slim6239 Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 Tl;Dr Long distance girlfriend of 9 months broke up with me in, I've made every attempt to get her back but she's still on the fence. We are currently on a 6 month "improve ourselves" break until we see each other again in Dec. However, I'm considering temporarily moving to where she lives (it's my home country & I have family there) for a year with hopes that in case we get back together, this will help strengthen our relationship. Currently 2 weeks into NC and I'm going nuts and basically would like to know if there's any hope left, and if my idea of moving back home for a year is dumb. ------------------------------------------------------------- Background My ex girlfriend I were in an intense LDR for 9 months. We met May last year when I had gone back home to visit (she lives in a different continent, my home country 9K miles away). I normally don't do LDR and I told her this from the get go but after I came back we kept in touch and our feelings towards each other grew that we did the naturally thing and made it official. She is the type to love & trust right off the bat but it takes me a while to warm up to a relationship. So for the most part she was the one that expressed her feelings more than I did something that bothered her because it seemed like she was always trying to get me to express my feelings for- over time, I got better and things were going great. We had planned that I'd go back to visit towards the end of the year (Nov, Dec) but due to work, I wasn't able to. Quite honestly, I didn't prioritize it much because I knew "she wasn't going anywhere" due to how much I knew she loved me. Fast forward January, my work load increased and I unknowingly started giving her less and less attention. I actually didn't realize this until after the break up. ------------------------------------------------------------- The Breakup Things seemed fine for the next 4 months then from nowhere (it seemed) she broke up with me on April 15th. She blocked me on WhatsApp and all Social Media outlets and pretty much shut me off for the next 2 weeks. When we started talking again, I did the whole begging thing and wrote her a long sobby letter protesting my love for and pretty much telling her that I'd do anything to win her back (learning this was a huge mistake)... Anyway, she ended up telling me that if I wanted her back I'd need to work for it and prove to her that she is worth it. Challenge accepted! ------------------------------------------------------------- The Chase Over the next month I showered her with all sorts of gifts, compliments, attention etc...she showed little to no emotion. Seeing this, I decided to get on a plane and fly over 9,000 miles to surprise her. Long story short, she was initially very cold towards me and I later came to find out that she had started dating a guy she used to go to school with 2 years ago- so they had some history. After blowing me off for a week, she started warming up and broke up with the guy and spent the next 2 weeks at my house. We tried to work through all the issues in our relationship and although we had some fights, we did have a good time and the sex was amazing! However, she still wasn't ready to get back together which really frustrated me. ------------------------------------------------------------- Pulling Back So I decided to cut her off and focus on me for the 2 week remainder of my trip. The minute I pulled back, she started texting me and said she wanted to meet up and talk if I was interested- I agreed. My last week there she ended up inviting me to her place, cooked me lunch and was super flirty towards me (touching me, feeding me food off of her spoon, pecks here and there etc)... We spent the afternoon together and it was wonderful. I made one last attempt to ask her if she felt ready to get back together and she burst out crying saying she's really confused because she really likes the guy but has little patience for him and realizes she could never love him like she loved me. She also asked me why it took a break up for me to start showing my feelings towards her...I told her unfortunately sometimes we don't realize what we have until it's gone. We ended up exchanging these matching bracelets that we each had gotten when we first started dating. The whole purpose of exchanging them was so that we can each have a piece of each other all the time until we see each other again- cheesy, I know! We ended the evening on a positive note but no real conclusion if she would take me back or not. This was Thursday and I was leaving that Sunday. ------------------------------------------------------------- Decision Friday, she texts me saying that she has thought about everything and she thinks I deserve a second change given how much effort I'd shown over the past month etc... She said she knows I love her and she still loves me. However, she said that she still needs to see if I'm really serious or just trying to win her back so that I can come back to the states with a "victory"... So she suggested we both work on improving ourselves for the next 6 months and in the meantime, stop talking until I come back in Dec (she learned from my sister that I planned on coming back in Dec) and then if we still feel the same way about each other then it's indeed true love, but if not, then we can figure out a way to go our separate ways without causing each other pain. I was already planning on not talking to her so I agreed. This initiated my period of NC, it's been 2 weeks now and I'm going crazy because of how much I love and miss her. Even thought we don't talk, she's been "liking" all my posts on Facebook until a girl I went hiking with posted a photo of us two looking really happy then my ex immediately blocked me on WhatsApp. ------------------------------------------------------------- My plan I'm planning on moving back home in Dec for a year to make it easier for us to build an actual relationship in case she decides to take me back at some point in the future. I realize this is HUGE risk and possibly the worst idea especially if she ends up rejecting me for good, so I'm trying to prepare myself mentally and give it more thought. She is still dating this guy but according to what her friends have told me they fight all the time which makes me think I may still have a shot. Am I holding on to false hope here? Is there any chance of getting her back with how things have turned out? Is my plan to move back home for a year for the sake of re-establishing a relationship stupid? Thank you for taking the time to read, I really appreciate any input. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 Yes, I think you're holding on to false hope. She is dating someone else. That is why she wants a complete break from you; it's not to improve yourselves but so that she can test a relationship with him. This would also explain why she's blocked all forms of communication with you. She doesn't want that interference in her new relationship. It doesn't matter what her friends think will happen; all that matters is that she is currently dating him and not you. It sucks but I wouldn't take such a big risk on such a shaky foundation. You haven't actually spent much time together in person and she is in the arms of another guy. The chances of this working out are sadly not in your favor. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
juniorrocha Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 Moving back to your town just so you can try to make your ex-relationship work is a really bad decision, especially if you're leaving a job, studies, or anything that is important to you in your current place. If you both agreed to spend 6 months improving yourselves and not talking to each other, then do it. When you go back to your hometown, you see how things are. When you truly love someone, you aren't going to forget them in 6 months. Also, by not talking, are you both allowed to date other people, etc? Maybe in the long run you (or her) realize that it's really better if you both go separate ways. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bummer Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 If I were to graph you and your ex's relationship interest/intensity levels while reading your history they would be inverses of each other or like a sine-cosine pair. Never quite in sync with each other. She's hot, you're cold, you're hot, she's cold. Do not move back for her. You've both damaged this relationship beyond repair. Resentment, jealousy, immaturity... they are all festering and I fear she will run away from any reconciliation long before December. Found someone close by to warm up to at the same pace. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LastAcorn99 Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 LDR is never easy, and I’m sorry your relationship has turned out like this. I would suggest that you discuss your situation with an older married couple and then decide the way forward. Taking a hasty decision based on feelings alone is never a wise move. Link to post Share on other sites
gaig Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Don't move back for her! Make the effort to read my first post, me in asia/europe, her in australia. Asking me for long term plans, family, wedding, etc. But she had gigs. And I did everything to show her that nobody will ever love her like I genuinely do, but to no avail. I could have moved my life there, its still spinning in my head, but I wont do it. I can allow her months, years maybe to find herself, but if she forgets what we had, she is not worth it for my efforts and the quality of my feelings. Set them free and you will see what future was hiding from you.. Link to post Share on other sites
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