Mannibalector Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 I keep seeing dudes whining about how women will never like them because of how "ugly" they are. Not just here, but elsewhere. Well, I'm 6' 185lbs with 6% body fat. I can bench almost 300lbs and leg press half a ton. I regularly get compliments on my physique. Not sure about my face; as a straight guy I couldn't tell you what a good-looking male face looks like, but it's not like I'm disfigured or anything. Yet despite all this, whenever I step into a building, all the women scram to the exits. ...well that might be more than a bit of an exaggeration, but the point is, my utter sexiness does not do anything for me in the dating department. I'm pretty sure the problem is not being outgoing enough. I have the social skills of a rhinoceros. I suck at talking to people; if I'm not at a loss of what to say, I'm tripping over my words and making it sound like I have a speech impediment. This doesn't happen ALL the time, but it's the reason I don't reach out to others much. It usually feels forced. The moral of the story is, looks on their own mean jack. I'm sure they help, but an "ugly" person who's real chill will have much more success than a "beautiful" person who is hopeless in social situations. I use quotes because beauty is all a matter of opinion anyway. Now, armed with this knowledge, I have to figure out a way to make myself likable. It's not that people hate me, it's just that nobody really cares. Whenever I'm with friends, I'm always the least important character in the movie, if you know what I mean. If I'm the character that everyone likes, dates will come naturally. (I hope!) Advice is welcome, both for me and anyone else who might have similar issues. I'm in my early 20s by the way. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Ensam Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 I agree wholeheartedly with this. I've known girls that are extremely good looking and attractive, yet hardly approached by any guys because they were so uncomfortable and insecure that everything about them said "get away from me". I don't know about others but personally I like to think of it as having two modes - I have the chill mode when I'm on my own or around people I know well and then the more uncomfortable and self-conscious mode which automatically engages in many public situations. So the trick is really to diminish or eliminate any worries or fears so I can remain in the chill mode. Cause I know that when I'm in it, I'm very charming and fun to be around. It sounds like an easier task than what it really is though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 Meh....it's kinda like money..... I don't need much money, but I have more than I need and its better now than when I was broke... That being said, women can usually take looks much further(without anything else much to offer), than men can...If you are a guy, just being good looking won't guarantee anything, but Id still take being average to good looking over ugly....any day .... TFY 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Hyperion227 Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 I keep seeing dudes whining about how women will never like them because of how "ugly" they are. Not just here, but elsewhere. Well, I'm 6' 185lbs with 6% body fat. I can bench almost 300lbs and leg press half a ton. I regularly get compliments on my physique. Not sure about my face; as a straight guy I couldn't tell you what a good-looking male face looks like, but it's not like I'm disfigured or anything. Yet despite all this, whenever I step into a building, all the women scram to the exits. ...well that might be more than a bit of an exaggeration, but the point is, my utter sexiness does not do anything for me in the dating department. I'm pretty sure the problem is not being outgoing enough. I have the social skills of a rhinoceros. I suck at talking to people; if I'm not at a loss of what to say, I'm tripping over my words and making it sound like I have a speech impediment. This doesn't happen ALL the time, but it's the reason I don't reach out to others much. It usually feels forced. The moral of the story is, looks on their own mean jack. I'm sure they help, but an "ugly" person who's real chill will have much more success than a "beautiful" person who is hopeless in social situations. I use quotes because beauty is all a matter of opinion anyway. Now, armed with this knowledge, I have to figure out a way to make myself likable. It's not that people hate me, it's just that nobody really cares. Whenever I'm with friends, I'm always the least important character in the movie, if you know what I mean. If I'm the character that everyone likes, dates will come naturally. (I hope!) Advice is welcome, both for me and anyone else who might have similar issues. I'm in my early 20s by the way. Well maybe not but here in England during the Brexit referendum campaign there was a truism often espousad: not everyone who votes Leave is a racist; but all racists will vote leave. Well by the same token: not all good looking guys will be successful with women but to be successful with women you need to be good looking (or rich). Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 In general, looks get the interview. IOW, a good looking, meaning widely physically desirable, person will have more interactions, more positive interactions and more opportunities for interactions than a generally average to unattractive person *all else being equal*. You're right, looks, or anything really, is no guarantee of happiness, success, riches, a trail of suitors, whatever. Think of it as 'opportunity'. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 I'd say it's a damn good thing that looks don't guarantee success. Some of us have to rely heavily on other, er, talents. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
