Missing My LDR Fiance

[HisFirebrand]

Hello everybody! I'm new here, but I just needed to get this off my chest, I guess.

 

My fiance and I have been together for almost 3 years. We are each other's first and only in everything- first boyfriend/girlfriend, first kiss, etc. We are EXTREMELY close and we are one another's best friend.

 

Our relationship started when I was almost 17 (I had graduated high school a year earlier and had started on my degree) and he had just turned 19. We were very close friends, and we lived 1 hour and 15 minutes from one another, always joking about how we were in a "long distance relationship". We both come from conservative families, so we did not start "dating" in the modern sense. We were very serious, too much so for that early on, but after a really bittersweet year, he and I decided to be casually serious. After working through some...family problems, he and I became inseparable. We talked about marriage, but financially we were not ready at the time.

 

With all that being said, he got an excellent in Texas last August, meaning that he now lives over 1,000 miles from me. Since he is a contractor, his time off is...different. His father also got a job there (they had worked for the same company previously and when the job finished, they transferred there), so his parents moved there as well. The contract has been extended 50 years (he is working on software for military planes like the F-35), and so he has some really good job security. We started talking about our wedding, a house, kids. All of that. We are super pumped and excited, and when I visited him last month, he popped the question officially. Our date is for November, but I'm super anxious.

 

You see, since he has moved, I have only seen him 4 times. Four times in almost a year. Since he moved in August, I saw him for 2 days during Thanksgiving, a week during Christmas, a weekend during April, and a week in June. His parents are doing business down here this week, and I have offered to drive or fly to his home while they are here. He had used his savings when moving up there, and so while he and his parents were transitioning, they split an apartment. Now he is looking for one of our own, and I want to be there to help him pick it out. But because we are saving for the wedding, everything is really tight financially. We share everything- our pay stubs, ledgers, and everything. We are both very open with each, but he has never taken a risk in our whole relationship. He goes by the books, and I don't see a large risk in taking $150 to pay for gas to go see him. I know he's concerned that I could get a flat, and then there would be problems, or something else could happen, but I just miss him so much! I know he misses me too, but he hasn't really had time to just...relax since he moved. He works 48-60 hours a week, and he is so tired all the time. I don't want to stress him out at all, as we are under a lot of pressure already from my family due to my family's theological beliefs.

 

I guess what I'm getting at is a) how can I relieve the pressure of missing him and/or b) how can I get at seeing him more often? We originally agreed it was going to be once a month, but as I work weekends and that is when he is off, it has caused scheduling conflicts. I can take time off work more easily than he, but with money tight, plane tickets are not as...affordable as we would like them to be.

 

Thanks so much for letting me rant. I needed it :)

[Mr. Lucky]

I can take time off work more easily than he, but with money tight, plane tickets are not as...affordable as we would like them to be.

 

If purchased in advance, plane tickets are less than your quoted $150 gas expense. Some of the low-price carriers aren't the most comfortable way to fly, but if you play by the rules they're remarkably cost effective.

 

Not what you want to hear but - you're too young and haven't spent enough time together to get married. At 19 years old, you're just starting on life's learning curve.

 

Why the rush ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[Gr8fuln2020]

HisFirebrand. You should look at flight tickets as Mr. Lucky suggests, but a lot depends on where you're flying from and to where. Over a thousand miles, hmmm, again, depending on where your flying from, I would think it difficult to find flight tickets less than your gas costs. Have you thought of taking GreyHound? Not the most convenient or comfortable, but possibly another option.

[Els]

 

I guess what I'm getting at is a) how can I relieve the pressure of missing him and/or b) how can I get at seeing him more often? We originally agreed it was going to be once a month, but as I work weekends and that is when he is off, it has caused scheduling conflicts. I can take time off work more easily than he, but with money tight, plane tickets are not as...affordable as we would like them to be.

 

To answer your questions:

A) Keep busy with your career, hobbies, and friends.

B) I would assume that at such large distances, plane tickets on a budget carrier purchased well in advance would actually be cheaper than driving, especially considering the likelihood of a breakdown.

 

Also, I apologize because I know this isn't what you're asking, but I feel compelled to say it all the same: I agree with Mr Lucky, I think you guys appear to be rushing things a bit. You're still in college AFAIK, you're only 20(?), and you two have never even lived in the same town before. One or two of those factors could potentially be surmountable, but all of them together are a big risk. You've never had another R or even dated another guy. You haven't seen the world or experienced working life (which is very different from studying). And you haven't seen each other enough in daily life to make an informed decision IMO.

 

If you do go ahead with the marriage, what are your plans for your college/career and relocation? Will you be finishing your degree and then moving to Texas and hoping to get a job there? Is there a decent chance of your career working out in Texas? If not, will he be able to move?