My Boyfriend Broke Up With Me, He Says He Needs To Work On Himself But Still Loves Me

[lola6]

First of all sorry for my English and my poor grammar, this is my second language.

 

About three weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me, we were together for almost two years and had a lot of ups and downs (I’m 20 and he is 22). He told me he needed to find himself since he thought he hasn’t changed in this two years, he also wanted to work on himself and start a business of his own. Before the break up, we were good together (he broke up with me on a Sunday it was June 12) on Saturday we saw a movie and went to eat everything was fine; we had a lot of fun. When he broke up with me I didn’t begged but I have tried to convince him that we can work things out together and we didn’t need to split up. He told me he was really straight with his decision and told me he would love to have met me in 5 years when he was more mature and settled down and he says he will never find someone like me, that he would love to marry me, and that he is really sorry for hurting me. He also said that he loved being with me but it wasn’t the right time. I felt horrible because he broke my heart; being serious, I’ve never felt like this before (and I have had other boyfriends) but respected his decision.

 

One week later (Saturday 18 June) I wrote him a letter to see if a week may have calm his thoughts or he regretted his decision. We saw each other and talked about it for hours, but he still told me he wasn’t going to change his mind, and told me that he didn’t want us to stop talking or seeing each other because he misses me, but he cant be in a relationship right now. I was confused and asked him if it was because he wanted to be with other girls and he said he didn’t want that, that he would never ever do that to me and I really trust him because I know him and his past I live in a small city so we know each other pretty well, he also told me he wasn’t going to change his facebook picture or whatsapp picture that are with me (here in my country it’s a big deal, I know it sounds really stupid) his reason was because he doesn’t care if people know that he is single and he wants me to know its not about girls. Another week went by, it was difficult for me not to talk to him or even think about him over the week because I didn’t want to break up and because I really love him, but I did my best and did things for myself, like do sport or study more, go out with my friends, etc. That Sunday (June 26) he talked to me (via text) and asked me how was I, we started talking until I realized that it was hurting me, because I knew he wasn’t going to get back with me, so I went to his house and talked to him in person, I told him It wasn’t okay to talk because it really hurt me and I didn’t deserve this even though it was so difficult for me to say that.

 

Once again I tried to open his eyes and make him see that there was no point in breaking up, but he again tried to explain to me that he didn’t have time for me or to make me happy since he is finishing college (last semester) and working (btw for the last months we were only seeing each other for like two times a week, because of his college work [thesis]. So he just hanged out with me and he didn’t really had time for his friends, like I was the priority) okay so, he again said he was sure he would never find someone like me and I thought he was saying that so he wouldn’t hurt me, but I talked to his sister about it and she agrees with him, and so does his mom, so there’s that that gives me some hope. When we finished talking I was crying my eyes out and we ended the conversation in a really dramatic way, I was crying and he felt so bad because he said he felt crazy that he was doing this to me, knowing I didn’t deserve it, but he needed to do it for himself, bottom line we kissed for the last time and I went home completely heart broken.

 

I felt like crapp and he texted me again with a paragraph that said I was the best, the nicest blah blah and that I had grown a lot in this two years, that he was proud of me and to please understand him. That he was sorry he was hurting me that much but he needed to do this and that if love is real between us it eventually will come around. I replied short but mature saying I will try to understand him and that I had a great year too. Then he told me he was hoping we could see each other but maybe it wasn’t the right time for me, so I said to him that it was okay, that I wanted that too but to please give me time. Then he said I love you and well I said I love you back. Since that day (Monday 28 June) a week has gone by and I’m okay, I’m really sad but keeping on with my life, I cry some days because I miss him but I try to distract my mind. I really want to get back with him though, because I love him a lot (Btw I went to a therapist just to know if I have an obsession with him or it wasn’t love since I already told you I’ve never felt this way before, hopefully she cleared that to me, she says I’m in love and its not an obsession hahaha thank god) So I just wanted some outsider opinions, if you guys think he will come back eventually or not. Btw I won’t talk to him but I don’t know if I should wait a month or two or four or what to do. I know time will figure things out, but it’s always good to have an outsider opinion. I forgot to ask his birthday is coming soon (September) and I don’t know if we will talk or see each other until then, so should I call him or visit him for his birthday? Or continue with the no contact rule?

Thank you!

 

PS

I know he loves me, i can tell and i will never doubt that!!!

[Giggles666]

I would continue with no contact, you might know better when his birthday comes around how you feel and what to do.

 

To me it sounds like he and you do care about one another, but if he wanted to be with you he would be. He's not wanting to be with you but trying to not hurt you in the process. He also seems determined in his decision.

 

Continue with no contact, you will know better as time goes on what you will do around his birthday. It sounds like you are planning what you will do in 2 months time, just let it go and see how you feel with time.

 

Sorry, you are going through this, however, you are young...better things to come. Learn from this experience, take the time to heal and live your life.

[ExpatInItaly]

Continue No Contact and do not visit him on his birthday.

 

I know it's very hard, but he ended the relationship and you need to start treating it as a break-up.

 

I think he's being honest with you that he's just not ready to commit at this point in his life. You are both very young and it's normal to not want to settle down yet. In other words, he loves in the sense that he cares for you and doesn't want to hurt you. But he's not in love.

 

What you're feeling is normal. It will take time to process but the sooner you accept this, the faster you will move past it. You cannot try to talk him into being with you; you should never try to campaign for someone's love. He knows his own mind better than you do, and you need to respect his choices too.

 

There's no way to predict if he'll come back someday. It's not totally impossible but if he does, it won't be a long time. He clearly stated he wants to be on his own right now.

Edited July 5, 2016 by ExpatInItaly