eric_1986 Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 Before I start I would like to say that I do love my partner, which makes this even harder. We have been together 7 and a half years and have 2 kids together. The majority of the time it has been really good. There shave been a few things that have happened over the years that have concerned me and it has maybe gone on too long now. Let me explain: When we first started dating everything was amazing, like every relationship. However, about 6 months in I noticed that she was on a dating website talking to other people. I confronted her about this and she said it was because her parent PS were mean to me she thought I would be pushed away. So I believed her. Things were going good and 9 months later she was pregnant. We moved in together, had the child and everything was going good. In 2011 I noticed that she had been contacting her first boyfriend. He had to move away due to family reason when she was young. They had been sending messages on Facebook and talking about old times. Obviously I asked her about these and put it done to everyone having a past. In 2012 she contacted this bf again saying that she wanted to be with him and she still had feelings for him. This was when I was out, so I asked her about it when I came home. She said it was because he moved away and they never really had closure. She agreed to block him on Facebook and never speak to him again. A few months later noticed that she had another profile on another dating website. Asked her and she gave some crap excuse that it was to claim cash back, we were struggling for money. I didn't believe her. A year after that 2014 I notice that she has another dating profile on another website and on another dating website she has a profile, no picture, and she is using an alias. I confronted her about these and she denied the one with the alies and said she must of downloaded an app of Facebook accidentally that linked the dating accounts. In November 2015 I checked her Kindle and noticed that she had a message from her ex, the one she said she would never talk to again, on facebook. She was at work and was messaging him. They were saying they both had feelings for each other, wanted to see each other etc. I rung her and told her she needed to come back and speak to me, she didn't. She told him that we were seperated, which we were not. When she got home we had an argument and she slept in the spare room. When she was asleep I checked her phone and saw that she text him saying that I know they are talking. Also, his phone number was saved under somebody else's Na!e, to hide it from me. I forgot to check what's app to see if there were any messages and before I did she deleted it. Obviously my trust is gone and I feel really bad for checking her phone etc but it's what I had to do. We sat down and talked the next night. She said she had been feeling emotionally down and needed some attention to make herself feel better. We agreed that if I ever thought she contacted him or anyone again it was over. 2 weeks later I saw a bank statement of hers. She had paid to join a chat site. I checked out her username!e and found her. I confronted her again and she said it was nothing and went to homework. When she came in she said look and unlocked the profile. All i saw was a message to one man saying "ohhh no picture"? In March this year I noticed that she created another Gmail account and her only contact on there was her ex'snumber saved under that fake name again and what's app searched for. Also, she used her old phone, that didn't have a password on and now the password is the same as her Facebook one that she only updated 3 months ago. When asked she said that it always has a password on it, it didn't, and she unlocked it in front of me and told me to go through it.imfoumd nothing. She said she was looking for her grans number as she had 3 saved and couldn't remember which one it was. Really sorry its soooooo long, after writing it it makes me look like an idiot for attaching. But like I said, I do love her and want to be with her but I now feel like I scrutinise her every move. Any advice would be good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
not-so-sure Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 I think it's good you wrote all this down. Now I suggest you read it again and ask yourself why are still in this relationship. It seems obvious to me that she is emotionally gone. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author eric_1986 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Share Posted July 3, 2016 I know it sounds like she is, not saying she isn't, but she does stuff for us as a couple and I think 'if she didn't want to be here she wouldn't do this' She sacrifices lots of her time and money so that I can do what I want to do, sports coaching. She works nights so that all of us, kids included, can do what we want to do. She puts up with me moaning and always checking up on here (since Nov 2015) which is am not happy about. Sometimes we have some amazing moments and everything is good, but there is always that niggling feeling. She went to the doctors to get a meeting to speak to someone, without me saying anything. Like I mentioned, if you read my first post it is a slam-dunk but like everything: it is complicated. Thank you for your reply and taking the time to read !y essay 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 Can I ask what you're hoping to hear? Because I can almost guarantee that everything you learn here will confirm what you already know. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
not-so-sure Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 I know it sounds like she is, not saying she isn't, but she does stuff for us as a couple and I think 'if she didn't want to be here she wouldn't do this' She sacrifices lots of her time and money so that I can do what I want to do, sports coaching. She works nights so that all of us, kids included, can do what we want to do. She puts up with me moaning and always checking up on here (since Nov 2015) which is am not happy about. Sometimes we have some amazing moments and everything is good, but there is always that niggling feeling. She went to the doctors to get a meeting to speak to someone, without me saying anything. Like I mentioned, if you read my first post it is a slam-dunk but like everything: it is complicated. Thank you for your reply and taking the time to read !y essay �� It's a tough read for me because I can see elements of myself in your partner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 Sometimes things only seem complicated because we don't want to do what we know we need to do. I understand this, I had to walk away from a marriage with a woman I grew up with to save myself.....you have no foundation in this relationship, you lady seems to crave outside validation and its only a matter if time...stand up for yourself because she never will. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 She will never, ever, ever stop cheating on you. The more times you discover her cheating and let it go, the less respect she has for you. Can you live with this? If so, continue on as you have been. If not, make a change, because she won't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Moxie Lady Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 This will never get better, it will only get worse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 If the roles were reversed, would she be acting as docile and passive as you have been? Really do you need a bowling ball to fall on your head. If you do not respect yourself then who will? