Dating an "on-and-offer"

[LookAtThisPOst]

Not sure how to describe this. I wouldn't say this is necessarily a rebound thing, but ever been the person someone was dating, but "The ex came back in town and they wanted to give it another chance?"

 

When I say "on and offer", I'm referring to those "couples" that have had a yo-yo relationship for years, and when they are on a "break" they are dating people, establishing new relationships...then one day, they decide to go back to the ex.

 

I recall a guy that was really into a woman, dated for several months. One day he showed up to a party without her and his friends were wondering, "What happened to the better half?" and he explained, "She wanted to give the ex another shot."

 

But seriously, what's this obsession with going back to an ex? Where's the desire to move forward with someone new?

 

I knew of a woman that was going through a divorce, and during which was hot and heavy with this one guy, he was REALLY into her. As soon as the divorce papers were signed...she started DATING the MAN she divorced! LOL

 

Talk about a slap in the face to this guy. Apparently he was still holding a torch for her.

[normal person]

Happened to me twice, both girls are now married to the "then exes."

 

It's funny, they'll tell you how great, wonderful, amazing, and perfect you are... until the ex boyfriend comes back into the picture and with the snap of a finger it's very easy for them to pretend you never existed for fear of ruining it with the guy.

 

Not much that can be done about it, unfortunately.

[preraph]

The one time I feel bad for hurting someone I did something similar, but I wouldn't call him an ex because it was always just an LDR relationship with him away at college. I really liked him, though, but at some point he got a college girlfriend, which honestly, I knew was inevitable and I had plenty of male interests anyway, so I didn't let it bother me much. He'd written a confused "lost" letter the last time I'd heard from him and was struggling to know which direction to go. He was musically talented, a creative person, so I encouraged that and was a good role model for him for that because I'd followed my dream. But now he was wondering if he should be a cop or something, totally out of character for him and so that was the last I'd heard from him.

 

So I dated this nice guy, and I wasn't in love and I don't think he was, but it was becoming inevitable I had to break up with him because he followed me around the house like a puppy and I was starting to feel really smothered, but a nice person. If he just hadn't done that, we would have been okay. My small polite suggestions like 'You don't have to follow me to the kitchen" and then shutting the door so he couldn't follow me AGAIN into the bathroom, he hadn't gotten the message.

 

Then the LDR guy called while the puppy dog was there and I talked to him and said I'm come see him. Puppy heard enough of the conversation to figure it was a man and I told him "Well, we saw each other for awhile but hadn't heard from him for awhile, but yes, I'm going to go see him." I was worried about him, for one. Well, the puppy stormed out of the house and never saw him again. And I didn't feel good about that, but maybe that was better than me having to tell him he was smothering me, though maybe he'd have learned something from that, who knows.

 

When people break up (which LDR and I never really did - just dated around) there's usually at least one who'd like to reconcile if they got the chance. Would it be better if they didn't? Probably. It probably is usually more wasted time.

 

It was for the LDR. I saw him that one more time and it didn't feel right anymore and we both knew it.

 

But I wouldn't call our fling wasted because I genuinely liked him and he me. And decades later we'd get in touch and he told me I inspired him to follow his dream and he was a bigwig for a radio conglomerate at the time. He touched base again just two or three years ago (this is all like 35 years later from when we dated), even though he was married and just wanted to talk a little and let me know they retired and moved to the country.

 

I'm sorry I hurt the bf who was smothering me, but my friendship or whatever it was with the LDR had more substance, and that's why it had a little life left after we were no longer sleeping together, so in that way, I believe it was the right choice perhaps done in not the best way.

 

I'm sorry for anyone who has to sit back and deal with that, though, and I have had to myself more than once. You just can't always change history with logic.

Edited June 30, 2016 by preraph

[LookAtThisPOst]

The one time I feel bad for hurting someone I did something similar, but I wouldn't call him an ex because it was always just an LDR relationship with him away at college. I really liked him, though, but at some point he got a college girlfriend, which honestly, I knew was inevitable and I had plenty of male interests anyway, so I didn't let it bother me much. He'd written a confused "lost" letter the last time I'd heard from him and was struggling to know which direction to go. He was musically talented, a creative person, so I encouraged that and was a good role model for him for that because I'd followed my dream. But now he was wondering if he should be a cop or something, totally out of character for him and so that was the last I'd heard from him.

 

So I dated this nice guy, and I wasn't in love and I don't think he was, but it was becoming inevitable I had to break up with him because he followed me around the house like a puppy and I was starting to feel really smothered, but a nice person. If he just hadn't done that, we would have been okay. My small polite suggestions like 'You don't have to follow me to the kitchen" and then shutting the door so he couldn't follow me AGAIN into the bathroom, he hadn't gotten the message.

 

Then the LDR guy called while the puppy dog was there and I talked to him and said I'm come see him. Puppy heard enough of the conversation to figure it was a man and I told him "Well, we saw each other for awhile but hadn't heard from him for awhile, but yes, I'm going to go see him." I was worried about him, for one. Well, the puppy stormed out of the house and never saw him again. And I didn't feel good about that, but maybe that was better than me having to tell him he was smothering me, though maybe he'd have learned something from that, who knows.

 

When people break up (which LDR and I never really did - just dated around) there's usually at least one who'd like to reconcile if they got the chance. Would it be better if they didn't? Probably. It probably is usually more wasted time.

 

It was for the LDR. I saw him that one more time and it didn't feel right anymore and we both knew it.

 

But I wouldn't call our fling wasted because I genuinely liked him and he me. And decades later we'd get in touch and he told me I inspired him to follow his dream and he was a bigwig for a radio conglomerate at the time. He touched base again just two or three years ago (this is all like 35 years later from when we dated), even though he was married and just wanted to talk a little and let me know they retired and moved to the country.

 

I'm sorry I hurt the bf who was smothering me, but my friendship or whatever it was with the LDR had more substance, and that's why it had a little life left after we were no longer sleeping together, so in that way, I believe it was the right choice perhaps done in not the best way.

 

I'm sorry for anyone who has to sit back and deal with that, though, and I have had to myself more than once. You just can't always change history with logic.

 

Going back to an ex personally I think it's a form of desperation. usually when people start to date and they don't care for the pool that's out there, so they resort to going back to what they are most familiar with.

 

I had a woman tell me that "Ex's are EX's for a REASON!" She had a firm policy of never rekindling things with an ex.

[BlueIris]

Not sure how to describe this. I wouldn't say this is necessarily a rebound thing, but ever been the person someone was dating, but "The ex came back in town and they wanted to give it another chance?"

 

No, I haven't had that happen, at least not that I know of. People have stopped dating me and I don't ask why. I can see that happening, though, trying again with an ex.

[deadparrot]

I mean, in most cases I don't think it's anything more complicated than "love makes you stupid." I've watched a few friends go back to exes, and from the outside it's so clear how unhealthy the dynamic is. But when you're the one involved, and your emotions are engaged, your heart wants to believe that this time it really will work out, even if your head knows it won't.