Insecurities

[QuestioningMind]

Hello all,

 

I was just in a 1.5 year relationship. The first six months of it were spent in the same city while the last year was long-distance (off/on at that point).

 

There were times that my actions were 'questionable' and she quickly jumped to assume I was cheating.

 

Example: I was comfortable enough to bring her home for Christmas (in another state) to meet my friends and family there. Fastforward six months, I got invited to a family friend's graduation party (it was a family event, so no frat boys/girls getting drunk everywhere kind of party). I felt uncomfortable bringing her to the party and I didn't bother to ask if I could bring her. She felt this was odd because I brought her to meet my family, but didn't bring her to meet a family friend and whoever else would be there. One week after this incident, she accused me of cheating with someone at that party because it was the 'only explanation' as to why I felt uncomfortable to bring her there and couldn't explain why I felt uncomfortable. (This is just a summary of what had happened.)

 

I've been talking to family about this, and I was told that this was her "black and white thinking" as well as insecurities. My question now is: If this is her insecurities of me (or guys) cheating even though NOTHING of the sort happened, will she always be this insecure?

 

Another example: We were walking through a city together to run some errands. The girl that I previously dated used to live in that city. I was then asked "Do you remember where she (the ex) lived? Can you picture her apartment?" I lied at this point saying "No, I don't remember" when I actually did. I can admit that I had times where I was afraid of saying things because anything I could say could bring out the beast in her (something I've read about those with BPD). Although I'm not sure if she has BPD, I've come across others' experiences with being in relationships with a BPD and they sound VERY similar to what I had gone through.

 

My question to this example: What do you think the reasoning was behind asking if I knew where my ex lived or whether I could picture her apartment? This was not the first time my ex was brought into question; she would ask me things like "What did you find attractive about her?" "Did you go to ___ with her? If so, I don't want to go there with you. It's like if I went to ___ with my ex, I wouldn't want to go there with you because it would just remind me of him". Does this have to do with her insecurities?

 

Thanks in advance.

[lolablue17]

She has her insecurities. But when you lie, you contribute your part, because she will catch you one day with one small lie, and then, boom! her insecurities will rise up to the sky, just as it happened when you didn't tell her about the family event.

 

The best medisin for insecurities is honesty.

[Rainah]

She is highly insecure, I suggest you don't lie to her any more. Has she been cheated on in the past or have you cheated on her in the past? This could be a huge factor as to why she is insecure and accuses you of cheating. She is pushing and pushing to the point she will eventually loose you and that will unleash her beast of 'I told you so'

 

Its difficult because she isn't doing anything wrong, everyone has insecurites.

 

Maybe have a heart to heart with her and possibly suggest therepy?

[PegNosePete]

I was just in a 1.5 year relationship.

Your usage of the past tense, suggests that your questions are moot now?