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 She sacrifices lots of her time and money so that I can do what I want to do, sports coaching. She works nights so that all of us, kids included, can do what we want to do. She puts up with me moaning and always checking up on here (since Nov 2015) which is am not happy about. �� I'm sure you do the same but I don't care how much she sacrifices. she has no business talking to this guy or any other guy. She's a marries woman and a mother. You need to draw the line in the sand and let her know that the excuses are getting old and she's teetering on falling off the edge of the cliff marriage wise. If it was me, she wouldn't be there. You might love her but at what expense? This is taking a toll on you and she doesn't seem to care one bit. Time to put your foot down or end it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 When we first started dating everything was amazing, like every relationship. However, about 6 months in I noticed that she was on a dating website talking to other people. I confronted her about this and she said it was because her parent PS were mean to me she thought I would be pushed away. So I believed her. Things were going good and 9 months later she was pregnant. We moved in together, had the child and everything was going good. In 2011 I noticed that she had been contacting her first boyfriend. He had to move away due to family reason when she was young. They had been sending messages on Facebook and talking about old times. Obviously I asked her about these and put it done to everyone having a past. In 2012 she contacted this bf again saying that she wanted to be with him and she still had feelings for him. This was when I was out, so I asked her about it when I came home. She said it was because he moved away and they never really had closure. She agreed to block him on Facebook and never speak to him again. A few months later noticed that she had another profile on another dating website. Asked her and she gave some crap excuse that it was to claim cash back, we were struggling for money. I didn't believe her. A year after that 2014 I notice that she has another dating profile on another website and on another dating website she has a profile, no picture, and she is using an alias. I confronted her about these and she denied the one with the alies and said she must of downloaded an app of Facebook accidentally that linked the dating accounts. In November 2015 I checked her Kindle and noticed that she had a message from her ex, the one she said she would never talk to again, on facebook. She was at work and was messaging him. They were saying they both had feelings for each other, wanted to see each other etc. I rung her and told her she needed to come back and speak to me, she didn't. She told him that we were seperated, which we were not. When she got home we had an argument and she slept in the spare room. When she was asleep I checked her phone and saw that she text him saying that I know they are talking. Also, his phone number was saved under somebody else's Na!e, to hide it from me. I forgot to check what's app to see if there were any messages and before I did she deleted it. Obviously my trust is gone and I feel really bad for checking her phone etc but it's what I had to do. We sat down and talked the next night. She said she had been feeling emotionally down and needed some attention to make herself feel better. We agreed that if I ever thought she contacted him or anyone again it was over. 2 weeks later I saw a bank statement of hers. She had paid to join a chat site. I checked out her username!e and found her. I confronted her again and she said it was nothing and went to homework. When she came in she said look and unlocked the profile. All i saw was a message to one man saying "ohhh no picture"? In March this year I noticed that she created another Gmail account and her only contact on there was her ex'snumber saved under that fake name again and what's app searched for. Also, she used her old phone, that didn't have a password on and now the password is the same as her Facebook one that she only updated 3 months ago. When asked she said that it always has a password on it, it didn't, and she unlocked it in front of me and told me to go through it.imfoumd nothing. She said she was looking for her grans number as she had 3 saved and couldn't remember which one it was. At the risk of stating the obvious, doesn't it seem like she wants to get caught? I mean, who gets busted 6, 7, 8 times ??? eric_1986, I'm guessing your partner is one of those conflict avoidant people that doesn't handle confrontation well. It's clear she wants out but doesn't have the nerve or will to initiate the break. Give her credit, it's not for lack of trying. Man up and pull the plug... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 This isn't complicated. She's a serial cheater. Very typical. Read a few. You're in love with a fantasy not who she really is. Wake up out of your denial. Your heart needs to catch up with your head. Everyone is seeing the same thing. Making excuses may help you justify her deplorable behavior but it doesn't change the truth. It's your life but you do need to realize what you're wasting it on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 First of all, get a STD test done. For both of you. If she declines, tell her she got herself into this mess. Second. She will blame everything on you. It's called DARVO (google it). Do not fall into this trap. She's the one that's ready to drop her panties for someone else. Third, for god sakes, grow some ball$. She has no respect for you. That's why she keeps doing this. You allow it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 Get YOURSELF in IC my friend. You have a problem and are in the "fog" not her. If your best buddy or brother told you the story on that timeline and then said he felt bad for checking her phone, what would you tell him????? Not sure where any of theses guys live in relation to you but I would not bet the ranch that she has not met up in person with any of them. You have two choices (1) suck it up and play ostrich (2) get rid of her. I hope you choose option 2 for your peace of mind and sanity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Betrayed&Stayed Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 I do love her and want to be with her Yeah, but she does not want to be with you. That is obvious by her serial cheating and continuous deception. You love an ideal version of her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted July 4, 2016 Share Posted July 4, 2016 Hi Eric, think of your self as a cuckold and be happy for the rest of your life. Otherwise follow the advice given by the others. Warm wishes. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 You sure those are your kids? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 Your sense of self-worth seems to have flatlined. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 (((eric_1986))) look into the 180 for yourself and start detaching... then after detaching take another look at your situation and decide what YOU want and if she cannot give you what YOU want then you have your answer? I learned more watching my WH's actions while I was detaching and it was quite enlightening to discover what an a** my WH really was. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 She's gonna keep cheating on whomever she's with. And probably on the dude she's cheating on him with too. This is who she is. The thing I'd like to you to hear most right now is something I heard: "Good mothers don't risk their kid's family." Have you heard that before? Link to post Share on other sites
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