Could any woman be tempted to cheat?

[Wookin Pa Nub]

So most of our couple friends are really stand-up, family-oriented (religious to varying degrees) couples. I look at most of the women we hang out with and it would shock me if any of them ever flirt with other men. There's absolutely nothing inappropriate that happens (like overt flirting) within our group of friends when we are together or even in larger social situations.

 

 

I would guess most affairs initiated by the W are the result of crap marriages. I am curious what triggers would cause a married woman in an otherwise decent to good marriage to "hook up" or have a full blown affair? Rough patch at home, mid life crisis, meet an attractive guy, weak moment, etc.

 

 

My wife & I are going thru rough patch. She just told me other guys (not our group of friends) have hit on her. She said she would never act on it. But she has been acting differently lately. She bought some new (sexier, trendier) clothes, new hair style, etc. I just could never see my wife cheating. I know it happens but just knowing my wife, it would shock me.

[jen1447]

Unless she's really a pro/veteran, she wouldn't likely tell you guys are hitting on her and then go ahead and cheat w/them. (That'd be a really ballsy bluff anyway.) Or unless she really wanted to stick it to you. So I wouldn't worry too much.

 

I suppose you'd have to say no woman is immune tho. I've found that the 'pure' ones (churchgoers, community activists, etc.) are no less likely to cheat than the ones you might more likely suspect.

[Betrayed&Stayed]

So most of our couple friends are really stand-up, family-oriented (religious to varying degrees) couples. I look at most of the women we hang out with and it would shock me if any of them ever flirt with other men. There's absolutely nothing inappropriate that happens (like overt flirting) within our group of friends when we are together or even in larger social situations.

 

 

I would guess most affairs initiated by the W are the result of crap marriages. I am curious what triggers would cause a married woman in an otherwise decent to good marriage to "hook up" or have a full blown affair? Rough patch at home, mid life crisis, meet an attractive guy, weak moment, etc.

 

 

My wife & I are going thru rough patch. She just told me other guys (not our group of friends) have hit on her. She said she would never act on it. But she has been acting differently lately. She bought some new (sexier, trendier) clothes, new hair style, etc. I just could never see my wife cheating. I know it happens but just knowing my wife, it would shock me.

 

I guarantee that you know someone who has cheated that you don't know about. And that person is someone you would think would NEVER have an affair.

 

Most affairs are a result of compromising the boundaries 1,000 times in tiny increments. A series of small rationalizations. A series of "I'll do this, but I won't do that".

 

Before my D-Day, I would've bet my life that my wife was incapable of anything remotely inappropriate! When I told my BIL about her affair, he was absolutely FLOORED.

[Lobe]

Nobody is immune. It takes work to affair-proof your marriage because everyone is vulnerable at one time or another.

 

As mentioned, except in the case of revenge affairs or extreme circumstances (I've heard of affairs happening during manic swings of bipolar for example) it usually happens in increments, sneaking up on both the WS and the AP. Once they are in the affair, they often wonder how it happened and feel helpless to get out. Often it's because of a "crap" marriage (unmet needs, in affair-speak) but not necessarily - there are times when the marriage is pretty good and sh*t just happens. I don't know that there is a specific trigger so much as a perfect storm - in our case, WH's affair was one of opportunity. What might have been a moment of weakness at another time in our marriage has turned into years of hell for us.

 

If she's changing her behaviour in increments, it's not cause for alarm, but it is cause to pay attention. I wouldn't go in balls-out accusing her of having an affair, but I would definitely be paying her at least as many compliments on her new look as any potential suitor might. I also suggest testing the health of your marriage. Do you guys do date night? Are you sexually active? When's the last time you talked about life goals? Took a vacation together (without the kids if you have any)? Do you feel like you're in a rut? Maybe it's time to inject a little romance, as insurance...

[central]

People who say they'd NEVER cheat often have the poorest defenses and self-awareness, and could cheat more easily than someone who realizes they have risk factors in their marriage that could make them susceptible in the "right" circumstances.

[understand50]

Everybody under the right circumstances and time can and do cheat. Just a fact of life. Trick is to know your own triggers, ans short comings, and stop before you go too far.

[JohnAdams]

As a couple affected by infidelity, it easy to say, yes, anyone could be tempted to cheat. In reality, I do not really believe it to be true. Perhaps I still prefer to live in my own idealistic world.

[noelle303]

Well, I've never been married but I know that marriages are not black and white. Yes, there are crappy marriages, but mostly every relationship ebs and flows and goes through peaks and pits. And while going through this, it's easy to get tempted away and caught up in some fantasy. No one is immune to it, some people are just better at boundaries and self-control.

[Mrs. John Adams]

If I cheated...anyone can cheat.

[understand50]

As a couple affected by infidelity, it easy to say, yes, anyone could be tempted to cheat. In reality, I do not really believe it to be true. Perhaps I still prefer to live in my own idealistic world.

 

Yeah, John, maybe you and I are not the ones to answer this question.

[MuddyFootprints]

 

Most affairs are a result of compromising the boundaries 1,000 times in tiny increments. A series of small rationalizations.

