adna89 Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 I have a problem that i kinda know is very strange.My husband is a good man but i keep thinking "what if in 20 years from now he cheats on me" "the odds are high as most marriages seem to experience cheating from one partner" and then i keep looking for signs that he might do it .I get angry at him even though the man did nothing and there are no signs thanks God he is cheating.But i know you can never trust a man,and especially since he cheated on his last relationship with me(i did not know he had a gf ) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Ok, this is your lucky day. I've actually got two solutions for this problem. 1. Instead of worrying about him cheating, worry that someday he might get eaten by a crocodile. 2. Quit worrying about imaginary problems and focus on appreciating every moment of every day. And with respect to the maybe someday worst case scenarios... let what will be, be. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 I have a problem that i kinda know is very strange.My husband is a good man but i keep thinking "what if in 20 years from now he cheats on me" "the odds are high as most marriages seem to experience cheating from one partner" and then i keep looking for signs that he might do it .I get angry at him even though the man did nothing and there are no signs thanks God he is cheating.But i know you can never trust a man,and *especially since he cheated on his last relationship with me(i did not know he had a gf ) I think most people would find it hard to trust him. I don't think I could. Take care. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author adna89 Posted July 1, 2016 Author Share Posted July 1, 2016 I think most people would find it hard to trust him. I don't think I could. Take care. it was not a serious relationship ,thats why i trusted him,and because he did not keep us both for long time,as soon as we got together officially he broke up with her Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 I have a problem that i kinda know is very strange.My husband is a good man but i keep thinking "what if in 20 years from now he cheats on me" "the odds are high as most marriages seem to experience cheating from one partner" and then i keep looking for signs that he might do it .I get angry at him even though the man did nothing and there are no signs thanks God he is cheating.But i know you can never trust a man,and especially since he cheated on his last relationship with me(i did not know he had a gf ) Not totally unusual to worry about this kind of stuff. So cut yourself some slack. But I want to talk about this last sentence which Satu did as well. You do know that women (wives) cheat as well right? and the percentage of wives cheating has been growing over the years. So it might be that you would cheat as well - your husband has to think of this (or maybe he does not - you might ask him). Also at some point you knew that he cheated on his GF with you and you did you talk about this before marriage ?or did this come out after you married him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author adna89 Posted July 1, 2016 Author Share Posted July 1, 2016 Not totally unusual to worry about this kind of stuff. So cut yourself some slack. But I want to talk about this last sentence which Satu did as well. You do know that women (wives) cheat as well right? and the percentage of wives cheating has been growing over the years. So it might be that you would cheat as well - your husband has to think of this (or maybe he does not - you might ask him). Also at some point you knew that he cheated on his GF with you and you did you talk about this before marriage ?or did this come out after you married him? Before marriage,and i had a hard time letting it go,he has explained to me a lot of times how that relationship never was serious,but i found out when we were serious with eachother..if i had found out in the start i guess i would break up Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Before marriage,and i had a hard time letting it go,he has explained to me a lot of times how that relationship never was serious,but i found out when we were serious with each other..if i had found out in the start i guess i would break up OK, I have some experience with this. My wife, then G/F, cheated on me before we were married. So right from the beginning, I knew she was capable of cheating, I also know I was. I did not dwell on it, but kept my eyes open, as I think all should do in a marriage. Marriage, a relationship is always a gamble, so keep on guard, both yourself and for him. For us, it has been 40 plus years, of a faithful marriage. The idea, of "Once a cheater, always a cheater", does not always hold, or has to be your or his outcome. I wish you luck.... Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 But i know you can never trust a man,and especially since he cheated on his last relationship with me(i did not know he had a gf ) So he basically LIED to you from day #1 and you chose to stay with this con man when you found out he'd lied to you? No wonder you can't trust him. I wouldn't either. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 But i know you can never trust a man Like others, I think this statement is pretty disingenuous. Who are those men cheating with ??? Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Anderlie Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 Hasn't he hit you a couple of times? I would be more worried about ongoing abuse than whether or not he was cheating. I think you are putting up with his bad treatment of you and worrying about him leaving because your self esteem has disappeared in this relationship. If it's possible to unpack this with a therapist I think you should. Link to post Share on other sites
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