My ex-girlfriend and I started talking again.

[Jfrost09]

Here is my story. I was in a relationships with my ex-girlfriend for about a year and 3 months. In the beginning we did things pretty quick we talked for 3 days and then started going out officially, then 3 months into the relationship we had sex (it was her first time and mine). We fought a lot in the relationship about the littlest of things for example if she liked a guy’s picture on twitter or if I liked a girls picture we would get into an argument about that or like if she took forever to reply and if I took forever to reply to a text we would get mad about that too. The relationship was very immature and I understand that now. In the end she broke up with me and for about a month I should say, I begged for her back I bombarded her with texts and stuff you know. And then after that month I got myself together and focused on myself for about a year I didn’t even speak to her. I did my own thing and I dated a couple other girls (also had sex with 3 other girls during that time which she knows). So one day I met her again at a party and I texted her and we started talking again. Not to mention she had a boyfriend after me that cheated on her. Anyways for 2 weeks we talked and texted almost every day. I took her out, but just to hang out not a date and during our hangout she was touchy feely with me and she would stare at me at times smiling at me like she missed me. After, I dropped her off, but before she got out of my car she initiated a kiss upon me. Then there was a day where we vented and she told me that she had missed me and from time to time she thought of me after the breakup. She told me about her ex-boyfriend and everything And she told me they had sex and she asked me if i had sex with other girls and i told her that I had sex with 3 other girls, to me it seemed like it didn’t bother her but i don’t know. I also asked her if she saw me as more than just a friend, but she said that she couldn’t answer that because she was just hurt and it was hard for her to show affection or be intimate with anybody, but she ended up saying that she does see me as more than just a friend. Well fast forward like a week later she had recently been texting me less, she would take hours to reply or sometimes she wouldn’t reply at all. I asked her why she had started getting so distant with me compared to how she was in the beginning when we started talking again. She said and I quote "My way of figuring things out is to push myself away. Buy myself some time. I don't want a relationship. I did I missed having someone there to be there for me. But I don't want to just be with you because I missed having someone there. I care for you so much. You're awesome but I'm just trying to figure out how to fix this. I don't want you out of my life because I enjoy the bond we share. But if you can't then of course I would understand." I even told her that she should just focus on herself and to not think of me being in her future because you never know what could happen I may or may not be there in her future and if she wanted she could date other guys to find what she wants and then she said that dating exhausts her and that she is just used to being with her friends. I've been trying to talk to her but she would take hours to reply or she wouldn't reply at all. She also mentioned that she wanted to take things slow and build a bond and consider me her friend/best friend. There is more that we vented about, but it’s a lot and I think I've said too much already. Don't get me wrong after a year of no contact I worked on myself and I am more mature than I was before and she’s noticed that I’ve changed. What do you think I should do? I don’t know if her feelings for me have changed now, or what? But how can I get her to be attracted to me, if she already isn’t, again.

[juniorrocha]

First thing: paragraphs are your best friend. Makes it easier for us to read and therefore you get more replies!

 

Ok, now back to your situation.

 

Your ex is clearly needing space. She made it very clear that she does like you, but apparently as a friend. She's not interested in pursuing a relationship with you now; if she were, she wouldn't want distance or anything. You know how she acts when she's interested, so deep inside you know she's not.

 

If you're fine being just her friend, then it might work, but it appears to me that you are not. I think you should keep your distance and let her come after you. If she doesn't, you have the answer.

[j21bird]

Sounds like she is not sure what she wants. A woman reaching out to an ex boyfriend after a year apart, and then after communication grows between the two of you she begins to pull back.

 

Sounds like you have done well in your time apart. Keep doing what you have been doing while you were not with her.

 

I would wait for her to be the one that initiates conversation in the coming weeks.

 

In my opinion it is not cool that she came out of the wood work and contacted you when she is not sure what she wants and mentions being friends and that taking things slow is the way to go.

 

At the moment she is the one dictating things. But you have to ask yourself what do you truly want out of this? There is the option of being to the point with her and telling her that you are not interested in being friends or communicating here and there. If you really want a serious relationship with her and don't want to be casual friends, maybe that is what you should tell her.

 

You just have to ask yourself those questions and figure out what you truly want and go from there.

[tndawg]

Sounds like you both jumped in and out of the relationship with each other and with others. The funny thing about getting intimate too soon - it forms bonds that are hard to shake. I really like her idea of taking it slow and allowing time to build a bond. Do you think she is the kind of "friend" that is worth taking the time to really get to know emotionally and intellectually? If so, why not let build slowly?