carnelian Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Nothing guarantees success. Money, looks, profession, education, power, personality After a lifetime of dating, I'd say that looks or appearance is about 75% of it at first glance, prima facie. After they get to know you, the other factors are important. A body builder o.nce told me that girls are not so attracted to the muscle bound super weightlifters--he was one of them. Women make up a lot of things when asked what attracts them the most but in the end it is a combination of looks, money (security) and personality. And of course good in bed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Revolver Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 If you're an attractive male, women starting from a young age will go out of their way to blatantly hit on you. I've seen it with my own eyes. For example I'm the I'm the "ugly guy friend", so I notice how women interact with my handsome friend. He usually get a lot of stares, and he gets approached a lot in a pretty straight forward way. It's kind of surprising that women approach him in the bar in very much the same way men approach women. They jump into the conversation we are having (what on earth made them think listening to other people's conversations is all right?), they open with cheesy lines, they would send a friend to interact to the less attractive friend (a.k.a me) to introduce them to their target (a.k.a my handsome friend). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hyperion227 Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 If you're an attractive male, women starting from a young age will go out of their way to blatantly hit on you. I've seen it with my own eyes. For example I'm the I'm the "ugly guy friend", so I notice how women interact with my handsome friend. He usually get a lot of stares, and he gets approached a lot in a pretty straight forward way. It's kind of surprising that women approach him in the bar in very much the same way men approach women. They jump into the conversation we are having (what on earth made them think listening to other people's conversations is all right?), they open with cheesy lines, they would send a friend to interact to the less attractive friend (a.k.a me) to introduce them to their target (a.k.a my handsome friend). Yes I've had similar experiences. It's as if people don't realise how offensive they're being using you as a stepping stone. Women become so pathetic around hot guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Saying you're a good height and low bodyfat with muscles is a very incomplete picture. Like if you took a Ford Pinto and fixed it all up with a nice paint job and an engine that puts out 600hp doesn't mean it's now just like a Ferrari. Take a Honda Civic, get some neon green wheels and a huge whale tail, that's the body style a lot gym rats build. It's not very sexy, just outlandish. Being in shape will help everyone. Being in shape doesn't mean you're going to be as attractive to women compared to dudes that were pretty much born and naturally gravitate to exuding everything that attracts women. From face to skin tone, to bone structure and muscle attach points or hair that just looks good no matter what you do to it lol. Looks don't guarantee success, but when most women that see you are giving you that "smile", it's kinda easy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 What kinda clothes do you wear? You can have a rock hard body that's tight in all the right places but if you dress like a doof you're broadcasting a "stay away, doof coming" signal about 500 feet in every direction. (In other words negative social cues, which are very important.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Also, I'm all about being lean year round, but either you don't really know what 6% bodyfat is or worse if you do and actually are 6% bodyfat, because that is to the point of not being healthy. And you're not going to get to or stay for any amount of time at 6% without being a total Nazi on food intake and well....life. I mean, if you got striations on your buttocks (at 6%....pretty sure you do) maybe....step back and rethink some stuff and if what you're doing is actually helping or that you actually went past that point a while back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bummer Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Not sure about my face; as a straight guy I couldn't tell you what a good-looking male face looks like, but it's not like I'm disfigured or anything. good looking guys: brad Pitt, Bradley Cooper, Ryan Gosling... good symmetry and gentle chiseled face. Nothing out of proportion. Do you look like them? No? Maybe it's your face a little? As for being likeable? Humility. Honestly. Humor. No one cares what you bench especially girls outside the gym. No one cares that you like the gym, especially girls outside the gym. Be a genuine you about broader things than the gym. Watch your tone and volume. Body language as a big guy is to not swell out with girls but curl in and diminish your size. Don't scare them away! Practice crappy jokes and watch topical comics who aren't too fringe, racist, sexist. And relax? I dunno, be you and a girl who loves that will come your way. Depends what you want. Hookup or ltr? Aim for your demographic and type you desire and find them where they are. Want fit chicks? Step into the yoga room occasionally and say hi with a smile. