Could any woman be tempted to cheat?

[sandylee1]

Not every woman would would cheat. Many could be tempted, but I personally could never have sex with another man while married. It would go against everything I stand for in my MC work and would be terribly hypocritical of me.

 

I could have been knocked down with a feather recently when I found out a friend was cheating though.

[standtall]

It depends on the gender.

 

Most women who cheat, cheat to get emotional support and attention. Most men who cheat, cheat for lack of physical intimacy. Women give up the booty to get the support, men give the support to get the booty. Pretty simple..no absolutes as their are none with human behavior, but I would say this is 90%.

[Betrayed&Stayed]

This is a crucial time for Love Languages and Not Just Friends

 

Eta: explore them both, together.

 

Probably the two best books out there.

 

My wife's progression of escalating the relationship was self-justified by "we're just friends" and "I'm married". Naively (or plain denial) believing that this would prevent anything inappropriate from transpiring. It's safe to assume that my WW at that time never heard of an Emotional Affair. She certainly didn't recognize it as such. It's that EA that grooms them to the PA. The EA can easily be justified by the WS/AP. Especially for the female that craves that emotional connection. The man gets a big ego stroke from the attention.

 

To add to what MrsJA stated previously: If my wife can cheat, then anyone can cheat.

 

Of all of the affairs, how many go undiscovered? Of the ones that are discovered, how many are kept private? For every affair that you know about, there are probably 10 more that you don't know about.

[oldshirt]

Not every woman would would cheat. Many could be tempted, but I personally could never have sex with another man while married. It would go against everything I stand for in my MC work and would be terribly hypocritical of me.

 

I could have been knocked down with a feather recently when I found out a friend was cheating though.

 

.....Said every person that ever had an A before they met their AP.

 

While I have no question of your sincerity and no question that you are a good person of high moral and ethical behavior, the inconvenient truth is that no one is immune and anyone can be affected by infidelity if all the conditions and all the stars line up.

 

Virtually every single person that has ever cheated has stated and sincerely believed when they said it that they would never and could never cheat.

 

And then the right person, right time and place and right set of circumstances and conditions and the right offer all lined up.

 

This is what makes everyone so unsettled and disturbed is that it literally CAN happen to anyone. It can happen to our own partner, it can happen to our friends, our parents, our clergy, our adult children, our mentors and yes, it can even happen to ourselves.

 

The fact that you (and I mean everyone, not just you you) haven't had an A yet, just means that the right circumstances and right person haven't come along YET. It doesn't mean that you can't and it doesn't mean that you won't in the future with any certainty.

[jen1447]

I think what's more disconcerting is when ppl who outwardly represent a certain moral/ethical standpoint openly contradict that w/seemingly no qualms. Like Mr. Family Values Guy who goes to church every Sunday and all that but then says sth like "just doin' what comes natural (big grin)" when they try to get w/you on the side.

[TrustedthenBusted]

I know it happens but just knowing my wife, it would shock me.

 

 

We were ALL shocked.

[Mrs. John Adams]

We were ALL shocked.

 

Even those of us who did it were shocked. I look back and honestly wonder how i became that person for that brief amount of time....and i am one of those people who said NEVER.....

[Kissproof]

Unless she's really a pro/veteran, she wouldn't likely tell you guys are hitting on her and then go ahead and cheat w/them. (That'd be a really ballsy bluff anyway.) Or unless she really wanted to stick it to you. So I wouldn't worry too much.

 

I suppose you'd have to say no woman is immune tho. I've found that the 'pure' ones (churchgoers, community activists, etc.) are no less likely to cheat than the ones you might more likely suspect.

 

Yep, anyone can. If you are covered in flesh you can. You just need the right person, time and circumstances. Compromising is done so gradually and you can justify it along the way until its late and you are in over your head.

[Ensam]

Yes. And any man too. Moral and personal believes may keep people from actually cheating but it's not gonna suppress the possible temptations. Some may have almost full immunity during the times the relationship is going great but there will always be periods that are a struggle and that's when it's dangerous.

[elaine567]

There are people in terrible marriages or relationships that never cheat, so I am inclined to believe that there are people who would never cheat, but the problem is in identifying those non-cheaters

Too many seem to think that their wife/gf/husband/bf would never cheat and then they get sorely disappointed.

[Mrs. John Adams]

There are people in terrible marriages or relationships that never cheat, so I am inclined to believe that there are people who would never cheat, but the problem is in identifying those non-cheaters

Too many seem to think that their wife/gf/husband/bf would never cheat and then they get sorely disappointed.

 

The problem is there is not a cheat gene... We cannot look at someone and predict where their mindset will be in 5 or 10 or 20 years. People change....Circumstances change...mindsets change....

 

I was a person you could bet on to be a non cheater... And yet... I became one.

Or there might be someone you judge to be a player a certain cheater who has always remained faithful.

