To Ace

[Dragonflys]

Hi Ace

 

I have been reading your posts. Mate you are going to have to change big time if you want this girl back, seriously.

 

Right now you just sound like a selfish brat who wants his woman back and is simply frustrated with her attitude and nonsense she is coming up with. Read your own posts again, what woman on earth would like a man like this in her life??.

 

The simple reason she is behaving like she is is NOT because she is a selfish bitch, it is simply a reaction to your selfishness. You don't give her time to breathe, you don't listen to the negatives she talks about..you just hang on and hang on waiting for HER ATTITUDE to change...wrong.

 

Hey I understand, we all have to go through this, it's part of the learning curve. But aren't you beginning to realise by now that your approach isn't working?. What you need to do is to let her live, and let yourself live...change your attitude, learn new things for yourself, suggest new things, start listening to her. You need to separate yourself from a little emotionally to give her time to heal and see a new you.

 

Her attitude will ALWAYS be the same, you just have to project a positive, self confident, attitude yourself for her to have an attitude for that will naturally turn positive. It takes time, reinvention of yourself. Do you want to do this?, if not then she is not the right girl for you, but thankfully there are many more.

 

There is nothing wrong with you, it's just that the way you are now you are not right for her. Whether you can change for her is up to you and you need to do it without selfish expectations.

[Ace]

I know this Oliver. I have came to that conclusion only recently that they way that I am acting is just not working. I tried to be the best boyfriend that she could ever dream of. I mean, I called her about her day, asked what we were doing, and did alot of the things that I didn't used to do. I guess it was just overkill.

 

The bad thing is; I don't know how to be different. I will try to change for her because she is that important to me, but I just don't know how.

 

I guess I will try to go back to the way that I was before we broke up. I was the person that was in control then. She would do most of the calling and most of the deciding. I just went along with alot of it.

 

I need to find a happy medium to be at, but it is going to be alot harder to actually do that than just typing it here.

 

Adam

[Dragonflys]

Hi Ace

 

'I need to find a happy medium to be at, but it is going to be alot harder to actually do that than just typing it here.'

 

Oh yeah, you got that right..and from you wrote here you are thinking along the right lines...

 

BUT, it's not a matter of treating her right, treating her less, being like before etc., it's all about CHANGING YOURSELF and letting her see it.

 

I think a good rule of thumb to go by is to call her about as much as she calls you (or a bit less)..this will let her feel that she is in control of where the two of you are going, and allows her to feel no pressure from you. You also are not being a jerk by suddenly bailing out on her. Ultimately this will allow her to see if she really does want less or more of you around.

 

When she doesn't call you much, don't obsess over it...do stuff yourself or with friends, learn stuff, meet new people, ..start YOUR OWN clock ticking again...

 

What will happen is that she gets to see you getting on with your own life, and at the same you will slowly learn to be more self sufficient, be less needy..and YOU will find out if this girl is the one for you after all.

 

By then if she turns out not to be, then you have a solid independant life to get on with. If she turns out to be the right one, you will have REAL needy-less LOVE.

 

That's about as easy as I can make it for you mate...

 

Oliver

[Ace]

Thanks Oliver. Good advice.

[Janet]

b

Thanks Oliver. Good advice.