 

This is a crucial time for Love Languages and Not Just Friends

 

Eta: explore them both, together.

Edited July 1, 2016 by MuddyFootprints

[SammySammy]

Any person can be tempted.

 

Heck, I didn't think I could do something like that. I did.

[understand50]

Some of here know, that cheating can happen and has happened to us, ether as a BS, WS or both. Part of reconciling is realizing that the one you love, could, or you can, under the right circumstances, cheat. I think it makes cheating going forward, less likely, as once you touch the HOT stove, and it really hurts, you do not want to touch it again. This is of course, that you are both really and totally committed to making the marriage work and reconciling together. So out of infidelity, come the realization, that you must guard your heart against it, as in the end we are all weak, knowing this, we can avoid problems when we feel weak and tempted.

 

I wish all who are on guard, and myself, the best of luck........

[Marc878]

Ya never know. A lot are blindsided with infidelity. Just to be on the safe side check your phone bill.

[understand50]

Ya never know. A lot are blindsided with infidelity. Just to be on the safe side check your phone bill.

 

Kind of cynical, but I understand.

[Mrs. John Adams]

This is a crucial time for Love Languages and Not Just Friends

 

Eta: explore them both, together.

 

But most people don't know to read those or any other books when they are in a crucial time.

 

Most people...or maybe SOME people...don't PLAN to cheat....especially people who think they are above it

[Michelle ma Belle]

There came a point in my unhappy marriage where my husband, having withheld sex and affection from me for years and sensing that I was near the end of my rope in our marriage, turned to me and told me if I needed to I could go off and have an affair as long as I returned to him.

 

I'll never forgot that day. I never forgot it because I could tell he didn't mean it and didn't want me to go off with another man but was either unwilling or unable to give me what I needed and wanted in our troubled marriage. Like WTF??

 

I had LOTS of opportunity to cheat on my husband and although I may have thought about it, even flirted and walked very close to the edge I realized my reasons for doing it was more about getting back at him than anything I truly wanted to do for myself.

 

When he reluctantly 'gave me his blessing' a part of me wanted to hug him and a greater part of me wanted to kick him in the balls! In the end, after much soul searching (and crying) I realized that I didn't want to be THAT woman. I didn't want to be the woman who cheats on her husband and lives to tell about it. I didn't want a band-aid solution to the glaring problems in my marriage. I knew I couldn't live with myself and wake up every morning and look into my children's eyes or even my husbands eyes no matter how unhappy I was. I didn't want to be that woman no matter how much I may have needed to be kissed, held, touched and f**ked. No matter how justified I may have been in doing it.

 

In the end, perhaps what stopped me from having an affair was that I was still deeply in love with my husband. Ultimately it was him I wanted not another man.

 

 

So, can any woman be tempted to cheat? Sure but it's a choice to cheat. And I chose not to and I'm very grateful I never did.

[MuddyFootprints]

But most people don't know to read those or any other books when they are in a crucial time.

 

Most people...or maybe SOME people...don't PLAN to cheat....especially people who think they are above it

 

No, they don't. I absolutely agree. Hind sight, being 20/20, this could open marital communication and nip that bud before it blossoms.

[Mrs. John Adams]

There came a point in my unhappy marriage where my husband, having withheld sex and affection from me for years and sensing that I was near the end of my rope in our marriage, turned to me and told me if I needed to I could go off and have an affair as long as I returned to him.

 

I'll never forgot that day. I never forgot it because I could tell he didn't mean it and didn't want me to go off with another man but was either unwilling or unable to give me what I needed and wanted in our troubled marriage. Like WTF??

 

I had LOTS of opportunity to cheat on my husband and although I may have thought about it, even flirted and walked very close to the edge I realized my reasons for doing it was more about getting back at him than anything I truly wanted to do for myself.

 

When he reluctantly 'gave me his blessing' a part of me wanted to hug him and a greater part of me wanted to kick him in the balls! In the end, after much soul searching (and crying) I realized that I didn't want to be THAT woman. I didn't want to be the woman who cheats on her husband and lives to tell about it. I didn't want a band-aid solution to the glaring problems in my marriage. I knew I couldn't live with myself and wake up every morning and look into my children's eyes or even my husbands eyes no matter how unhappy I was. I didn't want to be that woman no matter how much I may have needed to be kissed, held, touched and f**ked. No matter how justified I may have been in doing it.

 

In the end, perhaps what stopped me from having an affair was that I was still deeply in love with my husband. Ultimately it was him I wanted not another man.

 

 

So, can any woman be tempted to cheat? Sure but it's a choice to cheat. And I chose not to and I'm very grateful I never did.

 

of course its a choice....absolutely.... A bad choice....but a choice. No one holds a gun to your head and MAKES you cheat....and I am very glad you did not choose to cheat either. I wish I had chosen not to cheat...I wish i could turn back time and undo the choice I made to cheat....but I can't.

[EverySunset]

I didn't. Over a decade of unbelievably beautiful men making it very easy. A husband obsessed with work that absolutely forgot about me and took me for granted, and I was so very good to him. Even my husbands friends asked how I could be faithful. Two dDays later (and discovering an entire closet of skeletons and affairs) I considered myself released from my vows. Told him, divorced him and moved on.

