Why texting is terrible for setting up a date

[LookAtThisPOst]

This could for for even non-dating arrangements, even with friends or social life in general.

 

I have an example. A male friend of mine met this woman online. They exchanged phone #s, and she texted him to set up a date.

 

Her: Are you available for Saturday?

Him: No, because I'm helping a friend move...so I don't know how long that will take. (He was telling the truth, because I'm a friend of his and I know the friend he's helping move).

 

He puts down the phone...for couple of hours as he's busy working in the yard.

 

She responds immediately, "Would Sunday be good, I know of a great restaurant..etc, etc etc...."

 

She waits...nothing.

 

2 hours pass, he responds, "I'll have to check my calendar Sunday, I think that Sunday evening would be the best time for me.

 

He puts the phone down for another couple of hours...to go back to his project.

 

(Keep in mind, he never tells her, "I may be late in my responses, I'm busy working in the yard" or "I'm busy in the yard, can I call you later?")

 

He never does this.

 

I'm listening to him telling me this, just shaking my head at how badly he's blowing this.

 

After 1 or 2 more exchanges and his delayed responses, she tells him, "I really don't think you're taking this seriously as you're not responding to me in a timely fashion, I wish you luck in your search."

 

He tells me, "Well, if she's that impatient, she's someone I wouldn't want to date anyways."

 

To me honestly, if you're arranging to make plans, all that should be done in a few minutes of conversation or it CAN be done texting...

 

I could just imagine this poor women waiting for his response, sitting on the couch...while he's out working in the yard....without her even knowing about this.

 

But when he did respond to her final text, it was only THEN he said "I was busy working in the yard."

 

And I asked him, "Um, so why didn't you say that in the first place?"

 

Him: I didn't think to ask.

 

Of course, I've seen this happen many times with people, the guilty party is completely oblivious to the other person's feelings on the situation. Some my write this off as game playing even.

 

Thoughts? Is this lack of sense of urgency wanting in society and dating? Even in non-dating situations, too?

 

Here's a pretty good article representing this:

 

3 Reasons People Don't Reply to Your Messages Anymore

 

Today, there doesn’t seem to be the same sense of urgency. The situation is widespread, but it feels most acute among Millennials. For example, phonemail messages are seldom listened to, emails may or may not be returned, a Facebook invitation might be accepted months after it’s offered, texts float unanswered in some sort of vast casual cyber void. While this isn’t solely a Millennial issue, it seems more concentrated there.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/mind-the-manager/201508/3-reasons-people-dont-reply-your-messages-anymore

 

Another question, do you think this will all come crashing down one day?

Edited July 2, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

[LookAtThisPOst]

Just curious, if someone calls you, and leaves a voicemail on your phone...do you actually LISTEN to the voicemail or just return the call/text instead without listening.

 

Yes,I've actually had to ask the person, "Did listen to my voice mail"

 

The answer, "No, I just saw that you called and called you back." lol

[normal person]

I find what's convenient about texting is that it's non-urgent, non-invasive, and convenience driven. You can respond when you can, when you do have the answers, and that's pretty much understood. I take up to 24 hours to respond to a text that isn't time sensitive and I have friends that do the same.

 

There's no real point in texting someone "I don't know, I'm busy, I'll text you when I do know" unless they're the kind of person (like the woman in the example) who gets mad when you don't respond immediately. I don't really understand this. The person gave you their number, you can assume they want to go out with you, there's no sense getting torn up about the specifics and logistics until its necessary. That being said, I always found it easy to text someone the first time and at least get the date settled in the first conversation just to get penciled in.

 

I don't think OLD is going anywhere anytime soon. And most people my age (29) don't leave voicemails anymore, in my experience. The only person I get the occasional voicemail from is my 67 year old dad, and it's usually something pretty forgettable like "I just called to say nothing in particular, but I guess you're busy, so... I don't know. Nothing to say, really. Talk to you later." Texts are usually more convenient than voicemails because you can often read them faster than it takes someone to explain something. And if there's information involved like an address or time (meet on XYZ street at 8pm), it's easier to have that answer written in front of you and easily accessible rather than have to listen to that specific section of voicemail and remember it or write it down.

[preraph]

I can't wait around like that for someone to just make a plan. I have two jobs. They aren't the only one who is busy and preoccupied, and to offer no explanation just tells me he's not ready for a give-and-take relationship of any kind. He should have said, "Can I CALL you tonight and figure it out?" if he was that busy. Instead, he was a stubborn butthead anxious to prove to a woman she should have no expectations of him.

 

Emails are easier and more detailed, so even that would have been preferable to texting.

 

I listen to messages, of course. The person leaving the message may have done so at that particular time because after that, they were going to be unavailable to talk but wanted to give you information. One thing that texting has done is made everyone feel that they should never be bothered to converse with someone unless it is the MOST opportune time of the day for them. People have become so selfish about this that they have no respect for the other person's schedule. No, all texts or calls don't need an immediate answer, but some require timeliness. If I was an average employee in an office and called a medical office at my lunch break, then I don't want to get an answering machine and have someone call back in the middle of my shift, for example.

 

But neither should anyone be so disorganized with their thoughts and texts that it takes 10 texts back and forth to make a simple date.

[LookAtThisPOst]

That being said, I always found it easy to text someone the first time and at least get the date settled in the first conversation just to get penciled in.

 

That was the jist of my profile, apparently they weren't able to begin and end their texting session in one session.

[GemmaUK]

He tells me, "Well, if she's that impatient, she's someone I wouldn't want to date anyways."

 

I agree with this.

I don't stop what I am doing to sit and wait for texts.

I don't think he did anything wrong.