Look at photos of MM with his W on Twitter, see the reality

[oceansaway]

Cool, I'm glad you were able to decide this for everyone on the planet.

 

There are (more than 50) shades of gray to emotional situations. You don't get to choose whether or not a couple is happy regardless of whether or not infidelity has infiltrated their marriage. You can THINK whatever you want but that doesn't make you correct. That's why there are forums like this..so that we can take advantage of the many different viewpoints of people from all sides of a situation. Making definitive statements like this is completely pointless and silly.

 

My point of view. We all have different opinions however I believe if one (male or female) is without a doubt fulfilled within their relationship...they would not be looking for another person outside the marriage. Obviously there is a void somewhere

[ladydesigner]

My point of view. We all have different opinions however I believe if one (male or female) is without a doubt fulfilled within their relationship...they would not be looking for another person outside the marriage. Obviously there is a void somewhere

 

Yeah in the MM's head

[sophinla]

This idea that social media being a 100% infallible representation of a marriage/relationship is a new one on me.

 

100% representation of marriage and social media being fake are entirely different. Social media sre selective representatation of some part of truth, the fact that it doesn't tell the whole truth doesn't mean it is fake, nor is anyone required to tell the entire truth.

 

So that hug, that kiss, that family vacation in Bahama really did happened, because they let us see it. No one's faking anything. What happens the rest of the time is NOT to our knowing or guessing or judging.

 

And by the way, I'm curious as to where can you ever find 100% infallible representation of marriage? I have a friend that is a divorce attorney, and all he does all day long is sorting out different versions of 'he said she said', from two people in the same marriage under the same roof.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Yeah in the MM's head

 

 

LOL! Possibly the most enlightened post on this thread, (tongue in cheek, no offense to anyone, MMs included!)

[ChickiePops]

OW look for many signs that MMs feelings are real. That's understandable. However, I think an unhappy marriage often leads an OW to make assumptions about the MMs intentions. Even when MMs feelings for OW are genuine, he rarely leaves the marriage.

 

Most MM view their marriage as a constant, unchangeable entity that is the foundation of their life.

 

Maybe their wife disappoints them. Maybe they don't have a great sex life. Maybe his wife doesn't understand him. Maybe she spends too much money. Maybe she gained weight. Maybe she is too involved with the kids and doesn't pay attention to him anymore.

 

All of those negative aspects of his marriage can be true. However, he's no more likely to leave the marriage over his grievances than he would disown a child for being a disappointment, or end contact with his mom because she's demanding, or cut off a sibling over differences of opinion. Their wife is part of his family, flaws and all. In their minds, divorcing isn't an option. OW isn't a prospective wife. OW enhances his existing life (wife included).

 

Usually, MM only leave the marriage if it is unbearable. Examples of this could be a wife's addiction, mental illness or domestic abuse.

 

For most MM, the love and connection they feel with an OW is just not important enough to consider divorce. Their history, family ties, reputation and the legacy they leave are more important to them. OW often find this sad and unfortunate, but that's because OW is basing their opinion on their own hierarchy of importance- with love and connection at the top of the list.

 

For an OW who feels that love and "being together" is the main objective in life, MM staying married is a tragedy. It's hard for OW to imagine that he would choose a boring, sexless or dysfunctional marriage over a life together. In her eyes, he's weak or trying to be a martyr. I mean, why else would he turn down the opportunity for true happiness?

 

But for a MM who doesn't consider love/ connection as essential, "it is what it is". It would create conflict within him to betray his history, family, legacy, etc and this would outweigh the benefits. He feels like he wouldn't have true happiness with OW if he had to make those sacrifices. Even for those MM that seriously consider leaving the marriage (rare), most conclude that the fallout (guilt, facing his kids, feeling like a failure, loss of reputation, etc) is a fate worse than the possibility of losing OWs love.

 

Marriages have ups and downs and happy times, boring times, fun times, sad times, etc. Life is a series of moments, some happy and some not. Most MM are not miserable in their vacation pics or pics with his wife. He's usually happy to be married, proud of his family and likely genuinely has happy times with them, even though he has a romantic connection with OW. I think the assumption that family time/ time with his wife is faked is also a reflection of OWs own hierarchy of needs. For her, life is miserable without that connection, so she assumes that MM is phony and miserable, when in reality he genuinely enjoys different things about the different aspects of his life.

 

Quoted for truth and clarity! Wish I could like this more than once!

