I'm starting to believe I'll never find anyone.

[LightWave93]

I've been on plenty of other sites to talk about this, but it always helps to have some fresh perspective. That and I'm feeling lonely so I need to vent/have someone to talk to.

 

I'm a male in my early twenties who, for whatever inexplicable reason, is repulsive to women. My situation isn't as bad as some others because I have had partners (one long term and one short), but for the most part I am very unsuccessful with the opposite sex. I've spent more than a year researching, gathering feedback and discussing this issue and have not got one step closer to finding an answer.

 

To keep it brief, people have told me I am a respectable, mature, kind, intelligent, and all-round good man, also being described as very attractive physically. I work hard, currently as a student who works several paid & volunteer jobs, I have quite a few different interests, and whilst I would consider myself an introvert I am outgoing and do spend time with others. Generally speaking, whatever feedback I have sought from friends, family, internet forums, people I've worked with, my therapists etc...everything they say is positive.

 

Yet, I can't so much as get a woman to want to talk to me the vast majority of the time. I have Tinder, and dating profiles but very rarely get matched up with anyone or replied to, and on the off chance I do our conversation last very little before they stop responding. I know online dating is difficult, but I seem to have having more difficult than others with this avenue. In real life, despite doing so much with myself I very rarely seem to come in contact with women and, again, on the off chance I do our conversations never go anywhere, there's no signs of interest and there's no follow-up even for friendship. I've asked friends I'm with at the time if I'm doing anything wrong, and they can't see what it is because I'm one of those people who can easily maintain a conversation. I've even hired a dating coach to have a chat with and monitor me, and feedback on my body-language and conversational skills was positive. I'm not the most confident guy on the planet, but in the past I have asked straight-up if a girl will go out on a date with me, I do ask for numbers/contact details but it never goes anywhere, and since I can't even get matches on something as superficial as Tinder or even get looked at on a night out, I have no idea why people say I'm attractive.

 

I'm literally at my wits end, and I genuinely feel like I will be alone from here on out. There's this "barrier" that's stopping women from becoming interested but for the life of me I can't work out what it is. Academically, professional, personally my life is going great with me working towards my ambitions, but dating is a catastrophe. I have similar issues with my social life too (I don't attract people/make friends easily). I'm sick to death of being in an environment where opportunities for some sort of connection with women should be rife, but I can't find them. I'm annoyed because I've witnessed men who treat women like utter garbage (right in front of them, too) still end up bringing someone home to bed. At this point I wouldn't mind something casual, just any little sign that I can be successful, but right now I literally feel like the most repulsive man on the planet. People tell me "It'll happen", but there's nothing for me to go by that would indicate that. People say it's "My mindset", but girls certainty can't read my body language online and there's been many days I've felt on top of the world and still no change.

 

I'm starting to feel bitter about it all. I want to be like other young people my age having fun with dating, but I'm missing out on all of that and I know I will regret it later on in life. I know that perhaps when I'm older my chances will start to improve because I'll be financially secure, have a good job etc, but if I start attracting women then it just makes me think that my personality was never good enough on it's own or that they're just settling with me. At this rate I feel like the only way I will ever have intimacy with a woman again is through use of an escort, and I've seriously considered it. I'm fed up of tears welling up in my eyes every day just thinking about it, because no amount of talking about it with others has brought me a step closer and I feel doomed to this rut forever.

 

I'm happy to share any detail of my life, link to my dating profiles, pictures etc if you are willing to help me (and trust me, I would be so pleased if you were to do so). Younger women in particular would be great to talk to. I'd have to PM such information however as I wish to remain anonymous.

Edited July 2, 2016 by LightWave93

[normal person]

First of all, you're young (I'm assuming you were born in '93). You probably haven't had a chance to make any admirable career move beyond entry level. Once you get into 25 or 26, most women are going to be paying a lot more attention to your career path and earning potential and less about having fun. Assuming you're on the right path, you'll start seeing the tides turn soon enough.

 

But at your age, no one's really concerned with anything like that. Women at age 23 want to have fun. They want to live, they want to have wild experiences and crazy stories to tell all their friends and Instagram pictures to show how amazing and interesting their lives supposedly are. Please don't take this the wrong way, but if you feel like you're doing everything right, are reasonably attractive, sociable, and normal, and women still won't give you the time of day, my guess is that you're probably just kind of boring, and that's not particularly appealing to woman at your age.