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Personally I do not find 6% body fat attractive and do not care how much you can bench...what does that even mean? http://cdn.builtlean.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/body-fat-percentage-men.jpg You are correct if your social skills suck, then you are not going to attract women whatever you look like. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Also, I'm all about being lean year round, but either you don't really know what 6% bodyfat is or worse if you do and actually are 6% bodyfat, because that is to the point of not being healthy. And you're not going to get to or stay for any amount of time at 6% without being a total Nazi on food intake and well....life. I mean, if you got striations on your buttocks (at 6%....pretty sure you do) maybe....step back and rethink some stuff and if what you're doing is actually helping or that you actually went past that point a while back. Agreed... When I competitively wrestled we flirted with 5/6% bf levels for some matches...Very few people realize what that's all about...Days before a match Id be basically a zombie, get in and make weight, then load up so we didn't pass out on the way to the mat... 9/10% is about the minimum one can endure without really feeling sick all the time...Even at 12% I don't feel all that good.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Recon33 Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Practice crappy jokes Sorry, but I wouldn't call this very good advice. You shouldn't practice being funny because that will only put pressure on you and can come off as awkward. You're either funny or you're not. If anything make a joke about something that's going on at that moment or something you see. I would say that stuff is more funny than memorized jokes anyway. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bantosm Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Yet despite all this, whenever I step into a building, all the women scram to the exits. That could be a cue that you're actually great looking. My cousin who has all the looks in the family has a similar issue. Women will literally go the opposite direction from him. I remember when I introduced him to some of the friends of my gf, they didn't say much and generally avoided him. Once he left they were saying how hot he was ect. I asked them why they acted the way they did and they said something about not wanting to get embarrassed or blush. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 That could be a cue that you're actually great looking. My cousin who has all the looks in the family has a similar issue. Women will literally go the opposite direction from him. I remember when I introduced him to some of the friends of my gf, they didn't say much and generally avoided him. Once he left they were saying how hot he was ect. I asked them why they acted the way they did and they said something about not wanting to get embarrassed or blush. I agree, I have done that too, talked all night to guys I don't find attractive, flirted outrageously with guys who had no chance with me, but with the ones I really liked, I avoided them like the plague. Madness! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 I have to admit, I think it's looks that keep people from breaking up and continue to stay in toxic relationships. "Well, my g/f is hot and the sex is great, so why ruin a good thing? If I dump her, you know how hard it'll be for me to find another hot woman?!" Link to post Share on other sites
brothers343 Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 It starts with your bravado. I have seen ugly man with beautiful woman and I have seen good looking man with ugly woman. People like what they like. Some of the ugliest paintings are woth the most. Everyone is born with a gift, whether they have found it its a whole different story. If you have confidence then there's nothing you can't achieve or have. That's including beautiful woman. You are already fit so dress nice, create your own style.....being different it's a good thing these days. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mannibalector Posted July 4, 2016 Author Share Posted July 4, 2016 Whoop, been too busy to check in here. Thanks for unlocking it. not all good looking guys will be successful with women but to be successful with women you need to be good looking (or rich). Well for what it's worth, the fattest man who ever lived ended up getting married (to someone like 14 times lighter) and having a couple kids. That's a lot better than I'm doing at the moment, haha. Saying you're a good height and low bodyfat with muscles is a very incomplete picture. Like if you took a Ford Pinto and fixed it all up with a nice paint job and an engine that puts out 600hp doesn't mean it's now just like a Ferrari. Take a Honda Civic, get some neon green wheels and a huge whale tail, that's the body style a lot gym rats build. It's not very sexy, just outlandish. As a car nut, I approve of this analogy, haha. But I think you're thinking of the people who use steroids and get that weird bloated look. That just looks straight up ridiculous and I certainly wouldn't want to look like that. I train more for strength than looks anyway. What kinda clothes do you wear? You can have a rock hard body that's tight in all the right places but if you dress like a doof you're broadcasting a "stay away, doof coming" signal about 500 feet in every direction. (In other words negative social cues, which are very important.) In the summer I typically wear athletic shorts and a T-shirt or tank top. When it gets colder I put on jeans and some kind of sweatshirt, usually a hoodie. Sometimes a lined leather jacket if it's really cold. Also, I'm all about being lean year round, but either you don't really know what 6% bodyfat is or worse if you do and actually are 6% bodyfat, because that is to the point of not being healthy. And you're not going to get to or stay for any amount of time at 6% without being a total Nazi on food intake and well....life. I mean, if you got striations on your buttocks (at 6%....pretty sure you do) maybe....step back and rethink some stuff and if what you're doing is actually helping or that you actually went past that point a while back. Well that's the number I got when I used this fat-measuring device at the gym. It looks kind of like a video game controller. Not sure if it was accurate or not. But I've never had much fat on me at all. Before I started lifting weights I could count my ribs. And like, right now I'm consuming around 5,000 calories a day and I still struggle to gain weight. I guess I just have a stupid-fast metabolism. And just out of curiosity I looked up what healthy fat percentages are, and 6% is the low end for athletes, so I think I'm still good. I don't play sports anymore, but I train pretty hard. It's something I enjoy doing and it's great for relieving stress. good looking guys: brad Pitt, Bradley Cooper, Ryan Gosling... good symmetry and gentle chiseled face. Nothing out of proportion. Do you look like them? No? Maybe it's your face a little? I looked those people up and no, I wouldn't say that I look like any of them, but they also look a lot older than I do. I've been told I look 16 or 17. Maybe that's a problem? Do women not like guys who look too young? Unfortunately due to my genetics, my beard is an epic failure. I also don't like having a lot of hair so I usually get a buzzcut. So I'd say that my typical look is "military recruit," haha. Practice crappy jokes I do crack jokes pretty often; hopefully they're not crappy though, haha. Humor is a science, people. I love to laugh and make other people laugh, but that's never helped me in the dating department. I'm not outgoing enough to take full advantage of it. What I really need is some way to rewire certain aspects of my personality. I've been told that working out extremely hard and pushing your limits can achieve this; you get more aggressive and more energetic. I know someone who did this while doing college sports, and is now a much different person. This requires so much dedication though. Probably more than what 99% of the population has. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 Personally I do not find 6% body fat attractive and do not care how much you can bench...what does that even mean? http://cdn.builtlean.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/body-fat-percentage-men.jpg You are correct if your social skills suck, then you are not going to attract women whatever you look like. Oh hubba hubba. Nice link. I think I like my beef 12 to 15%. Drool. 6% is definitely too low. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 I've been told I look 16 or 17. Maybe that's a problem? Do women not like guys who look too young? So I'd say that my typical look is "military recruit," . Ok, so you look very young but how old are you and how old are the women you want to attract? Link to post Share on other sites
MGX Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 Personally I do not find 6% body fat attractive and do not care how much you can bench...what does that even mean? It means he isn't fat, works out and can lift women up during sex like some male pornstar. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 Most women actually care so much less about body fat % and muscles than men think. Just because men are obsessed with women's body doesn't mean that it's true in reverse. I will tell you what most women IMHO find physically attractive: height, nice face (eyes, skin tone, jawline, teeth), largish general build without too much of a soft body (broad shoulders, small waist and hips). Most find small frame and/or womanly shaped bodies a turn off. Also, being skinny is usually not a good thing in a man. But if you give off "creepy vibe" - which can mean shy and socially awkward, they will be turned off regardless of looks. Link to post Share on other sites
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