[LivingWaterPlease]

Wondering about OP, since this is a thread to support her and it seems to me from what she's written she couldn't care less about whether or not her exMM's photos on FB are fake or real.

 

From her last post it seemed to me she was pretty content with just having seen the photos as it has helped her to move on.

Edited July 6, 2016 by LivingWaterPlease

[sandylee1]

Thanks for explaining, SandyLee1. I agree there is fake everywhere in life, for sure, and authenticity, too! Honestly, since I'm a believer in God I believe that's why the Bible cautions us not to judge, because we really don't know what's in a person's heart most of the time.

 

But then, we can judge an action to be born of jealousy, too, when it's not.

 

To me, a photo is fake if people are demonstrating emotions they don't actually feel and sometimes a person does have inside information about a situation that lends credibility to their assessment. I know one person on FB who has person's children pose on and kiss each side of person's face (a child on each side). Have been present when the photos are taken (so many occasions, same pose) and know the kids hate doing it but the photos appear to be real (expressive of the kids' desire to plant kisses on the person) to the viewer. Could give other examples I've seen but won't bore with them!

 

By your definition, every cheater who is in a photo that shows happiness and a loving image is fake then. What I would say .... is that it's fake if the person posting the pic is the cheater. Because they're showing their friends and family a happy image of love with their spouse, when they are sneaking around betraying them and the two actions don't support each other IMO. That just makes the cheater a fake.

 

If the BS is posting ... with no knowledge ...I don't share that view.

 

The person who mentioned a miserable man in the picture ... I wonder if that was just your perception knowing you were cheating with him at the time and had the inside info mentioned by Living.

 

Why would anyone post a picture of misery guts on social media ... unless you want the world to see what you live with.

[ladydesigner]

By your definition, every cheater who is in a photo that shows happiness and a loving image is fake then. What I would say .... is that it's fake if the person posting the pic is the cheater. Because they're showing their friends and family a happy image of love with their spouse, when they are sneaking around betraying them and the two actions don't support each other IMO. That just makes the cheater a fake.

 

If the BS is posting ... with no knowledge ...I don't share that view.

 

The person who mentioned a miserable man in the picture ... I wonder if that was just your perception knowing you were cheating with him at the time and had the inside info mentioned by Living.

 

Why would anyone post a picture of misery guts on social media ... unless you want the world to see what you live with.

 

Good point! I guess I would be considered one of the BS's that would be accused of fakery on fakebook

 

I posted some pics on FB after Dday, but I truly believed we were in R. MOW knew we weren't and WH knew we weren't so of course MOW would think that of us, but at the time I was posting it as a hope for our future type of thing.

[Lady Hamilton]

100% representation of marriage and social media being fake are entirely different. Social media sre selective representatation of some part of truth, the fact that it doesn't tell the whole truth doesn't mean it is fake, nor is anyone required to tell the entire truth.

 

So that hug, that kiss, that family vacation in Bahama really did happened, because they let us see it. No one's faking anything. What happens the rest of the time is NOT to our knowing or guessing or judging.

 

Again... I'm not saying the trip to Bermuda is fake, nor am I saying that people are required to tell the whole truth. I'm saying that pictures and their captions on Facebook and social media are not necessarily representative of what's actually happening in the marriage, that's all. That hug, that kiss, that may be as empty and meaningless as a bucket of air. That what it is representing or pretending to depict may be nothing but a facade.

 

That is all.

 

Today I hugged a guy who wasn't my husband, that I felt no romantic affection to... If somebody had snapped that and thrown it on Facebook, I'm sure it would look very intimate and loving, but the reality is I hugged a guy I kind of know and was happy to see. It represents nothing beyond "here's a guy, I know him, I hugged him."

 

Just because one is married doesn't mean that hug, that kiss you see in the picture is genuine affection and not a picture crafted to look a certain way, a moment stolen by one person from the other, or a picture taken before or after a "what's wrong with you, why are you so miserable?"

 

Now the OP saw the picture, it triggered her to leave her affair and she's happy in her choice. The loudest applause you hear to that is from me. But the follow ups by others who are making it sound like Belle just stumbled onto Rhett Butler's Twitter to see them in a love clutch on the windswept plains of Tara is a bit much. It's a picture that may or may not represent reality, that may or may not be for the benefit of social media, that may or may not depict a loving relationship.