 

People love drama of all kinds, it makes life interesting: sports, movies, fights etc. Women particularly tend to love interpersonal drama: who's dating who, who said who was a slut, who stole who's boyfriend, etc. As a guy who's normally pretty straight-laced and drama free, when I was your age I just tended to avoid this kind of crap because I thought staying out of it was "better" and more mature. Sounds ok on paper, but it's not really the kind of bait women your age bite on.

 

If you're really interested in getting a 23 year old girl's attention and you're not currently getting any, you need to do things that command attention and/or respect. And you can't just be a bystander or commentator on things that happen, you need to be an active participant. Voice different opinions. Don't agree with everyone. Challenge things. Be a little dangerous. Get in great shape. Make a lot of money. Don't be average. People will take notice.

 

Best of luck.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

You've had girlfriends before, that should be confirmed that there are women who found you attractive

[LightWave93]

Once you get into 25 or 26, most women are going to be paying a lot more attention to your career path and earning potential and less about having fun. Assuming you're on the right path, you'll start seeing the tides turn soon enough.

 

At the moment I'm currently in an environment where people are on a similar playing field. We're all in education, roughly the same ages, in debt; we're all progressing in our chose paths but from what I've seen it's never really taken into account when it comes to dating.

 

This goes in hand with my point about being desirable when I'm older, though; if things start to take shape as soon as I get that good job and nice car, I'm sorry but I'd rather just live alone.

 

Please don't take this the wrong way, but if you feel like you're doing everything right, are reasonably attractive, sociable, and normal, and women still won't give you the time of day, my guess is that you're probably just kind of boring, and that's not particularly appealing to woman at your age.

 

Not taken the wrong way at all. I don't think I'm doing everything right (if anything, clearly I'm doing something wrong), but I don't see how I could be perceived as boring.

 

I work four jobs, I'm an artist, I'm a writer, I'm a photographer. I go to the gym, I enjoy debates/intellectual conversation, and then there's all the pretty standard stuff like enjoying films, music etc (but extensions of those, such as liking to analyse movies, going to concerts etc).

 

Let's put it this way and not to sound judgmental, but the vast majority of people around me are either studying, partying/drinking, or working retail jobs. They're getting dates.

 

If you're really interested in getting a 23 year old girl's attention and you're not currently getting any, you need to do things that command attention and/or respect. And you can't just be a bystander or commentator on things that happen, you need to be an active participant. Voice different opinions. Don't agree with everyone. Challenge things. Be a little dangerous. Get in great shape. Make a lot of money. Don't be average. People will take notice.

 

I dislike drama, but it doesn't mean I don't get involved with it. Sadly it comes with being amongst students. Yet out of all the things you describe, I do each and every one. I always stand up for what I believe in, and there's been occasions where I've had to.

 

As for challenging things; the reason why I got one of my jobs is because I wanted to make change within my university and I was persistent about it. Dangerous? I go on holiday annually and always do something thrilling. As for great shape and money, just sounds too superficial to me.

 

You've had girlfriends before, that should be confirmed that there are women who found you attractive

 

Neither partner were of particular great character, so if anything I attract the *wrong* type of women.

 

Physically I'm 5'11 slim build, described as "tall, dark and handsome". I don't see women look at me anywhere that I go.

Attractive personality? I have an abundance of female friends, non of whom I'd date and I'm sure the same could be said for them, but they always commented on how comfortable I am to be around, great etc.

Edited July 2, 2016 by LightWave93

[normal person]

Not taken the wrong way at all. I don't think I'm doing everything right (if anything, clearly I'm doing something wrong), but I don't see how I could be perceived as boring.

 

Fair enough. It's hard to tell what the issue (if any) might be just based on a somewhat vague description of your life. Do you go to the bar a lot? When I was your age that was a surefire way to meet a whole new crop of women. The best bar on campus should be filled with dozens of women looking to meet men on any given Friday or Saturday night. Lots of them will most likely be pretty open to interacting with anyone, some possibly aggressive. If that isn't proving fruitful for you, maybe you're emitting some offensive odor somehow and no one has the heart to tell you? Like I said, it's difficult to say where you're going wrong without being able to see your life in action. Keep us updated, though. I'll be very curious to see how this all plays out.