 

To this day he justifies his absolute disgusting behavior on suspicions I cheated, even with his friends! I didn't, and I feel good about it.

 

Now he's cheating on his current girlfriend. I think some people don't need any triggers at all. Just opportunity.

[oldshirt]

So most of our couple friends are really stand-up, family-oriented (religious to varying degrees) couples. I look at most of the women we hang out with and it would shock me if any of them ever flirt with other men. There's absolutely nothing inappropriate that happens (like overt flirting) within our group of friends when we are together or even in larger social situations.

 

 

I would guess most affairs initiated by the W are the result of crap marriages. I am curious what triggers would cause a married woman in an otherwise decent to good marriage to "hook up" or have a full blown affair? Rough patch at home, mid life crisis, meet an attractive guy, weak moment, etc.

 

 

My wife & I are going thru rough patch. She just told me other guys (not our group of friends) have hit on her. She said she would never act on it. But she has been acting differently lately. She bought some new (sexier, trendier) clothes, new hair style, etc. I just could never see my wife cheating. I know it happens but just knowing my wife, it would shock me.

 

 

I think you are really asking your real questions between the lines here.

 

I think your real question here is do YOU have reason to be concerned that YOUR wife has, is currently or may possibly cheat in the foreseeable future.

 

The harsh answer to that question is, yes, you are at a very real risk of your wife doing something very inappropriate with another man/men.

 

Your wife is an alcoholic that is unstable and who treats you badly and with disrespect.

 

People who are under the influence of substances and especially who are actually addicted are fundamentally irresponsible, impetuous, have poor impulse control and very poor judgement.

 

The fact that she shows you such disrespect and hurtful behavior and is out hitting the bars and drinking and partying it up with her GFs, you are at very high risk of her carrying on with various guys.

 

I disagree that the fact she is bragging about guys hitting on her, means that she won't actually do it. I think that is just further evidence of her disrespect for you and disrespect for your marriage. I think she is just pushing the envelope to see how far she can push you and what she can get away with.

 

I think at best you have a time bomb on your hands if she hasn't detonated it already.

 

I think if you were to start going through her phone, her computer, emails, facebook etc, you find solid evidence of some inappropriate behavior. And I'm willing to bet if you were to arrange for her to be followed and watched when she goes out, I think you will catch her with her hand in the cookie jar.

[BeholdtheMan]

My wife & I are going thru rough patch. She just told me other guys (not our group of friends) have hit on her. She said she would never act on it. But she has been acting differently lately. She bought some new (sexier, trendier) clothes, new hair style, etc. I just could never see my wife cheating. I know it happens but just knowing my wife, it would shock me.

 

There's a Justin Bieber song called Never Say Never. Lad has a point

[todreaminblue]

i feel temptation happens and could happen to everyone...its about knowing the situations that could lead to temptation and avoiding them that makes a difference, that and behaving in the same way as if your spouse was right beside you....deb

[road]

I think you are really asking your real questions between the lines here.

 

I think your real question here is do YOU have reason to be concerned that YOUR wife has, is currently or may possibly cheat in the foreseeable future.

 

The harsh answer to that question is, yes, you are at a very real risk of your wife doing something very inappropriate with another man/men.

 

Your wife is an alcoholic that is unstable and who treats you badly and with disrespect.

 

People who are under the influence of substances and especially who are actually addicted are fundamentally irresponsible, impetuous, have poor impulse control and very poor judgement.

 

The fact that she shows you such disrespect and hurtful behavior and is out hitting the bars and drinking and partying it up with her GFs, you are at very high risk of her carrying on with various guys.

 

I disagree that the fact she is bragging about guys hitting on her, means that she won't actually do it. I think that is just further evidence of her disrespect for you and disrespect for your marriage. I think she is just pushing the envelope to see how far she can push you and what she can get away with.

 

I think at best you have a time bomb on your hands if she hasn't detonated it already.

 

I think if you were to start going through her phone, her computer, emails, facebook etc, you find solid evidence of some inappropriate behavior. And I'm willing to bet if you were to arrange for her to be followed and watched when she goes out, I think you will catch her with her hand in the cookie jar.

 

 

 

 

The slippery slope to an affair:

 

 

The wife all of a sudden starts talking about all the male attention she is getting.

 

 

Why?

 

 

Sending message to the soon to be BH that he better lock the barn door and up his game or lose her.

 

 

Wife all of a sudden changes her hair and clothes to look hotter.

 

 

Why?

 

 

She is loving the attention and is putting herself on the market.

 

 

Before the BH knows it he is a BH.

[JoeSmith357-1]

Most affairs are a result of compromising the boundaries 1,000 times in tiny increments. A series of small rationalizations. A series of "I'll do this, but I won't do that".

 

Absolutely... it always starts with innocent communications, which breeds familiarity, which leads to compassion, boundaries slip and fall, before long she's on snapchat (a BIG red flag), then sexting and banging.

 

It happens. Even if that was not the goal at the start, it happens.