Hermus Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 Recently I got into a relationship with someone I really love very much. Before that time I had been using Tinder quite a lot and had contact with a number of matches. One match I still have in my telephone and I app her every few days. She knows I'm in a relationship now and that there isn't any intention to go on a date with her at the moment. However, this is a thing I deliberately keep hidden from my gf. Would this count as cheating to you? And why or why not? Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 Well you intentionally make it look shady then of course I would get suspicious. Why do you deliberately make it look as if you were cheating though? You like digging your own grave? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 Why don't you ask your gf if she thinks it's cheating or not? She's the only one whose opinion matters here. If it was me, I'd say yes, it's definitely cheating. I'd dump you for it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 I'd say the content of your convos is of paramount importance here. Is it innocent or not? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 You are in love? I don't think so. If you were you wouldn't need to keep in contact with someone who has potential for romantic interest. It's emotionally cheating and it definitely is inappropriate. If you have to keep it a secret, then you shouldn't be doing it. Delete/block and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 Think of it this way, what if your GF has some guy on the line from a dating app and is still in contact with him....how would that look to you if you found she was keeping this from you??? mmmmm not kool I'm sure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 Yes, you're emotionally cheating. And no, you don't love your girlfriend. Break up with her so she can find someone who has a sense of loyalty and respect for her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 One match I still have in my telephone and I app her every few days.... this is a thing I deliberately keep hidden from my gf. Would this count as cheating to you? And why or why not? It's pretty much equivalent to women who keep ex-boyfriends (or people they met on a dating site) on the string and rationalizing it by saying they're "just friends." The difference is that you're hiding it instead of rationalizing while proclaiming the right to have opposite sex friends. Is it cheating? No, not exactly. It's being disingenuous with a lack of dedication. Keeping your options open. If the LS definition of cheating got any tighter we'd all have to wear blinders, or dress women in burkas so men couldn't lust on them. Cheating is when you have sex with someone who isn't your spouse or gf. There are other words for the activities that lead up to that. Link to post Share on other sites
Greg1972 Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 Recently I got into a relationship with someone I really love very much. Before that time I had been using Tinder quite a lot and had contact with a number of matches. One match I still have in my telephone and I app her every few days. She knows I'm in a relationship now and that there isn't any intention to go on a date with her at the moment. However, this is a thing I deliberately keep hidden from my gf. Would this count as cheating to you? And why or why not? It's not cheating, just because you met someone on Tinder doesn't mean you can't be friends with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hermus Posted July 4, 2016 Author Share Posted July 4, 2016 You are in love? I don't think so. If you were you wouldn't need to keep in contact with someone who has potential for romantic interest. It's emotionally cheating and it definitely is inappropriate. If you have to keep it a secret, then you shouldn't be doing it. Delete/block and move on. To be honest I'm really not sure whether she loves me as much as I do love her. So yes I'm keeping my options open. I just don't want to be the fool who puts all his eggs in one basket and then ends up with nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 To be honest I'm really not sure whether she loves me as much as I do love her. So yes I'm keeping my options open. I just don't want to be the fool who puts all his eggs in one basket and then ends up with nothing. You've already got nothing, inside yourself, if thats the way you think. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 (edited) To be honest I'm really not sure whether she loves me as much as I do love her. So yes I'm keeping my options open. I just don't want to be the fool who puts all his eggs in one basket and then ends up with nothing. Sorry but this is the lamest excuse ever. You will never find true happiness in any serious monogamous relationship if you're always keeping your options open and never allowing yourself to jump in with both feet. Never. If you're questioning her commitment and level of interest in you then perhaps it's time do the mature thing and have a serious conversation rather than hedging your bets like some playa. Edited July 4, 2016 by Michelle ma Belle 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 To be honest I'm really not sure whether she loves me as much as I do love her. So yes I'm keeping my options open. I just don't want to be the fool who puts all his eggs in one basket and then ends up with nothing. No risk means no reward. If this is how you think then you have a long and lonely life ahead of you. It's far more foolish to think you can get away with cheating than it is to make assumptions or ask her where she's at. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
biker23 Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 2 points: 1. if you are hiding it and wouldnt want to show your GF the messages or that you are talking to the other women...regardless if its on tinder or whatever, its cheating. And not allowing you to be 100% for this GF. 2. I know what you mean about keeping options open, but honestly tell the woman you are in a committed relationship right now and delete the app. Focus on the GF you say you love. If that ends, it takes 5 secs to reload Tinder. But your behavior will cause the end. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 To be honest I'm really not sure whether she loves me as much as I do love her. So yes I'm keeping my options open. I just don't want to be the fool who puts all his eggs in one basket and then ends up with nothing. So by keeping in touch with a girl who knows you have a girlfriend is painting yourself in the best light? Dudes do this kind of stuff and end up alone. You're literally playing yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 What you could tell her is that if all the tinder conversations are benign, then she wouldn't have any problem letting you read them when you get back together. If she says that she wont do that, even if its only to set your mind at ease, or that they are all deleted, then I'd say yes, you probably love her more than she loves you. I'd assume she has something to hide and then I'd move on... Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 To be honest I'm really not sure whether she loves me as much as I do love her. So yes I'm keeping my options open. I just don't want to be the fool who puts all his eggs in one basket and then ends up with nothing. Seriously? Nobody commits while "keeping their options open." Yes, that's totally cheating. And it's stupid. The dating market doesn't close next Monday. If you and your gf break up, you can get back in the dating market. This just smacks of both insecurity and entitlement at the same time. That's a terrible combination for a boyfriend. Or really anyone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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