[LightWave93]

Fair enough. It's hard to tell what the issue (if any) might be just based on a somewhat vague description of your life. Do you go to the bar a lot? When I was your age that was a surefire way to meet a whole new crop of women. The best bar on campus should be filled with dozens of women looking to meet men on any given Friday or Saturday night. Lots of them will most likely be pretty open to interacting with anyone, some possibly aggressive. If that isn't proving fruitful for you, maybe you're emitting some offensive odor somehow and no one has the heart to tell you? Like I said, it's difficult to say where you're going wrong without being able to see your life in action. Keep us updated, though. I'll be very curious to see how this all plays out.

 

It's always difficult for me to describe my situation because I can't see anything obvious. The only thing I can perhaps identify right at this minute is that as a result of my failings my confidence has been shot, but again there's men far less confident than me who can get the girls and I've seen it. I'm just a ghost in their eyes. Now-a-days I just look at any woman and think I have no chance. More than happy to send you over some more details over PM, if you wish?

 

I go to the clubs. Not the best place to make conversation but, huh, never seems to stop everyone else around me. It's been suggested I may give off "bad vibes" by people online, and whilst the idea is alien to me I don't see how that's possible. I don't walk around with a sulk on my face, sat in the corner of a room with my arms crossed. Body language is always open, I smile at people, I like to be playful and fun.

Edited July 2, 2016 by LightWave93

[normal person]

Now-a-days I just look at any woman and think I have no chance. More than happy to send you over some more details over PM, if you wish?

 

This is self-defeating. If you think you have no chance, you're right. That attitude will affect your behavior, attitude, body language, subtle signals women pick up on, etc. If you have no inherent confidence at the moment, you very much need to adopt the "fake it 'til you make it" mantra.

 

I don't know how much more I could help but if you want to PM details, I'll see what I can do.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

At the moment I'm currently in an environment where people are on a similar playing field. We're all in education, roughly the same ages, in debt; we're all progressing in our chose paths but from what I've seen it's never really taken into account when it comes to dating.

 

This goes in hand with my point about being desirable when I'm older, though; if things start to take shape as soon as I get that good job and nice car, I'm sorry but I'd rather just live alone.

 

 

 

Not taken the wrong way at all. I don't think I'm doing everything right (if anything, clearly I'm doing something wrong), but I don't see how I could be perceived as boring.

 

I work four jobs, I'm an artist, I'm a writer, I'm a photographer. I go to the gym, I enjoy debates/intellectual conversation, and then there's all the pretty standard stuff like enjoying films, music etc (but extensions of those, such as liking to analyse movies, going to concerts etc).

 

Let's put it this way and not to sound judgmental, but the vast majority of people around me are either studying, partying/drinking, or working retail jobs. They're getting dates.

 

 

 

I dislike drama, but it doesn't mean I don't get involved with it. Sadly it comes with being amongst students. Yet out of all the things you describe, I do each and every one. I always stand up for what I believe in, and there's been occasions where I've had to.

 

As for challenging things; the reason why I got one of my jobs is because I wanted to make change within my university and I was persistent about it. Dangerous? I go on holiday annually and always do something thrilling. As for great shape and money, just sounds too superficial to me.

 

 

 

Neither partner were of particular great character, so if anything I attract the *wrong* type of women.

 

Physically I'm 5'11 slim build, described as "tall, dark and handsome". I don't see women look at me anywhere that I go.

Attractive personality? I have an abundance of female friends, non of whom I'd date and I'm sure the same could be said for them, but they always commented on how comfortable I am to be around, great etc.

 

So they weren't that physically attractive in your eyes?

[LightWave93]

This is self-defeating. If you think you have no chance, you're right. That attitude will affect your behavior, attitude, body language, subtle signals women pick up on, etc. If you have no inherent confidence at the moment, you very much need to adopt the "fake it 'til you make it" mantra.

 

I don't know how much more I could help but if you want to PM details, I'll see what I can do.

 

I very much agree, but you must understand that I've been having this issue for a while now so it's just got progressively worse.

 

I can't PM at the moment, not enough posts, so here's hoping more people reply.

 

So they weren't that physically attractive in your eyes?

 

I was referring to their personality. My first partner was a narcissistic hypochondriac, compulsive liar and incredibly insecure. The second was lonely and clingy.

[Dark Horse]

Listen man, Lebron James spent 10 years trying to win a championship in Cleveland, he came close several times but he ultimately didn't win. But guess what, he didn't give up despite the odds, despite the haters, despite the past failures and he ultimately won the 2016 NBA championship.

 

You're Lebron James, and a girlfriend is your NBA ring.