 

There is not a cheating type... There is not a cheating personality...

Cheaters are just like everyone else... But do to circumstances become cheaters.

 

People are not born cheaters... They are not born murderes.. They are not born thieves...

 

Sometimes shyt just happens....

[elaine567]

The problem is there is not a cheat gene...

People are not born cheaters...

 

Seems that research says otherwise.

 

Cheating on your other half can be inherited - Telegraph

[Mrs. John Adams]

There are certainly addiction genes that people can inherit... But it still comes down to choice.

 

Children of alcoholics May inherit a gene that makes addiction a bigger chance than a person who does not inherit the gene... However.. Just because you inherit the gene it does not mean you will become an alcoholic... Or a cheater.

 

Neither of my parents were cheaters... They have been married 62 years since they were 14 and 17. My choice to cheat has absolutely nothing to do with my parents... Or a gene I inherited or did not inherit. It also had nothing to do with the way I was raised. This choice was 100% my own fault.

 

I don't believe everything I read or all research or all statistics...

 

You can find data to prove any point you want to make.

[RecentChange]

Yeah I don't know. I was 37 the first time I cheated. I have been in relationships of one sort or the other for 20 years at that point and had never cheated before.

 

I never felt the desire to cheat, wasn't something that I was somehow holding back or resisting just never felt tempted to.

 

I had never been tempted to cheat until I did. I never thought I was capable of cheating until did.

 

Can any woman be tempted to. I don't know, a year ago I don't think I could have been tempted to.

 

But the perfect storm of opportunity, chemistry, unaddressed frustrations in my relationship, and I did.

[elaine567]

Yeah I don't know. I was 37 the first time I cheated. I have been in relationships of one sort or the other for 20 years at that point and had never cheated before.

 

I never felt the desire to cheat, wasn't something that I was somehow holding back or resisting just never felt tempted to.

 

I had never been tempted to cheat until I did. I never thought I was capable of cheating until did.

 

Can any woman be tempted to. I don't know, a year ago I don't think I could have been tempted to.

 

But the perfect storm of opportunity, chemistry, unaddressed frustrations in my relationship, and I did.

 

But maybe that was because you were actually born to cheat, but up till then you had felt no need to.

Had you not been born to cheat you would have taken a different path when the fates conspired.

[Mrs. John Adams]

But maybe that was because you were actually born to cheat, but up till then you had felt no need to.

Had you not been born to cheat you would have taken a different path when the fates conspired.

 

Do you think we have the NEED to cheat? I never felt the need to cheat. I wasn't driven to cheat... I did not have a burning unquenchable desire to cheat..

I simple had the opportunity at the right time in the right mindset...

 

Funny I have not had the desire to do it again... I would think if i had a cheat gene that I would be in a continuous battle to stay faithful for the last 33 years. I could have cheated again... I chose not to.

[RecentChange]

But maybe that was because you were actually born to cheat, but up till then you had felt no need to.

Had you not been born to cheat you would have taken a different path when the fates conspired.

 

Perhaphs. My parents have been alcoholics / addicts at some point in their lives. And they cheated. My two siblings have cheated (and over came it, marriages are 15 and 20 years respectively now).

 

Despite my parent's alcoholism, I never became an alcoholic or addict.

 

But - I have also been very aware that I was at risk of addiction, and always metered my drinking etc, to make sure I didn't follow the same path.

 

So perhaps if I applied the same sort of caution to a risk of cheating it would have made a difference.

 

Ugh, not helping that I just saw my AP (who I have been NC since February) 5 mins ago - but I am successfully resisting the urge to go sit and talk with him. Guess it's like not allowing my self that drink after work.

[elaine567]

My choice to cheat has absolutely nothing to do with my parents... Or a gene I inherited or did not inherit.

 

You don't know that. With all due respect to your parents, people of that generation were hardly likely to shout infidelity from the roof tops, were they?

[Mrs. John Adams]

You don't know that. With all due respect to your parents, people of that generation were hardly likely to shout infidelity from the roof tops, were they?

 

Of course you are right....I don't know that 100%....but I seriously doubt it. I watched my parents fight...a lot....mostly over money .....I can't imagine there was any infidelity that occurred without hearing them fight about it.

 

My parents are only 15 and 18 years older than i am......so while they may be of another generation...I am right behind them.

 

Here's an interesting observation for you....

 

John has 4 other siblings...one is a drug addict. His parents were not drug addicts...and the 4 other kids are NOT drug addicts. Did his one sibling get a drug addiction gene? OR did he just make really piss poor choices all of his life?

 

I tend to think he made really bad choices......

Edited July 1, 2016 by Mrs. John Adams

[oldshirt]

But maybe that was because you were actually born to cheat, but up till then you had felt no need to.

Had you not been born to cheat you would have taken a different path when the fates conspired.

