Big Age Difference

[forumman83]

Been dating a girl that is 7 years younger than me. It was obvious from the start that she's in a different place in life than I am.

 

We enjoy each other's company and act like we are dating. Lately I find myself liking her more and more but I know in my heart that she needs to go through what she needs to go through in life and that it would be counter productive to try and lock her down right now.

 

I was thinking of proposing a "casual relationship" where we spend time together but we are free to pursue whatever outside interests we feel like. For instance, if she feels the need to date and go out a fair amount, then so be it. While at the same time I can keep my options open for other dates and strong connections.

 

I wanted some outside opinions here to make sure I'm not going down a bad, bad path.

[preraph]

It's fine to just tell her you're more inclined to just date around at this time in your life than to want exclusivity. IF that's really what you want. If all it is is a ploy to not scare her off, that's dishonest. If you really don't want exclusivity with her at this stage, then great. It would be nice to let her know that. Don't make a big deal out of it and don't share with her your other dating experiences. Just let her know you like her a lot and that this isn't a verdict or anything, but that you are not seeking commitment at this time, though who knows how things might work out in the future.

[stillafool]

I don't think 7 years is a big age difference at all.

[J21]

7 years is different when you guys are are 18 and 25 vs when you are 35 and 42.

 

Can you specify which category you are in.

[BikerAccnt]

Yes, how old are you.

 

I am just starting to see a woman 7 years younger than me, but, I'm 55 and she's 48. So it's nothing.

 

I think what you mentioned in your post is more important than the age difference. She's at a different place in life. If that's true, you could both be the same age it it still wouldn't work out.

[smackie9]

I really don't see the point of this...just have that conversation and be done with it.

[forumman83]

I am 31 and she is 24.

 

I suppose I would prefer exclusivity at this point in my life but there are a couple factors at play.

 

First, I don't know if she is up to par on the maturity level. She is certainly mature for her age but there are still some things that remind me of what I used to be like when i was in my mid-20's like drinking etc. I know when I was that age I wasn't the most developed and nor was a ready for a real relationship even though I thought I was.

 

Second, I'm just not sure she's gone through the experience necessary to be in a relationship. Just don't know if she's dated enough, partied enough, slept around enough to the point where you get sick of it.

 

I know, for me, it took me all of my mid-to-late twenties to get sick of that lifestyle and anyone that tried to take me away from it would probably have failed.

 

Also, it seems like a vicious cycle where I don't want to fully commit because I don't know if she's ready and she still hangs on to her old lifestyle because I won't fully commit. She still has orbiters around messaging her etc. I fear that if I fully commit I could be setting myself up for one of those moments where she does some stupid sh*t and I just say to myself "that's what you get for dating a 24 year old."

 

Just my thoughts, outside opinions are always nice.

[Els]

I don't think 31 and 24 is necessarily an unsalvageable difference. It could potentially cause problems down the road, but I wouldn't view it as a dealbreaker off the bat.

 

But if there are other issues than age, you're right to reconsider.

[Space Ritual]

OP I date women much younger than myself. I always know that it will be short lived so I just take it for what it is and move on without much complaint. I simply try to not get too serious.

 

There is always going to be a guy that comes along who is better looking, more money, has a bigger dick. it happens to all of us. Just have fun and don't get too hung up on age difference. Your age difference is really miniscule by comparison so I don't even know why you are concerned with it. You seem to be reading a lot into this that you don't need to.

[forumman83]

Good advice.

 

I am trying to keep it cool but I am probably more the relationship type.

 

Maybe I should keep my options open while we continue to date?

[smackie9]

This isn't about age this is about maturity. Not all 24 year olds accept orbiters as part of their lifestyle. You are just dating the wrong person for your expectations. If you have decided to date others make sure she understands where you are at with this.

[Els]

Good advice.

 

I am trying to keep it cool but I am probably more the relationship type.

 

Maybe I should keep my options open while we continue to date?

 

Why are you assuming that she definitely wants to date around while in a R with you? Not all 24 y/os date around - I was very much a monogamist at 24. When I'm in a happy R, other men don't even register on my radar.