 

Love isn't going to be given to you, you're going to have to go out there and earn it. And when you finally do get a girlfriend, you will appreciate it more because you had to work to achieve it despite the odds.

[Weezy1973]

OP, it sounds like you're focusing on the wrong thing - although very common in the younger set. And that is attraction. I get the sense from your posts that you've "checked off all the boxes" of the things that you think women find attractive and now are shocked that women aren't throwing themselves at your feet.

 

Instead of focusing on attraction, focus on connection. It seems like you've connected with some women as friends - friendship of course is the cornerstone of every great relationship. So why exactly won't you date them?

[LightWave93]

OP, it sounds like you're focusing on the wrong thing - although very common in the younger set. And that is attraction. I get the sense from your posts that you've "checked off all the boxes" of the things that you think women find attractive and now are shocked that women aren't throwing themselves at your feet.

 

Instead of focusing on attraction, focus on connection. It seems like you've connected with some women as friends - friendship of course is the cornerstone of every great relationship. So why exactly won't you date them?

 

You make a great point, but allow me to try and justify myself here. Obviously if my way of thinking is off, then correct me.

 

Over a year ago I had a break-up with my first love, and I won't go into the details here but suffice to say it was not nice. My confidence and self-esteem hit rock bottom. Fast forward and I've done a lot with myself to try and improve me, which I have and I'm proud of that. The thing is, about six months after that breakup I at least wanted to explore what was out there, give myself some more experience. As described in the OP, all these rejections or lack thereof were there from the start; online dating was appalling, girls weren't interested in me when I met them etc. So when I'm doing all these different things (like volunteering, which seems to be a regularly suggested thing when it comes to meeting women), I had hoped maybe I would find these successes. It's not that I'm checking off boxes so much as it is thinking to myself "Well, I'm doing this anyway, yet these allegedly opportunities don't come my way or when I take them they don't work for me".

 

A multitude of reasons, really, but namely due to them not being my type in terms of personality(and I say this, I'm pretty open when it comes to dating different people so you can perhaps understand I've thought about this already). I can talk to women, heck on a good day I can still approach women; I make them laugh, smile, I'm friendly, playful etc, I don't do it to impress it's just who I am, but it doesn't escalate from there. I don't what to sound judgmental here, but I have noticed that my friendships seem to develop with average/below-average looking women; attractive/very attractive women steer clear of me, end-of.

 

And the other thing is, I don't meet them. I go to parties and clubs; never get approached out of all my male friends. I work these jobs, and I interact with a few purely on a professional level.

[SwordofFlame]

Couple of questions.

 

Are there attractive women in your social circle? Do you have quality friends that can introduce you to women? Like a wingman? You mention they seem to have no trouble hooking up with girls.

 

What's your race and/or ethnicity?

[preraph]

If everything else is good, then the only reason I can think why you have no luck is that maybe you are only choosing the best looking women, who have the whole male population to choose from, and need to not focus on those hottest women.

 

I don't know where all you go, but let's say you're out seeing a band at a bar. You have your eye on this one woman who is really hot or who you think looks "like the girl next door," which in my experience means "really hot but friendly looking" and if you're only focusing on her, you'd be missing some verbal cues from other women.

 

So next time you go out, refuse to get focused on any one woman and look up and around once in awhile. Notice who has come and stood hear you that wasn't there before, because she might have done that on purpose, or not. Lok around and see if any women look at you or smile or anything. If so, smile casually back and then go back to watching the band, but then after awhile look around and walk that way and walk past her but say hi or "good band" and keep going. If she seemed happy about that, then on the way back, maybe you introduce yourself.

 

Sounds like you have the social skills. But if they're doing you no good, it just seems like it's got to be you're fishing out of your pond.

[LightWave93]

Couple of questions.

 

Are there attractive women in your social circle? Do you have quality friends that can introduce you to women? Like a wingman? You mention they seem to have no trouble hooking up with girls.

 

What's your race and/or ethnicity?

 

This is a difficult question to answer when beauty is in the eye of the beholder. They are attractive in their own right. If I were to scale it, my female friends would be about a 6/10. Most of my friends at least have a few 8's/9's.

 

I have had two guys suggest being my wingman, but the idea puts me off because I would much rather do this on my own. They seem to have no trouble with it, but that's partly down to alcohol (which, for future reference, is of no benefit to me).

 

White British.

 

If everything else is good, then the only reason I can think why you have no luck is that maybe you are only choosing the best looking women, who have the whole male population to choose from, and need to not focus on those hottest women.

