but are both ARE and always will be co parents together to your daughter. Maybe time to talk to her about sharing custody so it's more fair.

The judge felt I was "dangerous" we are trying to get her removed from the case. She has been completely against me on every judgement. It's heartbreaking for me.

[Rude boy]

I've been in counseling for a few years. It really helps, and I want her to come with me. My therapist thinks that it would be a good idea. He has encouraged me to call the cops on her, but I just can't bring myself to do it.

[Rude boy]

She text me at 12:00 "come get her now." I had a very important meeting with my father and our biggest client at 12:30. We were discussing a sale I'd put together, and while my dad had notes, he wasn't in on all of it. So I called him, told him what she said and he told me to get her and he'd be fine for a bit. So I went and sped the whole way and got her. She was all ready and took her to my mom. I was about 45 minutes late, which makes me look bad.

 

But now she's here with me, in my bed, wearing my shirt, which is what she loves sleeping in. We do it for special occasions, but it's been a rough few days on her so figured she could wear one.

 

She's so close she's practically on me. I Iove it.

[amaysngrace]

I'm so glad you're in counseling and that it's going well for you and that you have your little princess there with you!!

[Itspointless]

Wait so she cheated on you, you beat the guy up and you think that gives her a reason to spit in your face?

 

Am I understanding that correctly?

Having read Rude boy his original story two years ago I can say that his ex has done things to him that only can be done by a very emotionally disturbed woman. It is good to see Rude boy post again, I seem to have missed a lot of threads.

 

It seems you really have worked hard Rude boy. But I am surprised that she has full custody over your girl, given the state she was in 2014.

[turnera]

Sounds to me like this is all one big ego stroke for yourself. Oh how proud you are that your daughter wants you, not her mother.

[Rude boy]

The judgement against me was my assault charge and my stint in rehab. She also said that she'd seen me do cocaine (which she has not) so I was deemed unsuitable.

 

I love my baby, and I love her here, but I wish she wanted her mom too. I want to go meet girls, and hsve fun, but I can't do that when my kid needs me or wants me, and I feel guilty about not being there with them. Every single day.

[Itspointless]

The judgement against me was my assault charge and my stint in rehab. She also said that she'd seen me do cocaine (which she has not) so I was deemed unsuitable.

 

I love my baby, and I love her here, but I wish she wanted her mom too. I want to go meet girls, and hsve fun, but I can't do that when my kid needs me or wants me, and I feel guilty about not being there with them. Every single day.

I am sorry to hear that Rude boy.

 

I also can imagine that you have all those different feelings. I guess most tips here on how to parent have to do with attachment and attachment styles. You might want to read a bit about it: What is Secure Attachment and Bonding? Understanding the Different Ways of Bonding and Communicating With Your Child Also the way you and your ex treat each-other has influence on what you child gets used too. Just as you have become used to the dynamic of your parents and unfortunately the tensions that came with your fathers aggression. Your therapist can tell you a lot about this as it also effects with which people we feel chemistry.