"graduating" from an affair

[wmacbride]

I've seen countless threads on here written by people who wonder if their marriage can survive and even be stronger after infidelity.

 

For what it's worth, mine did.

 

Nine years ago, my husband had an affair. Today the two of us sat with each other holding hands as we watched our oldest daughter walk across the stage and graduate from high school with high honours in the advanced academic program and a scholarship that will pay her full tuition through college.

 

We were so proud of her. She's a high functioning autistic and has other health issues along with that. The things that have been easy for so many others have always come hard for her, but she never, ever let that keep her down. She has grown up to be a beautiful, intelligent and kind young woman who always surprises us with her abilities.

 

It was really poignant to sit with me husband and watch her today. In a few years, we'll see our other daughter and then our son do the same thing, both in their own time.

 

In the immediate aftermath of my husband's A, if someone had asked me if we'd ever be able to do this, I might have answered "no", but through a lot of hard work and patience on both our parts, we were able to pick up the pieces and make things even better.

 

Do I wish he'd never had the affair? Of course, and I will never, ever see cheating as a way to fix marriage. Our marriage is strong in spite of the A, not because of it.

 

For some, having the courage to stay together and rebuild their marriage is the right choice, for others, it's having the courage to walk away.

[jenkins95]

Congratulations to your daughter wmac! And to you and your husband. A great, positive post to read. Nearly a year into reconciliation, I can report that things are going well in reconciliation for us too - far better than I could have ever wished for. It took about 5 months for my fog to lift and even after that it is still a constant effort to keep things on track. But it's getting better all the time and to see my wife and children happy and smiling when I get home from work brings happy tears to my eyes.

 

Like you, I so wish the A had never happened - I'm so ashamed of myself. But can't roll the clock back and need to concentrate on the future now. There is a lot to make up for

Edited June 28, 2016 by jenkins95

[JohnAdams]

Congratulations on your daughter and for you and your husband doing so well! It is always uplifting to read success stories like yours!!!

[Mrs. John Adams]

I've seen countless threads on here written by people who wonder if their marriage can survive and even be stronger after infidelity.

 

For what it's worth, mine did.

 

Nine years ago, my husband had an affair. Today the two of us sat with each other holding hands as we watched our oldest daughter walk across the stage and graduate from high school with high honours in the advanced academic program and a scholarship that will pay her full tuition through college.

 

We were so proud of her. She's a high functioning autistic and has other health issues along with that. The things that have been easy for so many others have always come hard for her, but she never, ever let that keep her down. She has grown up to be a beautiful, intelligent and kind young woman who always surprises us with her abilities.

 

It was really poignant to sit with me husband and watch her today. In a few years, we'll see our other daughter and then our son do the same thing, both in their own time.

 

In the immediate aftermath of my husband's A, if someone had asked me if we'd ever be able to do this, I might have answered "no", but through a lot of hard work and patience on both our parts, we were able to pick up the pieces and make things even better.

 

Do I wish he'd never had the affair? Of course, and I will never, ever see cheating as a way to fix marriage. Our marriage is strong in spite of the A, not because of it.

 

For some, having the courage to stay together and rebuild their marriage is the right choice, for others, it's having the courage to walk away.

 

girl...you know how happy I am for you and how proud I am too! We have an autistic grandson...I know the struggle. What a wonderful accomplishment for you all!!!

 

I just love you girl.....yes I do!!!

[Sub]

Congrats to you, your H and family, wmacbride. It's a beautiful thing. Here's to looking ahead and making great, new memories.

[Mr Blunt]

　Wmacbride, it is uplifting to see you in your successful R and bonding with your husband and daughter.

 

 

One of the great benefits of a successful R is seeing the whole family, including the children, coming back together. When my wife betrayed us my teen daughter moved in with my sister and did not want anything to do with her mother. In addition, my daughter told me to get another woman and flaunt her in the face of her mother. My sister and daughter set me up with a woman and we went dancing. After the date I felt terrible and never did that again

 

 

 

 

Today, many years later, my daughter and wife sent me pictures of their trip on the Washington DC tour. Both very excited and wishing I was there with them. My daughter lives 2000 miles away from us and has made it mandatory that each year she is to be with us in Arizona or we are with her in Ohio for at least 2 weeks. That is a very small example of the great relationship that we both have with all three of our children. My relationship with my children adds so much to my life! Yes R adds a whole lot in many different ways for those that want R and are successful

[Mrs. John Adams]

I think John and I have graduated but the education continues...

 

Each hurdle we cross moves us closer to the goal but I am smart enough to know the race is never over.

 

We have accomplished much. Our children who were small at the time of my affair are grown and have their own children.

 

We live debt free... We travel a lot .. And are looking forward to our retirement next year.

 

We are lucky ... We are still together.. Not because of the affairs but in spite of them. My affair was the worst thing our marriage has had to endure. We have had our share of disappointments and sadness. We lost a granddaughter.. We have grandchildren with special needs. But we endured those hurts together and supported each other through them.

 

I caused my affair... And that knowledge is hard to deal with... But the affair almost destroyed us as a couple..it almost destroyed us as a family. The exact opposite of the hardships we have dealt with.

 

We are resilient...we are committed...and we have survived. And i am happy to say that even though we carry the scars of battle... We won the war.

[Pollyannaslim]

Thank you for sharing such an encouraging and uplifting post!

 

 

 

Our marriage was attacked in every way, and I will admit I thought it was too late, but because we truly believed it was worth saving, we chose to fight.!! It’s been one of THE most difficult things either of us have ever had to do and as every survivor of infidelity knows, it takes A LOT of really hard work, time and commitment. Did we both want to throw in the towel at one time or another? Absolutely, but thankfully we realized we knew we could not save it on our own – so we did it all: IC/MC, etc. - the greatest support system for us, being part of a strong Christian community. With God at the center, the pain, anger and bitterness began to fade; and forgiveness…finally came. I won’t say our marriage is better because of what happened, but we are definitely on the road to happiness, celebrating a different kind of love. A more mature love. And for that I am thankful.

 

 

 

My prayer, for every couple in strife, is if there is ANY hope, hold on to that hope. Do not give up , fight for your marriage and have faith!

 

 

Again, thank you for sharing your success story – and congrats to you and your daughter for her great accomplishments!!

 

 

God Bless.

 

 

-P

[Jersey born raised]

Wow, an amazing story with only 8? Posts after several weeks. My brother would say "get a clue, get a grip, get a life people".

 

OP you have been posting for awhile, keep at it. Even if only 1 in a thousand people wise up it is worth it.

 

Finally, reconciliation is never fair to the BS. It is paid for with pain and blood the only reason for a BS to try is because they believe it might be worth it. Good on you for what as been achieved. You paid for it big time.

Edited July 9, 2016 by Jersey born raised

[standtall]

Wow, an amazing story with only 8? Posts after several weeks. My brother would say "get a clue, get a grip, get a life people".

 

 

People in general would much rather see the car crash over the repair coming out of the shop....just sayin.

 

Good for you OP..i wish you many happy years.

[wmacbride]

I think each person in a marriage that has been touched by infidelity knows, deep down, what is right for them.

 

Staying married is what right for us, ad the rewards have been wonderful, with more to come. we are proud of our daughter, proud of all of our children.

[Jersey born raised]

People in general would much rather see the car crash over the repair coming out of the shop....just sayin.

 

Good for you OP..i wish you many happy years.

 

Did you think I wanted to see a car crash? I've re-read my post and think the part you highlighted might be misleading. Perhaps I should have posted "you got a clue...."