 

I don't know where all you go, but let's say you're out seeing a band at a bar. You have your eye on this one woman who is really hot or who you think looks "like the girl next door," which in my experience means "really hot but friendly looking" and if you're only focusing on her, you'd be missing some verbal cues from other women.

 

So next time you go out, refuse to get focused on any one woman and look up and around once in awhile. Notice who has come and stood hear you that wasn't there before, because she might have done that on purpose, or not. Lok around and see if any women look at you or smile or anything. If so, smile casually back and then go back to watching the band, but then after awhile look around and walk that way and walk past her but say hi or "good band" and keep going. If she seemed happy about that, then on the way back, maybe you introduce yourself.

 

Sounds like you have the social skills. But if they're doing you no good, it just seems like it's got to be you're fishing out of your pond.

 

Nope, far from it. I've messaged girls on online dating sites that aren't the best of lookers and they still haven't responded to me. I'm not picky when it comes to appearance so long as there's physical/sexual attraction, but my interests are so varied I can't really pinpoint what type of girl I would go after.

 

I don't look at one women. If any in recent months I look at ALL women, and I can tell you...there is not a single one that looks at me. Hence why I described myself as a ghost. When out in the clubs I am legitimately the better dressed/groomed out of the group, on the word of the people I am with both male and female. I have never seen a girl look at me, let alone smile, otherwise I would be approaching regularly.

[Weezy1973]

The thing is, about six months after that breakup I at least wanted to explore what was out there, give myself some more experience.

 

What do you mean by more experience? Casual sex? One night stands?

 

As described in the OP, all these rejections or lack thereof were there from the start; online dating was appalling, girls weren't interested in me when I met them etc.

 

I'm a guy and I'd say I'm not interested in about 90% of the women that I meet from online dating after one date. And of the 10% I am interested in, most aren't interested in me. Mutual interest is kind of special and rare, especially when it comes to online dating. And even then it's only one date - after you get to know each other a bit often someone or both parties lose interest. That's kind of just the deal with online dating for most people.

 

 

So when I'm doing all these different things (like volunteering, which seems to be a regularly suggested thing when it comes to meeting women), I had hoped maybe I would find these successes. It's not that I'm checking off boxes so much as it is thinking to myself "Well, I'm doing this anyway, yet these allegedly opportunities don't come my way or when I take them they don't work for me".

 

So again - it seems like you're focusing on attraction instead of connection. If you're volunteering to meet women or be more attractive to women, you're doing it for the wrong reason. If, on the other hand, you're volunteering for something that you feel passionate about, you should meet other people that are passionate about the same thing and that can be the spark of a good connection.

 

A multitude of reasons, really, but namely due to them not being my type in terms of personality(and I say this, I'm pretty open when it comes to dating different people so you can perhaps understand I've thought about this already).

 

This is a bit vague and an odd comment. Wouldn't you be friends with them specifically because of their personality?

 

I don't what to sound judgmental here, but I have noticed that my friendships seem to develop with average/below-average looking women; attractive/very attractive women steer clear of me, end-of.

 

Ah. This makes more sense. You don't find you're women friends physically attractive. Fair enough. How did you make these friends in the first place?

 

And the other thing is, I don't meet them. I go to parties and clubs; never get approached out of all my male friends. I work these jobs, and I interact with a few purely on a professional level.

 

How did you meet the other friends in your life (women and men)? I'd suggest doing the same thing, only with women you find attractive.

[LightWave93]

What do you mean by more experience? Casual sex? One night stands?

 

I'm more of a relationship guy, but honestly at this point...anything.

 

Thing is, I'm at university. I'm an attractive guy. I can't pull. See where I'm coming from?

 

I'm a guy and I'd say I'm not interested in about 90% of the women that I meet from online dating after one date. And of the 10% I am interested in, most aren't interested in me. Mutual interest is kind of special and rare, especially when it comes to online dating. And even then it's only one date - after you get to know each other a bit often someone or both parties lose interest. That's kind of just the deal with online dating for most people.

 

Yeah, I agree online dating is not great, but at one point I had 80 views on one of my profiles. Not a single message or respond. Disheartening.

 

So again - it seems like you're focusing on attraction instead of connection. If you're volunteering to meet women or be more attractive to women, you're doing it for the wrong reason. If, on the other hand, you're volunteering for something that you feel passionate about, you should meet other people that are passionate about the same thing and that can be the spark of a good connection.