 

 

 

See, that is what I was talking about in my earlier post. People want to believe that cheaters and noncheaters are somehow "different" from each other and that they come from different stock and from different molds.

 

 

They aren't.

 

 

That what makes it so troubling and so uncomfortable to think about and discuss. It makes us all feel vulnerable to realize that we all come from the same stock and the same mold. We want to believe that 'they' are fundamentally different from 'us.' We want to believe cheaters are born that way and that noncheaters are born that way too.

 

 

But they aren't.

 

 

Anyone can cheat when right conditions and the right circumstances and the right person and the right offer all come together.

 

 

Anyone can be faithful when those conditions, circumstances, people and offers do not come together.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I will admit that had I been more computer savy back when I was married and especially in the know about certain sites and forums and such like I do today, I can't promise that I wouldn't have embarked on some kind of virtual EA.

 

The physical act of an affair seemed far too daunting and risky and overwhelming for me for so many reasons that might not make sense to some people. The whole emotional connection that comes with an EA with someone new might have been the one thing to suck me in at that time of my life without realizing what I was doing until it was too late. I think I would have been able to justify that more than the physical betrayal which is absolutely ludicrous of course.

 

I can't say for certain I would have done it but I have thought about it often since being exposed to so much online in the years since my divorce.

 

Again, I'm just so thankful I didn't know enough to seek this kind of escape out and cross lines I really wasn't prepared to cross.

[BettyDraper]

Unless she's really a pro/veteran, she wouldn't likely tell you guys are hitting on her and then go ahead and cheat w/them. (That'd be a really ballsy bluff anyway.) Or unless she really wanted to stick it to you. So I wouldn't worry too much.

 

I suppose you'd have to say no woman is immune tho. I've found that the 'pure' ones (churchgoers, community activists, etc.) are no less likely to cheat than the ones you might more likely suspect.

 

Sometimes the "pure" women are the most likely to cheat.

Those who pretend to be closest to God are often hypocrites behind closed doors...especially when it comes to sexual morality.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Sometimes the "pure" women are the most likely to cheat.

Those who pretend to be closest to God are often hypocrites behind closed doors...especially when it comes to sexual morality.

 

I don't know that they are "pretending" to be closer to God. I certainly believed I was a Christian and ABOVE THOSE PEOPLE who cheat. I was not a hypocrite....I simply learned that boundaries can change....opportunities can happen....and I am no better than anybody else.

 

We are all human...we all have free will...we all can make bad choices.....

I also learned that those who point fingers and judge others....can fall off their high horse and get in the pig pen with those they have judged.

[Friskyone4u]

Stop trying to predict who will or will not cheat. Probably over 90% of people that have actually done it openly stated that they would.

 

What you ought to be worrying about is the big old red flag in front of you. I suggest you google the signs of women cheating and you will most certainly find changing dress to more sexy, new haircut, new clothes will appear on that list.

 

Now let me guess that she is protecting her phone, or you see apps on it you are not familiar with.

 

Anyway, if you are not determined to play ostrich and plant your head in the ground you might want to consider less analysis and more discovery.

[sandylee1]

.....Said every person that ever had an A before they met their AP.

 

While I have no question of your sincerity and no question that you are a good person of high moral and ethical behavior, the inconvenient truth is that no one is immune and anyone can be affected by infidelity if all the conditions and all the stars line up.

 

Virtually every single person that has ever cheated has stated and sincerely believed when they said it that they would never and could never cheat.

 

And then the right person, right time and place and right set of circumstances and conditions and the right offer all lined up.

 

This is what makes everyone so unsettled and disturbed is that it literally CAN happen to anyone. It can happen to our own partner, it can happen to our friends, our parents, our clergy, our adult children, our mentors and yes, it can even happen to ourselves.

 

The fact that you (and I mean everyone, not just you you) haven't had an A yet, just means that the right circumstances and right person haven't come along YET. It doesn't mean that you can't and it doesn't mean that you won't in the future with any certainty.

 

 

This may be the case for many people and I'm not professing holier than though morality, but I just couldn't do it for the reasons below.

 

I've had opportunities to cheat and there were times I wasn't particularly happy in my marriage many years ago, but I always feel sods law would be prevalent in my case and I'd end up getting caught. I tend to be a bit pessimistic when it comes to this stuff.

 

Plus I know my husband would tell my entire family and I couldn't live that down. Especially my sisters, parents and kids who would be so disappointed and ashamed of my behaviour. The shame alone is a reason I wouldn't cheat while married. In my ethnicity, female infidelity is viewed as being so much worse than men as well.

 

I just couldn't take the label of being a cheater. There was a time I actually said (not to my husband) - if there was such a thing as a 'time out' in marriage, where I could be with someone else for a night or two and come back to the marriage - then who knows.

 

So whilst I have no desire to cheat, even if I did, the fear of getting caught and all my pro marriage work with couples and young adults would look like a total farce.