ChonChon Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Like most here, I have fallen for my best female friend. I play in a band and write a lot of songs. Well she stumbled onto some lyrics to a number of songs that I wrote for her. I never intended her to see or hear them, writing is just my way of therapy. Anyway, she found out and said that she was flattered by the songs. (not really how to take flattered) Anyway she knows and she was still cool with me. We talked all the time. She never told me that she was interested in me but she never told me that she wasn't. She just said that she was on the market. (she recently left her live in boyfriend of 5yrs) She sends me picture mail of herself sometimes on my phone. I gave her room though. But recently, she has been distant with me. I will call and she doesn''t answer her phone or return my calls. She will text message me occasionally. I guess I should take the hint and leave her alone. I don't know. But why all of a sudden? This is driving me crazy. Why wouldn't she tell me that she wants nothing with me? She never told me the standard "I just want to be friends." So what am I supposed to think? Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 But recently, she has been distant with me. I will call and she doesn''t answer her phone or return my calls. She will text message me occasionally. I guess I should take the hint and leave her alone. I don't know. But why all of a sudden? This is driving me crazy. Why wouldn't she tell me that she wants nothing with me? She never told me the standard "I just want to be friends." So what am I supposed to think? Women will never tell you the truth. Avoiding you is there way of keeping distance. She is slowly breaking away from you. She realizes that the friendship will be to weird so she is disengaging herself from you. She probably has thought about this since she found out and decided that she does not want a romantic relationship but doesn't want to tell you. You are supposed to realize the hints and let the friendship take a different course. Just follow her lead and see where your friendship goes. If she totally avoids you then she is just selfish and you really didn't have a friendship. If she is willing to still stay in touch then talk but never bring up what as occurred between you two. If you find you cannot handle the friendship because you still have feelings for her then you need to break away and move on to find someone who cares for you the way you want ( romantically ). Peace... Link to post Share on other sites
drgnflybethany Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 ChonChon - Always glad to do what I can to help a fellow Texan... Anyhow - there are, unfortunately two possibilities: The first is what MarshBear has already elaborated on.. that she's trying to break it off with you... The second is that she's into you, but you haven't made a move at all, so she is backing off because she thinks that you no longer have an interest in her. We girls are funny - if we find out you have a crush on us, and we don't freak out and run away - it pretty much means, we'd at least explore the possibility. When you didn't ask her out it was like - oh, I found this $100 bill on the street - but I can't use it b/c it's a ruble... (Russian currency). In this case, she may be trying to put herself out of your life, to show you how much you can't live without her... again, we women are very funny creatures... Unfortunately, ChonChon - you won't know the answer until you ask her - so - invite her out for a cup of coffee or something small like that - if she turns you down completely, then you know that she is trying to break it off with you... If she accepts, well, you have a foot in the door... I hope everything works out... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ChonChon Posted June 29, 2005 Author Share Posted June 29, 2005 Well, I tried to talk to my friend. I guess she really wants nothing to do with me. I simply invited her to lunch. I called her but she usually can't answer at work. So I text messaged her. I invited her to lunch like I used to do before she knew I had feelings for her. She said that she would think about it and would let me know. Well lunchtime came and I heard nothing. I called her and she did not answer my call. I text messaged her to pick up her phone. She texted "no." For some reason she does not want to talk to me. She has always been an upfront girl. She has always had "balls." Why does she seem scared to talk to me. So I went back to work and she texted me "C U Where?" What does that mean? I asked her: "what do you mean?" She replied: "4get it!" I guess I'm dumb but I didn't know what she was trying to tell me. She never answered her phone all day. We had "arguments" through text message. I told her that if she didn't answer my calls that I was going to her apartment to talk face to face. She simply texted: "Please don't" I hate text messages. You can't gauge any emotion behind text. But I felt the coldness of her shoulder in that simple message. That's horrible. We were so close. But now our relationship has watered down to text messages. I told her that I got the hint. And I really have. I can stand rejection. It's like normal to me now. I just can't stand rejection without an explanation. Doesn't she owe that to me? Should I call and try to talk again? or just let her be. Pissed off and depressed. Not a healthy combination. Link to post Share on other sites
drgnflybethany Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 ChonChon, I am so sorry to hear this news. Girls are difficult to figure out - in any case, and that's why a lot of men are afraid to make the first step. I feel so sorry for men now a days, since the Sexual Revolution - you never know what's acceptable and what's not, because, with girls - you just don't. If one wants you to hold your hand, another thinks it's too stifling or controlling - one wants you to open car doors, the other thinks you're qualifying her as "incapable" if you so much as offer the slightest bit of help. It is a difficult world we live in... and I just wanted to say how happy I was that you displayed the courage to truly find out whether or not she was interested. In this world, not a lot of people would have taken that step, and truly, sweetie - you haven't lost anything... She has. She's a jerk - (if girls are allowed to be jerks) - and if she can't even let you down face to face, what kind of a person is she? I know it hurts, and I know what you want to do in this world most, is to go to her place or call her up and ask why she has rejected you... but I caution you strongly against it. No good will come from it, except you getting hurt worse. There is a girl out there for you... unfortunately, it's not this girl, but give your heart a mini-break, and then, look again... because that would be the one big loss, here... Take care.... Link to post Share on other sites
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