 

I think you misunderstood. I'm volunteering because I want the experience, to improve my social skills, and for something else to put on a CV. I'm simply saying that, supposedly, doing such activities helps you meet new people IE. potential love interests. I don't meet new people, and I work in a customer-facing role at a library of all places.

 

This is a bit vague and an odd comment. Wouldn't you be friends with them specifically because of their personality?

 

Erm, yes, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm romantically/sexually interested in them?

 

Ah. This makes more sense. You don't find you're women friends physically attractive. Fair enough. How did you make these friends in the first place?

 

Actually, some of them I do. Quite attractive in fact.

 

How did you meet the other friends in your life (women and men)? I'd suggest doing the same thing, only with women you find attractive.

 

The majority of these new friends I met through a Facebook group prior to university starting. It's where a good 90% of my friendships were developed, and from there I just wound up into a social circle that fit me. Everyone else in the group is far more socially successful than me.

[SwordofFlame]

I have had two guys suggest being my wingman, but the idea puts me off because I would much rather do this on my own. They seem to have no trouble with it, but that's partly down to alcohol (which, for future reference, is of no benefit to me).

 

The number one way people meet is through friends. They were basically part of the same social circle. I get the sense that while you may have plenty of friends, you don't really have quality close friends that can help you.

 

Your mentality of just doing it on your own really requires a lot of social skills or "game" so to speak. Which you don't seem to have.

[Weezy1973]

I'm more of a relationship guy, but honestly at this point...anything.

 

Thing is, I'm at university. I'm an attractive guy. I can't pull. See where I'm coming from?

 

So first, know what you want. Wanting a relationship vs. wanting casual sex are two very different things. Once you know what you want, you have more focus and that's where success always starts. Just "keeping your options open" will just have you spinning your wheels.

 

And again, it seems like you're thinking women should be throwing themselves at you just because you're attractive. Focus on connecting with women. Get to know them first. See if there's a connection first, and if there is, then ask them out on a date. And by connection, I just mean that you seem to have similar interests, worldviews, conversation is easy, lots of laughing etc. Then, just say, "hey you seem pretty cool, how would you like to go out on a date sometime?"

 

The majority of these new friends I met through a Facebook group prior to university starting. It's where a good 90% of my friendships were developed, and from there I just wound up into a social circle that fit me. Everyone else in the group is far more socially successful than me.

 

Well there you go! Whatever mutual interest that Facebook group was about was a goldmine for social connections! Try doing more of that.

 

Honestly OP, I think the real reason for your lack of success is that you are still reeling from your breakup and you have a severe fear of being rejected. The very nature of dating means you have to open yourself up to the possibility of being rejected. You won't be able to find women to date that you're interested in as long as you let that fear drive your actions. I think you just tried to make yourself as attractive as possible thinking that you could "pull" women without making yourself vulnerable. It doesn't work that way.

[LightWave93]

The number one way people meet is through friends. They were basically part of the same social circle. I get the sense that while you may have plenty of friends, you don't really have quality close friends that can help you.

 

Your mentality of just doing it on your own really requires a lot of social skills or "game" so to speak. Which you don't seem to have.

 

I have plenty of, as you say, quality close friends. They're very much aware of my issues, in fact. The thing is, they're not proactive in helping me, or they don't know how.

 

So first, know what you want. Wanting a relationship vs. wanting casual sex are two very different things. Once you know what you want, you have more focus and that's where success always starts. Just "keeping your options open" will just have you spinning your wheels.

 

Okay, I'll give you that, but let's just think here for a second; both require a basic level of attraction in me, which is not what I'm getting. If I get that initial attraction down, I can go one way or the other.

 

Thing is, I've never had a casual relationship with anyone so I wouldn't know where to stand. One-night stands/Friends-with-benefits are quite literally beyond my comprehension.

 

Relationships? I just got lucky previously.

 

And again, it seems like you're thinking women should be throwing themselves at you just because you're attractive. Focus on connecting with women. Get to know them first. See if there's a connection first, and if there is, then ask them out on a date. And by connection, I just mean that you seem to have similar interests, worldviews, conversation is easy, lots of laughing etc. Then, just say, "hey you seem pretty cool, how would you like to go out on a date sometime?"