 

Making it sound like this is proof of great love and passion in a happy marriage and now she can see the reality of how she's being used and he's deeply in love with his wife is a bit over dramatic. He is, after all, having an affair.

 

And by the way, I'm curious as to where can you ever find 100% infallible representation of marriage? I have a friend that is a divorce attorney, and all he does all day long is sorting out different versions of 'he said she said', from two people in the same marriage under the same roof.

 

I can tell you where you don't find it... And that is social media through the lens of a cell phone.

[sophinla]

Again... I'm not saying the trip to Bermuda is fake, nor am I saying that people are required to tell the whole truth. I'm saying that pictures and their captions on Facebook and social media are not necessarily representative of what's actually happening in the marriage, that's all. That hug, that kiss, that may be as empty and meaningless as a bucket of air. That what it is representing or pretending to depict may be nothing but a facade.

 

That is all.

 

Today I hugged a guy who wasn't my husband, that I felt no romantic affection to... If somebody had snapped that and thrown it on Facebook, I'm sure it would look very intimate and loving, but the reality is I hugged a guy I kind of know and was happy to see. It represents nothing beyond "here's a guy, I know him, I hugged him."

 

Just because one is married doesn't mean that hug, that kiss you see in the picture is genuine affection and not a picture crafted to look a certain way, a moment stolen by one person from the other, or a picture taken before or after a "what's wrong with you, why are you so miserable?"

 

Now the OP saw the picture, it triggered her to leave her affair and she's happy in her choice. The loudest applause you hear to that is from me. But the follow ups by others who are making it sound like Belle just stumbled onto Rhett Butler's Twitter to see them in a love clutch on the windswept plains of Tara is a bit much. It's a picture that may or may not represent reality, that may or may not be for the benefit of social media, that may or may not depict a loving relationship.

 

Making it sound like this is proof of great love and passion in a happy marriage and now she can see the reality of how she's being used and he's deeply in love with his wife is a bit over dramatic. He is, after all, having an affair.

 

 

 

I can tell you where you don't find it... And that is social media through the lens of a cell phone.

 

ummm, this kind of beat around the bush reasoning takes skill, but hey whatever strike your fancy is good with me

[Lady Hamilton]

ummm, this kind of beat around the bush reasoning takes skill, but hey whatever strike your fancy is good with me

 

I've broken down my stance several times, on an almost point-by-point basis. I've been accused of many things, but beating around the bush is certainly not one of those things.

 

I've been clear, answered all points, and corrected viewpoints I supposedly had but really didn't.

 

You can disagree with me, that's fine, but let's not pretend it's because I wasn't direct or was elusive about my viewpoint and reasoning.

Edited July 7, 2016 by Lady Hamilton

[LivingWaterPlease]

By your definition, every cheater who is in a photo that shows happiness and a loving image is fake then. What I would say .... is that it's fake if the person posting the pic is the cheater. Because they're showing their friends and family a happy image of love with their spouse, when they are sneaking around betraying them and the two actions don't support each other IMO. That just makes the cheater a fake.

 

If the BS is posting ... with no knowledge ...I don't share that view.

 

The person who mentioned a miserable man in the picture ... I wonder if that was just your perception knowing you were cheating with him at the time and had the inside info mentioned by Living.

 

Why would anyone post a picture of misery guts on social media ... unless you want the world to see what you live with.

 

sandylee1, the bolded are your words not mine and express your interpretation of what I've posted, not what I've actually posted.

 

The following is not personal because I like you, enjoy your posts and interacting with you; you seem to me to be a wonderful person, it's just an explanation as to why I'm not continuing with the discussion at this point. To me (as per my previous posts, #'s 96 and 106 copied below) this thread seems to have lost the OP so out of respect for her I'm going to bow out unless she returns at some point. I very much look forward to interacting with you in the future, though, on other threads if you should so desire at that time!

 

OP, not sure where you are. Before I've posted each post I've tried to assess whether or not it's a thread jack and many times it hasn't seemed so but the discussion sure doesn't seem to me to be centered on you at this point and for that I apologize to you for my part in it.

 

I wonder how you are and if you are even interested in participating in the thread anymore?

 

Wondering about OP, since this is a thread to support her and it seems to me from what she's written she couldn't care less about whether or not her exMM's photos on FB are fake or real.

 

From her last post it seemed to me she was pretty content with just having seen the photos as it has helped her to move on.

Edited July 7, 2016 by LivingWaterPlease