Social Media and Divorce

[tashfv]

I know this may seem trivial but my D was finalised on tuesday and I am currently just waiting on the paperwork. I still sometimes go on FB to share pics with my friends and family of things Im doing with my son etc but I hate the fact that my about still says married to....

I am still angry obviously so I really hate seeing this association still. Of course you put married status with pride when it happens but now although it is done on paper memories keep rearing their ugly head. I can't just delete the pics of the family together but it does burn!! Anyone one else know what I mean?

[PegNosePete]

Just put yourself as single. Or don't make your status public.

 

The "memories" that can pop up are pretty annoying, and even more annoying that the app is installed by default and you can't block it.

[Angelica21]

Specific problem and solution: you can change the settings for the "About" section.

 

Specific problem and solution: you can remove photos with your ex from Facebook, then you won't see them regularly.

 

General problem: when one follows friends and family who are FB friends with their ex, the news feeds pop up automatically, sometimes showing posts or photos of the ex. Consider un-following the people in that group. (Remember, un-following is different than un-friending). Then, just choose to look at their pages manually when you want to.

 

My similar situation: the FB pages of my sons are the most likely to have new posts or photos of my ex-husband, their dad. I un-followed my sons, and I only go look at their FB pages consciously instead of letting their stuff pop-up automatically. That way, when I go look, I'm emotionally prepared that I might see happy photos of their recent vacation with dad and the new wife, etc. rather than have them pop-up and surprise or upset me.

[Toodaloo]

So change your status to single. I don't know what the issue is here.

 

I actually felt better when I did it. It was a sort of confirmation in my mind that I was getting on with life.

[MJJean]

Change your status to single.

 

Remove the pics from FB and store them on a drive and/or a disc so that they are still available for kids and other family members who may want them.

[Satu]

Keep your usage to a minimum.

 

Social media do more harm than good after a breakup

[compulsivedancer]

When my ex and I separated, we quietly changed our relationship statuses. I believe mine said "separated." We both deleted the announcement that Facebook offers to prepare for you.

 

After several months of dating my boyfriend, I changed my status to "in a relationship with ..." and backdated the post to our anniversary. I had posted pictures of us together previously, so a few people here and there who weren't "in the know" had messaged me during that time. I got several new messages from people who had just noticed when I made our relationship "Facebook official."

 

In preparation for changing my name when the divorce was final, I added my maiden name into all of my social media and e-mail. When the divorce was finalized, I dropped his name off of mine. On my e-mail signature, I included an asterisk that let people know my name had changed. I included "due to divorce" because lots of people annoyingly congratulate you when your name changes, assuming you're getting married. I also got several messages on Facebook at this point, too.

 

It was a process, but it allowed me to not be bombarded all at once and kind of ease into things. I also hid all of my ex's family from my Facebook feed. We are still friends, but he doesn't pop up unexpectedly as a result.

[SeanDylan]

As soon as she declared she wanted a divorce I unfriended her and changed my status to nothing. She got angry as I unfriended her. I explained that for my own emotional protection I needed to not see her world as I know I will fixate and just watch her from there. This was not a good enough answer for her. Her response was to systematically untag herself from everything we were tagged in since the first tag. She then dumped me on every other possible social media connection.

 

I hear about her stuff these days but I can move on. I also stopped using FB shortly afterwards. Tough decisions on social media.

[KBarletta]

Specific problem and solution: you can change the settings for the "About" section.

 

Specific problem and solution: you can remove photos with your ex from Facebook, then you won't see them regularly.

 

General problem: when one follows friends and family who are FB friends with their ex, the news feeds pop up automatically, sometimes showing posts or photos of the ex. Consider un-following the people in that group. (Remember, un-following is different than un-friending). Then, just choose to look at their pages manually when you want to.

 

My similar situation: the FB pages of my sons are the most likely to have new posts or photos of my ex-husband, their dad. I un-followed my sons, and I only go look at their FB pages consciously instead of letting their stuff pop-up automatically. That way, when I go look, I'm emotionally prepared that I might see happy photos of their recent vacation with dad and the new wife, etc. rather than have them pop-up and surprise or upset me.

 

 

All of this, plus there is the options of adding people to the "restricted" list which allows you to remain friends with them but not allow them to see your posts and you don't see theirs. It's not forever, though, like blocking, as you can always remove them from the list later if you feel comfortable doing so. But I'd encourage you to do everything you can to remove painful memories, even if it's only until you feel healthy and you've moved on enough to go back to it. That day will come, but until then, there are a number of steps you can take to limit your exposure to bad memories.