 

Of course I don't expect that. I'm just pointing out I get *no* attention whatsoever. I can't get to know them if I'm extremely rarely meeting/talking to them. I can't get to know them because on the off chance I do meet a girl, that's it. End. I've been on nights out where I've spoken to women for a few minutes and that was the end of it, and yet my male friend who never spoke to her once throughout the entire evening was sent a friend request on Facebook.

 

I don't treat women as some otherworldly beings from another dimension. I treat them as an equal, with respect. I just can't do the things you describe because don't get the opportunities.

 

Well there you go! Whatever mutual interest that Facebook group was about was a goldmine for social connections! Try doing more of that.

 

Sorry buddy, should clarify; the group was specifically for freshers student at the university. I'm a late bloomer to higher education, only having just completed my first year.

 

Honestly OP, I think the real reason for your lack of success is that you are still reeling from your breakup and you have a severe fear of being rejected. The very nature of dating means you have to open yourself up to the possibility of being rejected. You won't be able to find women to date that you're interested in as long as you let that fear drive your actions. I think you just tried to make yourself as attractive as possible thinking that you could "pull" women without making yourself vulnerable. It doesn't work that way.

 

Whilst I am still feeling the effects of the breakup because of it's nature (my ex was extremely cruel), I don't think that's it. I've put myself out there, taken chances, asked for dates, spoken to women etc. Nothing. There is something women don't like about me (which is ironic, because when I go on internet forums I get told all sorts of positives).

[preraph]

This is a difficult question to answer when beauty is in the eye of the beholder. They are attractive in their own right. If I were to scale it, my female friends would be about a 6/10. Most of my friends at least have a few 8's/9's.

 

I have had two guys suggest being my wingman, but the idea puts me off because I would much rather do this on my own. They seem to have no trouble with it, but that's partly down to alcohol (which, for future reference, is of no benefit to me).

 

White British.

 

 

 

Nope, far from it. I've messaged girls on online dating sites that aren't the best of lookers and they still haven't responded to me. I'm not picky when it comes to appearance so long as there's physical/sexual attraction, but my interests are so varied I can't really pinpoint what type of girl I would go after.

 

I don't look at one women. If any in recent months I look at ALL women, and I can tell you...there is not a single one that looks at me. Hence why I described myself as a ghost. When out in the clubs I am legitimately the better dressed/groomed out of the group, on the word of the people I am with both male and female. I have never seen a girl look at me, let alone smile, otherwise I would be approaching regularly.

 

Then I'm thinking there's something off about your looks or style or something. You better have a female friend give you suggestions on how to "update your look." Maybe it's your hair or your facial hair or your overall look or a lack of style or a weird style making people eliminate you. Doesn't mean a certain one won't like it, but anything off in left field narrrows your field. I mean, if you're on OLD, it's only about looks really.

[LightWave93]

Then I'm thinking there's something off about your looks or style or something. You better have a female friend give you suggestions on how to "update your look." Maybe it's your hair or your facial hair or your overall look or a lack of style or a weird style making people eliminate you. Doesn't mean a certain one won't like it, but anything off in left field narrrows your field. I mean, if you're on OLD, it's only about looks really.

 

I've had my appearance critiqued. I look fine.

[Weezy1973]

OP - you're posting like a lot of people do on here:

 

I'm very attractive to the opposite sex, but I can't attract the opposite sex.

 

If you were attractive, you'd be attracting. That literally is the definition of attractive.

 

You can't be as attractive as you think or you'd be attracting women. Yes, it's possible, and likely, that people have been lying to you about how attractive you are.

[LightWave93]

OP - you're posting like a lot of people do on here:

 

I'm very attractive to the opposite sex, but I can't attract the opposite sex.

 

If you were attractive, you'd be attracting. That literally is the definition of attractive.

 

You can't be as attractive as you think or you'd be attracting women. Yes, it's possible, and likely, that people have been lying to you about how attractive you are.

 

Much of the positives I've highlighted are simply me echoing what others have said. Whilst I don't disagree with you, I'm also far from ugly, and honestly I don't see why random people on the internet would have reason to lie about their opinion on my appearance. I've had girls themselves say I'm good looking, so I don't think my appearance is the problem here. I probably get overlooked at the clubs because there are more attractive guys around.

 

Anyway, case in point; I'm only repeating what others have said. I don't feel this way myself. How can I? Seemingly women are repelled by me.

[LightWave93]

I deleted my online dating accounts today. After having been on them for eight months and having no success, seemed pointless having them up.

 

I just wish I understood what about me puts women off.