 

I think you should just TALK to her about this. Ask her what she wants. If she wants to date casually and you think you can handle that then do that. But if she wants a real R, you should either stay (if you want to give it a shot with her), or go. Don't yank her around just because she's young.

[Darren Steez]

I suppose I would prefer exclusivity at this point in my life but there are a couple factors at play.

 

This kind of beta male wishy washy behavior will get you into trouble.

 

You either want exclusivity or not.

 

You can't be mad when she holds you to your word and finds another guy or has a one night stand(s).

 

You're dating not walking down the aisle or committing to a 50 year relationship deal.

 

Whatever happened to dating and having fun and enjoying each other? Too much overthinking and over reaching creates problems.

[JoeSmith357-1]

I don't think 7 years is a big age difference at all.

 

Depends how old they are...

 

7 years is different when you guys are are 18 and 25 vs when you are 35 and 42.

 

Exactly this!!

[SmartDude]

She is 24 and you are 31?

You are almost the same age.

 

Large age gaps start at 15+ years difference. 10 years difference does not even count yet.

[forumman83]

All good advice, and I agree, thanks.

 

 

 

She definitely "says" she wants an exclusive relationship; that is not the issue.

 

 

The issue is that, in my opinion, her words don't totally add up to her action.

 

 

For instance, saying that you want exclusivity while also allowing orbiters is, to me, contradictory.

 

 

I know what she "thinks" she wants but I'm just wondering if she's ready for it.

 

I agree, I need to tell her one way or another if I want exclusivity...the question is, is she mature enough to handle exclusivity?

[Els]

All good advice, and I agree, thanks.

 

 

 

She definitely "says" she wants an exclusive relationship; that is not the issue.

 

 

The issue is that, in my opinion, her words don't totally add up to her action.

 

 

For instance, saying that you want exclusivity while also allowing orbiters is, to me, contradictory.

 

 

I know what she "thinks" she wants but I'm just wondering if she's ready for it.

 

I agree, I need to tell her one way or another if I want exclusivity...the question is, is she mature enough to handle exclusivity?

 

Plenty of 24 year olds are able to handle exclusivity. I mean, heck, exclusivity just means dating ONE person at a time, it's hardly a lifelong or even long-term contract. That isn't a guarantee that she will be able to, of course, but if she isn't, it's her personality to blame, not her age.

[forumman83]

"It's her personality not her age"

 

 

True, but one can only have been through so much at age 24.

 

 

I'm just wondering if she's been through enough "single life" to know when she has a quality relationship, if that makes sense?

 

Sometimes you don't know what you want til you know what you don't want.

[Els]

"It's her personality not her age"

 

 

True, but one can only have been through so much at age 24.

 

 

I'm just wondering if she's been through enough "single life" to know when she has a quality relationship, if that makes sense?

 

Sometimes you don't know what you want til you know what you don't want.

 

Has she not dated others before you?

 

I honestly think that you're overthinking the age part. Do any of her behaviours lead you to believe that she isn't LTR material?

[biker23]

"It's her personality not her age"

 

 

True, but one can only have been through so much at age 24.

 

 

I'm just wondering if she's been through enough "single life" to know when she has a quality relationship, if that makes sense?

 

Sometimes you don't know what you want til you know what you don't want.

 

Seems you are killing this before it starts. If you want exclusivity and she does then give it a try. Never try to predict or make assumptions on how someone else will behave.

 

Honestly it feels like you have an issue with the age difference.

[fenix]

I suppose I would prefer exclusivity at this point in my life but there are a couple factors at play.

 

This kind of beta male wishy washy behavior will get you into trouble.

 

You either want exclusivity or not.

 

You can't be mad when she holds you to your word and finds another guy or has a one night stand(s).

 

You're dating not walking down the aisle or committing to a 50 year relationship deal.

 

Whatever happened to dating and having fun and enjoying each other? Too much overthinking and over reaching creates problems.

 

Could not agree more with this... I think either OP has more info than we have (he has suspicions she is already having her outside fun) or is totally overthinking this situation instead of enjoying what he has and walk the path hoping for the best...